Showing posts with label Sharon Stone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sharon Stone. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Streep Nom #10: The Bridges of Madison County

We've been looking at each Meryl Streep Oscar nod and its competitive field. Previously: 78, 79, 81, 82, 83, 85, 87, 88 and 90.

When The Bridges of Madison County premiered in summer (a rare Eastwood berth, indeed) it seemed like Streep might finally win her 3rd Oscar the following Spring. She'd been away from the awards race in what seemed like forever. Hilariously, that "forever" absence had only been four consecutive years (1991-1994) but for Meryl, that's an eternity. In fact, a four year absence had never happened before and has never happened since all these years later. By the end of the 1995 film year, a really actressy one, the story was a lot different and the race was suddenly all but sewn up for Sarandon with only Streep and Stone as dark horse possibilities.

1995 the nominees were

  • Susan Sarandon, Dead Man Walking
  • Elisabeth Shue, Leaving Las Vegas *Nathaniel's pick. This performance kills me.*
  • Sharon Stone, Casino
  • Meryl Streep, The Bridges of Madison County
  • Emma Thompson, Sense & Sensibility
Trivia note: With this 10th honor, Streep tied Bette Davis & Jack Nicholson's overall nomination records (at the time -- Jack wasn't done giving Streep a run for #1) making them the collective #2 Oscar favored actor after Katharine Hepburn.

Back to the actual competition. How many times have we heard this almost-win story now? Meryl is flouncing along giddily in the general direction of the podium for her third triumph when suddenly...

But let us not bemoan that elusive third Oscar and instead marvel at how many valid choices Oscar made for 1995 and how good their roster might have been even if it had looked a lot different.

---> Meryl with Tom Cruise at the Oscars in March '96. (Note frosty snubbed Nicole, not yet ascendant, by his side)

Other 1995 women for context: Oscar chose the entire Globe Drama slate which meant that the comedic nominees were snubbed: Nicole Kidman (To Die For), Vanessa Redgrave (A Month by the Lake), Toni Collette (Muriel's Wedding), Annette Bening (The American President) and my fav Sandra Bullock perf (While You Were Sleeping). Two critical darlings Julianne Moore [safe] and the eternally snubbed Jennifer Jason Leigh (Georgia) were ignored due to being ahead of their time and upstaged by their co-star, respectively, though Leigh did win the coveted NYFCC prize. Box office queens Alicia Silverstone (Clueless) and Michelle Pfeiffer (Dangerous Minds) failed to scare up awards attention outside of MTV.

Other female leads that year included: Angela Bassett (Waiting to Exhale), Julie Delpy (Before Sunrise), Lori Petty (Tank Girl), Winona Ryder (How to Make an American Quilt), Elizabeth Berkely (Showgirls) and Sarah Jessica Parker (Miami Rhapsody) getting her first taste of romantic comedy lead stardom to come.

Bassett had a fiery 95 (Strange Days & Waiting to Exhale)

Finally, the year included a few leads who were previous Oscar winners Jessica Lange (Rob Roy), Geena Davis (Cutthroat Island), Holly Hunter (Home for the Holidays) and Kathy Bates (Dolores Claiborne) none of whom were received as warmly as had often previously been the case.

See what I mean about the year being actressy? And so many fine examples of different flavors of it, too.

Nathaniel's List: It's a tasty Oscar vintage for sure -- they done good -- but I'd have to remove Stone's effortful hot mess and Thompson's sensible sister to make room for two redheads who staked their first unmistakable claims to genius: Moore & Kidman. And though I'll always love "Cher" in Clueless, I can't make room for her in such an abundant year. That said, it's utterly shameful that the Globe Comedy nominations excluded her.

AS IF!

Your thoughts on the year, please. It's so rich, don'cha think?
*

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Why Do I Link?

Gold Derby talks to Robert Osborne about what went wrong with this year's Oscar ceremony
I Need My Fix Sharon Stone on 'Law & Order: SVU'? Are things really that dire for her? Sad.
The Independent Eye Gabby Sidibe can have a career, Howard Stern. Here are seven plus sized successes from Hollywood's past
Movie Marketing Madness looks at the promotional strategy on The Runaways


Coming Soon the first poster for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
The Film Stage I'd somehow missed the news that Andrew Jarecki (Capturing The Friedmans) bought his Dunst/Gosling murder drama All Good Things back from the Weinsteins after they kept not releasing it (so typical). Sigh... the Weinsteins are basically like dragons who hoard shiny treasures (films) in dark caves (vaults).
Boy Culture attends the GLAAD awards. Lots of videos with the attendees! Here's one of Sigourney Weaver who starts out not wanting to give advice to closeted actors... but then does. Go Sigweavie

I think it's very important as an actor -- We can change into anyone but it's always very important to be true to yourself in the business. So I think it would actually be helpful and energy giving to absolutely be who you are.
The Independent looks at the topic Sigourney is speaking to. Playing gay is so great for careers, but few actors are yet willing to assume being gay will be.
Random Acts of Literary Vandalism discovers how endearing Drew Barrymore's Whip It is (more and more people will)
popbytes has details from that Glee promotional event we mentioned a couple of days ago.
Hollywood Reporter Jayma Mays (Glee) added to cast of The Smurfs

Monday, November 23, 2009

Uncanny Birthday Suits

Celebrating cinematic folk, born on this day 11/23. Get out your kazoos.

