Monday, June 21, 2010

25th Anniversary: Cinema's First Viagra Joke

I was recently debating how best to cover older cinema (it's so haphazard) and decided prematurely on a 25|50|75 approach. Hence all these 1985 posts. Now, I'm thinking that's too limited since how many posts in 2010 can you really take which obsess over 1985, 1960 and 1935? I must rethink. Nevertheless in researching the summer months a few weeks, I jotted down today's date as the 25th anniversary of Cocoon (1985).

At the risk of attracting a year's worth of both spam and funny looks in one single post, I felt compelled to commemorate the cinema's first Viagra joke. Literally the only memory I had of Cocoon in 2010 was that a group of old men got boners when they swam with magical aliens.

Don Ameche: You got a boner, too?
Wilford Brimley: Blue Steel. Cat couldn't scratch it.
Hume Cronyn: I thought I was the only one.
I should tell you upfront that I remembered this scene wrong. But my point is that I remembered it. For 25 years. I was horrified that old men were talking about boners back then. I wasn't as mature as I am now whilst typing about boner jokes. No kid today will ever remember a 2010 old man boner joke in 2035. Thanks to viagra those jokes are now a dime a dozen which is undoubtedly cheaper than Viagra.

Come to think of it The Golden Girls were right around this time period, too, weren't they? Why were old people so horny in the 80s? And why were aliens always friendly? Different times.


Why anybody would need magical alien water for uh... upkeep... when Steve Guttenberg has his shirt off for the entire movie is a mystery that can never be solved.

Another mystery that can never be solved: Guttenberg's alien girlfriend prefers to have sex with him without touching him.



"If this is foreplay I'm a dead man"


Yet another 1985 mystery that can never be solved: Don Ameche's Supporting Actor Oscar.

Was there any decade weirder than the 80s?

In just a few months we're getting a true story biographical dramedy about the invention of Viagra called Love and Other Drugs (2010). [tangent: I wonder why we haven't seen any stills or a teaser yet?] Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway are the stars which is totally appropriate because they're essentially cinematic blue pills themselves. Or so I...uh... hear. You should watch them one hour before engaging in... uh... never mind.

Where am I going with this?

Unnhh, well.

Okay, there's this Meryl Streep movie waiting in my mailbox that I wanted to write about and I've lost my mailbox key. You got this post instead and I really can't apologize enough.
*

11 comments:

Michael said...

Does Hathaway's character have Parkinson's in Love and Other Drugs, or did I make that up?

Gustavo said...

If the Academy felt really emotional towards an unrewarded old-timer, they could've given the damned thing to Cronyn instead, the most accomplished character and the most touching performance in the film, IMO.

Crystal-lee said...

This was hilarious! I do hope we still get the Meryl movie review though :)

John T said...

Wow-25 years is now an "older" movie. Pass the Geritol!

NATHANIEL R said...

Michael -- i think so yes.

Gustavo -- i wouldn't know. i couldn't bring myself to watch the whole thing ago. The 80s soundtrack alone was making my ears bleed. You shoulda heard the sound cues when the guys were splashin' round the pool!

John T -- haha.

Crystal Lee -- you will. p.s. love the profile pic.

par3182 said...

all i remember from cocoon is steve guttenberg's chest. i was so impressed i sat through a police academy movie in the hope of seeing it again
oh, the things we did before videos and dvds and online porn...

vg21 said...

What a good start of the day, thanks! :) I'm shamefully unfamiliar with those "old" movies, probably because I'm just as old as they are and my love for the cinema started quite late. But not too late, I hope.

Anyway, it's Meryl's birthday (yaaay) so I hope to see the post on her film as well:).

MRRIPLEY said...

is meryl 12th least deserved nom at the expense of weaver,witherspoon and winslet coming up nat.

sp said...

Nathaniel, I can't wait to see "LAOD". It is one of my most anticipated movies of the year. The great Oscar buzz & the wonderful advance reviews on twitter and imdb are incredible . Hollywood insiders are already predicting that Anne Hathaway will get her second Oscar nomination for her performance, I'm curious if the studio will push her in the Best Actress category or Supporting Actress category. Mark my words, if she gets the Best Actress nomination she will be Annette Bening's biggest threat- not Hilary Swank.

Volvagia said...

Anne Hathaway? They won't give it to her this soon. Probably nom 4 or 5 for that honour. (They pretty much save first time wins for people they know won't be dependable or oriented toward film. e.g. Shirley Booth, Patricia Neal, Louise Fletcher, Marlee Matlin in Actress alone. Popular Legends have to wait, but they'll get one: Sarandon, Winslet, Liz Taylor, Faye Dunaway. Dependable Actors only Legendary to Film Buffs: They get noms but not wins (Rowlands, Julianne Moore, Ritter). Only one case defies imagination on first thought (Deborah Kerr), until you realise she excelled in blending in and, thusly, in productions where she could blend in absolutely perfectly like no actor ever had before or could again! (The Innocents, The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, Black Narcissus). Unfortunately, the Academy loves 2 things, Star Personas (an expert blender has none) and Breaking Star Personas (Her best work involves burrowing into someone else. When she is expected to bring her own spark to the character beyond what's in the script, as in From Here to Eternity, I understand it as a failure of a performance.)

V. Igra said...

'85 baby here too....Nathaniel your summary of the pro's and cons of Prizzi's is RIGHT on, you hit every nail on the head of the film's strong points and weaknesses. The movie's best parts are the romantic scenes between turner and nicholson and the of course the performances of hickey (great in christmas vacation and My blue Heaven too) and of course Angelica Huston. Her win is certainly justified (though i prefer her performance in The Grifters) but Winfrey and Avery were equally deserving and probably split their votes.