Tues Top Ten: Pregnancies

In honor of Penélope Cruz's recently announced pregnancy and the DVD release of Lindsay Lohan's latest Labor Pains (don't everybody rush out to snatch it up at once. I promise you they'll have enough copies) in which she fakes a pregnancy to keep a job, I thought a top ten list celebrating the miracle of childbirth -- or future childbirth rather -- was called for.

But first a bit more about Ms. Lohan. Rich at fourfour collected the Labor Pain lines that were more applicable to Lindsay the celebrity than the character she happens to be playing.



...not that Lindsay plays characters these days. The Actress wrapped things up with Mean Girls, only The Celebrity lives on.
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Ten Best Pregnant Movie Characters

10 Juno in Juno (2007)
The general three act journey of zeitgeist movies goes like so... Act I: instant hype, audience love and acclaim births a new pop culture babe; Act II: media overkill curdles that hype, attempts to beat holdout audience members into submission spurring rebellions. Backlash turns pop culture darling into punching bag; Act III: Everything settles down until the darling/punching bag is just a movie again, neither the greatest nor the worst ever made. Are we in act three yet with Juno? I hope so because for all the swipes at its forced quirk and too widely adopted quotables, it's a good movie and Juno the character as written, and especially as performed by Ellen Page, should be appreciated as a pretty swell(ing) movie character, hamburger phones be damned.

But how do you think her baby turned out?

09 Demi Moore in...
Vanity Fair Magazine: The Movie. Don't even argue that that wasn't her best role.

08 Holly in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
That's a spoiler if you haven't seen Woody Allen's Oscar nominated classic. I love that Holly begins the movie as a bundle of cocaine snorting sister-dependent directionless neurosis and ends the movie aglow with the promise of new life and yet you never think to worry that she'll be a terrible mother. You're too in love with Holly to be anything but happy for her. Credit Dianne Wiest who is one of the most endearing actresses that the cinema has ever known.


07 Sarah Connor in The Terminator (1984)
If you give birth to the future savior of mankind you deserve a place on the list. I chose Sarah over Mary from any Jesus movie or Kee from Children of Men because I don't think they would have survived a robot apocalypse (too demure and too shell shocked, respectively). More on The Terminator and Sarah Connor herself.

06 Dawn Lagarto aka 'Bloody Mama' in Series 7: The Contenders (2001)
It's strange to me that Daniel Minahan's Series 7 never got its due as a prescient satire of the barbaric leanings of reality television and celebrity culture's fame fixation. In the movie, random citizens are selected to star in a show wherein they have to kill the other contestants before they're killed themselves. The final girl (or boy) is the winner. Did the black comedy arrive a year or two too early? Is it not quite as sharp as I remember it being? Either way, Brooke Smith's reluctant but efficient pregnant murderess still lingers in the memory with her big belly, flop sweat and bloody hands.

Is Brooke Smith cursed? Whenever you think her career is going to take off either the film doesn't (Series 7) or she's overshadowed by brilliant co-stars even though she's totally working it too (Vanya on 42nd Street and Silence of the Lambs) or she gets written out of the picture series (Grey's Anatomy, Weeds). If anyone in Hollywood had actually seen Series 7 maybe they wouldn't be so quick to write her off as a contender. Given the right opportunities, she's killer.

05 Ashley in Junebug (2005)
Cuter than a meercat. [Related post: Amy Adams interview]

04 Ruth in Citizen Ruth (1996)
If you've never seen Alexander Payne's satire of America's eternal war between the pro-choice and pro-life forces, you should. The ever brilliant Laura Dern (in one of the best performances of 1996) plays the druggy dimwitted and frequently pregnant Ruth and both sides of the abortion divide seek to co opt her for their cause. It's worth seeing for Dern's amoral comedy alone but the political satire has real bite, too. Here I'll help you. Rent it from Netflix or Blockbuster.

[Related post: Signatures: Laura Dern]

03 Marge Gunderson in Fargo (1996)
Frances McDormand's Oscar win for her seven months pregnant police chief is one of the greatest atypical Oscar moments of all time. A memorably comedic portrayal of a truly original character wins? There is a god. That's as hopeful as Marge's innate goodness, which provides the wintry brutality of Fargo's comedy with its sole warmth.