Franco, Maxwell and Harpo. Half of the fun of building these posts
is these completely nonsensical groupings!


1859 Billy the Kid, outlaw. I've always thought it a mystery as to exactly why people routinely idolize characters whom they would never want to meet in real life. Murderers, criminals, thieves, (especially gangsters)... they all get the silver screen pedestal treatment. Billy has been portrayed dozens of times and Val Kilmer, Emilio Estevez, Kris Kristofferson, Buster Crabbe and Paul Newman have all done the job.
1888 Harpo Marx I'm embarrassed to say this but I can never remember which Marx Bros is which. When I watch 30s comedies, I almost always select a screwball romance.
1892 Erté artist over whom wee Nathaniel obsessed, wanting a whole animated movie to spring forth from his theatrical illustrations of ladies in elaborate headdresses and fab gowns.
1913 Michael Gough, I know that people like Chris Nolan's Batman approach (a movie star in every role!) but to me, Gough will always be "Alfred Pennyworth". Take that Michael Caine!
1924 Anita Linda, award-winning Filipino actress
1941 Franco Nero, Mr. Vanessa Redgrave and sexy Sir Lancelot in Camelot (1967) "♪ ♫ If ever I would leave you..."


I absolutely love this, don't you? One of the dreamiest numbers ever

1944 Joe Eszterhas self assured writer of oft terrible but usually hugely entertaining and vulgar screenplays: Flashdance, The Jagged Edge, Showgirls and the Sharon Stone box set. How does he do it?
1944 James Toback writer and director, not always simultaneously. Films include: Bugsy, Tyson and a Robert Downey Jr double feature (Two Girls and a Guy, The Pick-Up Artist)
1948 Bruce Vilanch Emmy winner, Oscar joke writer, strange character
1959 Maxwell Caulfield, La Pfeiffer's 'Cooo-oooo-ooo-ool Rider'
1959 Dominique Dunne, young actress who was murdered the same year her career took off with several TV gigs and the smash hit Poltergeist (she was the teen daughter)
1966 Vincent Cassel Mr. Monica Bellucci. He's very busy between American supporting roles (Eastern Promises, Oceans 13, Black Swan) and French stardom (Public Enemy No. 1, Irreversible ...a bit more on that one here)
1970 Oded Fehr, Israeli actor. Busiest in American television but you'll occassionally spot him onscreen in films like The Mummy
1970 Danny Hoch, actor/monologuist
1992 Miley Cyrus, ubiquitous gazillionaire

Finally, today marks the kickoff a week long blog-a-thon in honor of the immortal Boris Karloff, who brought so many imaginative film characters and movie monsters to life. Today is the 122nd anniversary of his birth. What would horror cinema be "Karloff the Uncanny", the man who brought Frankenstein (1931) and the Mummy (1932) to life? Though he's best remembered for those films of the early 30s -- he made a ton of them -- his career spanned from silent short films all the way to 70s horror pictures and one particularly memorable voice gig. He's the star of the 1966 animated TV classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Beauty Break: Catsuit

meow


literally!

clip, clip here
clip, clip there

we give the roughset claws
that certain air of savoir faire
in the merry old land of Oz

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Overheard at a Party This Weekend

Two guys discussing the Golden Globes
Guy #1: Well, the Globes do that. They like to pick movies or people who need an Oscar push -- try to help them out.
Guy #2: Back in '95 they tried to help Sharon Stone but Sharon Stone couldn't help herself.
Ha! True on so many levels... Naturally I joined the conversation after that quip.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Red Carpet Lineup

A random sampling of celebs from premieres, parties and events this past week...

image sources

I made fun of Sharon Stone this week but I did it with love, I assure you. In truth I think the world would be a far better place if more celebrities tried as hard as she (still) does. Take Scarlett Johansson for example. This tent jacket is what she wears to her own premieres now? Sometimes she doesn't even try. You gotta try. It's Hollywood. Tinseltown... tinsel is, like, shiny -- get it Scarlett? No? Well, if you don't try on the red carpet at least try on screen. [sigh] I worry about that one... it's been 5 years since a particularly memorable pair of performances made her A List. So many films since then and so little to remember from them. If I were King of Hollywood, I would appoint Sharon as Headmistress of the Academy for Aspiring Movie Stars and I would warn her that Scarjo is a natural who just ain't applying herself.

