20:07 ("m-mar-ma-muh-max-Maxine!")

Each morning a screenshot from the 20th minute and 7th second of a movie. Along with the line o dialogue being spoken if there is one...

I am dubious. But I don't welsh. OK. Meet me at the Stuck Pig at 7:00. If you're late, I walk.

From Justin to Kelly to Sanjaya

Reader Request

My evil friend over at ModFab made a nefarious request that I review the greatest movie ever made From Justin to Kelly (2003). Since the modern and fabulous one gave to the charity of me, I must comply. Did I mention that this friend o' mine is evil incarnate? You see I've already seen this cinematic masterpiece once which, I trust you'll understand, is sufficient. His sinister suggestion forces me to see the one and only --oh god let it be the only-- American Idol movie more times than I've seen Citizen Kane. Oh the humanity (or lack thereof in ModFab's case)

In order to fulfill this diabolical command without hurting myself I've decided to liveblog the film rather than attempt to construct a real essay on its "merits". Behind her hazel eyes and Justin's 'fro lay criticism defeated. As the credits roll I begin with a two pronged confession:

1. The thought of watching it again fills with me a terror of the soul usually reserved for films with abundant use of fatsuits or toilet humor.
2. Though I usually tear through my bloglines when I return from any vacation to read up on what everyone's been talking about I have not visited one site today for fear of reading all the gloating regarding last night's American Idol in which the media whipping boy Sanjaya was put down. I don't like it when people pick on scapegoats and so, it's actually a perfect time to rewatch From Justin to Kelly. Maybe with this reminder, the hordes of people who watch this show will be reminded that Sanjaya did not defile a sacred show. He merely added to its long loooooong history of celebrating cheesy, bland, All American mediocrity.

While I've been typing this confession the DVD has been at the menu stage and I've already been lulled into a hypnotic kitsch trance by its looping new disco beats...and Justin's 'fro.

OK. Here we go. CONTINUE READING... for more on the second greatest movie ever made starring a famous cast member of American Idol.


Tags: American Idol, Sanjaya Malakar, Kelly Clarkson

Cate "Braveheart" Blanchett

As most Oscar watchers have known for some time Cate Blanchett will be reprising the role that made her a star, Queen Elizabeth in a sequel to Elizabeth (1998) called Elizabeth, The Golden Age. In this trailer Blanchett UNLEASHES HELL™ like she's channeling crazy Mel or Gerard "Leonidas" Butler. Spain beware!

Golden Age Trailer
Uploaded by apple4b

You'll also catch one tiny glimpse of Abbie Cornish (who we presume has a much larger supporting role than the trailer lets on but trailers are for "names") and several shots of brilliant Samantha Morton as Elizabeth's rival, Mary Queen of Scots (I must have been on crack when I dumped her from my Oscar predictions at the last second). The ever edible Clive Owen gets a major introduction as Sir Walter Raleigh. His entrance prompts the queen to utter a rather anachronistically modern "well...well" Cate all but licks her lips and jumps Clive's bones right there on the spot.

Can you blame her?

Watch this video while you can. These things have a way of disappearing.

20:07 (First Rehearsal)

Each morning a screenshot from the 20th minute and 7th second of a film. Along with the dialogue if there is any...

Corky Sinclair: What are you feeling right now with your eyes closed?
Dr. Allan Pearl: I feel a breeze...a --you're blowing in my ear.
Corky: OK, allright, but see you jumped to a conclusion.
Allan: Oh. I'm sorry.
Corky: See, what I'm asking for is --your first feeling was not that I was blowing on you. It was more like... Virgin Isles or Bahamanian or Aruba.

XO to Susan, Glenn, Aaron & JA

"Honey I'm home"

While I can't say that I enjoyed my time off (it was for boring things like taxes, job hunt, and various home/office issues not fun things like movies) I did enjoy the posts from my wonderful guest bloggers. So a huge round of applause to Susan P, Glenn, Aaron and JA. Visit their sites!

mwah, Nathaniel

P.S. OK, I lied. I did enjoy one particular night of my time off in which Susan and I got drunk, stayed up way too late, and did our best Bananarama impersonations [Re: Susan. 'She's got it! Yeah baby, she's got it'] while dancing like mad fools to celebrate her 20-fifteenth birthday. So fun! I'd show you pictures but they're too incriminating. Plus, I forgot the camera. Damn.

