Top Ten: Best in Show's Funniest Lines

Hey, folks. This is Michael C. here from Serious Film, thrilled to be helping fill in for Nathaniel this week while he takes his well-earned vacation.

Now that I have free rein to spend a few days smudging my finger prints all over The Film Experience, item one on my to-do list is to make sure this year doesn't zip by without us commemorating a notable anniversary. 2010 year marks ten years since Christopher Guest's Best in Show came along to blow the lid off dog shows and answer such burning questions as, "If you were making an all-dog football team, which breed would you want as wide receiver?" So to mark this anniversary here are my top ten funniest lines from the movie. I am sure you will inform me in the comments which of the few hundred equally funny lines I overlooked.

Ten Funniest Lines From Best In Show

10. "We're so lucky to have been raised amongst catalogues."
If I have a favorite part of Best in Show it might be the materialistic, fashion-obsessed Swans, played by Parker Posey and Michael Hitchcock. Guest's improvisational techniques are firing on all cylinders with these characters. Like a comedic cousin to Mike Leigh, they have been built from the ground up, and there is a wealth of hilarious details to show for their efforts. From their matching sets of braces to the way they speak in catalogue shorthand to the way they let their tone of voice addressing the dog bleed into their dialogue with each other, the Swans are unforgettable comic creations.

09. "On the marquee, big letters: Us!"
This line from John Michael Higgins perfectly captures the mentality of those who have been behaving as if they are on camera long before the documentary crew showed up. Guest's films have coincided neatly with the rise of reality television, and have proven prophetic in a lot of ways. What, after all, are the opening rounds of American Idol other than a less affectionate version of Waiting for Guffman. And how often do the competition shows bring Best in Show to mind when the eccentric personalities of the competitors take center stage over the finer points of the competition.

08. "The judge in his mind...because he can pick up on the telepathy...will sometimes give...blue ribbon..."

Christopher Guest's characterization of bloodhound enthusiast Harlan Pepper is notable for being such a subtle performance in the midst of all the improvisational fireworks. Being the director, Guest didn't have to worry about vying for the spotlight so it freed him to focus entirely on getting into the skin of his character. It's quietly astonishing work; there's not a trace of Corky St. Clair to be found. In this line from Harlan, Guest zeros in on the heart of the material as he slowly drifts away from simple praise for his dog until he has convinced himself that his animal can communicate telepathically with the judge.

07. "Is there some process by which they physically miniaturize the dogs?"

If I'm not careful this whole list could easily turn into a collection of Fred Willard quotes. Looking back ten years it's clear what a perfect pairing of actor and role Buck Laughlin was for Willard. All he had to do was wait for the signal from Guest and let loose with his seemingly bottomless supply of nonsense. From speculating about miniature jockeys racing the dogs, to wondering aloud why nobody thinks to dress the hounds like Sherlock Holmes, Willard give the impression he could fill the whole of the movie with this inspired drivel without a moment's pause.

06. "The Pom broke his gait. He may as well have taken a dump."
I think I speak for most viewers when I say I could watch dog shows all day and never spot the slightest difference between the best and worst dogs in competition. That's why lines like this from John Michael Higgins are such a hoot. Best in Show wisely never pushes the events of the competition outside the plausible. Rather, Guest and company understand dog shows are innately funny with their teeny tiny details inflated to ridiculous importance. The fact that Higgins' character is positively gleeful at the Pomeranian's misfortune only adds to the funny.

05. "I'm gonna punch you in the eye 'til it turns to jelly. I'll stab you with forks 'til you bleed, how 'bout that?"
Part of the pleasure of Guest's films is that he finds room for lots of comedy pros to come in as ringers and absolutely nail a scene or two (think David Cross's UFO expert in Guffman). The blue ribbon for Show's funniest one-scene wonder has to go to Larry Miller as the aggressively unskilled crisis negotiator. A pessimistic negotiator is a funny enough idea on its own ("They always jump") but it crosses into uproarious when we get to hear him in action letting loose with this stream of graphically brutal threats.

04. "He went after her like she was made out of ham!"
You couldn't expect me to limit myself to just one Fred Willard line, could you? This one, arriving at the sad finale to the busy bee incident, may be the single biggest laugh of the movie. Aside from his ingenious idiocy, I think part of the reason Willard so thoroughly runs away with his scenes is the fact that, for all his stupidity, Buck is the only cast member who refuses to take the proceedings seriously. He can't ignore what he knows, and what those of us watching the movie know: that they are, after all, just dogs.

03. "A pet store downstairs? What are you a wizard? A genius? Why didn't you tell me that before, you stupid HOTEL MANAGER!"