A private message to both Kerry Washington and Jay Hernandez: Please start making some movies I'd actually like to see because you're extraordinarily scrumptious. Pleez & thx, - N.

Rachel Weisz loves zebras and Darren Aronofsky so she has reasonably good taste. I'm hoping you'll see her at the Oscars... because that would mean her auteur husband was finally recognized for something and why not start with The Wrestler. It's so good... I'm next to finished with all the big ticket Oscar hopefuls and The Wrestler just keeps looking better and better in comparison. Luca Argentero... I had some reason for including him but it's already escaped me. Ciao Italia. Angelina Jolie would love to stay and chat but she's busy. busybusybusy. The question is will she & Brad stay so active red carpet wise once the multiple global Changeling and Benjamin Button premieres are over? Will we see them at the Globes and Oscars? That depends on the fates of their vehicles, his & hers.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

"David Fincher, Can We Talk?"


Dave, I just got back from one of those Academy screenings of Benjamin Button. Totally dug it... Especially the part where Benjamin gets younger and younger and Brad Pitt looks exactly like he did back in '92. Golden! Brad can run through my rivers whenever he wants. I love the way your brain works, Dave.

So... yeah, 1992. I'm sure that brings someone else to mind. I give you one guess you naughty man. Call me. I have an idea. I'll foot the f/x bill myself if needs be.

xoxo,

___S.S.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Straight-Jacket Inspired Top Ten

This episode of Tuesday Top Ten is accidentally sponsored by Final Girl's Film Club

I'm a day late to this blog event but as a Crawford Fan (capital intended), my actressexual guilt forced me into caboose position here. I had to watch Straight Jacket all the way through and chime in even if I didn't really have the time.


Joan Crawford stars as Lucy Harbin, a woman who axed her philandering husband and his lover to death in a crime of passion. Cut to twenty years later and Lucy is released from the asylum and returns home to live with her now grown daughter (who had witnessed the murders). Is Lucy still insane? Hallucinations, mood swings, high speed knitting, dressing room breakdowns and attempts to seduce her daughter's fiance suggest that she's not exactly a picture of mental health. But is she still... (gasp) an axe murderer? Decapitated bodies start piling up.

Unsurprisingly, despite it's "bad movie we love" status, Crawford is terrific in the picture. But then she was always ahead of her material or, perhaps stated more accurately, ferociously committed to it no matter what it happened to be. It's this same steel and conviction that sometimes read as scary and stiff (and probably encouraged her mass dismissal later on once Mommie Dearest came around to mess with her legacy) It's also a key reason why she was so perfect for the surprise third (fourth?) act in her career in grotesques like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? Berserk! and Straight Jacket. She was a crucial force in the decade-long run of the Grand Guignol horror film, a fad that gave plum opportunities to aging actresses if they were willing to let themselves go (emotionally and physically) onscreen.

I'd love to see this genre have a revival wouldn't you? But not with remakes! Why make another Baby Jane? for example. Part of the whole fun of this type of thing is seeing how inventively deranged a plot or a part can get. If you know the bloody situation and the feminine psychosis from other movies, where's the sick surprise and the (meat) hook?

10 Actresses Who Should Star in Grand Guignol Films

...minus Glenn Close, who's been playing gargoyles for years even without the excuse of genre. I also limited my selections to anybody 50 or under because you really have to have mileage on you. I'm intrigued by the idea of Jennifer Tilly in one of these type of pictures, with her ability to deliver a serious performance that also has stylized comic beats (see Bound) but she's still too young / young-seeming, even at 50.

10 Lesley Ann Warren (62) The way I see it the Grand Guignol is basically the Quentin Tarantino of curio genres, offering second chances to forgotten or dusty film stars. With the right director and screenplay, Warren --who often played girlish sexual women -- might curdle in interesting ways.

09 Cher (62) Admit it. You want to see her in a movie again. Bonus points if Eric Stoltz, Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci appear as her troubled, concerned or abusive brood.

08 Dianne Wiest (60) Because she can do anything superbly.

07 Ronee Blakley (63) Only because her meltdown in Nashville (1975) is one of the most honest, idiosyncratic and riveting implosions I've ever seen onscreen. She hasn't acted in 20 years and if this genre can resurrect people...

06 Kathleen Turner (54) provided she played it straighter than her Serial Mom triumph. Turner is a bawdy and game gal. With the right director...

