Movie Remembrances

I saw Eight Legged Freaks in the theater.

I know. I know.

My boyfriend has yet to forgive me this transgression. They play the movie on TV sometimes and if I happen to zoom past it while channel-surfing and he notices, I get this glare. This "You owe me two hours of my life" glare.

But how was I supposed to resist a movie called Eight Legged Freaks? I certainly don't have that sort of will-power. There's something buried deep within the very core of my being that makes it imperative that I walk zombie-like into any movie called Eight Legged Freaks. It was beyond my control.

Bonus Fun Fact: It was originally called Arach Attack but they changed it due to the possibility people would confuse it with "Iraq Attack" and, subsequently, the war in the Middle East. Those people, the people who would confuse those two things? I don't want to know those people. Those are the people eating Freedom Fries.

Anyway, it wasn't just called Eight Legged Freaks, it was about ginormous mutant killer spiders. I mean, this was tailor-made for me, right? I grew up watching ginormous mutant killer spiders attack people every Saturday afternoon at my grandmother's. (I mean on television, not actually at my grandmother's house; I didn't grow up in some alternate Hell dimension or anything... unless you consider Upstate New York to be Hell, and some certainly do...)

But movies like Giant Spider Invasion and Kingdom of the Spiders were always playing on the Saturday afternoon local-channel showcases and I watched a lot of that claptrap as a kid. Grr, Argh, the spider is really freakishly big and eats the locals, they build some ridiculous bomb or all die, the end. Good stuff!

As a sidenote I might mention that the spiders are actually normal-spider-sized in Kingdom of the Spiders, but that movie stars William Shatner and therefore everything just seems big. The Shat has that biggifying power.

So... we went and saw Eight Legged Freaks. On opening night. In Times Square.

Mmmhmm.

Opening night for any movie at any theater in Times Square, as anyone (not me!) should be able to figure out, is... an experience. Especially any movie with a horror-ish bent. I made it through a few years of braving such waters - I would make it a habit to see almost any horror movie on opening night; such is my insanity - but have since... mellowed... on this count.

Well, mellowed is one way to put it. The nice way. A more apt description might be "been beaten senseless by the obnoxiousness of every living soul in a two-mile radius until I had to throw my bloodied hands towards the Heavens and cry out for sweet relief."

But when Eight Legged Freaks came out I was still in the midst of my opening-night devotion, so there we were, in the midst of the hysteria, watching what unfortunately turned out to be a big pile of steaming crap. Yes, David Arquette should always clue one in to that level of crappiness (Scream excluded). I did not read the signs, so blinded by the title was I (could I be falling for the same ruse again with the oncoming Snakes on a Plane juggernaut?).

Indeed, there was something about the Eight Legged Freaks theater-going experience that crystallized itself into the very essence of what was wrong with going to opening-night horror-ish movies in Times Square that pretty much set the ball rolling on the end of such self-abusing excursions.

That something? The balls-out insane lady sitting beside us.

I almost wish that the DVD of Eight Legged Freaks could be accompanied by a commentary track by this woman so this experience could be replicated for everyone to... experience. I would own that DVD.

Because this woman... wow. Think "Cat Lady from The Simpsons" crazy. If this woman been covered in cats, cats would have certainly been flung at the screen. As it was, she merely screamed and thrashed in her seat the entire running time. She was filled with helpful comments for the characters which she helpfully shouted at any given moment, such as "OH MY GOD IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU LOOK STUPID!". Or "HOLY JESUS OH MY GOD RUN GIRL IT GONNA KILL YOU!".

Okay, so we've all had this experience. There's one in every town, waiting in line for The Dukes of Hazzard or Jackass Number Two (sorry, Johnny).

But something about this woman... she came to represent all the nutjobs out there for me - the ones throwing their Skittles at the movie screen, playing Tetris on their cell phones, telling their best friend five rows in front of them what they're doing after the movie and where they should meet and no you better not invite that bitch I'm gonna kick her ass.

This Eight Legged Freaks woman has become, for me, Crazy Movie Lady Incarnate.

So I applaud her. This crazy, crazy woman. She made me see the err of my ways. She led me to the path of righteousness, where horror-ish movies are usually still in the theater the week following their release, on a weeknight or even a matinee, and David Arquette is only Coco's Pa, no more, no less.

--- JA, My New Plaid Pants
(Happy Vacation, Nathaniel!)

