Whither Personal Effects?

Remember when everyone was surprised that Michelle Pfeiffer, the Michelle Pfeiffer, made a movie that went straight to DVD? The movie was I Could Never Be Your Woman. Generally 8 figure salaried movie stars are guaranteed theatrical release, even if it's only a lousy week on a tiny screen to meet contractual obligations. Straight to DVD tends to be more of a career bogeyman for the C list or the 'never quite A list and can't say 'no' ' type players.

But despite the improbability of doubled DVD disaster, could it be happening again? Personal Effects, a drama she recently made costarring Ashton Kutcher and helmed by novice feature director David Hollander has no US release date as of yet and no US distributor listed on IMBD. Plus, it's already advertised for a February DVD release in Germany. What the hell is going on?

It's impossible to know, prior to signing on the dotted line, if a movie in its eventual finished form will be a piece of crap or a masterpiece (or any gradation between) but one does begin to wonder why Pfeiffer, resurgent after a long hiatus with Hairspray, Stardust and the upcoming Cheri, agreed to star in another picture with an untested feature director and questionable distribution prospects. Especially since she doesn't work that often to begin with. Now, Hollander might be a find (who knows? we haven't seen the film) and if no stars took chances on novice talent the cinema would be a much poorer place --and if Pfeiffer never did she wouldn't have the Fabulous crown jewel of her filmography -- but I'm a pfan. I can't help but worry. I can't help but worry a lot.

To borrow from Rachel Maddow... "Talk Me Down" in the comments.
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Say What? (Pfeiffer No-No)

I asked you to amuse us by adding dialogue or a caption to a photo in the comments. This was snapped from the set of Pfeiffer's next film Personal Effects which co-stars Ashton Kutcher. I've reworked the winning entry, from Luke, into a poster. Here ya go...


Thanks to everyone for playing.

20:07 (Take the Pfeiffer Bowling. Take Her Bowling)

screenshots from the 20th minute and 7th second of a movie
I can't guarantee the same results at home (different players/timing) I use a VLC

When I put Grease 2 into the computer I was hoping against hope that "Cool Rider", the movie's sole moment of gourmet kitsch would be @ the 20 minute mark. But alas like Michelle Pfeiffer's career, Grease 2 refuses to cooperate with my wishes. So instead we get Adrian Zmed's rather desperate Travolta-proxy. He's singing about scoring here but the movie throws one gutterball after another.

C'mon everybody gather round
And I'm going to show you how to knock 'em down
When I'm on the ball I'm the number one
And I'm going to show you how it's done.

Regardless, it's fun to watch in the way many bad movies are. Aside from "Cool Rider" I get a huge kick out of the imagined mimesis of Pfeiffer's Stephanie. It's as if she's showing us that it's OK to be completely over this movie even if you're in it! Notice that in the still above she's the only one looking away from the action. Stephanie Zinone, fond of the eyeroll, sideways glance, dark sunglasses and gum-chomping, is over it. In Pfeiffer's first leading role 25 years ago (!) she's already too good for her own movies, too cool for school.


I wish that Grease 2 wasn't such an unwitting Cassandra but this qualitative contrast happens over and over again in the star's filmography and shows no signs of abating. Most of the time I am content to thank the cinematic gods that Pfeiffer exists but sometimes I am an ungrateful disciple. Today is one of those days. By most measures (if you ignore the never- going-to-be-released I Could Never Be Your Woman) Pfeiffer's '07 comeback was a blazing success: Hairspray is her third biggest hit ever (following Batman Returns and What Lies Beneath) and she got numerous "best in show" reviews for Stardust. Though Pfeiffer herself expresses no interest in winning an Oscar, her fans deserve to see her with one and her talent warrants it. Now would've been an ideal time to strike out with a prestige dramatic project with an A list director. So why, pray tell, is La Pfeiffer going to make a movie with an unproven director and studio that co-stars Ashton Kutcher [src and src] just as people are rediscovering her? I'm beginning to think that Pfeiffer has career dysmorphia: perhaps she looks in the mirror and sees a Bullock when she's actually a Streep, you know?

I've followed her career closely and you rarely read anything about her being difficult to work with so where are the directors as talented in their fields as Pfeiffer is in hers? Where are the great films? The last time she worked with an "important" director was in the early nineties with back to back Martin Scorsese (Age of Innocence) and Mike Nichols (Wolf) projects. I can't wrap my head around her decision-making since then. A drama with Ashton Kutcher? Unless Michelle Pfeiffer is playing Demi Moore (hee. wouldn't that be a hoot? Give her an Oscar for the mimicry!) ...what's the point?

Ashton's dream project: Indecent Proposal 2: MILF Addiction

But we should stay optimistic. Perhaps this proposed Personal Effects movie will score, marking a new writer/director to watch. Hell, even if it's a gutterball, Pfeiffer herself will still throw a spare.