Friday, December 12, 2008

From Stage Right Comes a Movie You Have Never Heard of Before!

Glenn from Stale Popcorn here again. Nat is temporarily caught up dealing with all sorts of crazy award season shenanigans no doubt and - kindhearted soul that he is - thought y'all wouldn't like to go completely without your daily Film Experience, er, experience and asked his guest bloggers to inject some life into Friday's blog (even though it's Saturday here - aah time zones. It's like I'm in the future sometimes.)

Isn't it funny how movies just seem to pop up without any warning whatsoever. Being an Australian and a keen observer of my country's film industry I am well versed on this phenomenon. You see, movie studios think that people rock up to cinemas with no idea of what they're going to see - especially in such times of economic struggle - and that they don't need to advertise their movies to get noticed. People will "discover them naturally" or whatever claptrap they're extolling these days.

Mark Ruffalo recently received a Satellite Award nomination for his performance in some movie called What Doesn't Kill You. Well, if the terrible title doesn't kill you then the deathly silence surrounding it's release today (Dec 12) will. Were they expecting Golden Globe nominations? Did anybody know movies called Call + Response, The Other End of the Line, Gardens of the Night (my negative review here) and Amexicano were currently in theatrical release? Neither did I. They'd get more viewers by simply going direct-to-DVD! Has anybody seen these movies? Does anybody plan on seeing these movies? They're hardly water cooler topics, are they?

On a similar track, there are times when you just have to wonder why they bothered in the first place. I recently read that they've made a movie about Dragonball Z. DRAGONBALL Z, folks! On a scale of unnecessary movies to be made in 2008 a Dragonball Z feature ranks just below a sympathetic Kerry Katona* biopic as the top candidate. Actually, scratch that. The Kerry Katona Story would be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! That gives me an idea...

*I apologise to anybody who doesn't follow the British tabloids. If you don't know who Kerry Katona is then, quite frankly, you're better off. That biopic would still be hilarious though. Surely other Brit Z-grade celebrity obsessives exist out there at The Film Experience?!?!



omg. i have no idea what you're talking about. But I know we have British readers so I guess the question becomes: do we have British tabloid readers?

That Ruffalo double at the Satellites was a weird development of awards season for sure. I personally like his work a lot but his career sure doesn't seem to be where it should be, Satellite doubling or no.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Guy! Where's Guy! I know he'd be down for Kerry Katona movie. It'd be like Showgirls but about about a deadbeat foul-mouthed former popstar!

I have never been much of a Ruffalo fan, actually. His neverending mopey shtick does nothing for me. The Satellite nom for Brothers Bloom is funny cause now the movie's been pushed back to May '09 for better "counter programming" opportunities. Right.

Guy said...

Damn you, Glenn... and I thought American film blogs were a Katona-free zone.

She is a walking tragedy, however, so I see your point. Rachel McAdams would be aces in the role.

Anyway, now that you've already sullied the good name of this blog with that of Katona, have you seen THIS? Quite possibly the most "WTF" piece of advertising I've seen all year:

Kamikaze Camel said...

Hahah. Brilliant. Why is Jason Donovan there? And why are they advertising ICELAND?! WTF indeed.

I am deeply sorry. I guess i just won't suffice until Girls Aloud take over the world and the American version of Defamer starts bleating on about what a dirty dirty trashbag Kerry Katona is as much as the Australian one (and she was only briefly famous here many many years ago).

I'm imagining Anna Faris in the role though. She'd win an Oscar for, if nothing else, gaining that weight and making herself look incredibly revolting and unappealing in every possible way. Bless.

But seriously, this entry wasn't actually about Kerry Katona and her Atomic Kitten no-hopers.

Guy said...

Understood and forgiven.

For the benefit of any truly baffled non-Brits who have the misfortune of seeing that ad, I should explain that ICELAND is a low-rent British frozen food store, and that they've kept Kerry Katona as their 'face' for a couple of years now, through thick and thin. It's touching, really.

I've always thought they should replace her with Bjork, but no one will listen to me.

Guy said...

I digress... who were we talking about? Mark Ruffalo?

I really like him, not least because he's as loose and comfortable in something like "13 Going On 30" as he is "You Can Count On Me." There's a lot to be said for that.

And I know "The Brothers Bloom" is acquiring this stench of failure, but I was surprised by how little I hated it.

Adam H said...

I think a film about Kerry Katona would be a strong contender for the worst film ever made.

Marc said...

Stay strong Mark

Anonymous said...

This has seriously messed with my British head. I never thought in all my years of visiting the Film Experience, that I would ever read a comment - let alone a post - about Kerry Katona.



Agustin said...

If a movie has Mark Ruffalo in it, it's a must. So yeah, What Doesnt Kill You shouldn go on straigh to dvds..
We need more Mark

Agustin said...

i meant shouldnt go directly to dvds
and by we, i mean THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
yeah, i love him

Brian said...

Saw WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU at Toronto. It's an okay movie, if a bit of a retread.

When I saw it, it was slated for April of '09. Yari Film Group just went into bankruptcy today, so I think they rushed it up to meet contractual obligations of releasing it so they won't get sued (more).

That's the explanation for the release. The Satellites (which are basically worthless anyway - The Film Bitch Awards have much more value IMHO) happening is obviously Ruffalo love.

I think moving THE BLOOM BROTHERS to next year was actually a wise move. WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU would have also played better in the spring (when expectations - both box office and quality) are generally lower. It's no awards season movie, but it's passable entertainment.