Yes, No, Maybe So: Centurion

Lately it seems like I should maybe be retitling this blog The Fassbender Experience. And here we go again with the staring. But he gives good (movie) face. Fish Tank is still in select theaters but the next feature on the way and it's called Centurion.



All violent period epics are now required to emulate 300 or Gladiator so this one's got some Gladiator lighting and opening forest mayhem and it's got two of 300's stars, Fassbender and Dominic West.

YES. Michael Fassbender on the run. Run, Fassbender, run. While watching Fassbender running I suddenly flashbacked to Chandler and Joey's Baywatch obsession. Always with the running. Run, Michael. Run like the wind!

I should probably admit that as much as I've been obsessing over Fassbender this past year, I don't actually remember him in 300. Or which one he was. I hope he isn't the one that got beheaded. That was so gross.

NO. Which brings me to a lot of "no" here for me. I hate to get left behind in film culture but I swear to god the movies are getting too bloodthirsty and sadistic for me. It seems like it escalates every year. Pretty soon even romantic comedies will have to amp it up. Maybe their slapstick falls could end with broken bones piercing through flesh? The other no here for me is the bad catchphrases masquerading as dialogue "We live united or die divided!!!" This movie is from Neil Marshall, the director of The Descent (which I liked quite a bit) and Doomsday. I tried to watch the latter once after reading an amusing piece on it at fourfour but I couldn't make it through. Too bloody for me. I could never have been a doctor.

MAYBE SO. Here's my thing with warrior women. Love them... BUT... I also kinda hate them when they're too male fantasy. If you look at James Cameron's warrior women, they're not without sex appeal but they have considerable edge. You can't imagine them as male-malleable fantasy centerfolds is what I'm saying. So I'm not sure about these Maxim girls with swords. That said Olga Kurylenko was pretty good in Quantum of Solace so... maybe.

I think I'm a no. But then there's Fassbender. So...
Which way do you lean?
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It's Tinkerbell's World...

and soon I'll be living in it.
_______ 5 Days until Nathaniel is in DisneyWorld

TTT: Movie Posters of 2007

tuesday top ten: For the list lover in you and the list maker in me

I know I'm supposed to be thinking about 2008 by now, but I've been extremely busy with corporate work and freelance work. The annual film experience awards jamboree is suffering from the slow crawl. My apologies but I'm only one man. So let's throw out one more category ... or two.

Top Ten Movie Posters of 2007

If I had seen Hannah Takes the Stairs (left) it would have made the list (for my own awards I don't allow myself to nominate films I haven't seen. Even for categories that don't require the seeing. Like "best poster" and "tag line") I really love the color, the composition, whatnot. DIY movies, mumblecore, what have you...these movies aren't supposed to have advertising budgets and terrific posters. How'd they afford it? Was there a crew member involved with a cobweb gathering BA in design?

10 Tease it up! I wrote about the Michelle Pfeiffer Hairspray poster previously. The trend of individual "introducing..." posters is now old hat but I thought this joyous musical was an appropriate one to work that widespread marketing angle. And in Hairspray's case the "who's who behind the do?" poster made punny use of the very idea of a 'teaser' poster

09 Question: Why are international posters so regularly superior to their American counterparts? Have they done research to determine that Americans really like to stare at photoshopped movie star faces that have been awkwardly forced into a frankenstein group candid? It sure seems like they have. Anyway, I like the puzzle / symbol Zodiac poster much more than the vague dark bridge version that we got in the States. It shouldn't be creepier (bright white and all) but it is.


08 The one thing 300 had going for it was the visuals, inspired by and faithful to comic giant Frank Miller. Dig that odd thrusting composition, forcing your eye diagonally up left to a jutting cliff (will a Disney heroine be singing up top?) Then, just as violently, it lets your eye fall with the doomed warriors and a spray of blood. Now I technically know that this is a battle sequence and these are the losers of said battle. But I like to think that it's just an honest depiction of 300's masochism (machismo? just scramble the letters a bit). Watch beefy anthropomorphic lemmings march off a cliff together. Apparently that dinner in hell is tasty.


07 There were some busy posters that tried to convey the collage / multiple identity thesis of Todd Haynes Dylan biopic but the best ones were the near silhouette portraits of the film's stars. The "...is Bob Dylan" and "...are Bob Dylan" tag lines were pleasant complications to ponder while settling into the simple images.