And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'cha know that?

And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well, I just don't understand it.

Marge is a great cop. You know she's going to be an awesome mom in just "two more months. two more months."

02 Trudy Kockenlocker in The Miracle at Morgan's Creek (1944)
This Preston Sturges comedy about a girl who gets knocked up on a one night stand with the troops should be mandatory viewing in film schools. It's not that it's the greatest comedy of all time or anything that hyperbolic. It's that it does two things superbly that Hollywood has forgotten how to do well at all. First, briskly paced comedic storytelling and second, an endearing good time gal lead who doesn't feel like she's been assembled from pull down menus in a screenwriting program. Betty Hutton is a total dream as Trudy: funny, sexy, radiant and supremely silly. She's just wondrously fruity. And her loins are unexpectedly fruitful, too.

01 Rosemary in Rosemary's Baby (1968)
Roman Polanski's enduring chiller is among my personal holy trinity of horror: the father mother (Psycho), the son (Rosemary's Baby), and the unholy ghost (Carrie). Most horror movies play with our loudly admitted phobias: fear of the dark, monsters, death. Rosemary's Baby plays a more masterful game, exposing primal fears about things we're not supposed to admit we're scared of. Fears such as pregnancy, childbirth, unknowable offspring and the dread of identities subsumed by our children's. Mia Farrow's brilliant star turn channels these anxieties which are especially pronounced in new mothers, whether or not they've been knocked up by the devil.

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Here's the part where you horrify me by telling me who I've forgotten...

Linkellaneous

Off Cinema
National Theater London, Greece & DC Film Experience readers take note: DAME HELEN MIRREN in Phèdre! Greece in July. DC in September.
<--- Little Pixel classic records reimagined as Pelican books. Fun.
Time "10 Most Reclusive Celebrities". It's not at all surprising that the list is ancient history. I'd like someone to try a contemporary reclusive list. Who would be on it: Isn't everyone overexposed?

I'm Not Crazy. I Promise.
I didn't know where to put this and I probably shouldn't share but for the possible pity-party perks. I regret to inpform that I was repfused a one-on-one interview with Michelle Pfeiffer to celebrate Chéri's release. Perhaps they were apfraid I would only drool and spout gibberish? Or maybe ask archaic questions derived from interviews and anecdotes from the 1980s? Or that I would demand that she sign a pframed Jeff Bridges original from the set of The Pfabulous Baker Boys. (I'm kidding about the last part. Now, I did attend a Jeff Bridges gallery show and I did consider cashing out my pfour-oh-one-kay to purchase one but I decided against it. See! Proopf of my sanity!) Then I pfind out she's going to be on Letterman on the 16th and The View on the 17th (set your DVRs!). What do David and Whoopi have that I don't?!? I mean besides an audience of millions.

Movies. Yeah, Those
Towleroad Brad Pitt & Eli Roth's ripe armpit dilemma on the set of Inglourious Basterds. TMI.
Movie|Line James Cameron vaguely discusses Terminator Salvation.
The House Next Door Brittany Murphy's straight to DVD effort Ramen Girl live blogged!

This ramen has to be made with liquor. People are getting stupid drunk off it.

Post Game Show more on the Pixar / no women issue
Willoughby you must see this amazing photo of Mia Farrow & Roman Polanski reversing their roles on the set of Rosemary's Baby

Signatures: Mia Farrow

Adam of Club Silencio here with another look at my favorite actresses and their distinguishing claims to fame.

I'm the wife, you know. I take care of the kids, I host the dinner parties, arrange the social schedule... Try to look pretty so your friends can admire your taste. I've become one of those women who shops all day and gets pedicures, but I want to be more. There's more to me.

-Alice

Mia Farrow really is extraordinary. A special talent who's almost always the exception in her films. Check your calendar - it's not every day you're selected to carry Satan's child. Mia's characters are often everyday women faced with great dilemmas and grandiose choices; not because she's equipped to handle them, but because she's really just better than us.