This line, shouted by an enraged Meg Swan at the height of the busy bee meltdown, never fails to inspire fits of laughter in me. At the risk of analyzing all the funny out of it, let me count the ways this is brilliant. First, the way Posey somehow manages to turn "hotel manager" into an obscenity. Second, the perfection with which she portrays the limits of egomaniacal stage parent lunacy ("You obviously don't know my dog!") Finally, the way it highlights the benefits of the improvisation. Somehow I doubt a writer sitting at a laptop could have accessed the desperation that inspired Posey to reach for "wizard" in the heat of the moment.

02. "Awww!"
That line, in case you didn't recognize it written out, is the sound of Catherine O'Hara's Cookie Fleck injuring herself by tripping over absolutely nothing. Comedians often measure a performer's commitment to a bit as a mark of their ability. By that standard O'Hara stands with the best in the business. So much so that they didn't even need to write a gag to sideline her character for the finale. Guest simply had O'Hara go down like a ton of bricks and O'Hara sold it like the pro she is.

01. "I remember you said that last year."
The competition is killer, but I've got to award best in show to this line from Jim Piddock's poor Trevor Beckwith, uttered in response to yet another tasteless joke from the albatross around his neck, Buck Laughlin. As co-commentator for the Mayflower Dog Show, Beckwith is the model of class and professionalism. So naturally his performance is a study in slow-burning indignation at being saddled with a blithering, uninformed nitwit as a co-host. This line is a throw-away that grows into a gut-buster on repeat viewings. It suggests a long-suffering history for the horribly mismatched pair. How long has he been putting up with this dim bulb's cheerful "observations"? How many times has poor Trevor been cajoled into guessing how much Buck could bench press? In one deft stroke it makes an already hilarious segment exponentially funnier.

RCL: Dancers (Glee), Assassins (and Kick-Ass) and More

Red Carpet Lineup. Once weekly, we check in with random celebs who've been out and about, displaying their beautiful selves.


from left to right: Gillian Anderson is still so beautiful. Just saying. She attended a premiere wearing whatreminded me of a Project Runway gown. As in, I sense a theme. But which one? Uma Thurman, seen her crazythin in black at a benefit dinner has been taking too much flak lately for the box office failure of Motherhood. Her career has always been peaks and valleys; Flops can't kill it. I do wonder why she keeps trying her hand at comedy, though. Either her agent or the goddess herself must like her doing them. I think every auteur that has benefited from her screen presence (Kaufman, Frears, Nair, Niccol, Tarantino) really ought to offer her a good role soon to remind us of her inimitable razzle dazzle. After Kill Bill's assassin Bride you'd think she'd get more action offers at least. I regret to inform that Parker Posey did not become my BFF after we danced together at Sundance ;) She wore a leopard print to the Tribeca Ball. I was going to make a cougar reference but the term doesn't fit her as she seems ageless. I know that Parker had a great run in the 90s and don't wanna be greedy fan but I'd love to see her get another great comedic lead role.

Finally, Chloe Moretz went for the pink baby doll look for another Kick-Ass premiere. This is more girlie-girl than she ever gets in the film. I'm so pleased to report that Roger Ebert hates it. I don't normally worship Ebert the way 97.3% of online critics do but he's so widely read and respected it that I love it when he speaks something eloquently that needs to be spoken if you know what I mean. There's a lot to recommend in Kick-Ass but it's also another depressing reminder of how soulless, proudly violent (just listen to today's politicans) and gleefully sadistic the world is becoming. I hope all things are cyclical and we have another flower power generation around the bend. But I guess it would take catastrophic reality to end this particular en vogue fantasy of blood blood blood so...uh... be careful what you wish for. er... moving on. Anyway, I wrote a little bit about for Towleroad.


from left to right: Patricia Clarkson attended the premiere of the Mary Zimmerman (Metamorphosis) production of the opera Armida and really sells the black and white. I like it so much more than several Oscar dresses this year. Zoe Saldana always seems exuberantly happy, yes? Even when promoting a movie called Death at a Funeral. Was she this smiley before starring in two gargantuan hits back to back last year? Every time I see Ginnifer Goodwin I flash back to Win a Date With Tad Hamilton and Walk the Line. I'm not sure why. I like her on Big Love but since she became ultra thin she reads more generic to me. Are you fond of Ginny? This look seems very casual for the Opera but I'm no expert. I've only been thrice.

We end with Glee's adorable Harry Shum Jr. at one of their promotional events. This is the most obsessed I've been with a mute dancer since Cloud lept around in Madonna's Confessions era videos. Can they please give Harry as "Mike Chang" a storyline already! Spread the wealth. The highlight of Tuesday's return-from-hiatus episode was undoubtedly the new characters. Jonathan Groff and Idina Menzel? Our Broadway cup runneth over with this show and we lick up the spills.

