Christian Bale, Honorary Powerpuff Girl

Peter Travers of Rolling Stone fame is being roasted again as the all time champ of shameless Blurb Whores but that's not the point of this post.

While interviewing Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg for The Fighter, who seem to be in great moods (why wouldn't they be after the Globe & BFCA announcements?) Travers tries to entice Bale to serenade us with a little Newsies number. And why shouldn't he? Is there anything so wonderful as Bale crooning "Santa Fe" on horseback with that little red kerchief round his neck?

Travers doesn't get what he expects.



Unexpected delight: Wahlberg throwin' a little Boogie Nights encore in there.

Okay, I can't resist posting it... the best moment from Newsies bar none.



He has a lovely voice. Sad that he doesn't want to do another musical.

The Dark Knight Rises: A Review Starter Kit.

Christopher Nolan has revealed the title of his third Batman film (Batman 8 if you're counting*) to Hero Complex and it's The Dark Knight Rises. We also know that the villain will not be The Riddler so stop that photoshopping of Tom Hardy in green tights even though his musculature is undoubtedly fun to move one's cursor around. What? Okay, you may leave the question mark upon his chest because we still don't know who he is. We just know he's not The Joker, Mr Freeze, Two Face or The Riddler.

Now that we have this much info the reviews can practically write themselves. Blurb Whores all over the internet nation may now commence structuring their reviews...

Little intro --  The Dark Knight is the best -- It's been 4 years since The Dark Knight blah blah blah but in that time, Nolan has proven himself the greatest director who ever lived, even without the pointy cowl etcetera etcetera  Inception is a masterpiece ...more here. And other stuff yadda yadda but it must have been daunting as The Dark Knight is untoppable!


[Provocative question here] 'OR IS IT?' [insert "after the jump" here. Increase page views!!!]

Read more »

Fall Films: Harry Potter, Anne Hathaway and More

A movie tagline from Warner Bros...


Do you promise? Because I am so ready for that particular franchise to wrap up. I didn't say nice things about the Deathly Hallows in my FALL FILM PREVIEW over at Towleroad because the corporate greed has left a bad taste in my mouth. Movie tickets are like $13ish now in NYC but 3D is like $18ish so instead of people paying $13 to see the Potter finale they're going to have to pay $36. No way does that book need 5 hours to tell itself. That's like when TV series end their seasons with those bloated 2 hour finales and it's totally obvious that they're only used to dreaming up 1 hour of drama. Prepare for FILLER at high prices.

"Movies are as addictive as dope, but they are far less injurious to health and they ought not to be as expensive."
-Quentin Crisp

Anyway, that's just a small part of the article so go read it.

Which film are you most looking forward to in the next three months? I'm getting more excited about David Fincher's The Social Network which I understand would be a classy answer to the question. I like nearly all of his movies and l-o-v-e a few of them. I haven't read the rave reviews that have been making the rounds (I don't like to read reviews before watching movies) but I did think it was absurdly hilarious that Blurb Whore Peter Travers is suddenly acting like he's a tough-to-please Slant critic or something.

If it's the first film he's given 4 stars to this year, how does he explain all those 'Hallelujah i've seen the face of god in this masterpiece' type of quotes that are plastered all over 2010 movie posters just like they are every year?

This friend-of-a-friend style -"review" for Love and Other Drugs seems much less suspicious...


I don't necessarily think LaOD is going to be a great movie but it's probably the one I'm most looking forward to (prior to December that is. Black Swan is the ultimate "want now"!). That's entirely due to my twin devotion to Jack & Lureen Twist. I was watching The Devil Wears Prada again the other night (post forthcoming) and just stunned myself with how much I love looking at Anne Hathaway's face. I could watch her closeups in slo-mo for hours.