06 It's easy to hold grudges against Bug's marketing campaign for foisted the big lie that a generic horror movie was opening. This secured the movie an OK opening weekend but a lot of walkouts, too... and disgruntled audiences means no word of mouth for future weekends. But away from the commercial (the true fraudulent culprit) the first poster is still a pretty accurate snapshot of Bug's psychological disturbances. And it's memorable too. This is a movie that gets under your skin.

and for the top 5 (i.e. the nominees) "Posters of the Year", you'll have to click over to the FB Awards.
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Inappropriate Hump Day Hotness: 300, Gay Panic and Rodrigo Santoro

Those of you who loved 300 (now out on DVD) are like the depicted Persian army: legion. As someone who (nearly) hated the movie, I'm placed in the odd position of well... being on the audience favored side: a member of the miniscule Spartan army. Like those weirdly glorified losers I find myself martyred for a cause. Well, mine is more of a belief really.

That belief: this movie is stoopid.

I saw 300 a few weeks after it exploded with audiences because I was waiting to catch it on iMax. [I'll readily admit that this delay in viewing is problematic --ever noticed how movies everyone loves are usually greeted a month or two later with a rash of "it ain't all that!" pontificating... are these sincere reactions or very human balance corrective responses --overemphatic objection? Perhaps we should discuss in another post -ed. ] I spent most of the movie trying not to laugh. To this movie lover it played like self parody only without jokes. Unless you count that recurrrent gay panic gag but that got old fast: repeated scenes of drooling muscle worship mixed with demonization of the stereotypically feminine in men. The movie reminded me of those M4M personal ads that used to irk me and my activist friends in college: "straight acting: no femmes!"

So as a surprise counterattack to all that 'all-man!' fetishizing that's going on in Zach Snyder's strange movie, I thought I should drool on the demonized drag queen Xerxes also known as Rodrigo Santoro instead of the other one, King Leonidas played by Gerard Butler. (Last time I tried to make him a hottie, it didn't go so well).

Anyway... this movie bugs. 300 wants you to lick Butler's bulging muscles but it wants you to be grossed out knowing that Xerxes wants Butler to lick his.

Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto...


Both Butler and Santoro are exceedingly attractive men in real life and in their reel lives here. Look, you can put Rodrigo Santoro under several pounds of flamboyant jewelry and makeup. You can press on the false lashes and nails but he's still Rodrigo Santoro.

And Rodrigo Santoro looks like this...


Of course that's a shot from Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle rather than 300 but the former movie is more fun ... or at least it's more honest about how badly it wants Rodrigo Santoro. It even gives you the type of cheesysleazy camera work usually reserved for ogling actress goodies...


If this same shot were used on Scarlett Johansson, it might win its DP an Oscar nod.

I don't watch Lost but I understand that today's sex object has blessed that television serial with his hotness too. Apart from RS's strange willingness to do questionably negative drag roles (see also Carandiru --which I haven't: thus the word questionably) I generally like him. I dig the way he ignores Cameron Diaz' crude innuendo in Charlies Angels (c'mon Cameron, wise up! He's too pretty to understand words). I liked the way he ran sweaty and frantic through Behind the Sun.

But you know what makes me love him most? The Lovely Laura Linney's reaction to snogging him in the romantic comedy Love, Actually.


If you make Laura Linney that giddy, you're all right by me.
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Blogosphere Multiplex: Seth @ Defamer

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Thanks

Just a final thank you to Nat for allowing me to guest blog on here with the likes of Ja, Susan and Aaron. It was a blast. To thank him in a completely pointless way, I give him this image from the wonderful Worth 1000 contest where designers were asked to recreate a movie poster if the title was changed with one letter. There's Pam's Labyrinth, The Depanted, Beatlejuice and Womb Raider amongst others, but my favourite was actually 000 a mock of 300, which I know Nat was not a fan of. Til I see you again (either in the comments here or at Stale Popcorn) may your life me a technicolour dream. Goodbye!

Does This Mean We Can Look Forward to More Dude-ity?

The hypocritical parent: "Son, put some clothes on! Who taught you to walk around naked?"

So the internet is abuzz with 300's outstanding box office take after many thinkpieces on whether or not the homoerotic heaps of male flesh would turn potential ticket buyers away. Guess not. Does this mean Hollywood will get less afraid of naked men? Who knows...