Can you tell that I'm thrilled that Glee is back? Are you? I don't know why I got so very impatient for its return, though. Shoulda just rewatched the older episodes. Basically, I've come to realize, Glee is from the Golden Girls stable of sitcoms. It's essentially the same exact jokes every episode. The joy of watching is in which new ways they spin the old jokes. In what way will Rachel be deemed annoying? which particular crazy tic of Emma's? How will Sue Sylvester insult Will Schuester's hair? what femme or gay joke will spring from Kurt? etcetera.

Like everyone else I love Jane Lynch as the comic villain Sue Sylvester and I am desperate to see next week's Madonna episode (p.s. Madonna likes it). But I think they missed a few great opportunities here in this Vogue spoof/tribute.



Sue totally shoulda been doing the jogging-like part of the Vogue dance in her tracksuit and the extras doing the open shirt strobe lit dancers shoulda totally been the jock stars Finn and Puck.

Sundance Day 8: Parker Posey, Cyrus and Nowhere Boy

In which all celluloid begins to bleed together, sickness wins out, and Nathaniel loses his mind (from now on, shorter festival trips!). But, just when all hope for sanity is lost as Sundance winds down, Nathaniel dances with Parker Posey at a party! Nathaniel is elated. And no, I don't know why Nathaniel is speaking in the third person either.

Awesome Parker. As friendly as she is talented.
And fun to dance with, too. She was on the competition jury

Cyrus
The Duplass brothers (Mark and Jay), have been steadily rising stars in the indie scene with contributions to films like Humpday, Baghead and The Puffy Chair among many others. Their latest, which they wrote and directed, looks like a breakthrough... at least where mainstream attention is concerned. This is why people cast "name" actors. It wins attention and quite often name actors are names for a reason: talent. There's not a dud performance in the film. John C Reilly plays a sad sack divorcee, Catherine Keener is his ex-wife who worries about him, and Marisa Tomei is the angel he falls for. Because this is a movie, she falls right back. It's all quite funny and just off kilter enough to be surprising. All this despite being the umpteenth billion flick to reinforce that venerable straight male fantasy: yes, any type of guy no matter his appearance, serotonin levels, aspirations, past history or employment status, can and will win incredibly hot chicks. One wonders where homely girls are supposed to go for love?

A few notes on the performances: Catherine Keener is playing warm Catherine Keener [there's two primary modes: smart-bitchy and smart-warm. Both are wonderful... though the most exciting are the performances that veer off into complicating Keenerisms like in Capote and Please Give]; Marisa Tomei continues to be one of the most enduring and endearing actresses of her generation. She's wonderful here as a fun-loving woman who loves too fiercely and impulsively not be blinded by it; Jonah Hill plays her needy manipulative son (he's very funny) and John C Reilly her needy and only slightly manipulative boyfriend. The film is smart enough to see the parallel even if it finds that more amusing than worrisome. B/B+

Finally, I ask you this: Parker Posey was the queen of '90s indies and Catherine Keener the queen of '00s indies. When exactly is Keener going to be dethroned? It seems like she's still pretty comfy on that throne. Or am I forgetting someone...

Nowhere Boy
Director Sam Taylor Wood, who previously made the great short Love You More (see previous post) and her star Aaron Johnson (soon to be seen in Kick-Ass), pictured right, were much talked about at Sundance. Both of their stars are rising (this is her first feature but she's already a famous artist, this is his first high profile role with a probable blockbuster to follow) and they're also engaged and pregnant... not just with possibility. She's 42 and he's 19 which helps with the 'much talked about' bit.

Nowhere Boy, which has already been up for film prizes in Britain, will make it to the States in 2010 hopefully and it's well worth seeing. It's a biopic on John Lennon. The Young John Lennon as it were. Like Capote, it gains a lot of impact by tightly focusing on one specific time period and arc in its subject's life. Taylor Wood definitely has a gift with visuals and the film is always pleasing to look at. Johnson holds his own in the central role as the cocky but emotionally confused Lennon but the true stars of the picture are Kristin Scott Thomas as "Mimi" (interviewed here a year ago) and Anne-Marie Duff (James McAvoy's wife) as "Julia" who play estranged sisters -- Lennon's aunt and mother respectively -- and the most formative women in the musician's life. Pre Yoko that is. Both actresses are wonderful, refusing any standard biopic reduction into "mother figure" and becoming as compelling and three-dimensional as John Lennon himself, without the aid of the audience's pre-identification or projection. The Beatle's teenage anger at his mother figures gets a little wearying before the movie is over (grow up already!) and it ends rather abruptly but, all in all, it's a fine first film. I can't wait to see what Taylor Wood does next.


Cyrus: B/B+ (leaning B+)
Nowhere Boy: B/B+ (leaning B+)
Dancing with Parker Posey: A/A+ (leaning A+)

Which celebrity would you most like to dance with? Do tell in the comments.

