Yes, No, Maybe So: Burlesque

I almost don't have the stamina for this after drooling all over Showgirls (1995) for three or so hours yesterday. But the first trailer for the new musical Burlesque (2010) has arrived and we'll all be comparing the films from now on. Until we're actually watching it at least. Then... who knows? Movie|Line has already memorably mocked the trailer saying

What would happen if Glitter, Showgirls and Nine had a baby — and that baby was raised by Cher and Stanley Tucci’s character from The Devil Wears Prada?

And we can't compete with that. Sometimes you just have to tip your hat.



But we're here for the "Yes, No or Maybe So?" treatment anyway which isn't the same thing as making fun. Are you eager to see it, desperate to avoid or totally on the fence? It's often some mix for me and this is how it breaks down.

Cher in a big starring role insures my ticket purchase. Listen up, I paid for Tea With Mussolini for pete's chaz's sake. I think only 90 people did. I am loyal. From the ebb and flow of this trailer (already disappearing from the web) it looks like she's playing the Velma Kelly or Cristal Connors role only mixed with Mama Morton. It's like she's being the seasoned pro diva but leaving the dirtywork catfighting to minions (like Kristen Bell?). I can totally get behind Cher as wisdom dispenser/diva entrepreneur who delegates her bitchiest moments to others.

Did it have to be Christina Aguilera? Hasn't she been working this burlesque thing for some years now? That big character reveal moment that is supposed to shock everyone where she starts the vocals, preventing the curtain drop? It already feels anti-climactic. Big whoop-dee-doo. Christina can do growly runs. I think this sort of storyline begs for an unknown in the lead or a name that we didn't know could sing like a madwoman. Someone who can shock you with their lion's roar when you assumed they were a pussycat (doll).

On the other hand... the supporting cast looks very fun. We see a lot of reliable ol' Stanley Tucci in Prada mode, Kristen Bell promises great catfight in her blink and you'll miss her kittenish moment, and Alan Cumming, who could outperform most Burlesque divas just by replaying any single moment of his Tony-winning emcee performance from Cabaret , is also glimpsed. How enjoyable the movie is may well rest on how much screen time these supporting players get. Of course it might make me crazy that they're all second fiddle to Xtina but what can you do. Hollywood has never been much of a meritocracy.

You know what to do in the comments. And you'd better do it. Cher is in the (movie) house and she doesn't come around too often. Be ready with a tip for a true show queen.

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Yesses

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JA from MNPP here. Have you guys seen the cast list for You Again? I mean sure it's made by the guy who made Race to Witch Mountain, but it co-stars those two firecrackers above along with Betty White, Kristen Bell, Cloris Leachman, Victor Garber, and Kristen Chenoweth! Will it be too much of a good thing? Will they all just stand around with nothing to do? I don't care, I could watch these people stand around with nothing to do. They'd do even that delightfully, I wager. More on the movie here. More pictures from it here. And here's the trailer:

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It's out on September 24th.

Sigourney Weaver Jamie Lee Curtis

Halfway Mark: Screen Hotties of 2010

I blame the heat and nothing good in theaters but for the holdovers from previous weeks (go see Winter's Bone, I Am Love, Toy Story 3 and I Am Love if you haven't. Uh... I Am Love you're required to see twice, apparently -- Freudian typo!) for this week's Towleroad article. After assessing the Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man announcement I obsess over the Year in Screen Hotties (thus far).

Click over!

Since Towleroad is all about the Gay the list is men but since I'm an actressexual and since all the best people are at least bi-curious when it comes to the movies, you know I can't ignore the silver screen sirens. I haven't seen all of these movie but here's an incomplete overview of the year thus far.

The Girlie Show

Jan: Portia Doubleday torments Michael Cera (both of him) in Youth in Revolt. Kristen Bell can't pick a man in When in Rome. Can't pick screenplays either. Niche hotness, GMILF Edition: Helen Mirren wants her man crowing like a cock in The Last Station.

Feb: Amanda Seyfried, Our Lady of Annually Increasing Beauty, stars in Dear John. The Wolfman follows Emily Blunt's scent no matter the consequence; Who wouldn't? Uma Thurman turns men, not just man parts, to stone as Medusa in Percy Jackson.