Rosemary Woodhouse is a perfect example. It's the singular role that would define much of Mia's early career... and a kicky new hairstyle. Born and bred a Catholic schoolgirl in Omaha, Rosemary couldn't be more enchanting and fresh-faced, so it's no wonder Satan took a second glance.


Scattered amongst Woody Allen's best works are some of Mia's finest and most exceptional women. It helps that her performances are cast with such a loving, graceful glow... at least for heft of their lengthy collaboration. Mia's often our sympathetic outsider, who's often the fixation of everyone outside her. Even when her characters are behaving badly, everyone's still drawn to her like a hyper-articulate and well-balanced magnet. Maybe it was Woody's feelings for her at the time, and maybe it's that Mia's strength lies in that everyday mystery.

Take for example her inoculated introspection via Chinese herbs in Alice that sends us through the looking glass of her mundane upper-crust existence. Only Mia could turn a bad trip into a total transformation from metropolitan mom into Mother Teresa. Mia should probably stop taking strange herbs from her on-screen counterparts, but we can rest assured something extraordinary will happen.


Her presence alone is magic. She's served as a mystical and revelatory alter-ego in Another Woman, the fourth wall in female form in The Purple Rose of Cairo... and being emotionally and financially stable was outstanding enough for Hannah and Her Sisters. Jon Cusack offered up $700 for just an hour alone with her! The woman's got powers.

Doll House and Dollhouse

I am obsessive by nature but somehow I never caught the collecting memorabilia bug. I have none and I rarely get excited about something unless it's super personal -- like the water bottle a friend of mine snatched after a Julianne Moore function. Her lips had touched it! I swear I did not ask my friend to do this -don't judge! -- so I have no idea why I'm suddenly all into the idea of owning one of a kind sculpted movie dolls or how long this sudden urge will last but...

How great are these Rosemary's Baby dolls?

They're made by sculptor/actress Alesia Newman-Breen. (Here's her blog) At this moment I feel like I would give up several gallons of plasma or perhaps donate my whole body to science to have one of Michelle Pfeiffer as Susie Diamond or Julianne Moore as Carol White in [safe] (That'd transfer so spookily well to doll form, wouldn't it? Especially if it came with the right accessories). I mean, look at how incredible these movie dolls are! And they're so actressexual friendly, too. Famous femmes in indelible roles. Yes, please. More.

Dolls have been on my brain what with the premiere of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse last Friday still imprinting in my susceptible bad girl lovin' brain. Did you watch it?

[spoilers follow]

The first few minutes of Dollhouse take place between a dishevelled Eliza Dushku ("Echo" our heroine) and a suspiciously helpful business type Olivia Williams. They're discussing Echo's actions, their consequences and possible solutions. It plays out somewhat like that 'become a super assassin and leave life in prison or death sentence behind' establishing scenes in Point of No Return / La Femme Nikita only far less specific. This Someone is signing Something to escape Someone or Something. Actions, consequences and solutions? 100% vague. They're so vague, in fact, that one might be forgiven for assuming that Whedon and Co stuffed the dialogue full of as many pronouns and generalities as possible. All the better to make it up as they go along if the show takes off. 'Save some space for cool ideas, fellas. We love deepening mythologies in the Whedonverse!'

Cut to a motorcycle chase wherein Echo takes a spill and then nonsensically dumps her helmet -- the same helmet that undoubtedly just prevented a concussion. Little known fact: Famous actors are exempt from helmet laws because if it's just some random person on a bike we're flipping the channel. Seems Echo is on some sort of Ultimate Date Night for Badasses. She calls her boyfriend a "bitch" after he wins the bike race and then demands that they dance. Whedon knows his target audience (i.e. Faith the vampire slayer lovers!) and for a brief blissful moment once Eliza starts shaking it, it's like watching "Bad Girls" again, one of the best episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ever. [Hint: All episodes involving Faith are 'one of the best episodes of Buffy. Ever.' Remember this. It will serve you well. Season 3 people, season 3]