Previously
Day 1: Travel Nightmare
Day 2: Late Arrival for Asian Day: Last Train Home, Vegetarian
Day 3: Marathon Day: Waiting for Superman, Splice, Bran Nue Dae, Boy, Please Give
Day 4: I Am Love, Buried
Day 5,6: Holy Rollers, The Runaways, Mother and Child, Catfish
Day 7: Gay Day: The Kids Are All Right and Contracorriente

next: a few more movies and my personal awards for the fest.

Birthday Suits: Immortal Beloveds

Who needs holidays? Make your own with the birthdays of movie people.

Parker, Oleg and Vlad the Impaler (as interpreted by Gary Oldman)

Today's Birthdays 11/08
1431 Vlad the Impaler would have turned 578 years old today if not for that stake through the heart. To be accurate, his exact birthday is unknown but sometimes he's listed on this date which probably has something to do with...
1847 Bram Stoker who wrote the original Dracula, which gave Vlad the immortality that he had mythically already won as the original nosferatu... vampyr. The cinema loves him harder and deeper than Lucy Harker ever could.
1900 Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone With the Wind. She didn't have to impale anyone or renounce heaven to achieve immortality. She just had to write one mammoth book. The movie based on her novel is still the highest grossing film of all time when adjusted for inflation. One of only four films to have ever topped a billion dollars in theatrical:

1. Gone With the Wind (1939)
   
2. Star Wars (1977)
   
3. The Sound of Music (1965)
   
4. E.T. The Extra Terrestrial (1982)

Seems odd that 3/4ths of them came after the birth of television, though.

1913 June Havoc forever known as"Baby June" thanks to the enduring fame of Gypsy on stage and screen. June never achieved the pop culture iconicity that her sister Gypsy Rose Lee did though they've both been played by countless actresses since. But she turns 96 today (wow!). Film appearances include: My Sister Eileen, Gentlemen's Agreement and the infamous Village People movie Can't Stop the Music).
<--- 1935 Alain Delon legendary French beauty who played that Talented Mr. Tom Ripley (Plein Soleil) long before Matt Damon did. Other highlights include Rocco and His Brothers and Le Samouraï
1952 Alfre Woodard, how can you be an Oscar nominee and four-time Emmy winner and still be underappreciated? Yet somehow, she is. Damn you, Hollywood!
1960 Oleg Menshikov terrific Russian actor and star of Oscar foreign film nominees like Est-Ouest, Burnt by the Sun and Prisoner of the Mountains.
1960 Michael Nyqvist, Swedish actor of As in Heaven, Tilsammans (wonderful, rent it) fame. He's also in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which just won EFA nominations.
1972 Gretchen Mol of The Notorious Bettie Page promise. Where's the big follow up?
1975 Tara Reid once worked with the Coen Bros and Robert Altman. The cautionary tale that Lindsay Lohan forgot to read.

Finally, a happy joint birthday wish to best friends Craig Chester (turning 44) and Parker Posey (turning 41), survivors of the 90s indie movie scene. Posey you know and love as a hipster icon, diva, Party Girl, actress, sassy vampiress, Lex Luthor's gal, Libby Mae Brown ("Who's on top and who's on bottom now???") and many other terrific screen characters. She's a gift that never stops giving. Chester you should know as one of the original stars of the New Queer Cinema in films like Grief and Swoon. He was one of the very few trailblazing out actors of the 90s. This decade he wrote, directed and starred in Adam & Steve but no films since. Hmmm. And because they are so adorable I'm breaking my photographic "birthday suit" rule to include this photo by Lorenzo di Flaneur of the pair celebrating their birthday together in 2006.

"I always have a place at the Dairy Queen."

Forbes 100: On Actresses and "Power"

As you may know, the annual Forbes 100 is out. This 'Celebrity 100' list is also referred to as "World's Most Powerful Celebrities". Which... well, I wonder. The list ranks the celebrities based on their media visibility and earning power. Media + income = power. All lists are subjective but it seems strange to assume that visibility equals power. It can but I doubt it automatically does. Is Lindsay Lohan a powerful person because the paparazzi follow her around? If so, what does she hold sway over... legging trends? Can she get movies greenlit? She didn't make the list but it's just an example.

Another funny/strange thing: It only goes to show you that becoming enormously popular at one time in history can keep you on these lists in perpetuity. Witness the staying power of Sandra Bullock and Harrison Ford on lists such as these.

Here are Forbes top movie actresses...

