50 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Tilda Swinton.

The fabulous Tilda Swinton is now a half century old young timeless -- old, young... these concepts are too limited when it comes to the greats. But fact: On November 5th, 1960 Tilda Swinton first came into the world. So a tribute is most definitely in order.

50 Appropriate Ways 
to Celebrate Swintonian Greatness

• Be a genius.
• Dye your hair white blonde... or bright red.
• Be colorful.
• Imagine you have deep Scottish roots.
• Create an eccentric personal film festival.
• Attend any film festival near you.
• Have tremendous commitment to your art. 
• Exhibit tremendous loyalty to your friends.
• Watch a Derek Jarman film immediately. (This should have been first. Just pretend you did it first.)

• Stand naked in front of the mirror with your goodies tucked. 
• Say "Same person. No different at all. Just a different sex"
• That's right. Watch ORLANDO (1993) again. It's so good.
• Break the fourth wall with Jimmy Sommerville blasting behind you as soundtrack.
• Clone yourself.
• Enjoy your own company.

• Pretend your children (or niece & nephews) are twins. Call them "Xavier" and "Honor" all day. 
• Invite a friend over and do a crazy photoshoot. You photograph so well! 
• Pose for a talented painter.
• Become a muse for multiple creative types: fashion, film, art, music. Anything!
• Experiment with an open relationship.
• Wear attention-grabbing shoes.

• Be enigmatic. 
• Boss someone who looks like George Clooney around. 
• Befriend Justin Bond. 
• Sweat it out in a bathroom stall or nervously rehearse a speech. 
• Cause trouble for someone who looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. 
• Watch I AM LOVE for IT IS CINEMA...
• ...then have sex outdoors with an Italian or a chef (bonus points for both)
• Invite people over to watch you sleep... for a whole week.

• Do the Laurel & Hardy dance from Way Out West.
• Wear your most avante-garde article of clothing.
• Embrace Female Perversions... whatever that may mean to you.
• Listen to Orbital's "The Box"

• Get real drunk and run your mouth constantly ...maybe wear a creepy black mask while doing so?
• Take a swim and pretend you've crossed the English channel.
• Seduce someone who looks like Ewan McGregor.
• Pretend to hate your cat and him/her "Aslan".

• Offer a young bratty boy some Turkish delight.
• Wear a shapeless baggy black dress to an important event.
• Don't wear makeup just because people expect you to.
• Pretend you've just won an Oscar. (You don't have to pretend that you deserved it. You sure did.) 

• Learn another language. 
• Be cultured. 
• Join the 8½ Foundation.
• Complain to everyone who will listen that Tilda should have won a second Oscar for Julia last year. 
• Remember that art is more important than money. (Only sell out temporarily in short doses... even when the offers come flooding in.)
• Be androgynous.
• And/or appreciate the androgynous in others. 

• "Do not fade. Do not grow old."
• Never lack for imagination.
• Be your own person. There is only one you.

*

B-Day.

Jose here.

Marlon Brando would've turned 86 today. When he died he left behind a filmography any thespian would envy and admire, as he created not one, or two but three (arguably four) of the most iconic characters in cinema history.

He was also so pretty to look at...

With that said here's a few ways to celebrate him.

Ride a bike ● buy a small island off Tahiti ● go to a fast food restaurant at 3 A.M. ● marry a woman seven years your senior ● watch The Godfather ● be a "wild one" ● tease your sister-in-law (not to the point of mental breakdown though) ● watch Viva Zapata! ● have Robert de Niro play a younger version of you ● convince people that you can sing and star in a musical ● have Madonna mention you in one of her songs ● appear in a Michael Jackson video ● team up with Sophia Loren ● get married again ● watch Mutiny on the Bounty ● father a superhero ●



Make someone an offer they can't refuse ● go nuts and disappear into a jungle ● be Johnny Depp's shrink ● put oranges in your mouth ● scream "hey StelLLAAAAAA" (works better if you know an actual Stella) ● watch Sayonara ● revolutionize acting ● win an Oscar ● befriend Sacheen Littlefeather ● win another Oscar and send your new friend to claim it ● watch Reflections in a Golden Eye ● steal Jean-Pierre Léaud's girl ● look awesome in white t-shirts ● play a schoolteacher ● get married one last time ● get creative with butter ● direct a western ● watch A Streetcar Named Desire ● make controversial statements on Larry King ● defend human rights ● befriend Jack Nicholson ● pick up Eva Marie Saint's glove and play with it ● watch Apocalypse Now ● Be a contender

Revised Experience: 78 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Elizabeth Taylor's Birthday

It's Eye Candy Weekend. 8 Days until Oscar!

