Friday, August 19, 2005

Measure Your Pleasure

This post is NSFW and is rated R... or maybe NC-17 given your level of prudery.

As Joe pointed out recently, and as you may have noticed for yourself, 2005 is a crazy celebs-gone-wild year. So much going on. It's a good thing too. The movies have sucked so we need other forms of entertainment.

Latest gossip: Are Kristen and Jake pregnant?. You can look at a funnier take on this story at Pink is the New Blog. Though I do have to wonder why people are always so down on Kristen in this relationship (to me Jake is the lesser star in the Hollywood firmament. I love me some Kristen.) Any thoughts?

But on to the real point of this post: Penis. Is it just my imagination or is 2005 packing more than usual in this department? People always talk about penis when Ewan MacGregor makes a movie. It goes with his territory. But Ewan has been pretty low profile this year despite two summer releases. So on to the other men out there.



I don't get why everyone is so chatty about Jude Law's package --it's not like it's the first time we've seen it. I guess male celebs should never take off their clothes unless they're fully erect. Given that Jude has a perfectly great everything maybe it's just jealously that has prompted all the size-queen snickering. Hasn't anyone seen The Talented Mr Ripley? His penis was on full display there and I don't recall anyone wanting to kick him out of bed in 1999. What a difference Sienna Miller makes? Why anyone would want to find physical fault with a man this beautiful beats me.

Given this type of treatment when guys go wild, Jake was probably smart and Heath not so much when it comes to flashing their manhood on old Brokeback Mountain. Supposedly Heath is the only one we'll see in the altogether although this tiny (not a size joke ;) ) image from filming suggests otherwise.

The imaginary soundtrack to this post is Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Venice Film Festival has announced its screening schedule.

The world premiere of Brokeback Mountain will be Friday September 2 at 9:45 pm.

That's two weeks from today.

I'm hoping the early reviews will provide you with insights for your Oscar prognostications.

darkcypherlad said...

Nathan,

Thanks for addressing this absurd, and quite frankly embarrassing (for us, not Law), "issue." Law's been nude plenty of times before--in addition to the aforementioned "Ripley," there's "Wilde" and, to those lucky few who say the play on Broadway, "Indiscretions." No one, and I mean NO ONE, complained about Mr. Law's size then. And now? Suddenly, he's Tiny Tim. I think it's too easy to attribute this to a couple of limp-dicked size queens at Page Six. Rather, it's all about his tarnished public image after the Nannygate fiasco. Everyone, particularly the media, wanted to take him down a peg, and what better way than to undermine his manhood, which, quite frankly, seems perfectly fine to me.

I find this episode fascinating since we still live in an age where penis envy, and penis fear, still run rampant. What's even more surprising is that both the gay and straight press are united in their mocking of Law's privates. Is this constructive? Does it bring anyone satisfaction? Or is it just simple jealousy? I don't know and, quite frankly, I've stopped caring.

P.S.-I find it very funny that everyone's using Tommy Lee as an example of male size. Sure, it's big, but look what it's attached to. Yuck.

P.P.S.-Reminder: Law is an actor, not a porn star. His main talent, at least to me, lies in his face, not his Calvin Kleins.

Joe R. said...

I think all the hubub over Jude's Nanny Poker has been amusing. To me, it's been in good fun and no more/ess vulgar than everything else about NannyGate.

As for Kirsten and Jake, I've been down on her part of that twosome ever since she dumped him because he "wasn't fun enough." Then again, unlike Nathaniel, I'm not a fan. Of hers. I'm quite taken with Jake, however.

Anonymous said...

He looks quite desirable (er, even moreso than usual) in those pictures at Pink is the new Blog.

I've never been there before but I think I'm gonna make it a regular habit. Man, that place is FUNNY.

David Boreanaz is, like, 35 isn't he?

-Glenn

PS; Aaron Carter, of course

Anonymous said...

oh, and by the way - I believe I read that the man in that picture with Heath Ledger is actually his stand in!

I'm fairly certain I read that somewhere (when i SOMEHOW stumbled across that picture a few months back)

-Glenn

Anonymous said...

as mentioned before jude law has been fearless about being nude on stage and in films. i saw indiscretions and sat in the third road[lucky,lucky me]this man has nothing to be ashanmed of...from the front...face to his toes he's as close to perfect as you want to get. from the rear his arse was rated the most beautiful in all fildom on a recent poll. the two inch saga was about jealousy. i really think many of jude's detractors can't stand the fact that this guy is a walking piece of art.

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