Cinematic Shame: Worst of the Year

year in review part 5 of several
COME SEE THE NEW BLOG FOR THE FINAL CELEBRATION OF 2010


I thought it would be tasteless to drop this lump of coal on Christmas so I saved it one day. It's naughty, not nice. But before we get to the unsatisfying trends, performances, and movies of the year, some caveats. I didn't see everything and am not, generally speaking, paid to attend terrible movies. Even when I'm doing freelance gigs, nobody has ever said to me "Nathaniel, we'd love for you to write a 3,000 word essay about Yogi Bear." [Editors of the world take note: I would totally do this for money.]

Most Repetitive Actor or Actress Dear Leonardo DiCaprio, you have now done three movies in a row where you're a tortured soul with an emotionally unstable dead wife. This is an even more specific brick-wall niche then when Jodie Foster kept getting trapped in small places or when Julianne Moore kept losing her children (imaginary or otherwise).

DiCaprio's new franchise!

It's time to shake things up. Throw us anything at all that's different than this. Love, a former fan who is bored of your worryface.

Unbest Actress This one was hard to choose as no one pled for the title. I didn't quite understand what Diane Lane was doing in the gold-hued Secretariat. She alternated between stiff and overemphatic playing which conjured mental images of someone trying to both be an Oscar and mime the actress winning one. While it's true that Christina Aguilera is no natural in Burlesque, she acquits herself better than some pop divas have in the past and the bulk of her role is singing (which you may have heard she does well). So if she's nominated for Razzies soon, that'll be just mean spirited. Therefore the prize must go to Katie Holmes who played a beautiful intellectual who loved nothing but poetry, philosophy and Josh Duhamel in The Romantics. Only the "beautiful" part was played convincingly.

Duhamel & Holmes: just your average poetry-quoting
post-graduate intellectuals.

Unbest Actor Aaron Johnson was mildly charismatic in Kick-Ass but in Nowhere Boy, the performance just didn't work and not only because he didn't look right for the part. He kept delivering a decent rendition of an arrogant semi-talented teen ... but where was the future John Lennon in that generic teenager? It's not easy to play a legendary charismatic performer. You've got to bring your own blazing showman's charisma along to function as a makeshift doppelganger.

Unbest Supporting Actress Early in the year I thought this might go to Ellen Page who was too listless in Inception as if she hadn't found any notes to add to an underwritten part but watching the film again, she was better than I remembered. Perhaps I expected a Juno or a Whip It level performance every time out? Still, this character was too much like the one she plays in the Cisco commercials. In both "Ellen Page" enters a room, exhibits curious disbelief about some new technological marvel and says something like  "neato. explain that to me again."

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More Critics: Oklahoma, Austin, Women Film Critics...

If you'd like to discuss the latest round of critics awards, have at it.

Three more groups have announced and so the usual suspects play the game of musical chairs. The most interesting note right off the bat is that the Women Film Critics Circle have bestowed an award on Black Swan that isn't a flattering one. They've given it "Worst Female Images in a Movie".

I understand the impulse behind this sort of "tsk-tsk"ing  having been burned over the years with the often problematic depiction of gay characters but I think it's wrong-headed to a degree.

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BIFA: The King's (Acceptance) Speech and Other Oscar Matters

You guys. I'm so not (quite) ready for this. It's only November 1st and in English language cinema we've already had at least three awards lineups outside of the film festivals: NY's Gotham Awards, Australia's AFI, and now BIFA... which translates to the British Independent Film Awards.

BIFA considers Oscar-buzzing Lesley Manville as "Supporting"

It will surprise virtually no one that the Oscar hopeful Brit films like The King's Speech (and all of its actors), Made in Dagenham and Another Year are in play for various prizes. It may surprise some that the indifferently received Never Let Me Go, the divisive Kick-Ass, and the largely undiscussed Brighton Rock received multiple nominations as well.

A complete list of nominees (with Oscar-adjacent comments) follows after the jump but I shan't clog the main page with these über long lists that each awards groups hands out.