Be great. Be beautiful. Ride a horse. Get married. Get divorced. Act like a total diva. Wear something spectacularly sexy, preferrably white. Make people want more.


Befriend Michael Jackson. Watch Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? again. Watch National Velvet. Watch A Place in the Sun. Be highly quotable. Get married. Flaunt every piece of jewelry you own. Donate to an AIDS charity. Nurse a sick friend. Get divorced. Show everyone your wicked sense of humor. Fall in love with Montgomery Clift in glorious black and white (any of his movies will do). Ask your best friend to refer to you as "Bessie Mae" for the rest of the day. Get married. Scream "I was the slut of all time!" at the top of your lungs. Survive the loss of someone you loved no matter how hard that is to do. Pretend you've won an Oscar. And another. Drink people under the table. Love dogs. Get married. Polish her star at 6336 Hollywood Blvd. Watch Cleopatra... or at least half of it (okay, maybe a third). Get divorced. Read Elizabeth. Watch the original Father of the Bride. Get married. Get divorced. Get remarried. Get redivorced. Buy a pair of violet contact lenses. Let your passions rule you. Paint a beauty mark on your right upper jaw.


Don't take yourself too seriously. Role play "Liz and Dickie" with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Get married. Be fabulous. "Tell mama all". Name a perfume after your favorite thing. Reap abundant loot from doing so. Gain lots of weight. Watch Giant. Watch Suddenly Last Summer. Watch Reflections in a Golden Eye. Steal something from someone who reminds you of Debbie Reynolds. Descend into "erotic vagrancy"! Give them something to talk about when you leave the room. Photoshop yourself onto the cover of 14 People magazines. Invite people over and play "get the guests" or "hump the hostess", your choice. Watch The Flintstones. Watch Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Watch The Taming of the Shrew. Imagine how Sherilyn Fenn might play you in a TV movie. Study Kabbalah.


Be sexy. Seek a voice role on The Simpsons. Work towards making lots of "all time greatest" lists in whatever it is that you do and actually deserve the honor. Make the world a better place. Get divorced. Go to a gay bar with friends. Jump on a plane to Hawaii. Excite the tabloids. Be legendary. Have a tracheotomy. Survive pneumonia. Have a hip replaced. Have a tumor removed. Survive cancer. Throw your back out. Call yourself "Mother Courage" and mean it. Survive everything.
*

Come Join the Party!

Hello, Jose here to remind you all that it's Madonna's birthday!

The Queen of pop/ businesswoman/ kabbalist/ mother/ 90's tabloid fodder/ safe sex advocate/ sex advocate/ entrepeneur/ icon is celebrating her 51st birthday today (and with those arms!). But along with everything she's done, many people forget (on purpose mostly...) that she's also an actress/director. The notorious perfectionist has never been able to master the cinematic arts, even if she tries and tries and tries. But since it's her birthday we should acknowledge that not all she's done for the silver screen is bad and since we can't take a holiday to get into the groove with her, here's...

51 Reasons to Celebrate Madonna... in the Movies!

51. Daring to take on a role created by Katharine Hepburn...sort of in Who's That Girl.
50. Her endorsement of Michael Moore.
49. Setting a whole new clothing trend with Desperately Seeking Susan.
48. Her deep love for classic films.
47. Looking cute despite reviews in Shanghai Surprise.
46. She didn't get to play Ginger McKenna in Casino, but we know how that turned out for Sharon Stone.

Madonna & Sean early on... Their birthdays are just one day apart

45. Rupert Everett.
44. She didn't get to play Roberta Guaspari in Music of the Heart, but we know how that turned out for Meryl Streep.
43. The cute anecdote about endorsing Sean Penn's first gay kiss in Milk.
42. The "Vogue" sequence in The Devil Wears Prada.
41. Her delicious line delivery in Dick Tracy.

40. Warren Beatty's cameo in Truth or Dare.
39. She didn't get to play Catwoman in Batman Returns, but we know how that turned out for Michelle Pfeiffer.
38. Dreams of the Chicago that never got made with her as Velma Kelly.
37. She didn't get to play Susie Diamond in The Fabulous Baker Boys, but we know how that turned out for Michelle Pfeiffer (hmmm am I smelling a thing in the weird fact that the performances she doesn't get end up with Oscar nods...)
36. She didn't get to play Frida Kahlo in Frida, but we know how that turned out for Salma Hayek. She even thanked Madonna, because without her the movie would have never been made.

