Should Case 39 be open or shut? Half and half for a laugh, perhaps?

Craig here, taking a look at Renée Zellweger's new cinema release. (There are a few mild spoilers contained)

Case 39 stars Zeéeeee as Emily Jenkins, a concerned social worker in a headband. She’s worried about the well being of a child. We’re more worried about her personal hair-care regime: when her hair is up, fixed in place with said headband, she’s out of danger; hair down means terror is likely afoot. Her life depends on the precarious positioning of her follicles. Make a note of the subtle differentiation as it will help guide you through the many twisty plot derivations of Christian Alvart’s new (though actually old*) horror-thriller.

Headbanded Emily Jenkins gets the titular case plopped on her desk, so she duly investigates a couple who she suspects have been mistreating their 10-year-old daughter Lillith (Jodelle Ferland). She scrambles to the couple's creepy house along with boss Ian McShane (growling an otherworldly accent as yet unidentified by literature or science), just as the parents are about to roast li’l Lill in the oven -- seriously, this scene is hilarious. Zellweger and McShane lay waste to moody-mom and bad-dad’s furniture and faces whilst rescuing the half-baked moppet. (McShane, trying out too-late for a role in The Expendables, literally dropkicks the mother into a table and indents a fridge with the father’s head - and McShane’s about 110 years-old! The Oscar for Best Supporting Sexagenarian Shit-Fit is his for the taking).

Be honest, does my hair look good like this?

Soppy ol' Emily, ditching the headband, gets to adopt Lillith and live happily... never after? ‘Cause, ah, you see, maybe there’s more to case 39 than our Zeéeeee bargained on (as we’ve only sat through half of the film's 109 minutes). Is Lillith actually as sweet and innocent as everybody initially thought? Could she be the devil with a dollhouse? If you haven’t guessed what’s happening by this point then you haven’t been paying attention to the headband theory. (Hair up = phew, safe; hair down = argh, get that spawn of Beelzebub off my property, post haste!)

Renée keeps the family dinner warm in Case 39

Emily soon forgets about cases 1 through 38 (all other kids in peril can obviously go take a jump) to do everything in her power to Get To The Bottom Of All This. There are a handful of amusing scenes along the way, and more than a few howlers peppering the plot; a fun so-bad-it's-good time’s almost to be had. If you're willing, try a few pre-movie drinks. One scene where Lillith asks a headbanded Zeéeeee if she could brush her hair had me shouting, 'Yes! For the love of God, yes! Take that headband away and brush her hair!'

Bradley Copper responds to Renée putting the Chicago soundtrack on.
and other captions.

There’s a naked Bradley Cooper as Zeéeeee's beefcake beau, who has his bath time royally ruined by a particularly pressing wasp problem; he then buzzes off halfway into the film (the script for The Hangover must have arrived.)  Although the scene where Ferland is interviewed by Cooper, and acts him and anyone else (in this scene and others) right off the screen, is genuinely creepy. Renée just puts on a tight face and stands by looking awkward. In a headband.

Renée is driven to dispair by her missing headband.

The editing may have been carried out by a drunken Edward Scissorhands, and the pace is defined by accident rather than design. Case 39 is more eventful than Joshua, but doesn’t have the daft-but-nifty twist or fun factor of Orphan - two other recent Is My Kid Satan's Spawn? genre entries. It’s so close to being a new trash gem, but, despite a grab-bag of chucklesome moments early on, it wimps out at the last minute with a wet whimper. Near the end Renée says, “You know, none of this should ever have happened!” Oh Zells Bells - you took the words right out of my mouth.

*The film was completed in 2006 but has only now seen the light of day, after an ever-shifting release date pattern that took in fifteen date changes over three countries.

Case 39 is in theaters now. 

Burlinque

Behold: The Poster for Burlesque. I think the marketing department deserves kudos for managing to pay homage to both of their leading ladies simultaneously in a way that's flattering to both. Although the hot pink "they airbrushed my face" quality won't be a sale for everyone.

Linques
MTV Whoa! Darren Aronofsky originally conceived of Black Swan and The Wrestler as a single film. Now I'm even more intrigued.
Hollywood Crush Bradley Cooper and Ryan Reynolds as action co-stars? Media to swoon.
In Contention Isabella Rossellini to head Berlinale jury
Stale Popcorn Gypsy 83. I never hear anyone talking about this movie so I had to link up. Way too underseen for something so heartfelt.
MNPP Good morning. Hey, I love bookshelves, too. They scream "I am what I am."
Serious Film "Pulled from the Wreckage" Fine acting in terrible films
Cinematical freaks out over the amount of stunts in Mad Max: Fury Road
Awards Daily on the current cynicism and the Oscar race.
Movies Kick Ass picks his favorite Emmy dresses. Christina Hendricks was probably mine. But I'm a sucker for attention grabbing cleavage ... and lavender come to think of it... and redheads (come to keep thinking of it). Triple success.