05 Debra Winger (53) I adore the documentary Searching For Debra Winger in both real and satiric ways. Wouldn't it be a hoot to fictionalize it / horrorize (word!) it and send a troupe of unsuspecting actress sycophants to her creepy self-isolating mansion in wherever. What they find might be shocking. We all know that Winger excels at buried fury (think of all those sexy/angry 80s lead roles) and layered subtext-ridden detachment (Go see Rachel Getting Married now)

04 Jane Fonda (71) Her last Oscar nomination, 22 years ago with The Morning After (1986), was born from the mainstream thriller genre. Since then she's barely acted wasting her enormous dramatic gift. Wouldn't it be a thrill to see her dishevelled and masochistic again: They Shoot Horses, Don't They? Redux!

03 Sally Kirkland (67) She fought for and won a welcome Oscar nomination way back in 1987 when "campaigning" for awards wasn't as corporatized as it now is. The film was Anna a character study about a despairing actress past her prime. Kirkland is probably in on the red carpet joke that she's been selling/making of herself for years but it's sad that another role as good as "Anna" never materialized. That moment when she watches the celluloid melt remains one of my most vivid memories from my nascent days of cinephilia.

02 Piper Laurie (76) I'm just gonna say it: I thought she was a-w-f-u-l in Dead Girl (2006), whilst basically reprising her Carrie role. Still... 32 years after Carrie her monster mother with blood-curdlingly funny sexual/religious baggage is still an unequalled master class in wacko grand guignol. It begs to be reprised (with a twist) if the genre is ever reborn. I'd give her that second shot at sequelizing herself.



01 Sharon Stone (50) For my number one choice I'm breaking the age rule. Or am I? You just know Sharon started lying about her age when she was 20: Ambitious girls think ahead! Stone is exactly the kind of frozen-in-time movie queen that this genre likes to thaw in order to take an axe an ice pick to what remains.
*

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Me and You and Everyone We Link

Billy Loves Stu remakes some classics. Funny stuff
<--- Big Screen Little Screen feeds us info on the new Miranda July project Satisfaction. I can't wait... ))<>((
Too Many Projects hosting a Production Design blog-a-thon. Right at this very moment. Get decoratin'
Club Silencio "...just put a cigarette out on Juno"
/Film video clips from Synechdoche, New York
Film Brain
"Brains Not Required (or: Whither Subtlety)"
FOG has photos of the Met's Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy exhibit
Bubblegum Aesthetics has a huge researched piece on the various Iron Man / Tony Stark histories from the comic books

Row Three first image of Viggo from The Road [thx]
A Socialite's Life
Madonna @ Cannes. I love these photos because once Sharon Stone & Madonna were vaguely pop culture enemies. So maybe now they're frenemies?
Boy Culture boogies for Ellen DeGeneres & Portia deRossi upcoming wedding
Planet Fabulon remember her name... (hee)
Gallery of the Absurd "14" and her friend Jeff Polage have been cracking me up all month
Crazy Days and Nights why Whoopi is good at her job on The View
Self Styled Siren has a tribute to Jimmy Stewart for his centennial
Dear Jesus reexamines the Oscar winning The Tin Drum ... with a big bowl of spaghetti

And finally... a sentence I wish I'd written. It's from K Silem Mohammed's Lost in the Frame on Black Snake Moan
Still, in a contest between the film itself and its poster, the film doesn't stand a chance.
Damn those graphic designers!

Monday, May 19, 2008

She's very discreet... but she will haunt your dreams

My favorite celebrity photo of the week [source] is below. Here we see crazy-ass Sharon Stone speaking at some event while Jane Lynch (from Christopher Guest's mockumentaries) looks on in admiration.


Jane always crack me up and here I imagine that she's about to sing Sharon a few bars of that Guatamalan ditty that she delivered to Steve Carell with such lustful comic zeal in The 40 Year-Old Virgin, practically groping him with her voice. Jane can sing to me any time she likes even if the lyrics are as nonsensical as they supposedly were there
Whenever they clean my room, I can't find anything/Where are you going with such haste?/To a football game [src]
*

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Day in the Life of Sharon Stone

"I'm old-school glamour! I'm new-school insanity!
I am one fabulous, crazy bitch!"


"I don't care whose house it is.
Jessica Lange did this in Frances and she won a goddamn Oscar!"


"So then this giant fucking lizard bites him on the friggin' toe!
Oh, you should have heard him scream! It was the funniest thing!"


"Hmm...Am I sitting on my lighter again?"


"Whaddya mean, you're all gay? Don't you know who I am???"


"I'm sorry, Miss Stone, but we're going to have to ask you to leave."


[fotos: ellen von unwerth]
[something from thombeau]

Monday, March 10, 2008

Recycled Experience: A History of Sharon Stone

Former ice-pick twirler Sharon Stone turns the big '5-0' today. So we bring you this 2 year old post for your reading pleasure. Hey, surely some of you didn't see it at the time...

