Thursday, December 09, 2010

Yes, No, Maybe So: "Real Steel"

Mackie say
"Hey Hey Hey, Hugh Jackman is in the house!!!"
Real Steel opens in October 2011. A weird time for a summer movie to open. Except that it's a parody of a summer movie and not an actual summer movie, right? Right. Thought so. What? It's not? ohno. LOLZ

In Shawn Levy's Real Steel, Hugh Jackman builds giant boxing robots to carry on in his manly sweaty boxing footsteps. He now runs a boxing club for robots or something. Or maybe he just visits and trains them? Anthony Mackie plays some sort of mic-wielding emcee.

(omg. please let him battle Eminem again as, like, a cameo subplot. That'd be so sweet.)




So let's give Real Steel the Yes, No, Maybe So™ Film Experience trailer treatment.

Yes. Moments worth watching in the Real Steel trailer: Hugh Jackman in slo-mo;  Hugh Jackman talking. Close up of Hugh Jackman sweaty chest hair in black and white; Hugh Jackman punching the air; Hugh Jackman wearing a hoodie; Hugh Jackman "resting" on the pavement (ouch); Hugh Jackman  Paparazzi!; Hugh Jackman "this is what it's all about!!!"; Hugh Jackman with remote control; Hugh Jackman in sunglasses; Hugh Jackman with sad face; Hugh Jackman shouting "Bring It!!!" no, wait. Nix the last part. He was trying too hard to be cool. That wasn't right. That's the take they used?

No. I don't wanna get too literal about this -- literal is lame when it comes to summer spectaculars -- but the premise doesn't work even by the standards of stoopidity. The popularity of Transformers aside, the reason people like watching boxing is because of the flesh but mostly because of the blood. It's a visceral animalistic thrill to watch people beat each other to (near) death. If there's no flesh and no blood why would feverish bloodthirsty crowds show up? Or is it like strictly the monster truck demolition derby crowd they're after and not a four quadrant kind of thing? (But even then there are actual people in the machines that might get squashed: therefore drama.)  The concept would make more sense if the robots were like androids... but then this would also be a really gross trailer and the movie would be rated R and you can't have that anymore. 

Maybe So. When you have the buffer of a movie star you love, braindead movies can be fun. Unless the dumbness makes the star look bad or like said star is trying too hard and then it just becomes sad.

Please don't try too hard Jackman. Please don't shout "Bring it!" any more. Or maybe whisper it or sing it if you're contractually obliged to deliver the line. That is all.
____- Signed, a concerned Jackmaniac

P.S. ...who would really like you to do a movie musical before you are 80 years old. WHEN?! Stop making stupid movies.
*

15 comments:

Jason H. said...

...who would really like you to do a movie musical before you are 80 years old. WHEN?! Stop making stupid movies.

^I second that motion!

Seriously, we don't need any more ROBOTS GO SMASH!!! movies. But between this, the next Transformers, and Robocalypse, that's all we're going to be getting soon. That and alien invasions and a million Wizards of Oz. *defeated sigh* Thank god for the art house.

NATHANIEL R said...

yeah i guess my thing is i don't, in truth, have anything against robots or action movies but there are SO many actors that can do them. There are so few true "stars" that could be A+ level in a major musical and Hugh Jackman is one of them. It just feels like a unique gift keeps wrapping itself up in generic packages.

Glenn said...

I'm sure this would get a big audience (although not "the same" as the trailer alludes). I mean, there's already those robot fighting wars between robots that are a foot high. And, hey, people do go to boxing and rally car racing so why not robot boxing?

Ivonne said...

I love all your Yes points

Anonymous said...

I've been following this movie since filming. The robots are just a backdrop, it's really a relationship movie about an estranged father and son. You just haven't seen that in this teaser yet. I read they wanted to show you the "world" in which the story was set in the first teaser.

Dom said...

Yeah, I think the film will ultimately focus on the relationship between Hugh's character and his son - this trailer just didn't really show it at all.

In an interview with Empire, the director said (I think) that it was going to be about 30% robo-boxing, 70% drama. Which is probably about right. It's being compared more to Rocky than the big action films.

JA said...

SO it's like Over the Top just with giant fighting robots instead of arm wrestling. Got it.

Brandon said...

The Twilight Zone episode "Steel" which I think has the same source material (a short story?) is rather poignant. But it tells a good story in a quick, 30-minute format.

pomme said...

MAYBE : it seems it will be a drama between a dad and his son with robots fights(roll eyes for robots)

Daniel Armour said...

The only reason I'm interested in this is because I like Evangeline Lilly (well, I like Jackman as well). Unfortunately, she'll probably have a minor role. Other than that, it looks weak.

James T said...

This will be awesome!! I'm such a YES on this one.

Too bad I'll be busy for the rest of my life doing anything BUT watching that movie.

NicksFlickPicks said...

"But then...the movie would be rated R and you can't have that anymore."

Well, sure you can! You just add some women at ringside who are attempting a principled, profanity-free labor strike, or you give Mackie a speech impediment and make him say "Fuck" as part of his therapy, and you can ABSOLUTELY have an R. It's there for the taking.

Mierzwiak said...

NO like... hundred times?

Awful, awful, awful. Hugh, what the hell are you doing?!

Jamie said...

I keep telling myself that the November release means something. That the makers know something not seen yet. At the same time I really, really want Sunset Boulevard before Jackman and Close get too old for the roles.

NATHANIEL R said...

Point: Nicks Flick Picks

Jamie. that'll be the day.