///

Taking a Breather

I'm on vacation starting right now In my absence enjoy The Film Experience as imagined by a quintet of blog buddies: Joe Reid of Low Resolution, MK of popbytes, Stinky Lulu of, well, Stinky Lulu, JJ of As Little As Possible and JA of My New Plaid Pants. There may be a cameo from a very special someone else as well but I aint promising. I'll be back on August 15th but these fine folks should keep you occupied until then since they're all fabu blogging wonders. Ciao.

Blogosphere Multiplex: ultranow

It's Monday and you know what that means. We kick off each new week (er well most of the time) with the Blogosphere Multiplex Interview series wherein we talk to a hot blogger about their own film experience.

Today we're moviegoing with Avi of ultranow. His blog, with its surprising trains of thought is like mind and eye candy. And I'm not just talking about the man candy, on plentiful display (and often NSFW). He describes himself as a "permajew permafaggot genderqueer seattlelite addicted to pop culture" which is as good a description as any for the blog itself with its obsessively random grab bag from figure skaters through Buck Rogers Gil Gerard to intense love for Cyndi Lauper (which counts for a lot --love of Cyndi is a sign of good character). Even when ultranow's posts are so random I'm not quite sure what the hell is going on, it makes for a memorable read.

10 questions with Avi of ultranow


Nathaniel: How often do you go the movies?

Avi: About once a month.

Nathaniel: Who is your favorite Disney Villain?

Avi: Ursula from The Little Mermaid

Nathaniel: Just as I started talking to you, you went and posted about the Judy memoir "Heartbreaker" ... I love my Judy G. How could she have lost the Oscar for A Star is Born? How Avi, how?!? A sick cosmic joke that was --Oscar voters sure are sadistic.

Avi: It is shocking because you'd think voters would be terrified of crossing Judy, but perhaps her mean drunk phase was still ahead of her, plus voters had some measure of anonymity.

That was the same year that Dorothy Dandridge lost out too so I'd say that Dorothy and Judy split the musical vote, and Grace Kelly cleaned up the non-musical vote and won with a plurality. It's not like Audrey Hepburn was about to win two years in a row (she'd won the year before for Roman Holiday) and who the hell likes Jane Wyman (just Ronald Reagan right?) It's especially unfortunate that Judy lost because based on her career spiral, her Oscar statue would have ended up in a pawn shop, which is just so anti-glamour it's beautiful.

Nathaniel: I'm hard right now that you know all the nominees. Your blog has its fair share of horniness but what makes it stand out in this regard is your wit. Like your recent post on mysterious pornographic symbolism --funny. Which got me to thinking. What puzzles/fascinates/turns you on or off about sex scenes in the movies (the nonporn kind)?

Avi: Well Dandridge and Kelly I knew, but the others I had to look up. I hope that doesn't effect your intellectual hardon.

As for nonporn sex scenes, I am puzzled by who the hell would have pretend sex with Michael Douglas for less than $20 million. What I like is when scenes are character driven vs strictly about turning on the viewer. Perhaps this is because the majority of nonporn sex scenes in film are heterosexual so I've sought out the meaning vs the turnon. I'm not one to be aroused by straight men just because they're men (yes this is a shot against you Sean Cody Productions). Standout character driven sex scenes for me are Richard Gere/Diane Keaton in Looking for Mr. Goodbar (sex=self-destruction), Jeremy Irons/Geneviève Bujold in Dead Ringers (evil gynecologist with a rubber fetish), and Whoopi Goldberg/Danny Glover in The Color Purple (sad/real).

In the homosexual vein, the champagne kiss in My Beautiful Laundrette and the damn your back has bruises scene in Beautiful Thing are incredible, with Laundrette ranking #1 in my book forever because it's literally celebratory. For camp value, the extended transexual rape metaphor montage in Myra Breckinridge reigns victorious (Racquel Welch with a strap-on is dreamy).

Nathaniel: I feel 'literally celebratory' myself hearing anyone expressing love for My Beautiful Laundrette without me prompting them. So thank you. That movie meant so much to me as a teen-ager.

What were some formative movies for you?

Avi: For helping feed the queer jewish loner sexpot mess that I am today: What's Up, Doc?, For Ladies Only, Annie, Breakfast Club, Casino Royale, Secret of NIMH, Murder by Death, An American in Paris, Clash of the Titans, Terms of Endearment, Torch Song Trilogy, The Nude Bomb, and the ultimate (though made for TV) - The Making of a Male Model starring the dearly departed Jon-Erik Hexum. The first male/male kiss I saw in a movie (thought not the first gay character) must have been in My Beautiful Laundrette (rented it in high school I think - I know I saw it alone). Also saw Prick Up Your Ears in high school (not necessarily recommended and hopefully not formative). Edge of Seventeen was so dead on real that I felt like I was in high school watching it. So if you never got to see a gay movie in high school watch that one and it will fill in the blank (if you're mid 30s now).

