Live Blogging ~ Oscars Red Carpet (Official)

7:56 I have to pee. Which I consider very unfair. Bodily functions should be put on hold during Oscar night. Except eating. That's OK. Eating and drinking. Woot. The boyfriend made me "the shiny Oscar golden cocktail" or something like that. I need another one.

You're remembering to refresh your screen right? The other post is way better now. How long can I keep this up? Oscar season put dark circles under my eyes and I have no stylist or makeup team to hide my imperfections.

8:05 Marion has now corrected herself and she is saying "unique" to the reporters whew. I couldn't think of another joke for "eunuch". Live-blogging is stressful.

8:06 John Travolta's buzz cut actually does trick the eye into thinking he has hair. I hate the "official" Oscar arrivals show. It's always way more boring than E!'s coverage... for all the crimes against humanity that they commit, they are kinda stupid fun.

8:07 Laura Linney's voice is so singular and warm. And those cheeks. You just wanna pinch 'em or hug her. You definitely want to hand her awards. okay... I want to hand her awards. Clearly Hollywood doesn't care one way or the other about her no-Oscar status. I would like to note right here and now that TWO not just one TWO of the suggested clips from readers have already played in regards to her nominated role in The Savages.

8:15 Jennifer Garner was just wonderfully gracious to her stylist. Basically she just booked that woman's entire calendar for the year. Cameron Diaz is still giggly and 'what? who me!' after all these years. And followed by Amy Adams... weird juxtaposition for me. Because both sell the CUTE. but they seem very very different to me.

8:19 I never understood the "bleachers" thing. Why?

Renée Zellweger is pleased to spot a fresh supply of lemons at the end of the red carpet

8:24 Ellen Page is wearing a dress. I'm disappointed. If you prefer pants just do a Hepburn or a Keaton and go with it. Don't let the man control you Ms. McGuff.

8:26 This reporter is DRUNK. How else could she say this sentence to Hilary Swank 'watching you onscreen, people believe you could play any type of role that comes your way' DRUNK. It's the only explanation. If I can think before I type you can think before you speak reporters!

8:30 This opening reminds us really how far visual effects have come. So many famous movies all blending together. But the best best special effects are always human (didn't Clint Eastwood say something like that in the Mystic River campaigning?) and Jon Stewart is special. I love him. I would have his babies if I weren't so... worried about fitting into my Oscar dress. Speaking of loving. James McAvoy !

On Norbit's Oscar nomination:

Too often the Academy ignores movies that aren't good

Funny.

8:39 The Diablo Cody thing is really bizarre. When was a screenwriter who wasn't also a director ever this celebrated? Even Charlie Kauffman doesn't get this much love. Oh, Stripper name: your pet name + the street you grew up on... Nathaniel's stripper name "Ping Pong McArthur" or "Tick Tock McArthur" ...they were kitten twins. Did I mention how cute baby kittens are. Last post I believe... don't miss anything. It's all gold.


8:43 COSTUME DESIGN. Jennifer Garner is announcing. She's reading the teleprompter pretty well but you know she's only thinking of Gary Busey. Sweet Gary Busey. Elizabeth the Golden Age wins. WTF?

8:51 Told you they would still use all their Plan B clips even though they were back to Plan A. They never learn. We're 21 minutes in and they've only given one award out. Not that I mind. Nick and I like a long show. Although, tonight I might prefer a short one since I'm rapidly developing carpal tunnel syndrome.

8:53 ANIMATED FILM. Anne Hathaway has the biggest eyes in all the world. They're anime big. Think she's popular in Japan? I love Brad Bird and Ratatouille wins. Brad says he might throw up. Brad, look for Hilary. She's near the stage I'm sure. Cute acceptance speech about perserverance. This is kind of how I feel about writing. I can't stop. It's what I want to do.

8:57 Katharine Heigl is here to present MAKE-UP. She is incredibly nervous. Do you think it's because she heard those inane E! comments about how she dares not to be a size zero. Heigl fat. Whatever? E! reporters are so obnoxious. La Vie En Rose wins. Good choice Academy. You've finally realized that actress deglam transformations require make-up work. Shocking but true: Charlize Theron did not mottle her own skin for Monster. She didn't mess up her own teeth.

<--- 9:02 Ladies and gentlemen: Amy Adams doing Happy Working Song. Baby kittens are officially on notice. Her voice is so good. And she totally nails the Disney/Julie Andrews overenunciation. Love it.

9:09 VISUAL EFFECTS goes to The Golden Compass. That's so... surprising.

9:11 ART DIRECTION Crossing my fingers for Jack Fisk here. I want him and Sissy Spacek to have Mr & Mrs Oscars. So far I'm doing terrible on my predictions. Still doing terrible -- Sweeney Todd wins. I figured the Academy just didn't like it that much. I hate hate hate the music drowning out the speeches.

9:13 Jon Stewart on Cate Blanchett

She cannot be stopped!

Jon's stealing my material. I expect a check. Or a paypal donation.

9:15 SUPPORTING ACTOR. The year's least suspenseful acting prize. Jennifer Hudson presents in something white. Javier Bardem wins. He's so excited and rrooowr... fast and nervous and half Spanish speech. Love it. I always forget that Hal Holbrook is married to one of the Designing Women though, don't you?

9:27 And now we're not doing Plan B but jokes about Plan B. I think the show will end at midnight. Followed by a musical break: "Raise it Up" from August Rush.

9:30 The Butterscotch Stallion (love. be well) is here to present Short Films. The winner (live action) is "The Mozart of Pickpockets" He says he doesn't really speak English. That's OK. Owen Wilson does not speak French either. "Peter and the Wolf" wins. I don't get that choice really. Liked at least two of the others better. I must make another prediction: This will be my worst predictive night of all time! Hee.

9:35 SUPPORTING ACTRESS. (eeeeeek. i'm so nervous) TILDA SWINTON !!!



That was a great speech.

Oh, no. Happy birthday, man. I have an American agent who is the spitting image of this. Really truly the same shape head and, it has to be said, the buttocks.

And I'm giving this to him because there's no way I would be in America at all ever on a plane, if it wasn't for him. So, Brian Swardstrom, I'm giving this to you. And Tony Gilroy walks on water, it's entirely official as far as I'm concerned, and Jen Fox and Steve Samuels, our incredible producers.

And Sydney Pollack, and George Clooney, you know, the seriousness and the dedication to your art, seeing you climb into that rubber bat suit from "Batman & Robin," the one with the nipples, every morning under your costume, on the set, off the set, hanging upside-down at lunch, you rock, man.

Thank you, thank you, thank you

So personalized and bizarre. Like a wrap party that you're attending even though you weren't on set. The way I think Oscar speeches should be.

Part 3 -I run out of steam channeling all my energies into the good fight against default biopic wins --I'm bested again but I'll be back to fight again next year. One day I shall triumph.
Part 4 -prediction stats

*Goo