Friday, February 29, 2008

Now Playing: Girlie Women and Semi Professional Men

Bonneville -Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates and Joan Allen take a road trip. Together. How on earth have I not heard of this? I don't even really care if it's stale... though I'd prefer it to be slightly more risky, more three-dimensional and more surprising than the paint-by-numbers female buddy movie that this trailer implies. There, I've said it. Only I didn't...Okay, okay this trailer looks bad (sorry) but... but: Lange, Bates, and Allen! I will still see it.
City of Men is a sequel (of sorts) to City of God. This time Fernando Meirelles is a producer, not the director. I'm not sure I could handle a return trip but it'll be of interest to huge fans of the violent breakout '03 film.
Chicago 10 -it's a buzzy partially animated documentary about the volatile 1968 Democratic convention and the violent government oppression and trial that followed.

No Country For Old Men -the Oscar winner for Best Picture gets its biggest theater count yet by several hundred. I sometimes can't imagine who hasn't seen this yet but then I remember statistics about how few movies people actually go to in the theaters. It'll have a looooooooonnnngggg life on DVD. It's starting it's 17th weekend at the box office and it's been expanding then shrinking then expanding (repeat) that entire time. Perhaps unsurprisingly its weakest weekends were the two right before the Oscar nominations gave it its second wind. It's third wind comes today courtesy of Oscar wins.

How much of a post-ceremony boost do you think it'll get?

The Other Boleyn Girl is getting bad reviews but at least this romantic "historical" drama has eye candy in the form of Scarjo, Natalie Portman and King Bana. Bonus points: costumes by world great Sandy Powell (The Aviator, Far From Heaven, The Velvet Goldmine, Shakespeare in Love).
Semi Pro
Other websites have already said brilliant things about this latest Will Ferrel sports comedy and I'd like to let them do the talking but in my terrible habit of reading too many blogs and reading them poorly and in fits and starts, I've forgotten where I read that brilliant thing and what exactly was said and it begins to fade in my over-celluloided mind. What. Where am I? I don't care about this movie. Next...
Penelope -the magical tale of a blah blah blah... you know what it's about since the trailers gave Christina Ricci's miss piggy act away. I know this is really a chance to see Ricci again (yay!) and watch James McAvoy pucker up again (yay --pretty soon he will have made out with every young female star, right?) but my point... um. Oh, yes. Whenever I see photos of Reese Witherspoon in this (she produced and has a supporting role) I think of Meg Ryan's attempt at a little edge in Addicted to Love.

Is that weird? My mind always goes there. Maybe it's the kohl-ed eyes.

Happy Leap Year

Make a wish...

Read. Listen. Watch?

So you've got the daily blog, the monthly or tri-weekly (?) podcast, will we ever be able to stay focused. But I'm curious...

30 Under 30...

Or... Why Corporate Entertainment Coverage Sometimes Bugs the S**t Out of Me

So, I'm flipping through's "30 under 30" special and I'm like oh yeah... bring it on. Love the Tatum. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jamie Bell. Yes and yes. Of courses, doubled. Some love for the under appreciated Elijah Wood, smart move. Why do people forget what a solid actor he is? And then I get to Hayden Christensen and I realize. Oh, yeahhh. This is just yet another sloppily thrown together PR driven list that has no purpose other than to generate content for a website. [not that we all aren't guilty of that on occassion he says sheepishly]

It's just an excuse to show pictures of 30 famous guys. And then I get to Seth Rogen, Justin Long, Jonah Hill, Zac Ephron (?) and all of these newbies --none of whom I have anything against but none of whom have shown any range yet so there's not much you can have for them either. One or two hits and you're the best? What about the people who haven't had any hits but are good actors? Like Victor Razuk. What about people who have been in hits and are good actors? Like Anthony Mackie. What about Eddie Redmayne who has a few pictures coming out and might get famous. What about down on his luck but obviously talented Haley Joel Osment ... just as a reminder of his existence. Supposedly he's making a movie with Max von Sydow this fall. He's not dead. If you're going with looks over talent (as they seem to be in several cases) why not Jesse Bradford? What about Jay Hernand-- oh, he just turned 30, never mind. What is the point of this list? Down with substance-free lists! Give me opinions or critiques ... something. Let's decide what lists are about rather than just listing.