Go Fug Yourself on Diana Agron's (Glee) Little Women look on the red carpet.
PopWrap first official image of Kristen Bell in Burlesque. They think she'll be the most quoted character.
Geekscape asks "What if The Expendables had an all female cast?" Answer: Nathaniel would've seen it twice already. (P.S. A female version is so not a bad idea.)

And finally The Awl asks a question that's really been haunting me lately "Why is American selfishness so widespread now?" It's been a disheartening summer -- lack of empathy everywhere. I think you can even see this in reviews of movie dramas. People just have no time or patience for other people's heartache.

OK that's too depressing to end with.

How about By Ken Levine's (who knows from television) Emmy recap:

You realize of course that you watch a lot more television than the people who made these decisions? If it weren't for screener DVD's, many Academy members would still be voting for HILL STREET BLUES.

Ha. Good one.The only reason they're lazier than Oscar voters is they can be. Movies tend to be, like, ineligible after their debut year.

RCL: Bradley, Anna, Geena, Viola

Red Carpet Lineup. Early each week, an assortment of movie peeps who’ve been out and about. Who is where (and what are they wearing)? It’s not really a fashion thing. It’s more like a photographic excuse to mouth off about random celebs.

From left to right: Bradley Cooper was running down 5th avenue, trying to escape Renee Ze… oh, I kid. He was running down 5th avenue (where I’m sitting even as you read this) filming tense scenes for The Dark Fields. Abbie Cornish was also seen running from another actor with villainous intent. The sci-fi tinged medicinal thriller, from Illusionist director Neil Burger is about a former coke addict (Cooper) who takes a drug with rather mysterious enhancing effects.

Do you thinkAnna Kendrick thinks about Up in the Air when she travels? She arrived in Vancouver this week to begin filming Untitled Super Busy Actor Project. Super Busy Actor being Seth Rogen. The comedy is about a young man who gets cancer. Between this and Laura Linney's The C Word how many cancer comedies are we going to get in the next 12 months? Who knew cancer was so hilarious? Do you think Anna will soon start resenting her useless Twilight role given that her star is rising elsewhere?

Geena Davis was at the Paley Center looking like she’d just stepped out of a Nancy Meyers movie. So very beige. Some of you might be old enough to remember that Geena was once known as a crazy fashion risk taker in the early 90s. What happened to her sense of sartorial fun? She was promoting The Geena Davis Institute which focuses on improving gender portrayals in media aimed at children. Wouldn't it be sweet if future generations weren't so programmed with antiquated notions about what girls can be, feel and do? I've been meaning to talk about Geena's new movie Accidents Happen. Soon.

Finally, Viola Davis, who looks so great in bold colors (remember her gold Oscar dress?), was at the Broadway opening of the manic comedy Lend Me a Tenor which has been attracting plentiful celebs. Julianne Moore and Michelle Pfeiffer have already been spotted in the audience and one assumes the third member of TFE’s trinity (Streep) won’t be far behind. The show was directed by La Streep’s pal Stanley Tucci and is getting rave reviews. Speaking of Streep… remember when she won SAG two years back and begged Hollywood to give Viola Davis a big movie to star in? Streep is a charitable force but Hollywood less so. We’ll believe Viola getting the parts she deserves when we see it. Unfortunately in Hollywood deserves (often) got nothing to do with it. Next up for Viola is another one of those “best friend of star” roles in Eat Pray Love... which, however good the movie might be, is probably not what Streep meant. Maybe someone should make a movie of her stage triumph, Intimate Apparel?

If you were writing a movie for Viola, what kind of part would you give her?
*

Yes, No, Maybe So: Spider-Man, Karate Kid, A-Team

Usually when I can remember that the general public doesn't go to the movies to see movies but to be a part of pop culture, I'm okay with the constant regurgitation at the cinema. When I don't remember... when I forget that people don't buy tickets to see CINEMA exactly... that's when the despair sets in and I wonder why they always want to see the same film over and over again. (I know, I know, that's the elitist side of cinephilia talking... but trust that I'm totally populist about the all access issue and I am generally angry with film geeks of any persuasion who automatically assume that the new difficult art film is worthier than the new accessible blockbuster or vice versa).