Mar: Double Team Alert! Amanda Seyfried rocks Julianne Moore's world in more ways than one in Chloe. Plus, Dakota Fanning unleashes her scandalous Cherry Bomb whilst Kristen Stewart works a Bad Reputation in The Runaways. Niche hotness, Macrophile/Microphile division: Mia Wasikowska can't pick a dress size in Alice in Wonderland.

April: Erika Alexander is a boho honey in La Mission. Zoë Saldana holds a hot piece in The Losers. Niche hotness, Gothic division: Christina Ricci gets yet paler (c'est possible?!?) as a perpetually nude corpse in After.Life.

May: Ari Graynor's tongue brings ecstasy, albeit in pill form, to Holy Rollers. Scarlett Johansson wears ringlets and leather for Iron Man 2 and may or may not have speaking lines though no one can recall. Naomie Harris handles the first part of sex & drugs & rock and roll with her usual style. Love the 'fro in that first scene. Niche hotness, The Alex Forrest "I'm Not Going to Be Ignored" New Generations Award to Naomi "seduce & destroy" Watts in Mother and Child.


June: Colin Farrell's little mermaid is full grown Polish beauty Alicja Bachleda in Ondine. Please note how many reviews of Winter's Bone describe Jennifer Lawrence's long tresses and full lips in as much loving detail as her performance, even though the movie is about as far from "sexy" as a movie can be. Marisa Tomei is still working the 'dream girl for losers' track in Cyrus. Can you blame the losers? Tilda Swinton is a prized pale gold Russian collectible in I Am Love. Cameron Diaz in primary colors, yellow bridesmaid, red bikini for Knight and Day. Gina Gershon is a whore! (not a dancer) in Love Ranch... the less said about the rest of the movie, the better.

Which actors and actresses grabbed your eyeballs this year?
It doesn't have to be for, uh, performance reasons.

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DVDs: SHOWGIRLS and The Proud Book of Tears From Paris Island

DVD releases have been slim picking as of late. Here's a sample of the new titles from the past couple of weeks. I'd allow you to vote for a DVD writeup but I'm three movies behind. Next time, next time...

• The Book of Eli - Tough guy Denzel Washington kicks apocalyptic ass.
  
• Cinema Pride Collection - June is gay pride month so this collection offers up ten movies and it goes like so: (60s) The Children's Hour, (70s) La Cage Aux Folles, (80s) My Beautiful Laundrette, (90s) The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, The Birdcage, Bent, The Object of My Affection, Boys Don't Cry, (00s) Kissing Jessica Stein, Imagine Me and You. I'm letting you know about all of them because...
  
  
  • I find it so weird that a "pride" collection features The Children's Hour and Kissing Jessica Stein even though I actually like both movies.
  • they were kind enough to send me the whole box set.
  • I'm excited to revisit Boys Don't Cry.
  • My Beautiful Laundrette is one of my favorite films from the 80s entire and now I can revisit Daniel Day-Lewis with punk blonde 'do any time I like.
    
  
  I just did an bullet point list within a bullet point list. I am so fancy.
  
  
• Coach - Hugh Dancy goes straight to DVD in his latest romance. Mmmm, Dancy.
  
• From Paris With Love - Jonathan Rhys Meyers & John Travolta play CIA Agents in the city of love. If this were about JRM making love to Parisians I'd be interested but I'm assuming both stars are just shooting people. Zzzz.
  
• Happy Tears - Parker Posey and Demi Moore have trouble with dad Rip Torn
  
• Mary & Max - I highly recommend you check out this odd animated pen pal romance from Australia. Toni Collette and Philip Seymour Hoffman provide voicework and the whole movie is entirely its own thing. That's always a compliment.
  
  
• Shutter Island - in which Martin Scorsese obsesses over insane people. I wish he hadn't opened the movie with DiCaprio all sweaty/disoriented. Too easy. I don't understand the appeal of this movie so tell me what I missed.
  
