Greetings all. I've just returned from my shitty movie day with my Quizno's, Tasti Delite and Orville Redenbacher in tow, ready and super-pumped for this evening's festivities. Feel free to chime in with any thoughts along the way!
6:17 EST: Revelation from Giuliana Rancic: "Guys, when TV stars and movie stars mix, anything can -- and usually does -- happen."
6:31 EST: She just suggested to Ed Helms that Susan Boyle appear in the "Hangover" sequel.
6:32 EST: Tracy Morgan: "Morgan Freeman could be my daddy."
6:35 EST: Ross the Intern just asked Carey Mulligan "Where is Shia LaBeauof tonight?" and she looked flustered and said "I don't know" (i.e.: "You're not allowed to talk about that"). Awkwaaaaaard.
6:50 EST: Questions are being asked about what Ryan Seacrest does in steamrooms.
6:57 EST: Apparently, the first award of the evening -- for Best Stunt Ensemble -- has been given to "Star Trek."
6:58 EST: Tina Fey just confronted Giuliana with "Are you one of the ones who took a big steaming crap on me last week?" Effing Awesome. For the record, I don't care what anyone says, I LOVED that dress.
7:08 EST: You know you're stoned when you see a commercial for "Valentine's Day" and think for the first time: "Hm, maybe that won't be so bad."
7:12 EST: Me still no likey Jon Hamm + beard
7:19 EST: Whoa, Meryl Streep is wearing a beautifully ugly dress. LOVE it.
7:25 EST: "An Education" seems to be buying a lot of TV spots for this E! pre-show. I know a lot of people who love it. I am not one of them.
7:39 EST: Is it wrong that I completely forgot about the TV awards? I totally associate the SAG awards with movies.
7:47 EST: Gabby Sidibe appears to be WILDLY drunk, and confirms her place as my favorite person at these awards. She just confessed that she's never watched the SAG awards.
7:55 EST: Holy hell. Why do I still get surprised when Helen Mirren shows up somewhere looking sexy as shit?
7:59 EST: Adam Lambert, diva that he is, is the last guest to show up before the awards start. Wait, why is he here?
8:04 EST: Jeremy Irons is wearing sunglasses indoors. Hrm, his pretentiousness is offset by his yellow-and-red bow tie.
8:07 EST: Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. Me say it's Baldwin, though him, Steve Carell and Larry David are all consistently great. I've never seen "Monk" or "Two and a Half Men," so I can't speak for Shalhoub or Sheen. And it's... Baldwin.
8:09 EST: Fuck, Christoph Waltz is handsome.
8:13 EST: Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. I've not seen "Samantha Who" or "The New Adventures of Old Christine." Noticing a theme? I don't really watch CBS except for Letterman. This will probably be Toni Collette. I'd be happy with Falco, Collette or Fey. Whoa, it's Tina Fey for "30 Rock"! Apparently, her 25th win from them.
8:14 EST: "I just want to take a moment to say to everyone at NBC... that we are very happy with everything. And happy to be there." So funny.
8:21 EST: There is currently a clip reel devoted to honoring/commemorating... Comedy. WTF? And set to the wackiest generic music you can imagine. I hate this.
8:23 EST: Man, Ray Romano just made a Kevin Bacon / Jon Hamm joke. Blech.
8:26 EST: Ensemble in Comedy Series. Even though I can't stop watching it, "Glee" consistently infuriates me. As great as the cast of "The Office" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" are, this should really go to "30 Rock" or "Modern Family," currently my two favorite shows on TV. I'm sure it will be "30 Rock." And it's.... "Glee"?!?! Christ! Okay, I guess none of my issues with the show have to do with the cast, but still! Eh, as long as Jane Lynch gets an award, I can't complain that hugely.
8:28 EST: Gabby and Mo'Nique present a clip from "Precious" while holding hands. Me likey.