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RCL: Dancers (Glee), Assassins (and Kick-Ass) and More

Red Carpet Lineup. Once weekly, we check in with random celebs who've been out and about, displaying their beautiful selves.


from left to right: Gillian Anderson is still so beautiful. Just saying. She attended a premiere wearing whatreminded me of a Project Runway gown. As in, I sense a theme. But which one? Uma Thurman, seen her crazythin in black at a benefit dinner has been taking too much flak lately for the box office failure of Motherhood. Her career has always been peaks and valleys; Flops can't kill it. I do wonder why she keeps trying her hand at comedy, though. Either her agent or the goddess herself must like her doing them. I think every auteur that has benefited from her screen presence (Kaufman, Frears, Nair, Niccol, Tarantino) really ought to offer her a good role soon to remind us of her inimitable razzle dazzle. After Kill Bill's assassin Bride you'd think she'd get more action offers at least. I regret to inform that Parker Posey did not become my BFF after we danced together at Sundance ;) She wore a leopard print to the Tribeca Ball. I was going to make a cougar reference but the term doesn't fit her as she seems ageless. I know that Parker had a great run in the 90s and don't wanna be greedy fan but I'd love to see her get another great comedic lead role.

Finally, Chloe Moretz went for the pink baby doll look for another Kick-Ass premiere. This is more girlie-girl than she ever gets in the film. I'm so pleased to report that Roger Ebert hates it. I don't normally worship Ebert the way 97.3% of online critics do but he's so widely read and respected it that I love it when he speaks something eloquently that needs to be spoken if you know what I mean. There's a lot to recommend in Kick-Ass but it's also another depressing reminder of how soulless, proudly violent (just listen to today's politicans) and gleefully sadistic the world is becoming. I hope all things are cyclical and we have another flower power generation around the bend. But I guess it would take catastrophic reality to end this particular en vogue fantasy of blood blood blood so...uh... be careful what you wish for. er... moving on. Anyway, I wrote a little bit about for Towleroad.


from left to right: Patricia Clarkson attended the premiere of the Mary Zimmerman (Metamorphosis) production of the opera Armida and really sells the black and white. I like it so much more than several Oscar dresses this year. Zoe Saldana always seems exuberantly happy, yes? Even when promoting a movie called Death at a Funeral. Was she this smiley before starring in two gargantuan hits back to back last year? Every time I see Ginnifer Goodwin I flash back to Win a Date With Tad Hamilton and Walk the Line. I'm not sure why. I like her on Big Love but since she became ultra thin she reads more generic to me. Are you fond of Ginny? This look seems very casual for the Opera but I'm no expert. I've only been thrice.

We end with Glee's adorable Harry Shum Jr. at one of their promotional events. This is the most obsessed I've been with a mute dancer since Cloud lept around in Madonna's Confessions era videos. Can they please give Harry as "Mike Chang" a storyline already! Spread the wealth. The highlight of Tuesday's return-from-hiatus episode was undoubtedly the new characters. Jonathan Groff and Idina Menzel? Our Broadway cup runneth over with this show and we lick up the spills.

Can you tell that I'm thrilled that Glee is back? Are you? I don't know why I got so very impatient for its return, though. Shoulda just rewatched the older episodes. Basically, I've come to realize, Glee is from the Golden Girls stable of sitcoms. It's essentially the same exact jokes every episode. The joy of watching is in which new ways they spin the old jokes. In what way will Rachel be deemed annoying? which particular crazy tic of Emma's? How will Sue Sylvester insult Will Schuester's hair? what femme or gay joke will spring from Kurt? etcetera.

Like everyone else I love Jane Lynch as the comic villain Sue Sylvester and I am desperate to see next week's Madonna episode (p.s. Madonna likes it). But I think they missed a few great opportunities here in this Vogue spoof/tribute.



Sue totally shoulda been doing the jogging-like part of the Vogue dance in her tracksuit and the extras doing the open shirt strobe lit dancers shoulda totally been the jock stars Finn and Puck.

RCL: Chloe, Clint, Christopher and Charlize, Pleaze.