But who cares about 20 year-olds when Hugh Jackman, who is almost 40, is looking like this...

Rowwwr, or... um, whatever growling noise wolverines make. Wolverine is only 427 days away. Hold your breath.

UPDATE: And here are the actresses --a similarly haphazard list of famous beauties without talent, young women with lots of talent, and people who just happen to be really famous. Zzzzz.

Just joining us ? ...and totally nostalgic for last Sunday. Check out the big Oscars review
or, if you're "now" driven go to the most recent posts


Thursday, February 28, 2008

Day of Rest

Shhhhhhhhh. Bruce could barely stand and now he has to face his fears. It probably won't be a deep sleep. Nathaniel is also barely conscious. He is hanging upside down in his cave. He may awaken sometime this evening as the sun goes down... or maybe sleep right on through till morning.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Fashions & Split-Screen Madness

<--- Anne Hathaway applauds with joyous relief --the film year is finally over. Is she thinking "I'm gonna own this place next year as a nominee!!!"?


You wish. But we're almost done. In fact I am done... but I guess we're not done until you've read and commented. It's the back 'n' forth beauty o' the web.

Oscar Review is Complete
Page 1 Oscar Hangover (in case you haven't read it yet)
Page 2 (NEW) Fashions: The Good, The Bad and the Neither
Page 3 (NEW) Split-Screen Madness. Loving those 'win or lose' actress boxes.
also a new poll --who is least likely to return to the Oscars?

Return and gab in the comments. That's how we do. It's the last Oscar post for the 07/08 race so celebrate accordingly in the comments. And remember, The Film Experience is year round (it just gets rather Oscar whipped from Dec-Feb)

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"I'll Never Let Go. I'll Never Let Go, Jack Josh"

OK... how soon until we get some slash fic for the Josh & Javi celebrity love parade that's been building from Cannes onward, sending bloggers into fits of ecstacy? Any guesses... or has it already begun? kissing
very very very last Oscar post will be up shortly.

Links, Caution

If you've ever wondered how I choose my links...
It's mostly general surfing + what people send me using the e-mail link to the "tips, suggestion" in the upper right hand corner + regular favorites from my rss feeds. I will be revamping my link lists / subscriptions soon... eager to find new stuff. So if you'd like me to notice your blog or any blog you think does great work, send it to the e-mail with "FYC" in the title field.

Trading Faces funny popculture genealogy for 'Project Runway Too Gay'
Slant Magazine goes to NY Fashion Week. Asides to Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, and Sex & The City: The Movie for you tv maniacs
Seriously? OMG! WTF? Natalie loves Scarlett's twins
Culture Snub investigates credible motives and character flaws in There Will Be Blood and Michael Clayton. I beg to differ on a couple points about the latter, but a good read
Jezebel Sex & The City trailer. Lots of plot reveals.

Pfun with Pfeiffer
flickr Attack of mega giantess Michelle
Personal Effects
LaPfeiffer's new movie has a trailer. This is the one with Ashton Kutchner-Moore
Coraline teaser. OK, strictly speaking this has nothing to do with Michelle Pfeiffer. But she was originally supposed to play "Mother/Other Mother" when this was going to be a live action film. And now it's animated and it's... um... Teri Hatcher.