01 Angelina Jolie
There's no disputing her fame. Would that her influence was as indisputable. Celebrity philanthrophists are often subjects of loathing from many pockets of the media and various segments of the general populace. Why that is I'll leave it up to social theorizing in the comments [A History of... Angelina Jolie]

08 Jennifer Aniston
She was my favorite member of Friends back in the day but I realized as soon as she transferred to the cinema that I was a fan of "Rachel" rather than Jen. Sometimes when thinking of Jennifer Aniston, Lisa Kudrow and Courtney Cox in tandem it becomes clear that Brad Pitt is to blame for her ubiquity. But then I think of my beloved Juliette Lewis and... well, the world isn't fair.


58 Sarah Jessica Parker
Sometimes Square Pegs only need to ignore the round holes and find a new board on which to play. What a difference HBO and "Carrie Bradshaw" made. [More on Sex & the City]

64 Meryl Streep
Her top earning status as she enters her 60s fills me with utter glee despite the fact that Mamma Mia! was terrible. Once, long ago, (very early 90s to be more precise) the same media that now kisses her feet used to belittle her for speaking out about the inequality in pay between actors and actresses.

71 Reese Witherspoon
Earned $15 million last year. Usurping all of Jake Gyllenhaal's time? Now, that's power.

73 Cameron Diaz
Forbes is pushing the notion that we should have her on our Best Actress Oscar lists for My Sister's Keeper. What say ye?

74 Nicole Kidman
She takes a beating in the American media but she's still an international draw. Plus she's, you know, awesome if you care about the cinema rather than just 'the movies.'

85 Anne Hathaway
She only made $7 million for Get Smart? For some reason I thought she pulled down more than that already.

87 Drew Barrymore
Still a double threat as Producer/Actress. Every time we hear about Drew's next project, the roller derby film Whip It!, it's mentioned in connection to Ellen Page's rising stardom post Juno. But have you checked out the supporting cast and their character names? Drew as "Smashley Simpson", Kristin Wiig as "Malice in Wonderland", Juliette Lewis as "Dinah Might", Eve as "Rosa Sparks". I only hope the movie is half as fun as the milieu and moniker imply.

92 Sandra Bullock
Forbes implies that her return to romcoms justifies her placement. Is she headed for a major comeback this year with The Proposal and All About Steve?



Most random finding on this list: Jennifer Love Hewitt is at #99. Other than her power to stay on television year after year after year after year (Jennifer Love Hewitt in the reboot of Murder She Wrote... coming your way in 2038!) I had no idea that she wielded any, let alone that she was the 5th most powerful TV actress . I didn't know that she was more powerful than three Desperate Housewives and that Gossip Girl... more powerful yet than Eliza Duskhu who is infinitely hotter and shares Hewitt's power to stay on the airwaves.

You know what I'd like to read? A list that seeks to quantify the overall influence of celebrities as opposed to their income or household name status. Who has trickle down power? I always think of that "cerulean" scene in The Devil Wears Prada when I think of cultural influence.

This... 'stuff'? Oh... ok. I see, you think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise, it's not lapis, it's actually cerulean.

You're also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar De La Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves St Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of 8 different designers. Then it filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic Casual Corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs and so it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.

Wouldn't more specialized celebs like, oh, Parker Posey in the 1990s or Björk or Tilda Swinton make lists that quantify cultural influence? They're famous, referenced, idolized, admired, stolen from, imitated and occasionally worshipped in fashion, music, media, cinema. They're not interchangable with the next up and coming starlet. But, alas, they aren't ... Jennifer Love Hewitt.
*

Parker Moseys Along

A very happy birthday to former Ruling Indie Queen Parker Posey. It's her 40th. When Parker first came to fame in the limited release scene in the mid 90s her domination was total. Consider that indelibly self-satisfied Party Girl (1995), the bitch-power tyrant in Dazed and Confused (1993), Dairy Queen loving Libbie Mae in Waiting For Guffman (1997) and demented poseur "Jackie-O" in House of Yes (1997). Posey had such a uniquely youthful fire, punk edge and rocking comic snark that it was vaguely impossible to predict how she might parlay her odd gifts into a steady or diverse career. How would that persona age?

But a decade plus later, she's doing fine. Her filmography holds abundant variety and surprises --fringe cinema, comedic classics, mainstream hits, she's nearly done it all. I've been a bad fan and still haven't caught up with Broken English (2007), her most recent lead role, but she's been expanding her dramatic range (she's terrific and incisive in the otherwise middling Personal Velocity, 2002) and her comedy still works: she sure made for ample R.O.I. in Superman Returns (2006) considering she gobbled up far less than 1% of its gargantuan budget.

Next up for Parker: Co-starring with Demi Moore (as sisters!) in the drama Happy Tears from the director of neo-horror favorite Teeth.

What's your favorite Parker Posey screen moment? Share it in the comments. You'd better. Parker doesn't take prisoners.

thx to Joe for reminder

Okay, girlies, it's hot out here and I'm really sick of looking at all of you, so let's just -- let's get out of here. What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch!