Thanks

Just a final thank you to Nat for allowing me to guest blog on here with the likes of Ja, Susan and Aaron. It was a blast. To thank him in a completely pointless way, I give him this image from the wonderful Worth 1000 contest where designers were asked to recreate a movie poster if the title was changed with one letter. There's Pam's Labyrinth, The Depanted, Beatlejuice and Womb Raider amongst others, but my favourite was actually 000 a mock of 300, which I know Nat was not a fan of. Til I see you again (either in the comments here or at Stale Popcorn) may your life me a technicolour dream. Goodbye!

Three Film Wishes

My time pitching in here is coming to an end. Thanks again to Nat for giving me the opportunity, and everyone else for reading. It's been fun. Keep an eye out for me at Oscarwatch. Once I get through a particularly busy work/travel period, I hope to chime in there more frequently.

Since I celebrated my birthday yesterday, I present three film-related birthday wishes for my final post:

1. That Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell (Susanna Clarke) can be successfully translated to the screen: This “historical fantasy” about two “real” magicians in early 19th Century Britain is an incredibly dense, brilliant, and witty novel. It's long (nearly 800 pages) and the opening chapters didn't immediately pull me in--I had to put it down on the first attempt, before returning months later. Once I got into it, I tore through the rest in about a week.

The adaptation is in the works. While in the early stages, it sounds promising. It's being made by New Line Cinema--which seems to have cornered the market on major fantasy fiction, between the Tolkien-works and Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials. Christopher Hampton (Dangerous Liaisons and the upcoming Atonement) is writing the adaptation. So far the only casting rumor I’ve heard is Paul Bettany as the younger and more dynamic of the two leads, Jonathan Strange. However, that's based on fan speculation over this photo of him carrying the book! If it turns out he is involved, not sure how I feel about it. As much as I admire his work, I actually picture somebody darker for the part. I think an actor like Clive Owen could be a better fit. However, I may be biased. Lately he just comes to my mind randomly—regardless of whether or not he’s right for a role.

Outside of casting, the biggest concern I have is that it will be a difficult book to transfer to the screen. It's inherently cinematic, but it's also so rich--I fear much will be sacrificed for the translation. Still, a lot of the paring down can come from the lengthy footnotes, which offer interesting and often humorous background information, but aren't essential to the plot. The other issue is whether or not there will be magician fatigue after The Prestige and The Illusionist.

2. That Peter Jackson is ultimately chosen to direct The Hobbit: Yes, I know this is a pretty obvious one for me--and also not very likely at this point, given the publicized rift between New Line head Bob Shaye and Jackson. Earlier this week EW.com stirred up the Sam Raimi talk again, with this interview in which he says he's "seriously interested" in the project. Maybe in the end it will be better if someone else directs it, because the expectations will be so incredibly high—at least among those of us who loved The Lord of the Rings. In many ways the trilogy is unique, like lightning in a bottle. Even if you throw the same ingredients in again, who knows how it will turn out. At this point I don’t see us finding out.

3. Clive Owen: Told you he was on my mind. A lot. He's in enough films these days to satisfy me, but I want a personal copy. What? I can’t have him? Alright. I'll settle for Eric Bana. I can be reasonable.

If you had three film-related wishes, what would they be?

Blindness

In the 12 years at Wrenwood I rarely get mail. It touches so many hands, buildings and the air in trucks. They aren't --you shouldn't open... well. Please don't send anymore mail.

But you sent me a book, "Blindness". Nathaniel said the woman who played me...might play this and he hopes she will. I don't understand? The book was so interesting. but then everything went white. I got the white sickness, too. Peter is so kind. He read me the last few pages.

I loved it very much.
-Carol White

20:07 (The Bike)

JA from MNPP here - Nathaniel's back tomorrow (yay!); just wanted to let y'all know I had a good time posting his 20:07 series in his absence - it's always nice to be handed the keys to the candy store, ya know - and y'all rock! Peace out! Catch ya on the flip side! (I'll stop now...) Without ado -

Each morning a screenshot from the 20th minute and 7th second of a movie. Along with the line o' dialogue being spoken if there is one...

James Barris: Total total total totally total total total providence.

.

Hump Day Hottie: Jamie Bell

Teehee, hush you! Y'all knew I was gonna do this. It is my honour to present this week's hump day hottie to you guys and considering Nat has already given the hump day hottie title to my other obsession I figured why not. Plus, I'm going through a big Jamie phase right now. What with his leaving me MySpace messages and all (it's really him!) and the recent news that he's gonna get buck naked on stage (I'm thinking of having a fundraiser to get me to London so I can see Equus with Jamie. Any takers?)