DVD Land

Bluegum on The Darjeeling Limited & Nu Orientalism. Interesting piece
also relatively new on DVD: Lust, Caution (winner of 1 gold, 3 silver medals and a bronze in the 8th annual film bitch awards), American Gangster (meh), Michael Clayton (hell, yeah), Margot at the Wedding (Kidman was Oscar nom' worthy), Beowulf (my review), In the Shadow of the Moon, Death at a Funeral (my review), Slipstream and 30 Days of Night (don't do it. worst of the year)

still hung up on Oscar?
...and you've (almost) had enough articles on the Oscars but I just want to share three quotes that I really enjoyed from Rob Scheer, Nick Davis and Jeffrey Wells
"I've got to say, it still makes no sense to me that this movie is an Oscar winner for Best Picture. It's too challenging, too cerebral, too symbolic, too meditative, too cynical, too phenomenal. It doesn't make sense. This is the award that's supposed to go to movies that say racism is bad or wittily hypothesize the backstory of writing of "Romeo and Juliet" or commemorate the Holocaust. It's not supposed to go to morally murky, violent Coen Brothers movies with abrupt, thought-provoking endings that basically impart the message that society is quickly going to shit. What the fuck has happened to the Oscars? I have no idea, but whatever it is, it's something worth celebrating."
-Rob Scheer on No Country For Old Men's win
"Swinton didn't win for a single reason other than her performance, with the slight exception of Michael Clayton's shutout in other categories. Even there, plenty of well-liked nominees go home empty-handed every year ... Otherwise, though, the critics didn't help her, beyond the rave reviews from several months ago: somehow, when prize season arrived, they only had eyes for Amy Ryan. She didn't have a Globe or a SAG. She isn't, remotely, a Hollywood elbow-rubber. She isn't "owed" in any way the Academy recognizes (and certainly not the way Ruby Dee is). She isn't the young thing of the moment. She didn't play a likeable character. She didn't play the character in a simply digestible way. Her part wasn't showy, though it was generously featured. The general public has a dim sense of her as the White Witch of Narnia, but little else. Why did she win? It's the performance, stupid... Good enough to persuade voters on its own terms once they got around to seeing it, and good enough to qualify as the best winner in this category since the proximate wins of Peggy Ashcroft and Dianne Wiest in 1984 and 1986—if not the best since Vanessa Redgrave won in 1977, and in virtually the same dress, plus a left sleeve. For all the well-earned reputation of insiderism and errant, delayed sentiment that the Academy has accrued over time, they don't always vote that way, and when they don't, it's glorious."
-Nick Davis on Tilda's win
"These are some of the best movies that the filmmaking culture is turning out now. Every year there are at least 20 or 25 films that are somewhere between excellent, very good or good enough to watch and think about later. If regular people in Boston and Saskatchewan are living such insulated and cut-off lives that they can't be bothered to go to some of these films unless it has an advertised 'happy pill' vibe then the hell with them. They're children. I have no time for childishness, and neither does anyone else of any worth. Life is short."
-Jeffrey Wells on the same dumb knee jerk 'why haven't I heard of these films?' inexplicable whining that I was bitching about yesterday. [Go get 'em Jeffrey!]

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Is it 1997 Again? Who's F***ing Whom?

An interesting recent development in Hollywood: the resurgence of the Affleck clan: Ben, Casey, Jennifer Garner, Matt Damon ... so I feel totally remiss in how late I'm posting this back n forth viral that you've probably seen elsewhere. But I'm still laughing about it. (Thanks to ModFab for the reminder)

The first is Sarah Silverman's already infamous and hilarious music video "I'm F***ing Matt Damon" and the second is her boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel's new star-studded response video (Brad Pitt is only the beginning). You won't believe it until you've seen it. But you've probably seen it already. If so, enjoy again [Both are NSFW]

I ask you: Is there anything better in Hollywood than celebrities with a sense of humor about themselves?

Strike A This Pose

It's the pose of 1,000 starlets.

Some hang left. Some hang right.

Laura Linney just hangs. Look at those arms just plain as can be, refusing to perform for the paparazzi. She won't win an Oscar until she learns how to do it. Laura look around you. Talent isn't everything. Why aren't you posing?

"I'm late walking into the Kodak now y'all. See you in 2012"

I mean you're just being your same old fabulous/unfabulous great actress self. Same 90s hairdo, same everyday pretty. Oh Laura... the Oscars don't want great consistent actresses... they want bubbly couture princesses. You're not even trying to be 25! What's wrong with you? [/sarcasm]

Back to the posing. The A listers find the pose of 1000 starlets so natural they develop their own signature variations on it.

