You may recall that when Chronicles of Narnia came out I said barely a word or two about it. To me it was Insom[Nar]nia. Too inconsequential, pedestrian, and fluffy to think on for more than the time it took the credits to roll. It was infected with the dread "rowlumbusitis" ... a disease that infects family movies based on blockbuster books, Broadway musicals based on movies, movies based on Broadway Musicals, movies based on previous movies in a franchise, and Movies based on TV Series.Reader: Hmmm. I have never heard of this disease. What are the symptoms -- Can I catch it?
Dr. Nathaniel: Inquisitive reader, take note: You can only catch this disease if you are in a creative field and you are naturally lazy or possessed of meager talent. The most common symptom is the cutting of corners when transferring beloved object A into new medium B or slavish dull recreation of object A with B's new toys or trends. This disease is HIGHLY contagious. It can render you inept or artless and, still, no one will ever punish you or cry for intervention or ask you to seek treatment. Object A is so well known that everyone will give you money for it in Medium B. Their pre-existent affection fills in any blanks in your transfer. A person so infected can work forever without anyone catching wise.
Reader: Is the disease mutating? Can it be stopped?
Dr. Nathaniel: It is not mutating. It's pretty basic and easy to spot. Although there is a sister strand called "lucaslucasitis" that primarily results in intense self-plagiarism and navel gazing, followed by a complete disregard for what made the belly worth looking at in the first place. Like an amnesiac masturbator.
'Can the disease be stopped?' I'm sorry to report that the prospects look dim.
Reader: I would hate to be a doctor. Seriously, can you enjoy anything without seeing sickness everywhere?
Dr. Nathaniel: Sure. Take Tilda Swinton --she swings a mean sword as The White Witch, now, doesn't she?
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4 comments:
teehee, so true. That new Clone Wars... thing, looks so direct-to-DVD it hurts. You'd think Lucas could've afforded to hire a decent animation team.
Hm. Prince Caspian. He himself is beautiful. But the movie? I really despise that little girl's life-saving potion. Not only did it miraculously not dry up after however many thousands of years, but--and this really got to me--the selfish waif saves it only for main characters.
Because of the first Narnia film, there exists a Tilda Swinton action figure. I leave it for others to judge if this is enough to justify the film, or if this is merely another of its sins.
Excellent analysis.
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