My friend Nick got angry about our heavily regurgitated culture with last month's Sherlock Holmes, giving it a savage beating in review form for all its shortcut identity theft. That Guy Ritchie flick is actually a perfect example. In order to fully enjoy it, you just have to remember that it's not a movie. Sherlock Holmes was a pop culture stocking suffer: Gobble it up, digest it without thinking, move on to other holiday prezzies. It already feels past tense, doesn't it?

But things are getting worse.

The recent cancellation of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man franchise -- they'll reboot it and go back to high school nerd Peter Parker -- is cause for alarm. I can see rebooting things when the originals are generations ago (Star Trek). But Peter Parker graduated from high school not 10 years ago! People don't start getting nostalgic about going back to high school that soon. That happens when they're in their 30s or 40s and then they go and see movies like Peggy Sue Got Married. Freaky Friday or 17 Again. If that yearning for high school starts in your 20s, you're doing your 20s wrong... sorry, Drew! Why do we need to see this again when we can pop in the DVDs any time and watch Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst work their pop culture magic? Rebooting it doesn't even make sense from a nostalgia perspective since it's not "old". There's no new generation to sell it, too. You kind of need a twenty year gap for that excuse.

Spider-Man thru the years: debuted in '62, his own comic by '63,
cartoon by '67, live action by '77, saturday morns in the '80s. The
blockbuster swings in the '00s. This decade might bring
a Broadway musical (long delayed) and a fourth "reboot" film.

There's no movie teaser for my usual "yes, no, maybe so" exercize but Spider-Man 4 breaks down like so in concept...

• yes: Marc Webb, the franchise's new director, is talented. (500) Days of Summer shows that he's got a playful streak (Spider-Man would be abysmal if it was trying to be Batman) and a real cinematic sensibility -- even those who dislike his breakout film would be hard pressed to say that it's a hack job: there are actual visual and thematic ideas at work. It's no point and shoot job.
  
• no: no cobwebs on the original trilogy. What's the point?
  
• maybe so: I guess we'll see who they cast as Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy before we decide whether we'll lineup... now that there's a real director on board.
  

It's too bad that the huge failure of Land of the Lost last summer didn't impede Hollywood's lust for all this recycling. In fact the remake/reboot craze makes no sense to me at all because of the dominance of three things: DVD, Cable and Blu-Ray. When movie culture was confined to actual movie theaters, remakes made sense. Now that everyone can watch the things they love over and over again... well, why stare at a xerox when you can look at the original?

What hath Star Trek (XI) wrought? More TV shows turned movies and more movies turned movie reboots. Not that The A-Team and Karate Kid are sacred entertainment vessels. Although don't tell that to my younger self who wanted to "wax on" and "wax off" until Elisabeth Shue materialised as my real life girlfriend.

The Karate Kid (2010)



The original mainstream 80s classic (of sorts) was so huge it even won an Oscar nomination: Best Supporting Actor for Mr. Miyagi himself, Pat Morita (RIP). Oscar always did love the teachers and mentors... it's a pretty common awards thread. This retread is not likely to win Jackie Chan similar prizes... there's no way a money grab can come across as sweetly likeable and innocent as the original film. The new version also stars genetic lottery winner Jaden Smith. Would you have any concept whatsoever of reality if you grew up with über famous shockingly wealthy parents and were headlining your own movie by the time you were 11 years old? That's like Liza Minnelli mental territory... only quicker like and with deeper pockets.

• yes: Taraji P. Henson (!) The P stands for "love" in Swahili. And I kinda do.
  
• no: Ugh. China as the setting. Even though the lead is black, we've still got to make every foreign or "other" story somehow subtextually about white American superiority. In mere weeks, little Jaden will become better at martial arts than any of the Asian boys who've been doing it their whole lives.
  
• maybe so: We already know that 'wax on/wax off' has become "take your jacket off". But what will painting the fence translate to? Remakes have to spin the famous parts and occasionally that's fun (yes... I'm grasping at straws)

The A-Team (2010)



I'm more okay with this one in concept because the original was such disposable entertainment. The Karate Kid (the original) sticks, you know? It's got heart and a fundamental kindness to it which is so not in vogue anymore that I'm scared to think of how comparatively soulless its remake will be. The A-Team is riper for a remake -- even though TV series don't make for great movie concepts -- it was always dumb junk food.

• yes: Liam Neeson as "Hannibal". Something about this totally works for me (at least in teaser form) but then I have a hard time resisting him every 4th movie or so for some reason.
  