Here we see Amy Adams in perfect form, demonstrating the double akimbo tuck. Cameron works her patented chiropratwistic single so effortlessly it's like she came out of the womb this way. Painful for her mother surely but there's a price to pay for all that fabulous.

Thank you Billie... you paid it forward.

oscar night in review in three parts
live blogged five hours o' fun. what was I thinking?
Oscar's declining ratings what it doesn't or shouldn't mean
Fashion Review the good the bad and the neither
Split Screen Madness watching the nominated faces in the boxes. It's great drama

I'm taking a long weekend ... call it the post Oscar crash. It will involve some sleeping. Possibly a massage. And definitely the finishing of Kathleen Turner's Send Yourself Roses. Bitch has me flipping pages like you wouldn't believe. I have no idea why. It's not literature! But please come back on Monday, now, you hear? THE FILM EXPERIENCE operates year 'round. We just like the Oscars a lot. A whole new year* of movie obsessing awaits.

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[*you're aware that Oscar night is New Year's Eve, I hope. Only now are we in the first week of 2008 ;) cinematically speaking...]

Marion Cotillard is Dangerous!

Why do I feel like Marion Cotillard is going to swing that at me if she sees me..."Who will pay me to heet Nathaniel for talking merde!?"

I'm experiencing post Oscar delirium. Surely that's it. I swing from wildly happy to depressed to angry to inexplicably fond of people I hate (and vice versa) why just this morning I was marvelling at the cuteness of Marion in all those backstage clips when she says 'I am sparkles and fireworks and all those things that go ... pow pow pow.' Now, I am begging myself to leave the Oscar behind. Tonight. I'll wrap up tonight. Tomorrow morning at the latest. Then on to new things. Like sleep.

Oscar Reminds Us

Four things I forgot about until Oscar reminded me
  1. 1. The great Sarah Polley would be @ the Kodak theater. More camera time please.
    2. Casey Affleck is Joaquin Phoenix's brother-in-law. And Summer Phoenix is deliciously busty. Like Madonna @ Golden Globes for Evita busty. A very good thing
  2. 3. Hal Holbrook is married to Julia Sugarbaker.
  3. 4. Josh Lucas = ohmygod

I've always wanted to have an Oscar...

... but now I want to be an Oscar.

"sometimes my arms bend back"

...excuse the obscure Twin Peaks reference but Nicole Kidman is freaking me out. Something seems wrong here, structurally/ anatomically speaking. Is she auditioning for Death Becomes Her 2? You tell me

Monday, February 25, 2008

Oscar Hangover

Part 1 of 2, Oscar Review
a rant about the way the media will continue to treat Oscar's declining ratings

It began with a hangover. Don't judge. Last night was Oscar night, who didn't have one too many? Something had to keep me going through the most conservative fashion show I can recall ever seeing on Hollywood's High Holy Night. The theme was either 'risk free" or they were all wearing black in mourning for Heath Ledger. But if so, I think it a poor tribute. He would have liked a spot of color. I mean, you saw the socks he wore to the Berlin Festival last year, right? You saw Michelle Williams dress on Brokeback night. This was not a conservative star and color is good. So, I frantically typed for 5 hours straight. What's wrong with me? I can't win an award for doing this. No shiny gold men for me. Why these enormous tasks I set myself? The hangover proved short lived and I trotted off to the other job... running a little late due to things like ironing, trying to find my keys, obsessing about the color of Tilda Swinton's eyes; you know, daily routines.

For what it's worth, they're very very green.

READ THE REST ... for anger-inducing misleading memes about Oscar's obscure favorites and the endless (context free!) desire the press seems to have to make the Oscars more like the People's Choice Awards.


Give me a day or so for more coherent Oscar wrap thoughts. For now you can relive the experience through last night's live blogging. I'll be back tonight... and on Wednesday morning, there's a 2008 actor & actress focused preview you won't want to miss.