A loyal Film Experience reader who wishes to remain anonymous also saw a recent screening of LaOD and sent a few thoughts:

The movie is well above average in the world of romantic comedy, and rest assured, that's what it is. As you could clearly note from the trailer, it has all of the usual romcom trappings and succeeds primarily due to the strength of Jake & Anne's chemistry - which is ENORMOUS and immensely satisfying. I must admit, and then dodge anything you might throw my way, that I'm not a big fan of Rachel Getting Married, or Anne's performance in it. So, given that, I'd have to say that this is her best performance. It's really a perfect role for her, as it's mostly comedic (which is where she excels) with tinges of drama.

Jake pulls off the smarmy-but-charming almost George Clooney-esque character incredibly well, and his character's transformation as he becomes more involved with Anne is not necessarily written as well as it could have been, but he's great. And he ultimately sells one of the rather cliché romcom moments far better than anyone had any right to. It's really all about the two of them, so the supporting cast's screen time is quite limited, although Oliver Platt steals every scene he's in.

P.S. Jake & Anne spend like half the movie completely naked. This movie is sexxxxxxy

I ignored the heresy about not loving Anne in RGM. Wha...? We briefly talked Oscar. He thinks Anne is a real possibility but only if the movie itself gets good reviews but even though he loved it, he doubts that a movie that is essentially a romantic comedy will get much play.

Of course, there are a lot of factors involved in winning Oscar favor and the court of public opinion can be very persuasive for voters. I haven't seen the movie yet so I'm speaking generically about Oscar races. When movies are big hits, they often transcend feelings about their genre. And couldn't this be a big hit?

• Which fall film are you dying to see?
• Are you aching for a rom-com that isn't terrible? (There's been a famine)
• Do you mind parting with $36 to see the conclusion of Harry Potter?
• And I guess we should start discussing it. Do you see a bright Oscar future for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (either part)?
  

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Reviewing the Reviews

I miss college fairly frequently but not the homework part. That said, if I had Nick of Nick's Flick Picks for an instructor, I'd relish the assignments. I actually requested his syllabus this year so I could play along at home. He's teaching a film criticism history and reviewing course this semester at Northwestern and he's asking blog readers -- that's you -- to comment on the blurbs they wrote. Which of the blurbs they claim are representative of their reviews make you want to rest the rest of their articles? I personally must finish the review of Lady Sings the Blues that compares Billie Holiday to Lindsay Lohan. I must on account of "say what, now?!"

Rachel Getting Postered

Let's hope that she's more memorable in motion than in still advertisements. Ho hum.


I'd be very excited about that "awards calibre" blurb but for that it comes from the keyboard of Peter B.W.* Travers who, if you take his words literally, would like all Oscar categories expanded to include about 50 nominees each year. At least. So free with the hosannas that one.

How excited are you to see Rachel Getting Married? Is Anne Hathaway the life of your movie party or do you think she's more of a cinematic gate crasher?

*Blurb Whore

The Dark Night of Film Criticism

unedited rant ahead... my apologies

There's been a lot of talk this year about the end of film criticism (what with lots of prominent people losing positions and papers cutting out space, etcetera...) and I haven't really chimed in. So for what it's worth...


I'm more convinced than ever that film criticism is dead. There are so many reasons. It's tough to pinpoint why but the causes are legion. It's not just because corporations who pay critics have been pushing for their employees to act like ad copy writers rather than critics for a long time now (*cough* Rolling Stone). It's not just because of the news that Ben Lyons [gag ~ even worse than his father!] is getting his own TV show. It's not just because the public doesn't understand the point (at all) of criticism and even if they did they wouldn't be interested. It's not just due to the lack of critical thinking skills out there (so useful in life and rarely taught anywhere. If we don't have these skills we're so easily controlled by marketing, politics, religion, whatever). It's not just because Siskel (RIP) & Ebert (get well soon), for all their enthusiasms and intelligence, accidentally encouraged the "consumer reports" philosophy of criticism (thumbs = reductive and antithetical to discussions about movies. I don't know about you but I want to see an interesting failure just as much as a beloved success). It's not just because in the age of the internet everyone thinks they're qualified (I realize this includes me, pot/kettle *oops). It's not just because some life-long employed critics at major outlets were so lazy about their jobs (plot description + good or bad? = DONE!). It's not just because of the rapid disposability of movies in the NOW culture (so many film writers are wilfully ignorant/callow about how little they've seen from before they were adolescents. It's OK to have gaps in knowledge. Everyone does... it's a 100 year old artform but to think this doesn't effect your discernment? Yikes)

It's not just because of any of these things and others, too. It's the combination of all of them that made a perfect storm of film criticism being over. Now it's just truly "opinions" flying around... just like all the people who claimed to hate film critics always accused it of being.