Jamie is one of the crop of twentysomethings (he turned 21 exactly five months and one day after ME!, just recently) who seem to be bypassing the typical path to fame and are instead making their waves in the indie world (others would be Ryan Gosling and previous hump day hottie Joseph Gordon-Levitt) while also occasionally taking up a larger-scale picture. In between bouts if Lars Von Trier-written pacifism in Dear Wendy and drug-induced waking comas in The Chumscrubber Jamie is fighting alongside Ryan Phillippe in Clint Eastwood's Flags of Our Fathers and being one of the many pointless (but it's alright cause it's my Jamie) side characters of Peter Jackson's King Kong.

Of course, y'all know him mostly as dancer boy Billy Elliot in, er, Billy Elliot. And while he was absolutely smashing in that, there's also great work in David Gordon Green's Undertow and the before-mentioned Dear Wendy to prove that he's got the goods to continue on his merry eccentric way for years to come. He's apparently "revelatory" (who knows who said that though) in the upcoming Hallam Foe which competed at Berlinale, and he's finished filming the Doug Liman sci-fi adventure Jumper. Let's just say I'll be well-occupied with all things Jamie in the future (plus, I'm totally in his Top Friends on MySpace!)


For more on Jamie you can click on over to Stale Popcorn (there's more that I just haven't labeled yet, it's so time consuming) because as much as Nat is a fan he's not exactly frothing at the mouth like moi.

Top Ten: Most Lovable Movie Cads

tuesday top ten: a weekly series for the list lover in you and the list maker in me

SusanP here, with the Tuesday countdown. This week's list focuses on a subject I know well: Sexy, difficult men. As a certain space princess once described: "scoundrels." I love them in the movies and unfortunately, tend to find them appealing in real life too.

Top Ten Most Lovable Movie Cads

10 Sean Connery as "James Bond" in any number of films, but starting with Dr. No (1962)
All the Bond’s could fit to a certain degree, but to me nobody embodied it better than Connery. Because Bond is known more as a "womanizer" than a true cad, he just makes the list.

09 Thomas Haden Church as "Jack" in Sideways (2004)
You probably can't get much lower than a sex-binging liar who's about to get married. Yet the former television star manages to make this jerk likable.
Cad Quote: "I get chicks lookin' at me all the time. All ages. Dudes too."

08 Mike Myers as "Austin Powers" in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
Does he make me horny? Frankly, no. But the first incarnation of the character was a clever take on sexy super spies. And more of a cad than the characters he was spoofing. Cad Quote: "Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?"

07 Cary Grant as "Walter Burns" in His Girl Friday (1940)
Grant used his undeniable charms to carve out a few lovable cad characters, but his newspaper man is my favorite. Cad Quote: "Walter, you're wonderful, in a loathsome sort of way." (Uttered by Rosalind Russell's "Hildy.")

06 Hugh Grant in several films, but most notably as "Daniel Cleaver" in Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)
It’s never a good idea to shag the boss, but he’s hard to resist here. Grant made a smart career move when he morphed from stammering uptight Brit to the more roguish types. Cad Quote: "Come on Bridget, we belong together. You, me, your little skirt."

05 Brad Pitt as "J.D." in Thelma & Louise (1991)
Steals their money and messes up Thelma's hair. Can’t say I’d complain.
Cad Quote: "I've always believed that if done properly, armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience."

04 Jack Nicholson as "Garrett" in Terms of Endearment (1983) Nicholson would go on to repeat himself in Something’s Gotta Give, but he perfected the type as the arrogant, womanizing astronaut who woos and melts a chilly Shirley MacLaine. Cad Quote: "If you wanted to get me on my back, all you had to do was ask me."

03 Vince Vaughn as "Trent" in Swingers (1996)
The first time I saw Swingers I found Vaughn’s character grating and then suddenly, his Rat Pack impersonation grew on me. He was never hotter. Cad Quote: "All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart."

02 Harrison Ford as "Han Solo" in Star Wars (1977)
The “scoundrel” eventually shows he’s not out for himself, but along the way his sexy swagger infuriates and attracts spunky Princess Leia. Cad Quote: "...whaddya think? You think a princess and a guy like me..."