35. Francis Ford Coppola is a fan of Madge!
34. "Into the Groove" from Desperately Seeking Susan!
33. Her concerts involve video art that make any artsy film flicker in comparison...
32. "Who's That Girl"...the song.
31. That performance of "Sooner or Later" at the Oscars.

30. She didn't get to play Bess McNeill in Breaking the Waves, but we know how that turned out for Emily Watson. It's rumored that Lars von Trier wanted her badly to play this part!
29. "I'll Remember" from With Honors.
28. "This Used to Be My Playground" from A League of Their Own.
27. The Fabier Baron footage from "Erotica" which became an underground documentary of sorts.
26. Introducing us to Adriano Giannini, and his abs, in Swept Away.

25. For being so moving in "I'm Going to Tell You a Secret".
24. Without "Like a Virgin" we'd never have that hilarious prison sequence in the Bridget Jones' sequel.
23....or Jim Broadbent's divine interpretation in Moulin Rouge!.
22. Her homage to Marilyn in "Material Girl".
21. "Crazy For You" from Vision Quest.

20. Making fencing look sexy in Die Another Day.
19. ...and trying to give her cameo some depth by making her a lesbian.
18. Her care for the world as shown in "I Am Because We Are".
17. "Beautiful Stranger" from Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me
16. "Die Another Day" from Die Another Day (does this make her the only artist who's made songs for James Bond and a Bond spoof?)

15. Her decadent Guinness world record from Evita -- most costume changes in a movie -- which had been held before by Liz Taylor in Cleopatra.
14. The original "American Life" video which is more political than anything being done in movies today.
13. She's Gwyneth Paltrow's best friend.
12. Her directorial debut Filth and Wisdom isn't as bad as they say, it has some Richard Lester vibe to it.
11. Playing Madonna in Truth or Dare. Call her what you will but she's a movie star in this one!

10. Reminding us how refreshing the HFPA's choices can be sometimes by winning Best Actress over eventual Oscar winner Frances McDormand in 1996.
9. Both her husbands have been in the movies and are great at their craft...the first one more than the latter, but still...
8. Bringing sexy back to German Expressionism in the "Express Yourself" video.
7. Bringing the musical back, sorta...with Evita and proving she can be a good, award worthy actress when needed.
6. Showing us that documentaries can make profits.
Truth or Dare was huge in its day.

5. Her groundbreaking work with top notch movie directors in her videos.
4. Christopher Walken in the "Bad Girl" video paved the way for his brilliant work in "Weapon of Choice" years later.
3. Her homage to Joan Crawford in "The Power of Goodbye" video.
2. The Luc Besson musical she never got to make inspired "Hung Up" (her greatest single this decade).

1. The video for "Vogue".
It's arguably the greatest music video of all time and its love of cinema is just so evident, it probably encouraged a million people to seek the work of the people she mentions in the interlude. And that is spectacular in every single way!


*

60 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Meryl Streep Month

Happy 60th Birthday to Meryl Streep

1. Be your very best
2. Be dramatically potent.
   
3. ... then unexpectedly hilarious.
   
4. Fake a new accent every hour.
   
5. Imitate the dial tone on your phone.
   
6. Run around like a joyful madwoman with your hands in the air, stopping only to kiss people.
7. Run around like a joyful madwoman whilst singing your favorite ABBA song.
8. Accentuate your WASPiness... (or fake it).
   
9. Stay married to the same person for decades, confounding Hollywood protocol.
   
10. Pretend your significant other is a sculptor, make them use their hands.
11. Befriend Cher.
12. Watch Kramer vs. Kramer again.
13. Watch Angels in America again.
14. Consider yourself overrated... "but not today!"
    