I haven't updated the history because Sharon Stone has pretty much disappeared from the spotlight these last couple of years. But she's still working. She was in the Sundance entry The Year of Getting To Know Us with Jimmy Fallon and Illeana Douglas and her most recent project Five Dollars a Day (with Allesandro Nivola and Christopher Walken) is in post. Both films are low profile so if there is to be Stone revival it'll have to come from the star studded Dirty Tricks (from Ryan Murphy of Running With Scissors and Nip/Tuck fame). That film seems to have lost its lead in its long pre-production period --Meryl Streep was previously expected to play Martha "the mouth that roared" Mitchell in the Nixon era comedy -- but it still has some A list supporting talent ready to go. Will that film ever make it before cameras?

A History of... Sharon Stone

1958 God begins to plan ahead for Marilyn Monroe's death. Knowing that mankind will need a replacement blonde icon to obsess upon, he plants Sharon Stone in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Instantly cognizant of his mistake he overcompensates dropping Michelle Pfeiffer in Orange County and Madonna in Detroit later that same year. Whew, close one.

1964 Young Sharon announces that she plans to be the next Marilyn Monroe. Her mother nods knowingly, later declaring to the press that her child was "always posing."

1977 Sharon moves to her Aunt's place in New Jersey. God quickly counters, positioning Madonna directly in a taxicab in Times Square. Madonna shacks up with a musician immediately. Sharon, slacking, waits four days to sign up with a major modelling agency.

1980 Stone is spotted briefly / obsessively (but without dialogue) in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories, an experience she describes as "losing her virginity." She does not mean this literally [we hope].

1984 Stone appears in a TV film with Rock Hudson. Decides to ditch "the next Marilyn" goal for "the next Liz Taylor." God remembers he gave Stone a 154 IQ. He also thinks it a better fit but makes note to keep Liz alive as long as possible anyway. Sharon marries her TV producer and gets her first memorable gig in Irreconciliable Difference as a slutty actress with pit hair who stars in a musical version of Gone With the Wind [I'm not making this up...]

1985-1989 Stone finds herself in a slew of embarrassing B movies and the pits of career desperation...

1990 ...leading her to join the other Hollywood sheep in the throes of Scientology. Soon she lands a standout gig as Arnold Schwarzenegger's violent slutty wife in Total Recall. To seal her breakout bid she poses nude for Playboy. She tells the press it's because she needed the money. Always posing, she is.

1992 Michelle Pfeiffer turns down Basic Instinct. God relaxes: That Pfeiffer thing sure was a good idea. After the rest of the A-Listers follow suit, Sharon Stone grabs hold of the role of Catherine "F*** of the Century" Trammel with a fiery "last chance" commitment. White dress + dirty talk + uncrossing of legs = superstardom. In her most shameless PR pose ever she tells the press that director Paul Verhoeven tricked her into it.

1993 Madonna disses Stone on Arsenio Hall, implying that her breasts are fake. So Sharon shows them again, following up her smash erotic thriller with another one called Sliver. She plays with some Baldwin brothers' penis.

Then again, who hasn't?

1995 Still desperate for the fame she has already gained, she turns her ACTING up to 11 for Martin Scorsese in Casino. People say that the expensive gifts she gave to every member of the HFPA won her that Golden Globe but I think it was born of pity. Shouldn't you get some sort of trophy if you blow Joe Pesci onscreen?

1996 At the heighth of her fashion stardom, she attends the Oscars wearing a gap shirt and makes best-dressed lists. Entertainment Weekly, never one to avoid a bandwagon, names Stone one of the top 100 movie stars of all time. Shirley Maclaine and Catherine Deneuve, unlisted, are pissed.

1998-2003 Her star already on the wane, she marries Phil Bronstein and moves to San Francisco where she suffers a heart attack. She adopts her first child and names him "Roan". We can only hope that he has his dad's surname. Sharon divorces Bronstein. During this time she also suffers a brain aneuryism. [I could tie this all in to the Liz Taylor reference but this is nothing to joke about.]

2004 Sharon wins awards for her service to the gay and lesbian community . She then appears in Catwoman cancelling out all previous humanitarian efforts.

2005 Bored unemployed movie st Sharon Stone adopts a second child and names him "Laird Vonne Stone", poor thing. God, feeling guilty, vows to help him stay skinny and popular.

2006 In preparation for the release of Basic Instinct 2 the "Tour of Crazy" begins. There's plenty of posing. From there I turn you over to the tireless crazy train coverage @ The Gilded Moose.


Sunday, September 03, 2006

New (Hateful) Reviews: Basic Instinct 2, Another Gay Movie, John Tucker Must Die and More

Oh, dear readers. I am so far behind in my movie reviewing. So with that said, I thought I'd get a bunch of the year's biggest suckage out of the way first before I move on to other capsules and full reviews.



Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction & John Tucker Must Die
The names probably sound odd strung together. I could've titled this article "Basic Instinct 2: John Tucker Addiction" but that would have been pushing the forced conjoinment too far I think. And maybe it would've sent out the wrong message implying that some people actually want the personality-free John Tucker. Certainly Sharon Stone didn't ask to be bedding down with Jessie Metcalfe. She'd break him in half. Or kick him outta bed for asking too many questions about her personal eyebrow threader. This article could have also been titled "John Tucker Must Risk Addiction"… but that's a title for a far more interesting movie, don't you think?

If it sounds like I'm avoiding talking about the actual movies, I am. Strange bedfellows though these movie may appear, I had the same exact reaction to both.  They were so inept that I could barely acknowledge their presence while I was watching them. I had only vague recollections afterwards. Was it all a bad but non-frightening dream? Did these movies exist at all?

What was the point of Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction? I ask this in all seriousness. If the point was moneymaking surely they knew this plodding too-late retread couldn't ignite audience interest? If the point was a reignition of Sharon Stone's career shouldn't somehow have stopped the stylist from that strange straw horse tail look that's so distracting. They could have at least given Ms. Stone campier dialogue to chew on and spit out suggestively. If the point was titillation than the movie definitely failed. It's no secret to anyone but the sexphobic "religious right"' that mainstream movies have become a much tamer PG-13 realm in the 14 years that have passed since the original Instinct's release. There's nothing in this long-gestating sequel that's half as lurid as the opening murder sequence in the first film. There's nothing as nude as the original's interrogation sequence. There's not even any faux sapphic energy to bait the audience as there was all throughout the 1992 trashfest (but most particularly in the dance club / ladies bathroom sequences).

So, if you're going to lose the lurid, the flesh, and the homophobic lesbo hokiness, you plan to replace it with something, right? Like maybe a more gonzo plot? No, this is pretty much a retread: Catherine writes a book (fictional) about what she's doing (reality) while the audience is meant to think she's guilty and then... perhaps not?... towards the end. Ooh, sneaky!

More than anything I was bored watching Basic Instinct 2 so I latched on desperately to the only enjoyable thing: counting the number of times the writers manage to shoehorn "risk addiction" into the dialogue. I revelled in how awkward all the actors seem to be saying it. It's as if they all know that the phrase in context is hilarious. Perhaps the director underlined each use of the phrase in their scripts and threw in markered exclamation points after each usage. Then, unfortunately, he must have beat them into submission if they dared try any clever line readings that might recognize the movies camp value. Sharon Stone, Charlotte Rampling and David Thewliss have all had their moments in other pictures. Unfortunately they're all trapped in a cold unmoving machine this time. Risk Addiction has no naughty joy or sense of humor about itself.

John Tucker Must Die has even less of a soul. In this case there's no ghost of a superior film floating around to lend it any instant audience rapport or love. Oh no wait –there is. It was called Mean Girls. Since the two films are unrelated, the comparison serves more as anvil than crutch.  Mean Girls is superior in every way you can think of and then some. Basic Instinct 2 can and does bank on audience interest in a shared central character. John Tucker... apparently hopes to coast on the plot of Mean Girls alone. But plots don't have soul. They're just mechanics. If John Tucker... had actors with real spark it might have survived its egregious theft of plot. But not one of the actors employed comes with any real verve so the awful paint-by-numbers screenplay and unspecified stock characters can't be rescued with comedic timing or artful character spins.

I did have one happy takeaway from watching John Tucker Must Die. It reminded me to cherish that most rare and precious jewel of the cinema: a good comedy with charismatic actors. So, Mean Girls and Lindsay Lohan, take yet another bow. The class of John Tucker... is dismissed.

Both Movies: D-


My Super Ex-Girlfriend and Not Another Gay Movie
Here we have another odd combination. They're grouped for this reason: I really wanted to love both of them but found them highly annoying and completely lacking in redeemable virtues. In concept, both seemed promising. But in execution... oh, ouch.

My Super Ex-Girlfriend has a clever enough hook. It's a romantic comedy about a mild mannered guy (Luke Wilson) who finds out that he's dating a superhero (Uma Thurman). Unfortunately, the cleverness ends with this high concept gimmick. There are many ways in which this film could have been a silly slapstick romp but it's badly misjudged on any number of levels. I'll focus on only two: director and star.

The director Ivan Reitman still seems to be finding comedy work on the basis of his strong 70s/80s comedic partnership with Bill Murray (Meatballs, Stripes, Ghostbusters). In the 90s he became the guy who did high concept comedies with Schwarzenneger (Kindergarten Cop, Junior, Twins). It's undoubtedly tempting for moviemakers to return to the genre that housed their greatest hit but Ghostbusters seems to have done Reitman more harm than good. Both of his recent pictures, Evolution (2001, review) and My Super Ex-Girlfriend suggest that he should have quit this genre after directing its biggest success. For Ghostbusters aside, his f/x heavy action comedies don't generate laughs. They're too lazily assembled and they don't have Bill Murray in them. Good comedy requires precision and inspiration. This film trusts that the audience will find wacky CGI hilarious and that the premise itself is funny enough to sustain laughs for ninety minutes: they don't and it isn't.