Eliza working it out

Anyway, her bitch boy gives her a necklace which trips some switch in her. Is she a robot? No, she just mental. She's got subliminal programming and she's back to the "Dollhouse" which she seems to think is a spa. Her "treatments" involve memory wipes... but unlike the concept in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind these aren't true memory wipes but fake memory wipes. We realize that this date was paid for and the bad girl persona was not Echo's own, but an "imprint" to please her client. Once she's wrapped an assignment, the current personality and memories are wiped and she's personality free and ready for the next imprinted personality to be determined by the next rich client. In other words, this is sort of like Fantasy Island with a Machiavellian twist. The island workers serving up the fantasies don't know who they are or that they're role playing.

Since it's a Whedon show it's all about tough sexy women (Echo), nerdy and possibly evil computer geeks (this guy to your left here) and older stuffier handlers (this other guy to the far left) who try to keep aforementioned tough sexy women safe and in check. Sound familiar? But I overstate. These are just surface 'type' similarities. Dollhouse doesn't feel a lot like Buffy or Whedon's other shows. TV shows, the best ones at least, often take several episodes to find their true personality. There's a lot of groundwork being laid down. One senses the show might experiment with a few personas before it settles for one imprint.

After all this setup we enter into this particular episode's A story, a unthrilling crime drama about a rich man's kidnapped daughter. Echo is sent in with a new imprint (she's a hostage negotiator) and she dresses like a sexy librarian who would immediately be stripping if this were a music video. But -- and I hope the showrunners get a handle on this right away -- the A plot is not really what's important. All the interesting bits involve either a) the behinds the scenes machinations, b) the organic problems inherent in the doll's programming (Echo's latest imprinted personality comes with child abuse memories) and c) the dolls going a little wonky if they get confused. Don't confront them with any questions about their real selves since they don't actually know that they aren't who they're mentally programmed to be! Got that?


It's a little head spinning. Dollhouse could probably use a beginning pre-credit sequence like Buffy had in the first season that narrows down the concept in a sound byte for the casual viewer.

Acting wise this show might be a challenge for those cast as dolls. Only Eliza gets much air time in the premiere episode (smart move) though we see several other gorgeous men and women milling about in this luxurious spa atmosphere. There's a few witty overhead shots that do make them look like tiny figurines in a, well, doll house. One imagines that the other dolls Echo lives with in personality-free splendor will become involved quickly. Whedon has never met a show concept he couldn't rapidly populate -- Ensembles are his thing even when the concept hinges on a solitary hero / "chosen one". Sometimes Dushku pulls off the personality switching that this new concept show requires. The opening scene she handles superbly (playing to her time tested strengths) and I love the way she lets that party persona bleed over into her dazed but not confused stroll back to her handler. One sees that she doesn't quite know why she's doing it but she's okay with that -- her devil may care nature doesn't sweat the small stuff. As an actress she also seems to be having a spot of fun with the stereotyped edges of her uptight negotiator role. Dushku has a tougher time in the post memory wipe personality free stage. I assume the dolls are supposed to read like eery blank slates but Echo seems uncomfortably close to, well, stoopid.

But if we learned anything watching Eliza Dushku on Buffy it's that she improves rapidly as an actor. And if we learned anything watching Joss Whedon's past three series it's that they improve rapidly once the creative teams are done "setting the stage" or perhaps finding their nerve/voice. For a first episode I'd give it a B but I think the concept is at least an A-. We don't get a lot on Ms. Williams (is she truly evil or merely an amoral businesswoman?) or the investigator trying to find the Dollhouse (Battlestar Galactica's Tahmoh Penikett). We meet him when he's all sweaty, shirtless and boxing presumably because, again, Joss knows his audiences.

If the Dollhouse team can figure out a way to keep the stand-alone assignment plots reflecting back at the overarching mysteries of this organization while also finding clever ways to play the emotional arcs of personality-free dolls (one hopes that they start to crack!) it could really be something. Stay tuned.

P.S. This is never going to be the TV Experience but for when I really feel like talking about something. That said do you like the idea of weekly coverage of Dollhouse?