• no: I can already tell this is one of those movies wherein the action doesn't make any sense. I hate that. This is why James Cameron deserves his unfathomable riches. Explosions and crazy ass cutting do not, in and of themselves, make for satisfying action.
  
• maybe so: Bradley Cooper as "Faceman". I'm still deciding about that one... Bradley Cooper, not "Faceman". You?
  

Do you feel like Hollywood ate too much and vomited its leftovers all over you?
*

Christian Bale Losing Resolution. Too Many Copies!

When I announced I was seeing Terminator Salvation yesterday, I got a note from Rob, a longtime reader, which said

Let us know if the cinematography comes across as especially intrusive to the thespian process.

Heh. I am happy to report that unless Christian Bale's eyes are particularly sensitive to bleached colors and shadowy sets, Shane Hurlbut's lensing didn't intrude on his thespian process at all. But Bale intruded on Bale's thespian process.


I liked Salvation a lot more than this next statement will imply (here's the video review) but... John Connor was a dud. [editor's note: Isn't he always?] Christian Bale bored me silly. He used to be a thrilling and unpredictable actor. Now I feel like I'm seeing the same performance over and over again. It's like he's lipsynching to his own Arias of Intensity.

Since Bale has given at least one undisputably genius performance ("Patrick Bateman", American Psycho) I'd like to cut him some slack and blame Hollywood and movie audiences. Why is it that we need the same thing over and over again? Why do we need orphaned crime-fighting Batman to also be orphaned robot-fighting John Connor? Why do we need 4th and 11th versions of stories we've already heard? Why do we need a reboot of the Star Trek story which we've been hearing for over 40 years? For Christ's sake, why do we need a 8th season of American Idol? It's the same show every year.

Will we ever love something new?

I was thinking about this whilst perusing the internet yesterday and reading numerous gripe posts about X-Men Origins: Wolverine followed (in the same posts!) by anticipation of X-Men Origins: Deadpool or whatever they might call it. It's like we're goldfish or we're collectively stuck in a OCD moment, repeating the same cycle over and over again.


Instead of locking and unlocking our doors, we're swallowing hype whole, choking on it and then opening wide again "Give it to me!" It's basically Hollywood's ideal cattle herding loop. Even if we don't like a movie, we'll still go to its sequel.

But I'm spiralling off topic. In the case of Bale, I'm more concerned currently with Hollywood's (and by extension our) lack of imagination about who should play whom in franchises. I'm sitting there watching Anton Yelchin, who plays Kyle Reese as a teenager, and thinking 'Chekov from Starfleet impregnated Sarah Connor to stop Skynet?!?'

Shouldn't I be thinking "ooh, the young Kyle Reese!"?


Why did Chris Pine, suddenly get talked up for Green Lantern just as soon as people starting noticing he might not bomb as Captain Kirk? Should Captain Kirk really remind us of Green Lantern and vice versa? And then there's the problem of Samuel L Jackson. I've complained about this before but the Nick Fury casting really upset me last summer. It seems, scanning credits, like Marvel wants Nick Fury to be the connective tissue for all of their superhero movies. That would be a fun idea if it were a lesser or unknown actor but now all of these Marvel superhero movies will not only remind us of each other but of the following franchises or intended franchises (some didn't pan out): The Spirit, Star Wars, Shaft, Jumper, Afro Samurai, xXx, The Incredibles, S.W.A.T, Jurassic Park and even The Exorcist. I don't begrudge any strong actor a successful career but I really think there out to be a cap on how many big franchises one actor is allowed to appear in. Seeing the same faces over and over again (Jackson's) or hearing the same affected voice over and over again (Bale's) just makes all these movies seem more generic and copied and alike than they already are.

The internet was abuzz yesterday with the rumor that Bradley Cooper might play Hal Jordan / Green Lantern (the IMDB lists Chris Pine in the role but that's still only a rumor). I've mocked it up for you to the right. I forgot the mask but that's all Bradley there. Actors don't need padded muscle suits anymore. They have personal trainers and dieticians.

I like Cooper but I haven't even begun to ponder whether or not he'd be a good Hal Jordan. Still, better him than Chris Pine. That way I won't have to get used to Captain Kirk belonging to both Federation Starfleet and the Green Lantern Corps. Does Starfleet even allow dual citizenship?

Have you read the Terminator Retro Special?
PART ONE: Tech•Noir (The Terminator)
PART TWO: Model Citizen (Judgment Day)
PART THREE: Terminator Salvation Discussion (passed on rewatching Rise of the Machines after all)