Red Carpet Rendezvous

premiere-ish-ness from the past week or so...


From right to left, just to be backwards: Patty Clarkson at the "Speed the Plow" premiere in NYC (Elizabeth Moss from Mad Men is playing the old Madonna role from the 80s in this David Mamet revival), Elizabeth Banks all old school glam at a W. party, former Goonie and currently ubiquitous stage star Martha Plimpton as well as my movie-retired film experience iconKathleen Turner were also at "Speed the Plow". Parker Posey at some gala or another --we haven't seen her in a while what with the movie career slowing down but she's always worth looking at.

Finally, fragile and slightly spooky Kristen Stewart strikes a pose at the Twilight premiere and Amy Adams attends the Doubt launch.

<-- But did she bring her man? Or whoever it was she brought to the Hollywood Film Festival in mid October. He looks too much like blurb whore automaton Ben Lyons for my comfort. If he's anything like that "critic" run away Amy, run away... Doubt.

Indie Spirits ~ Live Blogging

Live Blogging the Indie Spirits? I didn't even watch last year. But maybe I'm trying to warm up for tomorrow nights big event. Yes, that's my excuse for this foolishness. Apparently IFC is advertising their red carpet like so (Brangelina, pictured right) but do people really wear tuxes to the Indie Spirits? Not as I can recall. False advertising!

4:48 Ooh Anne Thompson is onscreen. She's sweet. She's talking about the jury and that their selections are more mainstream this year. The jury selection is one of the more interesting things about the Indie Spirit Awards but it actually makes it hard to get into from year to year, because there is no through line at all. It's impossible to predict and often reads as nonsensical from category to category. Philip Seymour Hoffman for The Savages but not Linney? Matt Singer is the host of this nomination special and he just said the craziest thing 'Philip Seymour Hoffman's roles in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead and The Savages are very similar'

That's so true. I've always found that holding up my parents jewelry store while embezzling from my employer brings up the exact same issues of character as writing essays on Brecht and putting my father in a nursing home.

er... Matt? Earth to Matt.

4:53 They're "live! uncut! right now!" only it hasn't started yet. It's still commercials.

4:58 I've been blocking out the fact that Rainn Wilson (Juno) is hosting this show, homeskillet. Else I would never have agreed to live blog it.

5:04 Patty Clarkson (they just showed her) is so pretty. I'm ignoring Rainn so let's just focus on the camera cutaways. Steve Buscemi. Mike White. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Rainn makes a joke that he's the prettiest. Actually Hoffman is. He actually looks pretty good tonight. Cate Blanchett. Sienna Miller. Bruce Greenwood. Ed Begley Jr. Parker Posey [I'm still focusing on the cutaway reaction shots] Let me guest... this Juno table is going to get a lot of shout-outs. I'm not even going to mention how tacky it is to have a host that's in the movie that will win everything. Or how tacky his performance is in the same movie. No matter how many awards Juno wins, that convenience store mess is one fumbled opening that can't be undid.

5:12 Felicity Huffman is bad at reading from a teleprompter. Best Supporting Male: Chiwetel Ejiofor (Talk to Me, I always pretend I'm watching him in Serenity whenever I see him), Marcus Carl Franklin (I'm Not There), Kene Holliday (The Great World of Sound), Irrfan Kahn (The Namesake... he's such a good actor) and Steve Zahn (Rescue Dawn... he looks so cute in his tan blazer). Chiwetel Ejiofor wins. Kasi Lemmon accepts since Chiwi is in London playing Othello.

Eliza Dushku and Parker Posey. Two (indie) girls I love

5:17 Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova singing "When Your Minds Made Up" from Once. I love them very much and the movie but this sounds a little rough. Off key and forced. I'm going to blame it on the acoustics in the room since I will be sad if their performance at the Oscars isn't a lot better tomorrow.

5:20 Kerry Washington is dreamy. Now... what the hell is wrong with Oscar that she isn't presenting there? Seriously, Patrick Dempsey??? Why. It angers me. Kerry Washington! Now, that's somebody AMPAS should get familiar with. Diablo Cody wins screenplay for Juno and Jason Bateman presents it. TACKY! It's like when The Producers won all the TONY Awards with Nathan Lane hosting. Why do awards shows do these things. It just screams complete and utter tastelessness.

5:23 Maria Bello is presenting something. Best First Film I think. I am distracted because I don't want her to keep playing second fiddle to horses, country singers and Alison f'ing Lohman --all of whom she is infinitely superior to. She needs another A History of Violence. Pronto. Is that the Mad Men star presenting with her? I must watch that show. The guy from The Lookout wins (Scott Frank).

5:32 They just cut from Matt Dillon to Don Cheadle. No joke. What is this 2005? I don't need that reminder when I'm watching awards shows. No I do not.

