Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Mo'Nique to Announce Oscar Nominees

I'm riffing on a conversation from Facebook (sorry Matt & Erik!) here but since Mo'Nique will announce the Oscar nominees on January 25th with AMPAS president Tom Sherak, can she please do it in character as Mary Jones!!?!

Frankly, no matter which wonderful film or actor gets a terribly unjust snub that morning (and I know a handful who are in danger), it'd still be the greatest Oscar morning of all time if Mo'Nique will rip down one of those 5 screens that hang behind the podium as soon as she's displeased with one of the names uttered.

I know you know the set I'm talking about...

the general setup each year.
Just rip down one of them screens, Mo'Nique!

Hurl it at the sea of reporters, caught off guard. You'll be all anyone talks about that Tuesday even though you didn't even have a movie this year.

This is my new favorite Oscar nomination morning fantasy of all time! If you share this fantasy, pass it on. We can will it into happening. Hear us oh great Mo'Nique!
*

28 comments:

Ryan said...

*rolling on floor*

LOL!

Julian Stark said...

I can see her reading the Best Actress nominees right now...

"Jennifer Lawrence for Winter's Bone, BECAUSE REAL WOMEN SACRIFICE!"

Dorian said...

YAY MO'NIQUE!!!

dinasztie said...

Oh yeah, Mo'Nique, baby! I hope she returns on Oscar night to present Christian Bale with the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.

Cluster Funk said...

@Nat & @Julian - High-larious!

Wow, I'm a little surprised to see her play this kind of ball since she seemed so famously aloof to Oscar. Or maybe I read it wrong?

Gerry said...

I'm more excited about Mo'Nique presenting than these inevitably bland nominations.

I guess this means that she won't be there to present best supporting actor.

NATHANIEL R said...

Gerry -- i thought the same thing. This is probably what she's willing to do instead.

Philip said...

Nooo I wanted her there on Oscar night :(((
but this is still pretty awesome :P

Volvagia said...

Well, of course, they won't let her do that. Jerry Seinfeld had to present an Oscar because Sacha Baron Cohen wasn't allowed to do one in character as Borat. (If they won't let an in character nom read from Borat, they won't allow it from anybody.)

EA said...

LMAO at the "real women sacrifice!" comment! Crazy ass Mary Jones. There should be a drinking game for everytime she says "baby" after each nominee's name. Drunk before sunrise!

Mo'Nique really should be in the running to be an Oscar host one of these days. I know I'd sure as hell be more excited about her hosting than I am about James Franco and Anne Hathaway. Ugh.

Also, I'll be watching "Precious" on DVD again tonight in light of this great news!

Kevin said...

I can't...stop...laughing...

Kurtis O said...

OMG I am dying. So, so funny. First the post, then the comments. Julian Stark, you rock.

Aunt Dot said...

Funny I just did a rewatch of 'Precious' last night! It was just as chilling the 2nd time. I watched it with my mom and she had to look away (and some times leave the room) at a few seens (then I rewind and make her watch them) lol. A few people told me they will never watch it again because it's to much. I'm excited for her to announce the Oscars. She can really command attention and it will make them a little more special, I wish she could be there on Oscar night, though. Always nice to see past nominees and winners invited back even if they don't have movies out. :)

Hayden said...

Just as long as I don't have to hear her talk about her husband saying, "baby, don't judge it, just be it, and leave it on the floor," like I did every time I saw her in 2010. She became such an annoying woman.

Her speeches were so humorless! It was like someone died each time she won an award. She even managed to suck every ounce of levity out of a minute and thirty seconds of the Golden Globes. "IT'S ABOUT THE WORK, NOT THE POLITICS. LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR. LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR!"

Jonathon said...

Are there even any black oscar contenders this year? Oh no...she's gonna raise hell.

Mike M. said...

If Hailee Steinfeld is nominated in Best Supporting Actress (at the expense of Helena Bonham Carter or Jacki Weaver, I presume) that screen better go flying.

Little girls in pigtails may be cute, but category fraud ain't, baby.

Hayden said...

I don't think HBC has anything to worry about. She's gotten all the important nods, the underrated (and underestimated--ask Marion Cotillard) BAFTA attention is secure. She'll get in, I think.

/3rtfu11 said...

I hope she takes this opportunity to make a political statement about the lack of black nominees and start mentioning the cast of For Colored Girls should’ve been here – just for the shits and giggles factor that will occur online.

Kevin said...

Oh, calm down, Hayden. She was a lovely presence on the circuit, the essence of grace and charisma. Who cares if she wasn't yukking it up like Sandra Bullock? It's two different approaches to awards season and both are completely legitimate.

Kev said...

That was one criticism of Mo'Nique that I never got for her Oscar run, that she should "lighten up" in her speeches and play the game properly (re: whore herself out to every awards show, critics group, gossip rag, nightly entertainment show, etc., for an award that she was always going to win barring murdering someone). Maybe the expectation for her being a stand-up comedian was that every speech had to include some chuckin' and jivin' and funny soundbites time after time. What I got from her vibe was the impression that this was a serious performance that she took very seriously. There's nothing wrong with that. She wasn't going to yuck it up in speech after speech for playing such a vile character. Do that if you're promoting a light comedy, not f'in' "Precious." Maybe she could have given us a few laughs here and there, b/c she surely can do that and then some, but no one was expecting Jeff Bridges to yuck it up on stage after all of his wins, or any of them for that matter. Mo'Nique is no exception. And rant aside, yay for the announcing gig. I think she's making amends to the haters and showing that she's willing to play "nice," and that she probably won't be there at the Oscars, so here's the next best thing.

Lex said...

This move with Mo'Nique was probably a preemptive strike at the upcoming criticism that there's going to be 20 white acting nominees this year. Look, we're not racists! See this black lady and last year's winner announcing the nominees? Is that enough proof for you that we're not really racists? God, Tom Sherak is such a sleazeball.

Franco Marciano said...

Bummed at the thought she may not be there Oscar night, but thrilled at the fact she's announcing. Second the motion for Monique as future Oscar host. More supporting actresses hosting!

teri said...

I wonder if she'll shave her legs for the event?

Kevin said...

I think what I love so much about this post, Nate, is that I can actually hear you giggling in between the lines. Your enthusiasm is totally unreserved :P

Ian C. said...

As soon as Marisa Tomei was announced as a presenter for this year's Oscars (in the same release that said Bullock & Bridges would be there as well), I figured that she would be taking Mo'Nique's past-Supp. Actress-winner-spot on the show...

this news makes me happy because with all the names she'll have to say, it'll actually give her more airtime than presenting at the Oscars would...

And yes, get her to host!!!!! (It's not too late to dump Hathaway and go "P.C." with Mo'-- I don't care what the initial excuse is, just get the woman to host and let her show everyone how it's done!)

Erik said...

LOL, Nate I am honored to have partially inspired this blog post.

I too relish the fantasy of Mary Jones gettin' up at fi-thirty in the mornin' in her flower print leotard with a fryin' pan in one hand and a TV in another.

Tom Steele said...

Maybe if we took up a collection, we could "hire" her to do that.

NATHANIEL R said...

Erik -- i totally credit you! consider yourself a "muse"