I prefer excessive nudity to excessive violence but I'm obviously in the minority. The success here will definitely encourage Hollywood's bloodlust rather than the other kind. I'm sure someone's done research somewhere but doesn't it seem like there's far less nudity in mainstream movies today (male or female) than there was in the 80s and 90s? (And no, foreign films and Shortbus don't count in this debate. Those are Off Hollywood situations)

Now Playing 03/09

Wide Releases
300. I'm sure this has a very high awareness rating due to relentless advertisements and its apparitional sequelity ....it's like Sin City 2 ! At least in a Frank Miller inky silhouette way. I'm appropriately excited to see it and I'm thinking IMAX for this one. Though I should probably get this off my chest now: Hearing phrases like "if you enjoyed Braveheart and Gladiator, you'll love..." give me pause. Still, it has to be better than Ghost Rider and Wild Hogs which are America's current favorites [choke] to throw money at. Oh public! You never learn. You realize that means we get more movies like those, don't you?

Limited Releases
Beyond the Gates brings Hugh Dancy to Hotel Rwanda territory as a young teacher overwhelmed by the murder and chaos. In place of a hotel we're in a school run by John Hurt which becomes a makeshift refugee camp.
The Namesake it's a new Mira Nair film so snap to attention. She's got an uneven filmography but when she's on (Monsoon Wedding, Salaam Bombay) her movies are unmissable.
Believe In Me this is a basketball drama from IFC. I don't mean to sound dense or insensitive to the people involved but I'm wondering why indie film bother with the inspirational sports genre. Isn't this one of the rare niches that mainstream moviemaking sufficiently covers and does pretty right by?
The Host this Korean monster movie has won rave reviews from many quarters. TFE's favorite horror aficionado MNPP wasn't quite as thrilled but it's definitely a hot topic in cinephile circles.
Maxed Out is a documentary on America's overwhelming debt. Am I in this?

We Can't Wait #14 "300"

Butler readies his army for battle. Haven't you heard? Swank is his next co-star.

Readers I didn't even need to ask my very smart 'we can't wait' pals why they so desperately await this movie. The answer was perfectly obvious...


History! I mean, who doesn't want to see it? Duh.
And what better way is there to learn about ancient Sparta and the Persians?


They should teach this stuff in schools.


You can see the trailer here. Zach Snyder is the man behind the wheel here and you may recall that he directed that superb remake of Dawn of the Dead a couple of years ago. Remember how dense and literate that was? This time he's adapting a wordy Frank Miller novel, so hit the books before seeing 300 on March 9th. The more you know going in the less likely you'll be confused by all those long talky political sequences.



UPDATE: New vlog footage with Gerard Butler for more 300 action. [src]

previously on "we can't wait"
#15 Hot Fuzz
#16 Stardust
#17 The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
#18 Spider-Man 3
#19 Rendition
#20 The Bourne Ultimatum
Intro -films that didn't make the list

Miller @ the Movies

Sin City was the talk of April at the movie theater so where will Frank Miller's inky aesthetics strike next cinematically speaking ? The obvious choice would be in Sin City Volume 2. Robert Rodriguez (that films renegade force) works fast. And he could always finish the job of adapting Frank Miller's stories of the town without pity; Miller and Rodriguez didn't deplete all of the graphic novels in this first hit movie.

Despite the hype, the now well-known and of-the-moment Sin City was not actually the first Miller inspired movie. 2003's incredibly botched Daredevilfilm holds that disappointing and undeserved honor. The film used Miller's very famous Elektra/Bullseye arc that put both the comic (a B level character and seller) and Frank Miller the writer/artist on the map back in the day. Let's not speak of Elektra... I haven't seen it. Don't intend to. I doubt I could take it given my love of the real character. You know, the one made of ink who does not also happen to go by the moniker of 'Jennifer Garner'.

Whether or not Sin City gets a quick sequel, I expect that we'll see someone attempt Ronin before long as well. Ronin is like a mass collision of already familiar, easily marketable movie genres --Samurai / Apocalyptic Future-- most prevalent among them. The other major Miller work that we'll see adapted soon (though development hell is always a danger) is 300, a graphic novel about the Persian/Greek war and the battle of Thermopylae war.

Zach Snyder is currently set to helm. Yay! Snyder's debut was the generally impressive and tightly wound remake ofDawn of the Dead so maybe he does have what it takes to pull off the herculean task of a bloody action-packed period epic. Any guesses as to whether or not it will make it to the screen on time (2006) and with Snyder still in? Or will Hollywood execs, known for their disloyalty to those without clout if those higher on the foodchain suddenly get interested (and that could happen with Miller being suddenly a name that Hollywood types know) dump him and move on to a more boring choice. Or maybe you think he's the wrong choice to begin with? Not I.