8:29 EST: Helen Mirren is presenting BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE
In a just world, would've been nominated: James Gandolfini ("Where the Wild Things Are"), Peter Capaldi ("In the Loop"), Garrett Dillahunt ("The Last House on the Left"), Robert Duvall ("The Road"), Saul Rubinek ("Julia")
ChrIstoph Waltz will probably win this, and he deserves to, but I wouldn't be angry with Woody Harrelson. Christopher Plummer is a threat to win simply because he's old, but the performance really isn't deserving. Damon is fine in "Invictus," but basically just has to shout things in a huddle.
I happen to adore Stanley Tucci, but I seem to be one of the rare few who thinks he's AWFUL in "The Lovely Bones" (though I don't outright hate the movie). He just piles on affectation after affectation -- like talking with a weird speech impediment -- that it feels like a parody of an actor playing a serial killer.
8:32 EST: Yay, it's Christoph! This is a thoughtful, eloquent speech, but it's not the YouTube clip, outpouring of emotion or fireworks display supposedly needed at an early awards like this. Luckily, the performance is strong enough that he doesn't need to rely on anything else to be the Oscar winner.
8:39 EST: Outstanding Female Actor in a Drama Series. The nominees are Patricia Arquette, Glenn Close, Mariska Hargatay, Holly Hunter, Julianna Margulies, and Kyra Sedgwick. I've never seen one episode of any of these shows. Wow, do I not watch any Dramas?
8:41 EST: And it's Julianna Margulies. Okay.
8:45 EST: Male Actor in a Drama Series. Simon Baker, Bryan Cranston, Michael C. Hall, Jon Hamm, Hugh Laurie. Oh, I do watch "Dexter" and "Mad Men." I guess I do watch dramas, just not those boring, lady-driven TNT detective-esque dramas. Yay, Michael C. Hall! Though that Bryan Cranston clip reminded me that I need to start watching "Breaking Bad."
8:47 EST: I will try to cut down on my "An Education" hate, since I really don't hate it, but these clips just remind me that I don't understand what anyone is finding special about this movie. It's a nice, fairly entertaining, middle-of-the-road, learn-your-lesson movies made for grandmothers. But whatever I guess.
8:50 EST: Ensemble Cast in a Drama Series. Never seen "The Closer" or "The Good Wife" and I only half-watch "True Blood," but I love "Dexter" and "Mad Men." This should really be "Mad Men" .... and it is!
9:00 EST: As president of the SAG, Ken Howard is doing his duty by saying some very boring things for minutes on end. He was wonderful in "In Her Shoes."
9:02 EST: And now Sandra Bullock is beginning the presentation of the Lifetime Achievement Award to Betty White. Is it wrong that the former golden girl's appearance in "The Proposal" last year (ever-so-slightly) diminished the love I had for her?
9:18 EST: This "Extraordinary Measures" commercial seems to be advertising a much happier, smilier movie than the two-hour dying-children movie I saw this afternoon.
9:22 EST: Best Actress in a TV Movie or Mini-Series. This should really, really, really be Drew Barrymore. I always like her, but always find her more charming than actually thinking she gave a particularly special performance, but she was truly fantastic in "Grey Gardens." If this goes to her co-star Jessica Lange, it's purely because Lange is older..... Ahhh, awesome, it's Drew!
9:24 EST: Loved that speech. Even with all the "um, um, um," it clearly was coming from the heart. I don't presume to think we actually really 'know' any Hollywood celebrity, but she just seems like a genuine person.
9:27 EST: Best Actor in a TV Movie or Mini-Series. I didn't even hear of these films with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Tom Wilkinson, and alas I missed "Georgia O'Keefe," but Kevin Bacon was terrific in "Taking Chance." It will likely be him... and it is.
9:33 EST: In Memoriam. I know they do it at every single awards show every single year, but I really wish they'd stop doing the applause-meter thing.
9:36 EST: P.S. We're 96 minutes into a supposedly-two-hour-long awards show, and they've officially given out ONE film award.