Nathaniel: 100% agreed on Edge of Seventeen. What's your favorite movie of the past few years?

Avi: Spellbound, especially since I saw it in a theater that posted "TWO THUMMS UP!" on the marquee.

Nathaniel: That's great. Reminds me of your "Monster Ho" post. What's the weirdest thing thats ever happened to you on a trip to the movies?

Avi: The last 10 minutes of Pee-wee's Big Adventure the screen was black because the projector bulb had burned out. It was a 99 cent theater so there really wasn't much complaining that could be done, which didn't stop one woman from screaming constantly during those 10 minutes for them to fix the projector. All I know is there was some sort of chase and a circus was involved, possibly also his flying bicycle and that high-diving horse.

Nathaniel: Since Hollywood is so obsessed with making TV shows into movies...which TV show would you most like to see bigified for the silver screen?

Avi: The New Adventures of Old Christine.

Nathaniel: You talk a lot on your blog about your double minority status: Jewish and gay. There are bajillions of movies every year (not that there are that many good ones, but...) for gay people. But what movies do you think accurately reflect or speak in interesting ways to Jewish audiences?

Avi: First off, not Yentl! Now I can speak purely from my own yiddishkeit (Jewishness) and not in terms of what Jewish audiences in general might find appealing. I wouldn't try to speak for all gays either. On the Jewish tip though, for me it's about a certain turn of phrase, a certain vaudevillian or tragicomic patter, a certain metaview, not necessarily subject matter. So Walk on Water, an Israeli movie with a non-Jewish gay character and a Jewish non-gay lead, didn't connect to me on a Jewish level, despite its Holocaust intrigue. Crossing Delancey, Next Stop, Greenwich Village, Little Shop of Horrors, X-Men II, Facts of Life Go To Australia - all connected with me on a Jewish level, though only the first two on this mini-list have central Jewish characters and plotlines. This is an area that's difficult for me to pinpoint. Anything well done on Anne Frank is a quintessential absolute yes for all time. That is certain.

Nathaniel: They make a movie of your life. Who plays you? What's the rating?

Avi: Ken Olin circa 1991. Issue and Tissues. NC-35.

Nathaniel: Mmmmm, Ken Olin circa 1991. Thanks Avi for that lovely farewell mental image. Once again readers, check out Avi's blog "ultranow"



Film Experience Greatest Hits (for newbies):
Far From Heaven vs. Brokeback Mountain * She's a Bitch (@ the Movies) * A History of... Gay Cowboys

Previously in the Multiplex Series:
FourFour
six things
Gallery of the Absurd
How to Learn Swedish in 1000 Difficult Lessons
Ron L'Infirmier
Thomas & Co.

Shame on Winona

This article about Winona Ryder's "shame" about her "shallow occupation" made me laugh out loud. Which is probably not the reaction our dear Veronica Sawyer was hoping for when she said this:

For a long time I was ashamed of being an actress. I felt like it was a shallow occupation.

The thing is...Acting is only a shallow occupation if you're not good at it. What's the shame in contributing to cathartic dramatic or comedic experiences for millions of people or illuminating some aspect of the human condition?

Now if she feels shame about her [airquote] performances [/airquote] in Dracula or The Crucible then I'll just put my arm around her sympathetically and admire her self-awareness. But as it stands now I wish she'd have been a little more specific with this reporter. [src]

I'm sorry was that mean? It's said with love.

Jackie Beat Rules!

One of my favorite performers in the entire f'ing world started a blog five months ago and no one told me. I hate all of you!


I kid. I just can't believe I missed it up till now. But anyway. Go check out Jackie Beat's blog. Among the early delights, a random sampling of five beautiful blogposts.

#1 She totally reads Lindsay Lohan (with whom I'm also just about done with despite years of vocal support --so sick of her wasting her opportunities)
#2 She invents a new word that I'm going to be using all the time from now on "Borrible" because damnit --why didn't I think of that? Hilarious.
#3 We love a quiz. "Are you a REAL friend of Jackie's?"
#4 An awesome "happy birthday to me" manifesto against plastic surgery.
#5 A "Little Miss Know-It-All" column on the sacred institution of marriage.

