A Blurb Whore is Born

For all the fun I make of people like Peter Travers who seem to be paid solely to phrase each and every review in such a way as to be highly quotable for posters and advertisements, I can't say that it isn't a tiny bit exciting to see one's name on a movie poster.

Check me out...

That's that minuscule indie Jones I wrote about a while ago, which played in Manhattan last week at The Pioneer. (In the interest of full disclosure I did know that I'd probably be quoted since I'd met the filmmaker at the first showing a few months ago and he asked if I'd be reviewing it). But still: weird seeing my name on a poster. It's the very first time, to my knowledge.

Next stop: plagiarizing press packets in place of actual reviews... [lump in throat] "Mama, I've made it!"

You'll note the sarcasm. I'd be terrible at blurb whoring. Aside from my unfortunate love for the exclamation point, I'm really sort of sedate. I'm stingy with the "A"s and I hate all reviews by anyone --even critics I love -- that claim something new is "the greatest of all time..." or "the greatest [insert type of movie] since [insert ancient classic here]" because they strike me as either insincere, over-caffeinated or ignorant. Has no one seen anything older than ten years? I can't tell you the amount of dry heaving I did when people were comparing the pedestrian film version of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to The Wizard of Oz. Or when I saw Stephen Holden's blurb on the poster of La Vie En Rose. Stephen do you really want to claim that Marion Cotillard is giving the best performance of a performer ever in one hundred plus years of cinema? Because that's what it sounds like...

Here are but a few choice examples of blurbs I can offer some movies this year.

[click to enlarge]

...Mama, I'm never gonna make it.
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