• When in Rome - My friend Luca is in this Kristen Bell vehicle and I shamefully skipped. Perhaps I will risk it on DVD despite the reviews? Will Kristen Bell get a feature worthy of her or should she go back to prime time series work. What say you?
  
• Youth in Revolt - In which Michael Cera argues with himself. Not about whether or not he should do an Arrested Development movie. Well, duh, shouldn't he?
  

Which will you see/have already seen?

My apologies... I buried the lead.

<--- This arrived by UPS at the door just yesterday and I nearly squealed but for the man standing in front of me asking me to sign for it. Inside I was squealing, mind, and also criss crossing my hands in front of my face in homage to Nomi's famous dance move. What she learned you can't teach in any school!

Yes, it's the 15th anniversary blu-ray of total classic Showgirls (1995). It used to be a Bad Movie We Love and now it's just a Movie We Love Unconditionally and I am proud to say that I went on opening weekend in Salt Lake City even though they weren't allowed to advertise the movie in the paper. Way too naughty for the Mormons. Can't wait to see it for the umpteenth time though these extras "finding your inner stripper" and lap dance tutorial sounds suspect. We'll see.

Red Carpet: Radioactive Lohan & Gangster Depp

It's that time again, Red Carpet Lineup. Here's a (truly) random sampling of actors at events this past week. Let's check in with...

Ever classy Lindsay Lohan who celebrated her 23rd birthday (it's actually tomorrow) at a Vegas pool wearing that, flashing a peace sign, and sporting bright blue contacts. Unless she's been spending too much time on Nevada's nuclear testing grounds, those are contacts. I should never ever look at Lohan as she's become the avatar of Lost Potential. She found the empty calories of fame more enticing than the rich nutrients of good actressing.


Public Enemies opens today and it should be an interesting test of Johnny Depp's box office pull. The public is generally averse to period dramas but they do like gangster crime films so it's a bit of a toss up, really. It's already on IMDb's Top 250 but that's typical for masculine "cool" movies when they first open. It's early still and the mixed reviews so far are fascinatingly contradictory. You know that old saw "you must have seen a different movie than I did" Who to believe?

Patricia Clarkson is all smiles and why not? Knowing that you're the best thing in your movies must be heartwarming. That's definitely true of Whatever Works. The only thing that makes bad Woody Allen scripts bearable is his ability to get fine actors to vividly color his caricatures. In Whatever Works Patty is forced at penpoint to delineate the conversion from empty-headed bible thumping Southerner to bohemian polyamorous New Yorker. The movie has little flashes of against-all-odds charm but it's mostly annoying in its broad and stale misanthropy. Yes, I'm a Woody apologist to some degree but I'm not going to apologize for this one.

<-- Josh Duhamel's got something in his eye. Dreams of movie stardom outside of Transformers, perhaps?

Kristen Bell sent geek hearts fluttering when she attended the Saturn Awards. She lost but she's a previous winner (this nomination was for her bad girl on Heroes -- people still watch that?!? -- but the previous three and one win were for good girl Veronica Mars). After years of television it looks like Forgetting Sarah Marshall prompted a committed big screen leap. She's got five movies on the way. First up: Romantic comedy When in Rome with Josh Duhamel, Danny DeVito, Anjelica Huston, Will Arnett and my friend Luca Calvani whom I've already congratulated for the gig. Go Luca! It's about time Hollywood bit.

I've placed Mike Doyle in the lineup to keep you and myself guessing about who might be included each week. He's here only because he was a) at the opening of Twelfth Night and b) he's got a role opposite Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole. The play it's based on had only five roles and his character "Craig", unless they've changed the names, was not one of them so there's been some expansion for the screen. I hope he dies in the movie! He's previously worked Off Broadway and played "Leprechaun" in the Hilary Swank vehicle P.S. I Love You (I don't want to know) but he's best known from regular work on both Oz and Law & Order: SVU.

Hey, it's Rosie Perez. "Fight the Power!" She's been on my mind because of the Do The Right Thing anniversary. I miss her absolutely rambunctious screen presence. Good to see her, however briefly, in Pineapple Express. Get it Rosie!