Friday, September 15, 2006

Desperately Apeing Jennifer Connelly

Jared Leto won millions of hearts but no Emmys as locker leaning Jordan Catalano in My So Called Life. Then, despite blatant Oscar-bait pandering --going gay (Alexander), playing the junkie (Requiem for a Dream), risking the weight gain (Lonelyhearts) --movie respect proved elusive. Poon tang has been easier to come by. He's had more starlet tail than anyone post-Warren Beatty: Scarlett Johansson, Cameron Diaz, Lindsay Lohan, etc... the list is long. But, that's a subject for another time.

In his quest for acclaim, Leto made a tragic miscalculation. He forgot the one surefire Oscar gimmick: Play another famous person. Nothing polishes the Academy's gold man like a little Bio-Pic action. Mmmm celeb-on-celeb action. Oscar voters get hot just thinking about it.

For Jared's next trick, may I suggest the role he was born to play.


"Jared Leto IS Jennifer Connelly"


REQUIEM FOR A CO-STAR


Directed by some hack or another ...it doesn't matter. (Though a Gus Van Sant style shot-for-shot recreation of Jennifer's classic double dildo prostitution scene in Requiem would certainly sell tickets.)


If that doesn't win Oscar votes, it's time for Jared to hang it up, leave Hollywood and its megawatt ladies behind for full time rock n roll.

*

If you need medication more of wacky Jared Leto you can find him @ Go Fug Yourself, The Deli, Open All Night, Hollyscoop, and The Gilded Moose among other fine celeb blogs...

tags: Jared Leto, movies, cinema, Jennifer Connelly, Lindsay Lohan, music, cinema, gossip, film, entertainment,celebrities, Academy Awards

21 comments:

vince said...

Jared, Jared, Jared. Well, I suppose it could have been worse. Instead of packing on the eye-liner and going goth-lite, he could have expressed his self-repressed feelings to his local Scientology Center and would have been in much worse shape for it.

adam k. said...

Wow, he DOES look an awful lot like Jennifer Connelly. You'd think they were actually playing siblings in Requiem.

But now for the real goods... HOW WAS THE BENING???

Felix said...

cute nat, but no.

NATHANIEL R said...

adam -i had the screening date wrong.
felix -why not?

douglas said...

ahahhhhah ahh ahaahhahah ahahhahah

JA said...

That's weird, Nate, I was really noticing how familiar they looked while watching Requiem the other night. There's that beautiful split-screen montage with the two of them laying in bed caressing each other, and Aronofsky was really playing up the two of them as mirror-images of each other. And, knowing those characters, it makes sense that they'd essentially be in love with themselves.

But okay, if Jared's playing Jennifer Connelly, then who'll play him in the scenes recreating the Requiem shooting? (this is all too meta; my brains are leaking out)

StinkyLulu said...

f'n 'ilarious.

arden said...

How about this?

Anonymous said...

Um, wow, the resemblance is uncanny. Ha, that's too funny. But the Leto appears to have climbed aboard the bio-pic=awards-magnet-and-industry-respect gravy train as for his next role he will play none other than John Lennon's creepy assassin (opposite LiLo). I guess we'll have to wait and see how well that pans out.

vince said...

You have to give him kudo's for the weight gain. The fast weight loss was a stupid idea, but kudo's man for pulling a DeNiro ... I would have worn a fatsuit myself.

Alanna said...

His band is horrible, by the way. HORRIBLE. He should have just left the music at his cover of "I Wanna Be Sedated" on My So-Called Life.

Witchiepooh said...

*Sigh* He will always be Joran Catalano to me and maybe that's the problem.

I like the Jennifer idea though. I think the director should be Todd Solondz.

QUEER BEACON said...

The funny part is that he only looks like Jennifer when he is all scary and crazy...

I can't wait for Oliver Stone's third version of Alexander, which apparently will have lots of the edgier gay scenes.

RC said...

that's hillarious...i hope that Jared Leto reads your blog because frankly your suggestion would really land him the award...come on, why not right?

--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

...and since Cate Blanchett broke the ceiling by being the first to get an Oscar for apeing -- er, I mean, playing -- an Oscar-winning actress, Leto can one-up her by gender-bending to maximum, Oscar-winning success onscreen.

Felix said...

I don't know Nat.. there's just something unsettling about the similarities.. I'll probably have trouble sleeping now. =-p

Stenar said...

I hate Jennifer Connelly. :P

Anonymous said...

The funny part is, they really fucking hate each other! They couldn't stand each other so much that in Requiem, they delivered their lines to each other separately and then the editors spliced it all together. She said all he cared about was his hair. awesome!

Anonymous said...

ass hole

Anonymous said...

So who are all of these women that Jared Leto's supposedly slept with?

Anonymous said...

This is so funny.... I like it. You're the best with photos.