Month of the Moustache

 The Sam Elliott

Erich Kuersten of Acidemic here, filling in for Nathan and telling you about "Movember" -- a worldwide charity event wherein men grow out their moustaches and people have parties and models sponsor them and profits go to fight prostate cancer. In other words, it's a men's health thing, cocaine and Cristal are optional. Women do walk-a-thons for breast cancer, men sit back and smoke 'sinse in a steam tub, whilst they grow 'staches for prostate cancer. And somehow, that's totally fair.

Now, I already have a moustache, which disqualifies me from the event (one must start the month clean shaven according to the rules). But as a film blogger guesting for the great 'stache enthusiast Nathaniel R, I'm going to concentrate on bringing you random highlights and examples in the world of the cinematic moustache menagerie.

 The Squaramerican

The square American 'dad'-stache often is accompanied by nerdy glasses and a disturbingly sincere smile, maybe also a toupee. It's a part often played by William H. Macy. Here, it's the wondrous Matt Damon in the Macy-ish role of THE INFORMANT. This moustache screams of wanting children, a family man who might just kidnap some if he can't grow his own.

 The Pencil

Price embodies elgance and sinister style with his pencil thin trademark 'stache. He's the perfect 'stache candidate thanks to the long gap between nose and upper lip. Whenever he plays a role that requires him to go stache-less, he kind of crosses the line between creepy fey and just fey, and creepy, as in this shot from Corman's FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER (1960):

 (Disqualified)

John Waters rocks the pencil with irony, and B-list MGM gigolos like Edmund Lowe rocked it with seriousness. It says: "Embrace me world, I'm fey and accessible! You don't have to take me seriously as a he-man, and I'll join you in the kitchen to sneer at Dana Andrews!"

Now every once in awhile a slew of mustaches come along that just raise facial hair to a new level. You can't tell me the current rash of mustaches and beards ain't cuz of 2007's double whammy of Daniel Plainview in THERE WILL BE BLOOD and Josh Brolin in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. But what about five years earlier, and ALMOST FAMOUS's Billy Crudup? All the women I love love his stache, but I hate the movie for the way Cameron Crowe co-opts and then de-fangs rock culture. But I can't deny Crudup, or that stache:

The Seventies Moderate

Yes, the seventies was an amazing time for moustaches. I could devote whole encyclopedias to an exploration of Italian giallo detective 'staches. But why? Instead let's balance things out by examining some of the less effective, if not downright silly examples.

The Lip-Shredder

Dean Stockwell in THE DUNWICH HORROR (1970, my review here) wears a moustache that's cut so sharply along a central line that you really feel the pain of whatever girl has to kiss him, in this case, it's poor old Sandra Dee.

The Tonsilorium Paste-Up

Sometimes a moustache can't be grown; it has to be pasted. In the case of Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday in TOMBSTONE, it always feels like it's about to fall right off. But we love Val Kilmer, so who's to judge? And for god's sakes, grow it out, and get some Movember merch to wow your aides and support your pros. Hair's looking at you, kid! Oh no he didn't! Stay tuned for part deux!

"The Pfeiffer Howls at the Moon"

I'm not quite back but I had to share this...

Did you know that Val Kilmer once had a relationship with Michelle Pfeiffer?* The only time they've appeared together onscreen was in an ABC Afterschool Special called "One Too Many" (pictured left) which was directed by Michelle's husband at the time, "Gary" from thirtysomething. If you're thinking 'why the hell were they doing a TV special?' you'll have to remember that both were mere beginners. Pfeiffer had only Scarface (1983) as a true calling card and Kilmer had made but one movie, the spoof Top Secret. Ladyhawke (1985) and Top Gun (1986) would speed up their careers soon after.

Anywayyy...That's not the point. Not only did Val Kilmer date her but he wrote a poem about her, featured in his self-published book My Edens After Burns (1987), called 'The Pfeiffer Howls at the Moon'. His relationship with Pfeiffer pre-dates her stint in Wolf by ten years. Val Kilmer is psychic! I'd love to read that poem but guess what? The book is going for $1200 --more details at Book Ride.

*
Related Article: Pfeiffer's animal side explored in "The Ferocity of Pfeiffer" (from the Michelle Pfeiffer Blog-a-Thon, April 2006)

*I'm sure that I did know this (being a true Pfan for 23 years --eep!) but I'd forgotten. The only pre-David E Kelley men I remember are John Malkovich (Scandal! He was married), Michael Keaton (this paid off later with that Batman/Catwoman chemistry) and Fisher Stevens (remembered due to the endless and cruel media harping on their beauty disparity).

Val, Matthieu, Takeshi, Richard, and John Michael

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The "100 Actors of the Aughts" Countdown continues. Agree? Disagree? Never heard of them? Discuss if the spirit moves you...