5:34 Supporting Female. Cate Blanchett (I'm Not There), Anna Kendrick (Rocket Science), Tamara Podesnski (name of movie?), Marisa Tomei (Before the Devil Knows You're Dead --yay!), Jennifer Jason Leigh (Margot at the Wedding) they describe her as a "free spirited sister"... huh? Did Matt Singer write this? (Hee. sorry Matt, I couldn't help it). Pauline is not a free spirit. That girl is all locked up in her depression and her sister is one mean warden, that's for damn sure. Cate wins for I'm Not There. Of course. She is very pregnant ---ooh, awesome shoutout to "Todd Haynes's body of work" Hear, hear.

The "F***" count is now at 5. "S***" has only been uttered once. There's no bleeping on this show. Naughty IFC.

5:41 The spoof songs. This one from Diving Bell and Butterfly was actually funny.

5:44 Rainn is doing "spoof" auditions for all the best features. This time it's I'm Not There. Todd Haynes is hot --I'm just sayin' cuz nobody ever says. Rainn keeps calling him "Ted". Hee

5:50 Meg Ryan looks like herself again! This is the second star they've brought out saying "From The Women" -against my better judgment I'm excited for the remake. She and Tom Wilkinson are presenting the John Cassavettes Award which is for the true independent / shoestring budget movies. August Evening wins. Other than this award and a couple of others the whole concept of the Indie Spirits is kinda pointless since you can bet if a big hit or Oscar nominee is nominated, that's the person who wins. Not exactly hard core independence you know?

5:52 Cate Blanchett is so cute pregnant. She no longer looks emaciated. She introduces herself as Marcus Carl Franklin to introduce I'm Not There clip. Hee. Steve Zahn is singing "Like a Rolling Stone" as a spoof for the movie. "to speak in a monotone. like a dylan clone"

5:56 MAGGIE CHEUNG --GODDESS ALERT !!! Foreign Film goes to Once. Maggie seems happy about that. They made Once (one of the year's best) for $100,000. Wow, crazy that it's a gazillion times better than movies that are made for $100 million. But now John Carney needs to shut up. He's giving the complete history of the packaging and making or and distribution. Glen Hansard shuts him up. Thanks Glen!

6:00 I did NOT need to see Rainn Wilson's ass. I really did not. Cut to: Brad Pitt, who looks like he's 30 again. Delicious. Botox is a magical magical thing. It should be free or at least government subsidized.

6: 07 Best Actor. I want Tony Leung Chiu Wai to win for Lust, Caution but of course he won't. The delicate fabric of the universe would tear if something that wonderful happened. Philip Seymour Hoffman wins. Nice speech -- he called Laura Linney "sublime." And how.

6:12 Alison Janney's dress is fresh and kicky and exactly right for this event, casual but still glam. I'm sure it's not easy to dress for any of these events. Anyway, it looks better moving than in this photo here to your right. She's presenting with John Waters who often hosts this very show. This is the part of the show where they give out grants to filmmakers.

6:25 Is this over yet? Raiiin Wilson is not funny.

6:26 The Artist Formerly Known As Keri Russell would like everyone to know that she will lose however many lbs Angelina Jolie and Cate Blanchett gain while pregnant. She feels it's the least she could do for Hollywood's beauty standards. Tamara Jenkins won screenplay for The Savages.

6:32 You know how some people read romance novels that are all sort of the same and even if they're smart people they keep reading them... even though it maybe doesn't challenge them, this habit. That's me with fantasy novels. Only the books are much better (I would guess) and the sameness is only in the archetypes and general conceits... though the details are much different from author to author. I just finished reading Transformation by Carol Berg and I found it to be quite a page turner. Really enjoyed it. I was excited to discover that there are sequels (I don't know why I feigned shock. Every fantasy book every written is part something of something --they're more franchise focused than Hollywood even.) Part of me is embarassed about this habit of mine but part of me is like 'sorry, that's just what I like.' If you're wondering what this has to do with the Film Independent Spirit Awards, than congratulations: you've actually read this post. But it doesn't. Have anything to do. I'm just bored of watching is all.

6:45 Crazy Love won Best Documentary and Janusz Kaminski (who used to be Mr. Holly Hunter) just won cinematography. And now Patty Clarkson is onscreen with Dennis Quaid (both from the great Far From Heaven) for a brief shout out to Heath Ledger and presenting the Robert Altman Award to I'm Not There. Casting director Laurie Rosenthal is accepting. She's happy that casting directors are finally being acknowledged. And hey, Laura, so am I. And more on Heath Ledger. I am a little embarrassed to say that I didn't know about his directorial efforts at all. Now I'm sad again.