Part 1 E! Arrivals. La Pfeiffer and I hit the red carpet (we have very different tastes in Oscar fashions. Was that the most boring parade of gowns, ever? I think so)
Part 2 More Arrivals and 1st Third of Show
Part 3 -I run out of steam channeling all my energies into the good fight against default biopic wins --I'm bested again but I'll be back to fight again next year. One day I shall triumph.

Prediction wise I scored 100% in the top eight categories. But if you count everything... like animated shorts and all, I scored 17 of 24 ...which is fairly typical for me. But prediction stats. Blah... who cares. How do you feel? Will history look kindly on this year's Oscar decisions?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Live Blogging ~ Oscars Part Two

The earlier live blogging posts are much better (I was fresher. Carpal tunnel was only a notion rather than a fully formed fear ~ please read them)

Part 1
E! Arrivals
Part 2 More Arrivals and 1st Third of Show

I am bleeding inspiration. So tired. Marion Cotillard & the biopic collaborated to do me in ;) I'll be back to fight the good fight for recognizing fictional characters next year. One of these years they'll finally get bored of it. Won't they?

After double team action from James McAvoy and Josh Brolin (I'm towelling off now) who are both vying for "most wanted" in Hollywood right now, the Coen Bros win. Short speech and they keep it about the category. 'They're selective. They've only adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy.'

9:51 More Plan B mini docs about Oscars. I know all of this already but I think it's good that the nearly one billion people watching are learning it too. Not that they aren't having potty breaks right now.

9:54 "That's How You Know" performed by Kristen Chenowith. This is a cakewalk for her. She does 8 shows a week.

10:01 I picked a weird time to start the third post. It's like the energy suddenly went out of the Kodak. But then again, it'll be hard to top the Tilda Swinton win.

10:02 Seth Rogen and (the name is escaping me) performing as Halle Berry and Dame Judi Dench. LOL. That joke started... but it didn't go anywhere? I thought there would be a skit or something. Sound Editing goes to The Bourne Ultimatum. Per Hallberg has both a pony tail and a dangling earring. The people who don't approve of Daniel Day-Lewis are seething right now. Sound Mixing goes to The Bourne Ultimatum. Will it go three for three with its nominations?

10:09 BEST ACTRESS. Clip reel first: Damn that Jessica Tandy. Now Pfeiffer will never have one! Forest Whitaker is presenting and it goes to Marion Cotillard who is very grateful and exactly how Oscar likes their Best Actresses: young, pretty, trembling and weepy. Congratulations Marion.

10:16 Why do I have this terrible feeling that this commercial break will be the longest evah. So that I can stew knowing that Hilary Swank is a two-time winner and Julie Christie is not. Oh the humanity. But such is the power of the biopic. 7 out of 10 of the past Best Actress Oscars 70%!!! have gone there. If Julie Christie wants a second Oscar she better damn well find a 60something famous woman to recreate for the movies. Learn your craft woman. ;)

10:19 I fucking love this song. Can I swear? Sure I can, it's Oscar night. The normal rules don't apply. "Falling Slowly" that movie is so loveable.

10:24 Jack Nicholson is talking about Best Picture. I'm so confused. Too early for that. Plan B Random Clip Reel ...and go!

10:29 Renée Zellweger presenting FILM EDITING. The win goes to The Bourne Ultimatum. Is Renée wearing her Chicago costume? I'm so confused. Marion Cotillard's win, which I confidently predicted without any personal joy, has left me strangely empty rather than angry. I guess after Brokeback vs. Crash I can handle anything. Nothing will be as embarrassing to the Academy / painful to me as that ever again. But still... I think it'd be so cool if the Oscars got away from biopics for awhile. It would really do the film world good to have more than one idea about what constitutes great acting. There are so many ways to express oneself in art. Why must they continually reward the same thing?

MOVING ON... Until next year when the next biopic performance wins.

10:33 Hey, it's Nicki Kidman! Why does my heart swell with love? She's there for an honorary Oscar presentation to Robert Boyle.