The two of you out there who have actually read my print zine "Film Bitch" from the 90s (prior to the glorious rapture that was website-ing) know that I've actually met Ms. Beat a few times and interviewed her for the zine. Jackie Beat Rules!

Twas true years ago. Tis true now.

"Don't Turn the Projector Off!"

Classic Movie of the Week
Woody Allen's The Purple Rose of Cairo

Yesterday, I was contemplating what a middling movie year it's been up to this point. Thinking about how many outright awful films I've sat through recently (see sidebar) in my attempt to get my celluloid communion on, I decided on a surefire cure for my movie blues. I went and saw The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985) again. It was playing at the Museum of Modern Art and their timing couldn't have been better. They cured my summer movie blues.

For those of you who haven't seen it, it's a delightful comedy about a fictional character who steps right off the screen to woo a lonely woman in the audience. He can't resist meeting her after he notices her sitting, day after day, watching the movie in which he appears. Naturally comedic chaos ensues once he makes this spontaneous transition. The other characters in the movie don't know what to do (he's a plot engine) audiences don't know what to make of (they talk back) and Hollywood starts sweating. What if more characters start leaving their movies?

The lonely moviegoer, Cecilia, is played by the perpetually underappreciated Mia Farrow. Her screen suitor is "Tom Baxter" from the film within this film (also called "The Purple Rose of Cairo"). He's played by an actor named Gil Shepherd who also appears later in the film. Both of them are played by Jeff Daniels --are you still with me?

Cairo is a silly and brilliantly concise Allen confection. It runs less than an hour and a half yet it holds more ideas and laughs than this whole summer's worth of comedies put together, including Woody's latest, Scoop. Cairo arrived during that genius stretch from Annie Hall (1977) to Crimes and Misdemeanors(1989) when Woody mastered his unique collision of dramatic concerns and inspired funny business. Oscar voters didn't notice it aside from the witty screenplay but the film was a hit with the Golden Globes, scoring Mia Farrow and Jeff Daniels richly deserved nominations for their touching duet.

There are several classic films about the movies but what makes The Purple Rose of Cairo so endearing is that it's really about moviegoing. It addresses what it means to sit in the dark and fall in love and what the movies do for their audiences. And in a bittersweet way, especially for cinephiles, it's also about what the movies can't do for us; the great chasm between fiction and reality. I love this movie. It was the first movie I ever saw which made me realize I was more connected to the cinema than anyone I knew (at that point in my life at least). Cecilia, that avid moviegoer, felt like a soulmate. I recognized myself in her so clearly, daydreaming about the movies to the point where I'd completely forget whatever it was I was doing, slowing down when walking past movie theaters eyes wide to take in new movie posters (what would this one be like?), and finding myself jabbering away about film stars whenever anyone asked me a movie question.

I also love the semi-divisive ending so much more as an adult than I did as a teen. I love that it means different things to different people (so do the movies). I love the song choice from the Fred & Ginger film "Heaven... I'm in Heaven" I love watching Cecilia settling into her seat and seeing her go into that new movie trance, again leaving her reality behind. You know that she will always be returning to the movie theater. It's her church.

If you ever have a run of movies so bad that you are considering swearing them off forever, all you need to do to is catch a great one. The brilliant Purple Rose of Cairo is just such a movie for me. It's a healing elixir. Whenever I watch it I fall madly in love with the movies all over again.

Say What? The Protector

I asked you to add dialogue or a caption to this still from The Protector starring Ong Bak's flexible warrior Tony Jaa. The winners are witchiepooh...


and Rob --very punny.



The Protector will be opening Stateside on August 25th, 2006. If you haven't seen Jaa in action, you're in for a treat. Rent Ong Bak. Your jaw will drop at what that body can do.

previous Tony Jaa love
Film Bitch Awards 2005 two nominations
Thai Me Up March 2005

Lost in Johansson: It's a Wrap.

And we now conclude "Scarlett Week" with the following lists...
Lists!? This never happens on the Film Experience. It's a miracle.

Best Scarlett Johansson Website


These photos are all of Scarlett celebrating Lost in Translation at various bashes, premieres, festivals. For thousands more (you heard me right) ---or if Scarlett week had you all hot and bothered, visit Scarlett Fan. It's a huge spiffy website. If all movie actors had websites this comprehensive the world would be a better, prettier, happier, more satisfying place.

