I'll repost on Tuesday with the winning entry.
*
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Say What Sandra / Bigelow?
Amuse us. Give dialogue or a caption to this paparazzi shot of Director Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) and Sandra Bullock at last night's "Critics Choice" award show.
I'll repost on Tuesday with the winning entry.
*
I'll repost on Tuesday with the winning entry.
*
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38 comments:
BIGELOW: I can't believe I'm almost 60.
BULLOCK: Don't worry, I'll give you my plastic surgeon's number.
You, me...Speed 3!
Bullock to Bigelow, that is...
Bullock to Bigelow: You, me...Speed 3!
Bigelow: You know I may be the first woman to win best director?
Bullock: So what, I'll may be the 14th woman to win over Meryl Streep.
Just because I could not resist something dirty:
KB: Jeremy's a very talented young man.
SB: How big is he? This big? [motions with her hands].
KB [chuckles nervously]: I meant talented actor.
Bullock: My waist is this much bigger without the SPANX.
Bullock: When I had Meryl´s face in my hands and I shoved my tongue into her mouth, all I could think was, "Wow, I can´t believe I´m giving it to one of the most accomplished women on the planet."
Bigelow: Hmmm. That´s odd. James Cameron used to scream out that exact same thing to me in bed.
Bigelow: And how much of your persona is talent?
Bullock: About this much.
LOL @tia! Mean, but true.
Bullock: I really liked The Hurt Locker, you know? I liked that part with the- with the explosion? The explosion thing...
Bigelow: Hum...
Maybe the plot of our movie can be I get to adopt Jeremy Renner too. Yum.
Bullock to Bigelow: Look at us gals, over 40, and winning awards... I thought only Meryl Streep was able to do that nowadays...
Bullock: What do you think it's like to win an oscar?
Bigelow: Hmm. I'll tell you soon but only if you tell me how it is to lose one, okay?
Bullock: I'm a HUUGE fan of your ex-husband, you know, James Cameron.
Bigelow: Oh, so you've never worked with him.(or slept with him.)
Meryl's boobs are THIS big...
Bullock: Nina Garcia?
Bullock: Yeah, it was weird. And she gave me this much tongue.
Bigelow: I think you two started a new line of slash fiction.
Bullock: "Those fools will never guess that the key to our eternal youth lies within this shrunken head which I hold in my hands!"
Bullock: Meryl's lips are sooo soft! You've got to try it!
Bigelow: Nah, I've tried the lesbian thing with James. Didn't work out.
Wow...um, I was going to post something, but what's the point? I think Jim T pretty much nailed it. Contest over.
Bullock: Can I make out with you, too?!
Bigelow: Yah... no...
Bullock: Hey, who do you think was the most accomplished woman of 2009? You or me?
Bigelow: Well, there's me, and you've gotta include Campion, and definitely Cornish, Swinton, and Barrymore, and probably also Sidibe and Mo'nique! But you can't forget the women of Nine or Inglourious Basterds, and it'd be a crime to omit Streep, Page, Keener, and Mulligan! Oh, and the ladies of Up in the Air, too, and Pike and Morton as well. Weren't they great?
Bullock: ...
Bigelow: Um, but I'm sure you're in there somewhere...
Yeah a lot of these are good, but I gotta give a shout out to Jim T. Gold. Especially because if you look at Bigelow's face, it says that exactly that.
Tallsonofagun, JL, Andrew and Cal were also amusing.
Gotta love the Jim Cameron humor... it feels totally okay to make cheap jokes about him now that he has a billion dollars. He'd probably think they were funny.
OK, I'll take a stab:
(this is only funny if you heard Bullock's backstage press conference or wherever it was when she talked about how grew up with opera, but whatevs...)
Sandra Bullock, still high on awardage, bursts into an aria, serenading her fellow winner.
Kathryn Bigelow (thought bubble): I'm just gonna smile and nod...
Bullock: You were so great in THE HURT LOCKER
Bigelow: Thank you. I didn't see eaither of your movies this year, but you were great in...um...THE YA YA SISTERHOOD. you were in that right?
Bullock: Top Billing! What does a girl have to do in this town...
Bigelow: i know! is it too much to ask?!
Bullock: So you're saying Jim is only this big?!
Bigelow: Really big flashy larger than life movies. Really small penis. He's gotta compensate somehow
Bullock: So as the character starts to eat her sandwich at the airport Subway, she looks up and Jarod is standing there with flowers and a ring box trying to catch his breath from his mad dash to propose to her before her flight leaves. So, whaduya think? Interested in directing?
Bigelow: Ummm. Ahhh. Hmmm. I´ll let my script reader take a look and let you know.
Bullock: So we're a go for Cougar Town the reality show?
Bullock: I was THIS close to Million Dollar Baby
Bigelow: [God, I miss Juliette Lewis so much].
Bullock: "I am this close to achieving what no actress (except Jane Fonda, Maggie Smith, Rachel Roberts, Judy Davis, Katharine Hepburn, Shirley MacLaine, Julie Walters, Geraldine Page, Cher, Jodie Foster, Kathy Bates, Susan Sarandon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Hilary Swank, Annette Bening, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Helen Mirren and Kate Winslet) has ever been able to achieve!!!"
So far, my vote is split between Tia and Clover! Brilliant! Yes...I know, i don't really get a vote.
Bigelow: Hey Sandy, did you try that new colonic I recommended to you?
Bullock: Yep, the results were amazing.
Bullock: My vagina hurts soooo much!
Bigelow: Finally, someone understands The Hurt Locker.
Bullock: I will touch your breasts, vagina, whatever. Just please let me be in your next movie.
Bigelow: Well, if you´ll give a little hurt to my locker, I think I might consider it.
BULLOCK: "Seriously Kathryn, I have this much chance to beat Meryl at the Oscars."
Sandra: Please give me a part in your next film.
Kathryn: No.
Sandra: Why not?
Kathryn: Because you're Sandra-frickin-Bullock. Man, I couldn't even sit through the trailer for All About Steve...
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