Thursday, May 18, 2006

Tarzan, Lord of the Bad Musicals

Remember last week when we took a tour of hairless nearly naked ape men to celebrate Tarzan's opening? Well... it was just an excuse to take a tour of hairless nearly naked ape men really. I didn't mean to celebrate the Broadway musical. I just wanted to clarify in case that post read like an endorsement. Because the new musical?

It.

Sucks.


I didn't even pay to see it and I want my money back.

I can't emphasize its suckitude strongly enough. If you're a tourist and you're thinking Disney + something I've heard of + fun night at the theater, please please please think again. If it has to be Disney go see Lion King again (but better yet see real musical theater like the hilarious Drowsy Chaperone or the brilliance of Sweeney Todd. The first 5 minutes of Tarzan, which is basically the shipwreck prologue, features truly great visual effects work. But that's before the songs and the story starts. My favorite part of the show was probably seeing the people ushered in after the prologue. If you're late to a show you have to wait until some sort of break to take your seat. In this case that's harsh punishment for tardiness because you've missed the best part. The rest of the two and half hours is t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e. But if you're late, it's your own damn fault. Don't be late to the theater. There's live actors on stage. They can see you being rude to them.

I don't even know where to start. Over-amped lengthy dreadful songs which don't know how to move the story, they just repeat the book. Hideous set (or lack thereof). Almost impossibly lame dialogue. Uncomfortable performances. The lighting received the show's only Tony nomination and you can see why --there are a few moments that work due to their lighting effects but the nomination still should've gone to Sweeney Todd which uses its harsh red light to considerably more dramatic effect than this show uses it's Wicked-inspired purples and greens.

The thing I found most confusing was that whoever created the whole shipwreck sequence also must have designed the rest of the show and that's just weird because the rest is garish or cheap looking. In one moment late in the first act, a giant spider enters the set hoping to feast on Jane. I suddenly flashed back to my high school float construction party (that's how amateurish the giant spider looks). There I am trying to watch a 15 million dollar Broadway show and all I can think about is building the float with my buddies Linda, Christine, Therese, and Annette!

Thinking about my high school girls is way more fun than sitting through the show so perhaps I shouldn't complain about the mnemonic mishap.

tags: Tarzan, Broadway, theater, movies, musicals,

9 comments:

Josh T said...

What did you think about Wicked? Cuz I read and loved the book and the musical is coming to Toronto in October and I'm contemplating whether I should go or not. Thumbs up or thumbs down?

NATHANIEL R said...

wicked is worth seeing. lots of fun. and the score is catchy.

OhMyTrill said...

um...I know this is unrelated, but I'd like to make a monday suggestion...maybe its just me being really curious, but what are your 5 favorite movie scenes...ever? I've been thinking about this a lot lately myself, and seeing as lists are one of your fortes...well, whatever. I'd be more than willing to share mine (as if you cared) if you share yours!! Check the blog, one of mine is posted right now (although its not exactly film!)

adam k. said...

Ouch. Even looking at the nearly naked star didn't make it fun? That is BAAAAAAD.

I'm getting Sweeney Todd tickets for my birthday. So excited. Michael Cerveris seems like the coolest person in the world.

adam k. said...

One of my 5 favorite scenes ever is the "Llorando" club scene in Mulholland Dr. In fact, that may actually be my very favorite scene ever, cause nothing else is jumping out at me.

Except wait, no, I lied... the whole Thelma and Louise segment between the revelation that Thelma slept with J.D. and Thelma's robbing of the gas station (punctuated in the middle by Louise sitting in the car looking into that building, set to the brilliant music) is utter brilliance. I could watch it on a loop forever. It's sort of like a single scene...

Also, the Moulin Rouge can-can/chandelier dropping scene is fab. And the scene in Sound of Music when Capt. Von Trapp hears the kids singing to the Baroness... and the "all we got now is Brokeback Mountain" scene... OK, that's five.

Yeah, what are yours Nathaniel?

adam k. said...

Oh god, and the witch convention scene in The Witches... man, I lied, there are a lot of special scenes.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Phil Collins = Death.

Some random top 5 scenes for me would be
Psycho Show Scene
El Tango de Roxanne in Moulin Rouge!
The group conversation in The Breakfast Club where they discuss why they're there among other things
The opening scene of Scream
The discovery of the signal in Contact.

Or, i dunno. Something like that.

Pedro said...

I love endings. My favorite scenes (right out of my mind) are, in random order:

1. The ending of Dangerous Liaisons - the booing of Glenn Close and the cleaning of her face (with the tear). In my opinion it brings the movie to a full circle.

2. The ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey - with the born of the star child and the music. Really amazing.

3. The ending of Blair Witch Project - all preparation for a quick ending

4. The ending of Vertigo, which in my opinion is truly a classic. I did not guess it.

5. The ending of Citizen Kane, that also brings the movie to a full circle. I loved the allegory, the loss of his mother and of his childhood (maybe all his life). What would have happened if Kane had remained with his parents?

RC said...

that looks horrible...i can't believe people are wasting money and their lives with this one.

--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com