Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Need an Agent

My fame [*snort*] to income ratio is just not working for me. I am totally willing to sell out for cash. The movies are my first love but since I lost my B job to cut backs two months back --the one that subsidized my writing -- I'll do anything. I'll write about any topic for bank except maybe How-To manuals involving weapon construction or slaughterhouse techniques. Otherwise, it's all good. I'll even write for a soap opera or a right wing fantasy show like 24. I'd pen a Tolkein-sized book extolling the virtues of Ms. Hilary Swank if someone advanced enough cash. If you like this can-do attitude and you have made other whores writers successful, you can send resumes or inquiries to filmexperience (at) gmail (dot) com.

While I'm asking for help I'd also love to enjoy the services of a personal trainer, a massage therapist, a dentist, a pet psychic, a sales agent and a PR firm, so long as they're willing to defer their salaries until the aforementioned agent is found.
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17 comments:

Joe Reid said...

Sorry I can't help with the agenting, but can I say: STELLAR work on the banner. I'll be giggling at Amy Adams chirpily clapping to "Blame It on the Bossa Nova" all day. And is that Sharon Stone pic from when she was drunk off her ass at the MTV Movie Awards?

RahulB said...

Any Sharon Stone picture is a good Sharon Stone picture.

Her biopic is going to be SO amazing.

Barry, Milwaukee said...

I have a great idea for a screenplay, but I don't think I've got the time or the moxy to write it. If I tell you about it, will you write it and share the writing credit with me?

Not only will we make millions off of it, we'll win a Best Original Screenplay Oscar, too!

Erich Kuersten said...

I'd hook you up with my agent but I don't have one anymore either. Agents. Hah! Don't get me started

Erich Kuersten said...

P.S. Is it too late to show you my 20 actress meme? I even linked to you when checking MP

Erich Kuersten said...

http://acidemic.blogspot.com/2008/12/20-actress-meme-what.html

Erich Kuersten said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nick M. said...

I love how the holidays really brings out the desperate in everyone. I'm still too stubborn and disillusioned to exhibit any interest in "selling out." I'm so immature in dealing with maturity.

Xavier said...

No one worthwhile would think any less of you if you had just a little advertising on here. Tastefully done, of course. It's time to monetize. It's just how the internet works.

Bryan said...

I second that, Xavier. I'm always surprised that every time I come on here, which is almost daily, there's such minimal advertising. Lord knows it's easy enough to ignore, and, besides, I can barely stomach the fact I've probably generated more income for Perez Hilton than you.

Glendon said...

In defense of 24: It's directed and starred in by Canadians (so it can't be that bad, am-I-right-or-what?), and they had arguably the greatest fictional black President, as well as another later US President be the mastermind of a terrorist plot. And the writers always acknowledge outside the show how unrealistic it is for torture to save the day.

Season Six was terrible, though.

Guy said...

Sadly, I can't offer any of the services you request -- but as a fellow unemployed writer looking at a 2009 of bread and water unless a generous benefactor miraculously picks up his script, perhaps we could form a support group?

Kamikaze Camel said...

Indeed. My monotonous job in retail is lovely when i realise without it I'd have nothing. And the only paying writing job I have pays barely even a pittance.

Fox said...

I think places like NYT, WaPo, Rolling Stone etc. need to clean house on their writers and give people like you a shot.

As print media fades away, your time will come my friend!

Matt Mazur said...

Girl, journalism is a pricey habit. lol.

NATHANIEL R said...

isn't it just?

Dean Malibu said...

Why don't we join forces??? Hell look at how many of you there are, you could start your own country.