01 Clark Gable as "Rhett Butler" in Gone with the Wind (1939)
His quintessential cad is the blueprint. Cad Quote: Vivien Leigh's Scarlett observes, "Sir, you are no gentleman," His perfect response: "And you, Miss, are no lady."

20:07 (A New King)

Rupert Pupkin: You know what? Don't tell anybody, but you're looking at The New King of Comedy.
Rita: (laughter)
Rupert: Why not me? Why not?

.

James Lyons

I think I'd be remiss to not mention the passing of James Lyons here at the Film Experience. You may not know James by name, but you certainly know him from his work behind (and occasionally on) camera.

James Lyons was one of the industries very best working editors, having worked on four films by Film Experience and Stale Popcorn favourite Todd Haynes, including Poison, Dottie Gets Spanked, [safe], Velvet Goldmine and Far From Heaven. He also edited Sofia Coppola's poetic Virgin Suicides and other films including Imaginary Heroes and First Love, Last Rites.

He appeared in front of the camera (no matter how briefly) for Mary Harron's I Shot Andy Warhol, Postcards from America, plus Haynes' Poison and [safe]. He even helped Haynes out with the story for Velvet Goldmine. He was a very talented man.

He was currently slowing down on working of others' films and was instead trying to get a short film about Andy Warhol off the ground, as well as continuing his work with HIV/AIDS.

Sorry for being a bit of a downer (especially today, which isn't exactly a happy cheery one for many), but I thought it'd be appreciated by this audience.

Source

Wonder Women

I've been thinking about this Wonder Woman movie. Over on my blog, Electronic Cerebrectomy, I've talked on and off about it, lamenting the weak presence of women among America's directors. America isn’t very strong on the female point of view in cinema. I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of years, since Joel Silver announced that he wanted Joss Whedon to write the Wonder Woman movie because “he knows how to write women.” My own negative feelings about Whedon’s work aside, my first thought was that, just maybe, women also knew how to write women. Is it such a strange, foreign idea to think that maybe a woman should handle the Wonder Woman movie?

Someone in my comments section challenged me: come up with someone to direct this Wonder Woman since you hate Joss Whedon so much. Then he suggested that Sam Raimi, Bryan Singer, and Mark Steven Johnson are directors who really have superhero experience. I suggested that sort of thinking is why the Wonder Woman movie is never going to be anything more than fantasy material for thirteen year-old boys. Why not try to make it a movie about a character instead of yet another superhero movie?

I want to see other viewpoints in film, and the woman's point of view is especially interesting to me because, well, I'm not a woman and I'm interested in how they think about things. And not in that commercial, obvious, cutesy Nora Ephron/Penny Marshall/Nancy Myers way. And not in that way that Penelope Spheeris or Amy Heckerling are co-opted to make comedies for kids and stupid people. Yes, Amy Heckerling still had Clueless, and Penelope Spheeris made The Decline of Western Civilization, but it's hard to argue credentials when someone finds themselves directing a movie starring Kadeem Hardison as a basketball-playing ghost.

It keeps happening to more recent talents, too. Angela Robinson, Maggie Greenwald, Francine McDougall, Sara Sugarman--all filmmakers with interesting sensibilities, all consigned of late to directing Disney movies. Gurinder Chadha, the director of Bend It Like Beckham and Bride and Prejudice, is now being touted as the director of either I Dream of Jeannie or Dallas. Talk about getting marginalized. Where are the female equivalents of Spielberg, Scorsese, and (Francis Ford) Coppola? Too many movies about women are made by men, who seem to have their own fairly conventional and stereotypical ideas about how women grow up and deal with the world.

Why should a man make a Wonder Woman movie? Because stuff might have to blow up?

Here are a couple of directors I'd like to see more of:
Asia Argento (director of Scarlet Diva and The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things)
Coralie Trinh Thi (director of Baise-Moi)
Jamie Babbit (director of But I'm a Cheerleader)
Kimberly Pierce (director of Boys Don't Cry)
Sofia Coppola (director of The Virgin Suicides, Lost in Translation, and Marie Antoinette)
Patricia Cardoso (director of Real Women Have Curves)
Niki Caro (director of Whale Rider)
Patty Jenkins (director of Monster)
Jane Anderson (director of Normal and The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio)
Isabel Coixet (director of the underrated My Life Without Me)
Nicole Kassel (director of The Woodsman)
Barbara Kopple (director of Havoc and Shut Up and Sing)
Mary Harron (director of I Shot Andy Warhol, American Psycho, and The Notorious Bettie Page)
Laurie Collyer (director of Sherrybaby)

These are all women I'd like to see get more opportunities to direct. I'd pay to see a film directed by any of them a lot sooner than I would to see another Michael Bay travesty. Is it so against the Hollywood grain to think that the scope of American film should be widened to let women in?

