Thursday, April 28, 2005

Cinema Portraits 2005

I got this calendar for Christmas called "Cinema Portraits 2005." Though it's hardly a secret, April reveals again that that Cary Grant was quite the looker. Now, I do not have a drill to hang up the calendar where I want it in a very cement wall. So right now Cary is just hanging loose on the kitchen counter. But he be fine with that. He's swellegant just sitting at the bar. He doesn't need to be properly hung to inspire worshipful glances.

By the time I put this calendar up the covergirl is going to be the lovely Audrey Hepburn. Any rational human being will tell you that Ms. Hepburn couldn't take a bad photo if she tried. Any rational human being who hasn'tseen this calendar that is. In Audrey's "May" pose she does looks pretty but the kitsch overwhelms. In the photo she appears to be rising naked out of miniature sandy ruins --picture an Attack of the 50 Foot Woman poster with less salacious emphasis on bosom. She is positioned between two phallic pillars with Greco-Roman statuery atop. Trust me when I say that that's not as hot as it sounds.