10:43 Penélope Cruz announces the FOREIGN FILM category. I am suddenly nervous about my Counterfeiters prediction. Could it be 12 instead? Or... Nope, Counterfeiters as expected.

10:46 I'm sorry but how many songs does Enchanted have. I'm so annoyed right now. But I've seen Patrick Dempsey naked so it's all good. (Just wanted to see if you were still reading -but yeah, I have... Some Girls) This song makes me ill. As does the Amy Adams impersonator in the purple dress. True story: Last week I rented the first season of Fame (the 80s television series) just to see if it was as good as I remembered it being --hey I was a kid. It wasn't. I don't know why I'm telling you this. I started typing the story and I totally lost the thread. I feel like I may be disappearing. BEST SONG is being announced. "Falling Slowly" wins. That's awesome.

10:52 Jon Stewart loves Once. It's so heartening to discover more fans.

10:57 Jon Stewart is my new hero. He actually brought out Marketa Irglova to give her acceptance speech since they cut her off at the mic. Awesome. Why do they cut these people off. It's their once in a lifetime moment. Cut some damn tribute to binoculars instead.

10:59 Cameron Diaz. Every time she comes on with her aw shucks fidgety cute/hotness all I can think is where is Anna Faris' Oscar for mimicry for her spot on Diaz in Lost in Translation. Seriously. Where's that Oscar? BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY Robert Elswit There Will Be Blood. Hooray.

11:03 In Memoriam. There was a stuntman in there. It's still so weird to me that stunts and casting don't have Oscar categories. And yet "song" does. Which has more meaning and prominence in the movies?

11:09 Amy Adams. My cat is hissing. ORIGINAL SCORE goes to Atonement. I like Dario Marianelli's work. His Pride & Prejudice score is so pretty as well. I know some take issue with the typewriter but I like inventive scores.

11:14 DOCUMENTARY SHORT. presented by the US Troops. Interesting. The winner is Freeheld. Ohhh, there so happy. The woman in the audience during the reaction shots looked just like Grace Zabriskie from David Lynch movies. So naturally I'm petrified right now. DOCUMENTARY FEATURE. The winner is not me because I'm totally bored right now. Sorry, I am. I'm just speaking my truth. It's not that I don't love the smaller categories. I just think they should not throw in so much filler so that by the time we get to the later awards everyone is so tired. The winner is Taxi to The Dark Side. Did you hear how they banned the poster for this movie? Incredibly sickening to do that when they let crap like Hostel by. Argh.

11:21 So, they're showing a commercial for A Raisin in the Sun. I want to see it because I love Audra McDonald and I wanted to see it on Broadway. But earlier this evening as Sean P Combs walked the red carpet he actually plugged it saying that it was his "debut as a movie star" Oy. TV movies of Broadway shows are not movies! Everyone knows that. There's healthy ego and then there's stupidity.

11: 24 Harrison Ford presenting ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY to Juno. A shout out to "the superhuman Ellen Page". Wow. She was moved but a lot of people will be disappointed in how plainly acceptance-speechy that was. No quirky flourishes. No Junoisms. Nothing.

11: 27 It's 11:27. We still have Best Picture and Best Director and Best Actor to go.

11: 31 Queen Mirren shows up. All older women in Hollywood weep. They know that she filled the quota of Oscars to older women for another couple of decades. Shame since Julie Christie in Away From Her is not only better than Marion Cotillard's Piaf but also better than Mirren's Queen. BEST ACTOR. They're not being very original with the clips tonight. Daniel Day-Lewis wins. It's the first time ever (supposedly) that no Americans have won in the acting categories. CORRECTION: Only the second time ever --the first was the 64/65 Oscars when Julie Andrews won for Mary Poppins.

11:40 I am so sleepy and I don't know how I didn't realize this up until now since it's so standard but I do actually have to work tomorrow. Which means sleep is a necessity. BEST DIRECTOR Martin Scorsese is presenting. I'm sure this is going to The Coen Bros but since I sat in the DGA theater listening to Scorsese interview PTA so that would be sweet to see Part 2. The Coen Bros win it. So heres' another Mr & Mrs with Oscar Frances McDormand and her man.