15. Be highly quotable.
    
16. Memorize the entire Miranda Priestley "Cerulean" monologue.
    
17. Ask your best friends to call you "Mary Louise" for the remainder of the week.
18. Stweep!
19. Give to charities.
    
20. Sing more spectacularly than is humanly fair considering all of your other talents.
    
21. Watch Julia to see how it all began.
    
22. Say "That's ridiculous" with a Polish accent all day.
23. Visit Simply Streep and Meryl Streep Online.
24. Idolize your mama.
25. Make out with someone who looks like Robert Redford, Bobby DeNiro, Kevin Kline, Kurt Russell or Alison Janney
26. Send mixed messages to someone who looks like Jeremy Irons
    
27. Enjoy Silkwood all over again.
28. Flash your left tit and laugh about it.

29. Appreciate one of her rare underappreciated performances like the one in A Prairie Home Companion.
30. Stare off into space while dreaming of that farm in Africa, the French Resistance, your life as a singer, Virginia Woolf, the drugs you wish you were on or that French Lieutenant who will never return.
31. Wear a Vassar t-shirt.
32. ...or Yale paraphernalia
    
33. Pretend you've won an Oscar.
34. ...and another.
    
35. Pretend you've won a third since you deserve it.
36. Polish Meryl's star at 7018 Hollywood Blvd.
37. Stare at the sea provocatively whilst practicing "Obscure Melancholia"
38. Speak highly of New Jersey
    
39. Take your family white water rafting.
    
40. Watch Out of Africa again (you haven't seen it since the 80s).
    
41. Lighten the room when you walk in.
    
42. End your conversations with a dismissive "that's all".
43. Work towards making lots of "All Time Great" lists in whatever it is that you do.
    
44. ...actually deserve the honor.
45. Don't take yourself too seriously.
    
46. Proclaim "the dingoes got my baby!"
47. Have some cream of watercress.
    
48. Mix a drink for your friends (or frenemies) and pretend it's an immortality potion.
49. Be a legendary household name whilst avoiding any personal drama.
50. ...stop to consider and then appreciate how truly difficult that is to do.
    
51. Read up a little on the amazing Julia Child before Meryl's next picture Julie & Julia arrives.
52. Take a hot bath and fantasize about Clint Eastwood.
53. Make your significant other wash your hair outdoors.
54. Play dress up like Sophie or Kate Gulden
    
55. Be proudly liberal and politically active.
    
56. Make the world a better place.
    
57. Inspire future generations in your field.
58. Raise talented children
59. Age more spectacularly than a good wine.
    
60. Share this tribute post & video with Meryl-loving friends!
    

THAT'S ALL.
Click here for full blog / fresh posts
*

77 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Elizabeth Taylor's Birthday

Be great. Be beautiful. Ride a horse. Get married. Get divorced. Act like a total diva. Wear something spectacularly sexy, preferrably white. Make people want more.


Befriend Michael Jackson. Watch Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? again. Watch National Velvet. Watch A Place in the Sun. Be highly quotable. Get married. Flaunt every piece of jewelry you own. Donate to an AIDS charity. Nurse a sick friend. Get divorced. Show everyone your wicked sense of humor. Fall in love with Montgomery Clift in glorious black and white (any of his movies will do). Ask your best friend to refer to you as "Bessie Mae" for the rest of the day. Get married. Scream "I was the slut of all time!" at the top of your lungs. Survive the loss of someone you loved no matter how hard that is to do. Pretend you've won an Oscar. And another. Drink people under the table. Love dogs. Get married. Polish her star at 6336 Hollywood Blvd. Watch Cleopatra... or at least half of it (okay, maybe a third). Get divorced. Read Elizabeth. Watch the original Father of the Bride. Get married. Get divorced. Get remarried. Get redivorced. Buy a pair of violet contact lenses. Let your passions rule you. Play a game of ping pong.


Don't take yourself too seriously. Role play "Liz and Dickie" with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Get married. Be fabulous. "Tell mama all". Name a perfume after your favorite thing. Gain lots of weight. Watch Giant. Watch Suddenly Last Summer. Watch Reflections in a Golden Eye. Steal something from someone who reminds you of Debbie Reynolds. Descend into "erotic vagrancy"! Give them something to talk about when you leave the room. Photoshop yourself onto the cover of 14 People magazines. Invite people over and play "get the guests" or "hump the hostess", your choice. Watch The Flintstones. Watch Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Watch The Taming of the Shrew. Imagine how Sherilyn Fenn might play you in a TV movie. Study Kabbalah.


Be sexy. Seek a voice role on The Simpsons. Work towards making lots of "all time greatest" lists in whatever it is that you do and actually deserve the honor. Make the world a better place. Get divorced. Go to a gay bar with friends. Jump on a plane to Hawaii. Excite the tabloids. Be legendary. Have a tracheotomy. Survive pneumonia. Have a hip replaced. Have a tumor removed. Survive cancer. Throw your back out. Call yourself "Mother Courage" and mean it. Survive everything.
*