If so, that's probably a good thing.

Tell me what you think: women directors? Wonder Woman?

20:07 (Off Her Meds)

Each morning a screenshot from the 20th minute and 7th second of a movie. Along with the line o' dialogue being spoken if there is one...

Jackie O: They'd just think I'm crazy and not taking my pills. Most doctors are men, ya know. They think we're all perpetually premenstrual.

.

In Praise of Shia

Disturbia was released on Friday, and despite the fact that it looks like a low-tier Rear Window knockoff (can't you kids get your own movies?), there's one thing that's going to get me to see it: it stars Shia LeBeouf.

I'm one of those Disney buffs who keep abreast of whatever the company ends up putting out, so I know Shia LeBeouf from his role as Louis Stevens on the Disney Channel series Even Stevens. He was hilarious, really comic gold; whatever was going on, just the simplest look on his face could be hysterical. I knew the kid was funny; what really surprised me is that he could actually act.

After a few dramatic turns in movies like The Battle of Shaker Heights, and some breezy roles in blockbusters of varying quality (Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, I Robot, Constantine), he really got a chance to really act in 2005's The Greatest Game Ever Played. It's a Disney movie, yes, but one that's quite underrated. Perhaps if it hadn't been a Disney movie, it might have gotten some more attention; a lot of people dismiss Disney's live action movies, although, admittedly, Disney makes it easy to. But trust me, the movie's directed by Bill Paxton (also the director of the underrated Frailty), and it's a nice little gem. It convinced me that Shia LeBeouf is destined, one day, to be a real actor.

Now that he's been cast in Indiana Jones and the Completely Unnecessary Fourth Adventure (and also has Transformers and the animated Surf's Up coming out this year), I've been wondering if Shia's rare leap from Disney stardom to action movies isn't a reflection of another Disney kid who made it away from the Disney kid stigma: Kurt Russell. Russell started out as a child actor, but from the early sixties to 1980 was mainly known for being in Disney movies like The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, The Barefoot Executive, and The Strongest Man in the World. Despite serious turns in movies like The Deadly Tower, his only real options in adulthood became bad TV movies (The Christmas Coal Mine Miracle), voices in Disney's animated features (The Fox and the Hound), and low-tier comedies (Used Cars). It wasn't until John Carpenter took a chance on Russell with Escape from New York--ignoring the objections of the studio, who thought Russell was just a Disney kid and wanted Tommy Lee Jones--and their follow-up The Thing that Russell was finally into adult stardom. And despite ups and downs, he's stayed there ever since. And he still does the occasional Disney movie, too.

Will Disturbia be Shia LeBeouf's Escape from New York? Will there even be one? I kind of hope so; the kid's got talent. And in another 30 years, who knows where that could lead?

Actor Resurrection

Grindhouse has plenty of treats to offer film geeks, but among its most gory-ous delights is the appearance of performers who don't usually show up in mainstream fare--at least not in this decade.

My personal favorite is Planet Terror's Sheriff Hague played by Michael Biehn. A vet of '80s genre films—notably James Cameron's The Terminator, Aliens and The Abyss—he was never a household name, but excelled as either a gritty, practical hero or off-center hothead.


The original Terminator is one of my favorite films of all time in large part because of the love I feel for Kyle Reese, as embodied by Biehn. The character is probably one of my first major film crushes. I was 14 and can still recall the gut punch I got watching it in a packed-house screening.

His role as Hicks in Aliens was less significant--that was Sigourney Weaver's show--but he still offered support to her superwoman/mother Ripley. In a pivotal scene, the closest the movie comes to "romance," he teaches her how to wield a high-tech weapon.

Director Robert Rodriguez uses him to great effect in his zombie-filled cinematic orgy. The sheriff seems dependable, but there's also that self-serving comic edge which Biehn clearly relishes. Watching him deliver some of the best "bad" movie lines in the film made me giddy. The fact that he's teamed with Jeff Fahey, another '80s throwback, only added to the thrill.

Both Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino are a bit like Dr. Frankenstein when it comes bringing actors back to life. Feel free to share your favorite resurrections. What MIA performer would you like to see on screen in a juicy role?

