Sunday, July 02, 2006

To Lindsay on her 20th Birthday

Happy Birthday to our girl Lindsay.


For my birthday gift to La Lohan I'd like to give her common sense and this sound advice: partying will age you before your time and will not prolong your fame (though it may prolong your infamy). Honing your craft and starring in good movies since you already have fame and star magnetism will make you immortal.

Don't throw it away like River Phoenix (overdose), Winona Ryder (too stoned to remember how to act), and a thousand other young stars before them! Instead pattern your career after the great firecrotches before you: Rita Hayworth, Ann Margret, Julianne Moore, Susan Sarandon, and Nicole Kidman. Somewhere through that coke-fueled haze and hunger you must know that these are better role models than Tara Reid.

And on that unexpectedly parental note...

Please enjoy Lindsay's sweaty dance-club hotness in the video for Rumors -it's part of a long hilarious history of exhibitionist videos (see also Michael Jackson's "Leave Me Alone") which ask you not to look at the star whilst the star shows off. Ah, celebrity delusion! As certain as death and taxes.



Consider this a kick off to a music video heavy week here at the film experience. Because sometimes music videos make excellent short films. (Not that this one does but it's La Lohan, so shut up! 'Why can't you just let her live?')

tags: Lindsay Lohan, music video, music, Hollywood

15 comments:

Andy Scott said...

Is it bad that I actually know the words to "Rumors"?

Sigh. Probably.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Lindsay!

Kamikaze Camel said...

OMG me and my friends ALWAYS sing along to "Rumours". It's so addictive. "I'm tired of rumour startin'/I'm sick of being followed" etc. So awesome. And she looks hot in the video. :P

I think she has given up her whole coke-fuelled party time. Maybe not entirely but she's certainly moved on for the most part (it would appear)

That "Leave Me Alone" videoclip is bizarre. I love that the monkey is in it too!

goatdog said...

I never "got" Lindsay until I saw A Prairie Home Companion. I'm told that I would have had a little more patience for her had I seen Mean Girls, but she always used to annoy the hell out of me. I thought of her as a pseudo-celeb like Paris Hilton, hogging headlines without deserving the attention. I hereby apologize to her: Lindsay, you can freak out and have family problems in public any time you want now, because you're a pretty good actress.

adam k. said...

Goatdog, what HAVE you actually seen Lohan in? No wonder you didn't think she could act.

And by the way, could she put on just a little more fake tan? She still looks vaguely caucasian to me. Oh well, at least she looks healthy now.

I feel like "Lindsay Lohan" will always sound like a cutesy teenybopper name, which is unfortunate if Linds intends to have a serious career. I think she should pull a Susan Sarandon and marry someone, then divorce him, but keep the name attached cause it sounds good.

She could be "Lindsay Davis" or "Lindsay Mason" or something. Or "Lindsay DiCaprio."

Or if she actually wants to make her name even worse, she could go "Lindsay Leto".

Malcom said...

I hate the girl.

I'm sorry.

goatdog said...

I hadn't seen her in anything except the headlines--constantly. The IMDB movie and TV news section always chose a particularly smug-looking photo to accompany the stories of her partying and her personal life. Then I heard that song, which I don't like, so I dismissed her as a talentless overexposed nobody, but I have seen the error of my ways. I even added Mean Girls to my Netflix queue, but forgive me if I skip Herbie: Fully Loaded.

adam k. said...

You should see her in Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap too. I loved her before she got all skanky and got those questionable breasts and shunned her natural hair color and skin tone. As of now I am ambivalent. But she is definitely a good actress... from where I'm sitting, she should have 2 golden globe nods by now... but I skipped Herbie too.

adam k. said...

Oh, and I like Rumors a lot, too... (guilty)

NATHANIEL R said...

i did not skip Herbie

I should have

Dave said...

Ew Nat! Why would you even think about waisting your perfectly good time on THAT? LOL.

Summer Bee said...

My only comfort is that when she hits 50 and has almost NO big talent to show for it, she will just fade away like Paris Hilton.

But I can see her getting her shit straight and becoming like the role models that Nat mentioned. Just barely though...

Vince(nt) said...

I knew nothing about her until I saw Mean Girls. I thought that she was adequate. She appears to be making a lot of shrewd career choices as of lately. But, As Nate pointed out, she could end up like Winona Ryder if she's not too careful. Still, if we're talking about career longevity and talent and I had to place bets, I would throw my money in the direction of Natalie Portman and/or Scarlett Johansson.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Her perf in Freaky Friday is definitely underloved. Jamie Lee was supurb, but Lindsay was almost her equal. Her screaming of "YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!" is quite possibly the best individual line reading of the current decade. Well, that's in my humble opinion anyway.

adam k. said...

Lindsay deserved a globe nomination for Freaky Friday. Diane Lane was pretty "blah" in Under the Tuscan Sun and didn't really deserve her slot. Shoulda been Curtis, Lohan, Mirren, ScarJo, and Keaton, with Curtis winning... and then Lindsay shoulda been nommed again for Mean Girls, definitely over Ashley or Renee. She was robbed, not once but twice.

I'm tempted to say she even deserved a globe nom for Parent Trap way back, but I think that was 98 and even Holly Hunter didn't get globe-nommed for Living Out Loud that year, so I can't really say Lindsay shoulda been in... but she was great in Parent Trap, too.

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