Red Carpet Lineup: each monday (oops, it's Wednesday!) a random batch of movie peeps out and about. Who is Where and Why? And What (are they wearing)?


from left to right: Chloe Moretz just turned 13 and she'll be ubiquitous before anyone can decide whether they want to see her constantly. I have only seen her in (500) Days of Summer in which she essayed the beyond cliche role of "little person who is wiser than adults", a blight on an otherwise great movie. I can't blame her for that exactly but I hate that there's no ümläüts (or whatever the heck they're called) hanging over her name. And that I CAN blame her for. It's spelled Chloë, right big mouth? The fanboys already love "Chloe" [sic] in advance for being "Hit Girl" in Kick-Ass . That's the movie she's been out promoting this week here with shiny checkers (dress) and snarky accessory (face). She will soon be seen as the thirsty child vamp in Let Me In, the disastrous* remake of Let The Right One In; Emma Thompson brought a pig to the premiere of Nanny McPhee 2: Mole Harder in London. I adore Emma and her wit but I just don't want to see her unrecognizably uglied down for a movie. That's just the way it is. I like my movie stars to look like their beautiful selves. It's kind of what I live for. Emma recently spilled her heart out for a BBC radio show about her 90s divorce from Kenneth Branagh; Clint Eastwood was out for a meal with friends looking pretty spry. He becomes an octogenarian this May and he's still cranking out two movies a year. Bless (yes, I'm feeling generous today. It's partially because my favorite filmmakers I'm interested in tend to sit on their asses for YEARS between projects and I just don't get it). Clint's supernatural thriller Hereafter, arrives in theaters in December 2010. When else? You can probably expect Hoover, the biopic, in December 2011.

*I'm guessing. I mean, the ONLY logical reason for its existence is to sell it to people who can't read.


from left to right: Christoph Waltz is STILL collecting awards for Inglourious Basterds. This time it was the Jameson Empire Award in London. At one point does he cease being a professional actor and become a professional trophy collector? I believe this makes #26; Blanca Portillo was at the "Union de Actores" event in Madrid (is that like Spain's SAG awards? Anyone?). She's so good in Almodóvar movies (Broken Embraces and especially Volver) but I haven't yet seen her elsewhere. I'm hoping that our Spanish-speaking readers can tell us other roles of note?; Young French star Tahar Rahim, all of 28, is still out selling Un Prophete but he's already lined up new projects after that extremely well received breakthrough. Next up: The Eagle of the Ninth with Channing Tatum and then back to the arthouse for Cool Water by Emir Kusturica; Finally we conclude with Charlize Theron looking disco glam at an evening honoring Matt Damon. I've been meaning to talk about Charlize anyway...

Charlize Theron is 34. I don't know why this is but I often think of her as an older actress.



I don't mean this in the reductive Hollywood way of "let's look for a younger version, now!" or in the "she looks old for her age" way. I mean that if you asked me to place her with a group of peers I'd forget about the Gyllenhaals and the Witherspoons and put her with the Kidmans, Hayeks, Cruzs and Berrys of the world... all of whom are older. And whatever their future achievements may be, those actresses feel finished... "finished" as in fully formed, not as in "over." Don't freak out!

But who is Charlize Theron exactly? More than possibly any A list actress, I'm not sure that she has a star persona. I think she's very talented but in truth I don't often think of her and I never think "that's a Charlize Theron role right there!" In their mid 30s actresses often become forever who audiences will always think of them as. But what do we think of Charlize as. Other than "beautiful" perhaps. But that describes everyone.

<--- Theron in Sleepwalking

Does anyone else feel this disconnect? I think the problem may lie with Monster. Quality of the performance aside, it has gobbled up her career and she looked nothing like CHARLIZE THERON while acting in it, so it could it ever truly be definitive for her? In roughly 2/3rds of Sophie's Choice, for example (the definitive Meryl Streep performance if you will) she looks EXACTLY like everyone's Great Thespian Regal Beauty Fantasy of MERYL STREEP. When people conjure up images of Audrey Hepburn and her style, aren't they picturing her in Breakfast at Tiffany's fashions?

So when we think of Theron what do we think of?

What's your take on her career? I think she needs to step it up and seek out challenging roles that aren't downbeat. She's an excellent dramatician (see: Monster, Sleepwalking, North Country) but whenever she's in dramas they seem to be of very limited dour rage and they seem to require that she downplay her beauty. Where are the roles that require all of her parts and not the absence of pieces of her like her beauty, wit and energy? When she isn't dressing down onscreen, she seems to be coasting through doing things that any one of her peers could do just as well (Hancock). I'm not sure I understand her career at all. Do you?

Do you think she has more to show us... and more she should show us, after 15 years on the silver screen?
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