Sigh and Blah and Boo-Hoo.

Anyway. I was just thinking complaining aloud. It's all of these depressing "unqualified masterpiece" pieces for The Dark Knight that really got to me. It's a good film. Surely it is. But the way people are so eager and adamant about forgiving it its many flaws and then still calling it an "unqualified masterpiece". It's made me crazy. Demented one might say. I feel like rubbing kohl all over my eyes, cutting myself a new smile and making up new stories each time I ask someone if they want to know how I lost my sanity.

Blurb Whore Meets Bat Man

I've started wondering if the whole entire world has forgotten what a truly great action sequence looks like (maybe they have. I mean, it has been awhile since James Cameron was making movies), or what complicated plots that don't flop around at all feel like to get lost in. I've started to wonder if people have just never seen Maggie Gyllenhaal act before if they think this qualifies as fine work.

The response to the movie has been messing with my head so much that I started forgetting the things I actually liked about it... and liked about it a lot. Which isn't fair to the movie or to you reading because it puts me in stupid reactionary mode. So I must keep focusing on the magnificence of Heath Ledger's unnerving work. That part is easy to love and get on board with. I hope to return to the movie soon. But first I have to figure out a way to push all the marketing, box office hoopla, and masterpiece nonsense out of my head and just view it on its own terms.

Anyway... Bat Links

Reverse Shot a Dark Knight post worthy of The Onion.
Dear Jesus "Batman Their Way" amusing speculation about what other auteurs might do with the caped crusader
Cinephilia Arden doesn't blog much anymore but I love her style & sensibility. This is a really fun personal review of what works and what doesn't for her within the celebrated movie.
Glenn Gaslin "that new Batman movie totally sucked --except all the parts that were awesome"
Las Vegas Weekly my favorite review of The Dark Knight thus far (by Mike D'Angelo). He's a huge fan of Christopher Nolan but he's smart enough to understand Nolan's limitations too. He's been one of the most insightful critics for a long time.

Women on the Verge of a Hyperbolic Breakdown

At the annual "Women in Film Awards" which took place a week ago today, they give awards to movies that nobody has seen yet. Australia's cinematographer Mandy Walker was honored with the "Kodak Vision Award". The Women (2008 remake) was honored. It's like that stupid MTV 'best summer movie' prize. Why not just call it "best hype!". Other honorees: Sherry Lansing, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Sydney Pollack, and Salma Hayek. Finally, Ginnifer Goodwin (yay!) won "Face of the Future" accompanied by Chris Klein who looks a little drunk in this photo (I'm just sayin').

Speaking of drunk I'm not saying Jada Pinkett Smith is drunk at this event's press rounds featuring The Women (2008 remake) but if she's not tossing a few back she's definitely tossing a few out... adjectives and blurb whore quotes that is. Debra Messing is "insanely funny", The Bening is "outrageous" the entire cast is "very specific".


Hmmm... that last one probably won't go on posters, Jada. But to be fair, Debra Messing has more trouble going the earnest route for her sound byte.
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The Ongoing Adventures of Blurb Whore

In my tongue in cheek quest to sell out and be quoted on movie posters, here's three quotes for marketers to consider. Because I'm so very hard to please the blurb whore days shall never come. Unfortunately that 'hard to please' tag sometimes sends people the wrong message that I don't love the movies. And I do ...even when I don't! Surely some of you insatiable movie devourers will relate.



