A History of... Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson week continues. Since I'm all about your maximum reading pleasure I'd suggest soundtrack accompaniment for this post. "More Than This" by Bill Murray, the hidden track on the Lost in Translation soundtrack or, better yet, pop in Björk's "Army of Me"

Enjoy

1984 Scarlett Marie Johansson springs full grown from the head of her mother Melanie in New York City. Says a hoarse "hey" to twin brother Hunter three minutes later, lights a cigarette and watches a Lauren Bacall flick. Surprisingly patient, Scarlett waits ten more years before launching her attack on Hollywood.

1994 She makes her film debut in the legendary bad movie North starring a then 13 year-old Elijah Wood. He's already a pro with eight movies under his belt. Scarlett takes notes.

1998 She gets her first lead role at 14 in The Horse Whisperer. Nobody looks at the horse. Robert Redford, Kristin Scott Thomas, Dianne Weist, Sam Neill, and Kate Bosworth co-star. Nobody looks at them either.

2001 Ghost World premieres to hosannas from hundreds of critics and small pockets of obsessed geeks. Thora Birch is the star but it's Scarlett with her wise observant face and mellow vibe (among other assets) who hypnotizes. She gains the career momentum from the comic adaptation.

2002 Scarlett turns 18. Critics and geeks rejoice.

2003 Making her entrance ass first in pink panties, Scarlett ascends to the top of the Young Hollywood ladder with Lost in Translation. Two months later Girl with a Pearl Earring seals the deal on her new serious actress status and carnal appeal --she even makes mouthbreathing sexy.

2005 Ever the gambler, the new star makes two risky moves that payoff. She plays new muse for lost-it auteur Woody Allen improbably inspiring his biggest hit in 20 years, Match Point. She also takes a starring role as an escaped clone in the first flop from the King of Bad Movies, Michael Bay. It's a sci-fi actioner called The Island. Never one to waste an opportunity she studies cloning on the set and begins to replicate.

2006 Bouyed by a new clone army, Scarletts Johansson begins working 360 hour workweeks. Hollywood executives can't get enough with three movies in theaters (Scoop, The Prestige, The Black Dahlia), two lucrative commercial contracts underway (L'Oreal and Reebok), and five more movies in the pipeline for 2007.

2007 Trouble in Johanssonville. Scarlett2 complains of corns from endless Reebok photoshoots. Scarlett3's hair feels like straw after the L'Oreal commercials. Scarlett4 is sick of giving it up for Josh Hartnett --'the man is a sex addict!' and feels gropings from Isaac Mizrahi and ogling by studio executives contribute to a hostile work environment. Rejecting Scarlett's promises of shared Golden Globe swag, the Scarletts unionize. The original Ms. Johansson, never anything less than razor sharp, cuts down dramatically on overall production as payroll costs escalate. One film a year --two max. And definitely less nookie for Josh.

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While you're here see the full blog for the rest of "Scarlett Johansson Week", vote in the current "Scarlett fever" poll, see where Scarlett placed in the "Actress of the Aughts" countdown or read the previous History Angelina Jolie

tags: Scarlett Johansson, movies, cinema, Josh Hartnett, cloning, gossip, clone, film, reebok, Golden Globes, Woody Allen