9:41 EST: SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE
In a just world, would've been nominated: Catherine Keener ("Where the Wild Things Are"), Patricia Clarkson ("Whatever Works"), Marion Cotillard ("Nine"), Vera Farmiga (for "Orphan"), Melanie Laurent ("Inglourious Basterds")
Penelope was fun in "Nine" but she's playing the exact same role she won an Oscar for last year. I happen to love, love, love "Up in the Air" but count me among the few who doesn't think Vera was anything special in it. Sure, she's sexy and has great chemistry with Clooney, but I didn't think the role required a whole hell of a lot. Call me crazy. Kendrick and Kruger are deserving of their nominations, but not for the win. Mo'Nique will be winning this, and rightfully so.
9:43 EST: And like we all thought/knew, Mo'Nique won. She delivered a really excellent speech, to boot, one that seemed (to me) significantly more sincere than her Golden Globes one last Sunday.
9:51 EST: ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE
In a just world, would've been nominated: Robin Williams ("World's Greatest Dad"), Nicolas Cage ("Bad Lieutenant"), Matt Damon ("The Informant!"), Tom Hardy ("Bronson"), Viggo Mortensen ("The Road"), Patton Oswalt ("Big Fan"), Sam Rockwell ("Moon"), Michael Stuhlbarg ("A Serious Man")
Honestly, anyone EXCEPT MORGAN FREEMAN would totally deserve this. Colin Firth was my personal favorite (though I didn't love the movie), but Clooney, Bridges and Renner are not far behind. Happy to see anyone win this, but it really should be (and will be) the long overdue Bridges. And unlike Winslet last year, it'll actually be for a deserving performance.
9:54 EST: Jeff Bridges for the win! Good for him. Meryl Streep encourages him to ignore the "Please Wrap It Up" cue.
9:56 EST: ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE
In a just world, would've been nominated: Tilda Swinton ("Julia"), Ellen Page ("Whip It"), Catalina Saavedra ("The Maid"), Charlotte Gainsbourg ("Antichrist")
I want to see Gabourey Sidibe win this. Only her and Helen Mirren gave deserving performances, and Gabby is easily the best in the category. If Tilda had gotten nominated on the other hand... I still say if "Julia" had been put out by a distributor that had any money to support it (it was Magnolia), she would far and away be the frontrunner in this category. This will likely go to Meryl (snooze) or Sandra (cuts wrists). Thankfully, Carey Mulligan appears to have lost steam.
9:57 EST: Oh, fuck. Sandra Bullock. There are no words.
10:00 EST: Yes, yes, nice speech. But completely, completely undeserved. Just a little anecdote to share -- not saying it's related: I attended a SAG screening of "A Serious Man" a couple weeks back, and a gentleman behind me said to his screening partner that he was going to vote for Sandra Bullock even though he hadn't seen "The Blind Side," using the following rationale: "She's had such a long career, and she's always been good, as opposed to someone who just lucked into it like Precious."
10:01 EST: And Clooney clinches the best moment of the night by implying he's had sex with Betty White. And making the joke "An Education: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire." Interesting that he's presenting the category that his film was surprisingly snubbed from.
CAST IN A MOTION PICTURE
While Alfred Molina and Rosamund Pike rocked the shit, I generally don't think the ensemble of "An Education" is worthy of winning an award. I also think that, aside from Jeremy Renner, the cast of "The Hurt Locker" has been a bit overvalued. "Nine" -- don't make me laugh. This should go to "Precious" or "Inglourious Basterds," and dare I say, it will go to one of them.
10:02 EST: And it does indeed go to "Inglourious Basterds." I'm very happy about it, but somehow it seems inappropriate for Eli Roth to (again!) be the one accepting the award, considering he gives the worst performance in the film.
10:05 EST: And it's over. Well, to be honest, I enjoyed blogging this more than the actual awards, so I don't how all y'all who were just watching it felt. Either way, whatever the reason, I had fun, hopefully you did too. Now, I'm off to drink in the East Village, and I'll leave you with the following words:
VOTE 'NO' ON SANDRA BULLOCK FOR BEST ACTRESS.