11:46 Denzel Washington to announce BEST PICTURE for No Country For Old Men. Great movie. After several years of so-so winners it's nice to see two really good movies win back to back. Ohmygod. Cormac McCarthy is there. He is so elusive. It's bizarre to claim that it's a total surprise though.. I mean seriously, are only Oscar fanatics following along as the year progresses? I imagine the Hollywood community does as well. Even more so. They have to actually dress up. Me, I'm in jeans and a polo you know. They have to plan.

And we're done. Sorry for the anti climax.

kiss kiss. THE FILM EXPERIENCE IS YEAR ROUND. It's just as much fun in the off season. Come back later tomorrow for wrap up afterthoughts and later this week for another peak at 2008 cinema --from an acting angle. Good night.

psssst. this was part 3
Back to Part One E! Arrivals. La Pfeiffer and I hit the red carpet (we have very different tastes in Oscar fashions. Was that the most boring parade of gowns, ever? I think so)

Live Blogging ~ Oscars Red Carpet (Official)

7:56 I have to pee. Which I consider very unfair. Bodily functions should be put on hold during Oscar night. Except eating. That's OK. Eating and drinking. Woot. The boyfriend made me "the shiny Oscar golden cocktail" or something like that. I need another one.

You're remembering to refresh your screen right? The other post is way better now. How long can I keep this up? Oscar season put dark circles under my eyes and I have no stylist or makeup team to hide my imperfections.

8:05 Marion has now corrected herself and she is saying "unique" to the reporters whew. I couldn't think of another joke for "eunuch". Live-blogging is stressful.

8:06 John Travolta's buzz cut actually does trick the eye into thinking he has hair. I hate the "official" Oscar arrivals show. It's always way more boring than E!'s coverage... for all the crimes against humanity that they commit, they are kinda stupid fun.

8:07 Laura Linney's voice is so singular and warm. And those cheeks. You just wanna pinch 'em or hug her. You definitely want to hand her awards. okay... I want to hand her awards. Clearly Hollywood doesn't care one way or the other about her no-Oscar status. I would like to note right here and now that TWO not just one TWO of the suggested clips from readers have already played in regards to her nominated role in The Savages.

8:15 Jennifer Garner was just wonderfully gracious to her stylist. Basically she just booked that woman's entire calendar for the year. Cameron Diaz is still giggly and 'what? who me!' after all these years. And followed by Amy Adams... weird juxtaposition for me. Because both sell the CUTE. but they seem very very different to me.

8:19 I never understood the "bleachers" thing. Why?

Renée Zellweger is pleased to spot a fresh supply of lemons at the end of the red carpet

8:24 Ellen Page is wearing a dress. I'm disappointed. If you prefer pants just do a Hepburn or a Keaton and go with it. Don't let the man control you Ms. McGuff.

8:26 This reporter is DRUNK. How else could she say this sentence to Hilary Swank 'watching you onscreen, people believe you could play any type of role that comes your way' DRUNK. It's the only explanation. If I can think before I type you can think before you speak reporters!

8:30 This opening reminds us really how far visual effects have come. So many famous movies all blending together. But the best best special effects are always human (didn't Clint Eastwood say something like that in the Mystic River campaigning?) and Jon Stewart is special. I love him. I would have his babies if I weren't so... worried about fitting into my Oscar dress. Speaking of loving. James McAvoy !

On Norbit's Oscar nomination:
Too often the Academy ignores movies that aren't good

8:39 The Diablo Cody thing is really bizarre. When was a screenwriter who wasn't also a director ever this celebrated? Even Charlie Kauffman doesn't get this much love. Oh, Stripper name: your pet name + the street you grew up on... Nathaniel's stripper name "Ping Pong McArthur" or "Tick Tock McArthur" ...they were kitten twins. Did I mention how cute baby kittens are. Last post I believe... don't miss anything. It's all gold.