20:07 (Single Serving)

Each morning a screenshot from the 20th minute and 7th second of a movie. Along with the line o' dialogue being spoken if there is one...

Edward Norton in voice-over: The people I meet on each flight, they're single serving friends. Between take-off and landing, we have our time together, but that's all we get.
.

An Oscar Night Reunion?

I know that the recent Academy Award-winner Jennifer Hudson plunged the comment sections of blogs around the world into polar opposite debate (She's a revelation! All she does is scream! yada yada yada). Many were questioning whether she should win the Academy Award for her first film, especially considering her acting future didn't seem to be as important to her as her music career (her debut album is apparently in post-production, ready to emmerge).

Some people even begged to ask whether Hudson would ever make another movie (she had no confirmed projects as of February, I believe). Well, the answer to that question folks is that yes she does indeed have more movie work in the pipeline. In fact, she's working on one right now!

I was unaware of a new movie entitled Winged Creatures. It is being directed by Aussie Rowan Woods who has given amazing award-winning roles to people such as Cate Blanchett and Hugo Weaving (Little Fish) and Toni Collette and David Wenham (The Boys). Hell, he even got a good performance out of perpetuously bland Martin Henderson. Winged Creatures will feature Hudson alongside, wait for this, Forrest Whitaker, Guy Pearce, Jackie Earle Haley, Satan Dakota Fanning, Kate Beckinsale, Jeanne Tripplehorne, Embeth Davidtz and Josh Hutcherson. That's two very recent Oscar winners (er, Hudson and Whitaker) AND a recent nominee (Haley).

The plot reads "A group of strangers form a unique relationship with each other after surviving a random shooting at a Los Angeles diner."

So, naturally, we don't actually know how big anybody's role will actually be. But, nevertheless, it puts halt to all the "Hudson won't make another movie" arguments that people were throwing around. Rowan Woods makes good movies, and most of the cast is cause for enthusiasm.

So, check out the rest of the pictures from the set of Winged Creatures over at A Socialite's Life. The IMDb forums also lead me to, *shudder*, a Dakota Fanning fansite that has some images of the precocious one on set. Enjoy.

The Jeppy

In my house, we have a term we use for movies that hinge on a plot flaw: the Jeppy. This comes from a scene in the movie Sphere, where Dustin Hoffman uses a semblance of mathematics to decode a message from an otherworldy intelligence as “I am Jerry. I am happy.” Later in the movie, in a particularly stupid plot twist, he realizes that his message was off by “a letter” and that the message actually came from the mind of another character. It should read: “I am Harry. I am happy.” But what the movie is too stupid to realize is being off by a letter should change the entire message to “I em Harry, I em Jeppy.” And so we have the Jeppy, my shorthand term for any plot flaw that completely works against its own interior logic.

So, in Independence Day we have a Windows-based PC uploading a numerical virus onto an alien computer. In Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, the time travel paradox collapses as two Austins appear and then are quickly forgotten about. In The Sixth Sense it’s a surprise that a man we see get shot dead in the first few minutes of the movie…is dead! And whose voice was on the other end of the phone in The Ring? Since when are there streets wide enough for a car chase in Venice, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? Does Neo just like to play his games in God mode, or does the end of The Matrix just not really imply that he changes the whole game? Since when do the cops need “more time” to trace Harrison Ford’s phone call in The Fugitive? Haven’t they installed caller ID yet? And Somewhere in Time, I ask again: where did the watch originally come from?

The one that makes me the craziest, for some reason I can’t even identify, is the remake of The Stepford Wives. Faith Hill has a malfunction and shorts out, and there’s a remote control that can make her boobs bigger, so obviously she’s a robot, right? And there’s one woman who spits cash out of her mouth like an ATM, so obviously they’re all robots, right? But then we see a film that says the Stepford technology implants a woman’s brain with nano-chips that curb their individuality and make them obedient, so obviously they’re women with microchips in their brains and not robots, right? But then, seconds later, we see a robotic Nicole Kidman, which implies the women really are robots, right? But, at the end of the movie, Matthew Broderick turns off the main computer signal, and all of the microchips short out, and the women return to their normal selves, so obviously they’re women with microchips in their heads. Or, was it the robots?And then my brain exploded faster than a robot given a logic problem by Captain Kirk.

Does anyone else have a Jeppy to share? Or am I just completely crazy?