The other problem is Uma Thurman. As a dedicated Umaphile I say this through gritted teeth. Reitman's choice of star in both of his last two pictures is suspect. Like the star of Evolution (Julianne Moore), he has selected for his female lead a fine dramatic actress who is nearly always several shades too fussy while playing comedy. More than any type of acting, comedy requires a light touch. Apologists may claim that both Moore and Thurman were playing fussy characters who were ill at ease with themselves but that doesn't excuse fussy ill-at-ease performances. Take the work of Diane Keaton for a counter example. She often plays highly neurotic fussy overly analytical women but her performances never feel forced or neurotically "funny" in the process. She's just funny. Even if a comedic performance is, in actuality, carefully calibrated and rehearsed performance art, it needs to feel at ease and spontaneous in order to generate the big laughs. Replacing the star would not have saved My Super Ex-Girlfriend from its overall incompetence, but replacing her with a Cameron Diaz or an Anna Faris (miscast here in a secondary mostly non-comedic part) would've made it a little funnier.

Speaking of forced humor...

Another Gay Movie is an equal opportunity offender. It tells the oft-told tale of graduating high schoolers who want to lose their virginity. This time they're gay. Another Gay Movie wants a place at the table with such bawdy teen hetero sex-comedies like American Pie or Porky's. No question it should have that place. But isn't that a particularly unappetizing table to be sitting at, what with all the toilet humor and crass behavior? I suppose a great deal of my disappointment with it comes from my affection for its writer/director Todd Stephens. His first two films, Edge of Seventeen (screenplay only) and Gypsy 83 (my capsule review), were both tiny slice of life films but they had real heart and charm. Their lapses seem to stem from microscopic budgeting as opposed to any lack of talent or taste. If Another Gay Movie is any indication, Stephens should stick to warmer dramedies.

Another Gay Movie has one slighty affecting romance between friends and has (or at least aspires to have) some of the sexual anarchy of classic John Waters, it's all depressing shoddy and slight. It doesn't help that all the jokes, already impossible to miss since the movie is just one gag after another, are oversold by the hyper actors. Even if you find a particular scene funny you'll probably want them to stop begging for your laugh-track. At times it reminded me of an R-rated feature length version of one recurring joke on Will & Grace. When very fey Jack would get upset, his voice would raise to a super high pitch and speed. If you thought that joke was funny every single time it was used on W&G you should probably see this movie. If not I'd suggest renting one or both of Mr. Stephens infinitely superior previous features.

Ex-Girlfriend: D- Gay Movie: D


I'll try to write about something I like soon --yes, I do actually love the cinema. Perhaps the fall movies will restore warm fuzzies to movie reviewing.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Box Office, Brad, and Boobs

Cinematical informs us that Brad Pitt’s next project after new fatherhood, Jesse James and Babel promotion (check out the new poster. Wheee.) and another Oceans romp is looking to be The Curious Case of Benjamin Button for director David Fincher. This long gestating development-hell plagued film is about a man that ages backwards. I’m crossing my fingers and offering gifts to the cinematic gods to see this through to a real greenlight. Why? Well the story sounds worthy of imaginative filmmaking and Pitt does great work under Fincher’s hand. Se7en and Fight Club are his two very best performances, say I.

The Stranger Song is a new movie/pop culture blog you should check out. They have a smart and interesting piece on the critical/box office divide in response to AO Scott’s NY Times piece which was in response to the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest box office explosion. Got it? I completely agree that box office does not automatically equal public love and it was a relief to read someone else addressing this issue articulately.

Movie City News's guru David Poland talks about the ever shifting MPAA ratings system and the overall lack of sex at the movies. On this point I agree. Even supposed slutfests like Basic Instinct 2 don’t deliver in this area. I watched that on DVD last night and not only was it just awful in all the traditional ways a movie can be bad but, apart from its filthy mouth, it was pretty tame and dull. And re: Sharon Stone's one major nude scene in the film. Maybe a lesbian or heterosexual man can explain to me the appeal of fake boobs? I don't get it. Do people really like them? The huge amount of boob jobs in Hollywood seem to indicate that someone does. The appeal of large breasts is obvious but fake large breasts? Please to explain if any boob man is reading.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

A History of... Sharon Stone

It's Tuesday. Time for the latest episode of our series.



1958 God begins to plan ahead for Marilyn Monroe's death. Knowing that mankind will need a replacement blonde icon to obsess upon, he plants Sharon Stone in Meadville, Pennsylvania. Instantly cognizant of his mistake he overcompensates dropping Michelle Pfeiffer in Orange County and Madonna in Detroit later that same year. Whew, close one.