6:53 Javier Bardem just agreed to f*** Rainnn Wilson. Javier is a good sport. Best Director nominees Todd Haynes (I'm Not There), Tamara Jenkins (Savages), Jason Reitman (Juno), Julian Schnabel (The Diving Bell and Butterfy) Gus Van Sant (Paranoid Park). Julian Schnabel wins. He is not wearing pajamas. He invited Jason Reitman to share the stage with him. Strange. Even Schnabel likes Juno? This speech is odd. It has so many half sentences and changes of subject... Where is Juliette Welfling when we need her? Edit him! "I want to thank Javier Bardem for being Javier Bardem"

6:58 Best Actress: Angelina Jolie (A Mighty Heart), Sienna Miller (Interview), Ellen Page (Juno), Parker Posey (Broken English) and Tang Wei (Lust Caution). And the Spirit Award goes to Ellen Page. I know a lot of people say that Ellen Page is playing herself in Juno but I think that's a too-easy dismissal. Nice humble acceptance speech there and no Juno tics. So there.

7:05 Dustin Hoffman:

I did fuck Javier Bardem and Philip Seymour Hoffman is the product of our union.
...I hope you understand I mean that metaphorically.

Dustin Hoffman you crazy crazy two time Oscar winner. He's here to present Best Picture The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, I'm Not There, Juno, A Mighty Heart, Paranoid Park. Gee, I wonder... which movie will win. Juno (duh... it's the Oscar nominee). Love Fest. I'm out.

7:10 I did not turn off the television in time and they showed us Philip Seymour Hoffman's ass as well as he spanked and wrestled with Raain Wilson as credits rolled. I did not make any of this up.*
*

20:07 (Off Her Meds)

Each morning a screenshot from the 20th minute and 7th second of a movie. Along with the line o' dialogue being spoken if there is one...

Jackie O: They'd just think I'm crazy and not taking my pills. Most doctors are men, ya know. They think we're all perpetually premenstrual.

.

"That's a Parrot!"

Gah. I miss Parker Posey. Can For Your Consideration please open October 17th instead of November 17th? I'm just sayin'...

Lois Lane. Lost in Translation

Though I enjoyed Superman Returns (and hopefully there'll be a review to come) I think one of its principal deficiencies is in its reimagining of Lois Lane. Otherwise in this film you'll find an unmistakable reverence for previous incarnations of its characters, particularly the Man of Steel himself. Superman has been away five years according to the plot but he's barely changed at all. He's still old-fashioned, heroic, and pure of heart. Bryan Singer and Co. weren't trying to update him for what's fashionable for heroes today: no sudden dark side emerges a la popular comic-to-movie heroes like Batman and Wolverine. So why then the new and quite changed Lois?


In the drawing above from an early Superman comicbook you might notice that Lois resembles a certain queen of screwball. She's like a 2D Rosalind Russell in His Girl Friday. The great thing about Lois Lane was that she was in a very modern sense, Superman's equal. (Even a previous tv version was wise to this calling the series "Lois & Clark") Or, more specifically, and to great comic effect: she absolutely believed that she was. One of her most endearing traits is that though she is narratively always the classic "damsel in distress", it's the last persona she'd ever picture for herself.

Which is why it's so hilarious and perfect in the first couple of Supermans that Margot Kidder is gritty, odd, gutsy and weirdly sexy/disarming. Take the classic oft-quoted exchange when Superman catches Lois falling from a building:

Superman: "I've got you."
Lois: "You've got me. Who's got you?"

That is Lois Lane. A little funny. A little too abrasive. A little blind to her own vulnerabilities. And this is why Parker Posey, stuck cracking us up in the background as Lex's girl, should have been cast in the role. It's the first thing my friend and I said to each other when we were exiting the theater. 'Why wasn't Parker Lois instead?' In the new film the feisty Lois gets shut up tight inside of Kate Bosworth's soft, lovely, brokenhearted damsel in distress. Lois is still the teensiest bit mouthy but she's far more generically 'the girl who is waiting for her man to save her.' The way I see it, the real Superman would never have been able to pick her out of a crowd.

[For more discussion of this same issue, there's a good conversation going on over @ Cinemarati. -ed]

tags: Kate Bosworth, movies, cinema, comic books, Bryan Singer, Parker Posey, Superman, films, Superman Returns

Daryl, Reese, Chloe, and Drew...

The countdown is progressing. The next batch of actresses (#40 to #31) to have warmed the cockles of my jaded moviegoing heart in the past 5 years range in age from a luscious 26 (Ludivine Sagnier) to a still rockingsexy 59 (Susan Sarandon), from comedic powerhouses (Parker Posey) to dramatic showstoppers (Marcia Gay Harden), from anonymous (Celia Weston) to superstardom (CZJ) Check them out and discuss. The Top 30 is just days away.