I won't be writing a review of David Gordon Green's Snow Angels because I don't have much to say. I'm not one to shy away from unhappy films. I like a good tragedy but sometimes I wonder about bleakness for bleakness' sake... or about films that try to do other things simultaneously, expecting me to purge the massively depressing thing I've just seen to jump back into other lighter stories. I enjoyed pieces of the film --Amy Sedaris really pops as a local waitress and the teen romance within is well played by Michael Angarano & Olivia Thirlby. I remain unconverted when it comes to Kate Beckinsale. This film asks more of her (a lot more of her) than her recent oeuvre but I never get a lot from her as an actress.

I wrote about Married Life briefly when I saw it at the New York Film Festival but I've expanded my Patty-drooling antics over @ Pajiba for a full review (discuss the movie there if you're feeling chatty). I created this blurb whore image before I watched I Could Never Be Your Woman (last night in fact) but I'm not quite ready to talk about what I saw. Give me time to digest... or cleanse as it were.

previously on blurb whore
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A Blurb Whore is Born

For all the fun I make of people like Peter Travers who seem to be paid solely to phrase each and every review in such a way as to be highly quotable for posters and advertisements, I can't say that it isn't a tiny bit exciting to see one's name on a movie poster.

Check me out...

That's that minuscule indie Jones I wrote about a while ago, which played in Manhattan last week at The Pioneer. (In the interest of full disclosure I did know that I'd probably be quoted since I'd met the filmmaker at the first showing a few months ago and he asked if I'd be reviewing it). But still: weird seeing my name on a poster. It's the very first time, to my knowledge.

Next stop: plagiarizing press packets in place of actual reviews... [lump in throat] "Mama, I've made it!"

You'll note the sarcasm. I'd be terrible at blurb whoring. Aside from my unfortunate love for the exclamation point, I'm really sort of sedate. I'm stingy with the "A"s and I hate all reviews by anyone --even critics I love -- that claim something new is "the greatest of all time..." or "the greatest [insert type of movie] since [insert ancient classic here]" because they strike me as either insincere, over-caffeinated or ignorant. Has no one seen anything older than ten years? I can't tell you the amount of dry heaving I did when people were comparing the pedestrian film version of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to The Wizard of Oz. Or when I saw Stephen Holden's blurb on the poster of La Vie En Rose. Stephen do you really want to claim that Marion Cotillard is giving the best performance of a performer ever in one hundred plus years of cinema? Because that's what it sounds like...

Here are but a few choice examples of blurbs I can offer some movies this year.

[click to enlarge]

...Mama, I'm never gonna make it.
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Whores R' Them

God Bless Erik Childress for calling certain "critics" out on their blurb-whoredom. They give other film writers a bad name. It's "2006 -Whores of the Year". The only thing I can't really fathom about this list is how there's no Peter Travers from "Rolling Stone" on it. Now, I understand that the winning dishonor is actually called "The Peter Travers Quote Whore of the Year Award" but color me confused --shouldn't he still win every year? Isn't his name, along with some breathlessly interchangeable quote, attached to 91% of all movie posters and TV spots? I sometimes mistake movie marketing for an elaborate punk'd promotion of "Rolling Stone".

Actual Conversation 11:24 PM --Regarding the New Christopher Guest Mockumentary "For Your Consideration" Which Will Lampoon the Oscar Race

Joe Reid: Can you even wait for For Your Consideration?
Nathaniel R: No. No to the N O. I am not sure I was even this excited for the Star Wars movies as a kid. it's like he's making this movie JUST. FOR. ME.
Joe: And they're adding Ricky Gervais! I'd be worried about too high expectations, but it's not like I didn't expect A Mighty Wind to be awesome either.
Nathaniel: I think this will be the greatest movie of all time.
Joe: Ever.
Nathaniel: Citizen Kane watch out.
Joe: Man, start blogging that kind of talk - you'll wind up on the poster
Nathaniel: I think i should post this right now on the blog. These last few sentences.
Joe: Do it
Nathaniel: Don't think I won't
Joe: Start laying the groundwork.
Nathaniel: must. become. blurb. whore.
Joe: include this: Christopher Guest, Parker Posey, Jennifer Coolidge, and Catherine O'Hara - call me!