8:43 COSTUME DESIGN. Jennifer Garner is announcing. She's reading the teleprompter pretty well but you know she's only thinking of Gary Busey. Sweet Gary Busey. Elizabeth the Golden Age wins. WTF?

8:51 Told you they would still use all their Plan B clips even though they were back to Plan A. They never learn. We're 21 minutes in and they've only given one award out. Not that I mind. Nick and I like a long show. Although, tonight I might prefer a short one since I'm rapidly developing carpal tunnel syndrome.

8:53 ANIMATED FILM. Anne Hathaway has the biggest eyes in all the world. They're anime big. Think she's popular in Japan? I love Brad Bird and Ratatouille wins. Brad says he might throw up. Brad, look for Hilary. She's near the stage I'm sure. Cute acceptance speech about perserverance. This is kind of how I feel about writing. I can't stop. It's what I want to do.

8:57 Katharine Heigl is here to present MAKE-UP. She is incredibly nervous. Do you think it's because she heard those inane E! comments about how she dares not to be a size zero. Heigl fat. Whatever? E! reporters are so obnoxious. La Vie En Rose wins. Good choice Academy. You've finally realized that actress deglam transformations require make-up work. Shocking but true: Charlize Theron did not mottle her own skin for Monster. She didn't mess up her own teeth.

<--- 9:02 Ladies and gentlemen: Amy Adams doing Happy Working Song. Baby kittens are officially on notice. Her voice is so good. And she totally nails the Disney/Julie Andrews overenunciation. Love it.

9:09 VISUAL EFFECTS goes to The Golden Compass. That's so... surprising.

9:11 ART DIRECTION Crossing my fingers for Jack Fisk here. I want him and Sissy Spacek to have Mr & Mrs Oscars. So far I'm doing terrible on my predictions. Still doing terrible -- Sweeney Todd wins. I figured the Academy just didn't like it that much. I hate hate hate the music drowning out the speeches.

9:13 Jon Stewart on Cate Blanchett
She cannot be stopped!
Jon's stealing my material. I expect a check. Or a paypal donation.

9:15 SUPPORTING ACTOR. The year's least suspenseful acting prize. Jennifer Hudson presents in something white. Javier Bardem wins. He's so excited and rrooowr... fast and nervous and half Spanish speech. Love it. I always forget that Hal Holbrook is married to one of the Designing Women though, don't you?

9:27 And now we're not doing Plan B but jokes about Plan B. I think the show will end at midnight. Followed by a musical break: "Raise it Up" from August Rush.

9:30 The Butterscotch Stallion (love. be well) is here to present Short Films. The winner (live action) is "The Mozart of Pickpockets" He says he doesn't really speak English. That's OK. Owen Wilson does not speak French either. "Peter and the Wolf" wins. I don't get that choice really. Liked at least two of the others better. I must make another prediction: This will be my worst predictive night of all time! Hee.

9:35 SUPPORTING ACTRESS. (eeeeeek. i'm so nervous) TILDA SWINTON !!!

That was a great speech.
Oh, no. Happy birthday, man. I have an American agent who is the spitting image of this. Really truly the same shape head and, it has to be said, the buttocks.

And I'm giving this to him because there's no way I would be in America at all ever on a plane, if it wasn't for him. So, Brian Swardstrom, I'm giving this to you. And Tony Gilroy walks on water, it's entirely official as far as I'm concerned, and Jen Fox and Steve Samuels, our incredible producers.

And Sydney Pollack, and George Clooney, you know, the seriousness and the dedication to your art, seeing you climb into that rubber bat suit from "Batman & Robin," the one with the nipples, every morning under your costume, on the set, off the set, hanging upside-down at lunch, you rock, man.

Thank you, thank you, thank you
So personalized and bizarre. Like a wrap party that you're attending even though you weren't on set. The way I think Oscar speeches should be.

Part 3 -I run out of steam channeling all my energies into the good fight against default biopic wins --I'm bested again but I'll be back to fight again next year. One day I shall triumph.
Part 4 -prediction stats