1964 Young Sharon announces that she plans to be the next Marilyn Monroe. Her mother nods knowingly, later declaring to the press that her child was "always posing."

1977 Sharon moves to her Aunt's place in New Jersey. God quickly counters, positioning Madonna directly in a taxicab in Times Square. Madonna shacks up with a musician immediately. Sharon, slacking, waits four days to sign up with a major modelling agency.

1980 Stone is spotted briefly / obsessively (but without dialogue) in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories, an experience she describes as "losing her virginity." She does not mean this literally [we hope].

1984 Stone appears in a TV film with Rock Hudson. Decides to ditch "the next Marilyn" goal for "the next Liz Taylor." God remembers he gave Stone a 154 IQ. He also thinks it a better fit but makes note to keep Liz alive as long as possible anyway. Sharon marries her TV producer and gets her first memorable gig in Irreconciliable Difference as a slutty actress with pit hair who stars in a musical version of Gone With the Wind [I'm not making this up...]

1985-1989 Stone finds herself in a slew of embarrassing B movies and the pits of career desperation...

1990 ...leading her to join the other Hollywood sheep in the throes of Scientology. Soon she lands a standout gig as Arnold Schwarzenegger's violent slutty wife in Total Recall. To seal her breakout bid she poses nude for Playboy. She tells the press it's because she needed the money. Always posing, she is.

1992 Michelle Pfeiffer turns down Basic Instinct. God relaxes: That Pfeiffer thing sure was a good idea. After the rest of the A-Listers follow suit, Sharon Stone grabs hold of the role of Catherine "F*** of the Century" Trammel with a fiery "last chance" commitment. White dress + dirty talk + uncrossing of legs = superstardom. In her most shameless PR pose ever she tells the press that director Paul Verhoeven tricked her into it.

1993 Madonna disses Stone on Arsenio Hall, implying that her breasts are fake. So Sharon shows them again, following up her smash erotic thriller with another one called Sliver. She plays with some Baldwin brothers' penis.

Then again, who hasn't?

1995 Still desperate for the fame she has already gained, she turns her ACTING up to 11 for Martin Scorsese in Casino. People say that the expensive gifts she gave to every member of the HFPA won her that Golden Globe but I think it was born of pity. Shouldn't you get some sort of trophy if you blow Joe Pesci onscreen?

1996 At the heighth of her fashion stardom, she attends the Oscars wearing a gap shirt and makes best-dressed lists. Entertainment Weekly, never one to avoid a bandwagon, names Stone one of the top 100 movie stars of all time. Shirley Maclaine and Catherine Deneuve, unlisted, are pissed.

1998-2003 Her star already on the wane, she marries Phil Bronstein and moves to San Francisco where she suffers a heart attack. She adopts her first child and names him "Roan". We can only hope that he has his dad's surname. Sharon divorces Bronstein. During this time she also suffers a brain aneuryism. [I could tie this all in to the Liz Taylor reference but this is nothing to joke about.]

2004 Sharon wins awards for her service to the gay and lesbian community . She then appears in Catwoman cancelling out all previous humanitarian efforts.

2005 Bored unemployed movie st Sharon Stone adopts a second child and names him "Laird Vonne Stone", poor thing. God, feeling guilty, vows to help him stay skinny and popular.

2006 In preparation for the release of Basic Instinct 2 the "Tour of Crazy" begins. There's plenty of posing. From there I turn you over to the tireless crazy train coverage @ The Gilded Moose.

while you're here check out the rest of the goodies on this blog or read previous histories... Jodie Foster *Gender Bending * Bald Women * Sarah Jessica Parker * Gay Cowboys * Julianne Moore's Screen Kids * Gyllenhaal

tags: Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct, movies, celebrities, gossip

Saturday, April 01, 2006

48 is the new 34

I have not yet seen Basic Instinct 2 but you know I'm gonna. I hope it's so bad it's great. But if I read one more comment about how Sharon Stone is too old to take her clothes off I'm gonna freaking explode. This woman is hot. Yes, she's been frighteningly off her rocker lately. But many of the comments in the media and internet just reek of ageism and sexism. Look at this woman! Every 48 year-old on the planet wished they looked this hot.

You know who else is turning 48 this year?
Madonna. reinvents hotness every couplea years. Do you look as good in a skintight leotard? Yeah. Thought not.
Holly Hunter. one of the best bodies in the business. any age. Plus jaw-droppingly inspired as an actor.
Andie MacDowell. (obviously signed a deal with the devil. never ages)
Michelle Pfeiffer. über hot. pforever.

Don't anybody tell me 48 year-old movie stars aren't hot. Argh!