They even have a big Black Dahlia page up. Is it just me or is Scarjo getting all Naomi Watts on us in this movie? Look at this pic below



Your favorite Scarjo performances
51% of you love Charlotte in Lost in Translation most.
17% of you bought into her randy emotional turn in Match Point and
15% of you most grooved on that Girl with a Pearl Earring. Complete poll results here

My favorite Scarjo performances
01. Girl with a Pearl Earring challenged her the most and she delivered. [FB Nomination]
02. Lost in Translation fittingly made her a star with that tricky lost-but-still-strong duality of character.
03. Ghost World in which she expertly handled a character arc that wonderfully paralleled the audiences understanding of the girls.


Her biggest box office grossers
01. The Horse Whisperer $75 million
02. In Good Company $45 million
03. Lost in Translation $44 million

The most inexplicable thing about her career
That Globe nomination for Love Song for Bobby Long

The smartest thing about her career
Who she's chosen to work with (auteurially speaking) and who she's avoided (Tom Cruise pre-Katie Holmes, Scarjo was rumored to be his original target)

Reasons why Scoop is not as bad you've heard
01. Scarlett and Woody really do have chemistry as a screen pair. (I don't mean romantically. Ewww.)
02. Hugh Jackman takes his shirt off (often) + Scarlett in a bathing suit.
03. Some of the jokes are actually funny even if it's forced and fluffy.


Her only dangerous rivals for "Queen of Young Hollywood" Status
01. Natalie Portman. Like Scarjo she has both the auteurs and the audiences wrapped around her fingers. In Natalie's corner: That Oscar nomination and the best boyfriend in Hollywood (Gael Garcia Bernal). In Scarjo's corner: No performances as stinky as "Queen Amidala"
02. Kirsten Dunst. Like Scarjo she's had critical acclaim. In Kirsten's corner: Sofia Coppola's true muse (twice over). Plus better box office track record. In Scarjo's corner: Wasn't dumb enough to dump Jake Gyllenhaal.
03. Keira Knightley. Like Scarjo she's all the rage right this second. In Keira's corner: Better box office, Oscar validation, plus a franchise to keep her employed. In Scarjo's corner: More range. Far sexier.

Hope you've enjoyed Scarlett Week. Next week will be Scarlett free (unless one of the guest bloggers can't resist)

previous posts:
A History Of... Scarjo
Hugh Jackman her current co-star in Scoop
My Endless Link Two Scarlett links & other random goodies.
Anyone But Scarlett Johansson (With Apologies to Scarlett Johansson)

tags: Scarlett Johansson, movies, cinema, Josh Hartnett, cloning, academy awards, film, Woody Allen, Natalie Portman, Kirsten Dunst, Young Hollywood

L(ink)MAO

Funny Ha Ha
The Daily Gut "Fast Fact Friday: Vin Diesel" (src)

Funny Interesting
WOW Report "Burns Unit" -I actually remember this cover. Yikes.

Funny Cool
Meryl as "Miranda" -a music video (src: Adam & Glenn)

A History of... Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson week continues. Since I'm all about your maximum reading pleasure I'd suggest soundtrack accompaniment for this post. "More Than This" by Bill Murray, the hidden track on the Lost in Translation soundtrack or, better yet, pop in Björk's "Army of Me"

Enjoy

1984 Scarlett Marie Johansson springs full grown from the head of her mother Melanie in New York City. Says a hoarse "hey" to twin brother Hunter three minutes later, lights a cigarette and watches a Lauren Bacall flick. Surprisingly patient, Scarlett waits ten more years before launching her attack on Hollywood.

1994 She makes her film debut in the legendary bad movie North starring a then 13 year-old Elijah Wood. He's already a pro with eight movies under his belt. Scarlett takes notes.

1998 She gets her first lead role at 14 in The Horse Whisperer. Nobody looks at the horse. Robert Redford, Kristin Scott Thomas, Dianne Weist, Sam Neill, and Kate Bosworth co-star. Nobody looks at them either.

2001 Ghost World premieres to hosannas from hundreds of critics and small pockets of obsessed geeks. Thora Birch is the star but it's Scarlett with her wise observant face and mellow vibe (among other assets) who hypnotizes. She gains the career momentum from the comic adaptation.

2002 Scarlett turns 18. Critics and geeks rejoice.

2003 Making her entrance ass first in pink panties, Scarlett ascends to the top of the Young Hollywood ladder with Lost in Translation. Two months later Girl with a Pearl Earring seals the deal on her new serious actress status and carnal appeal --she even makes mouthbreathing sexy.

2005 Ever the gambler, the new star makes two risky moves that payoff. She plays new muse for lost-it auteur Woody Allen improbably inspiring his biggest hit in 20 years, Match Point. She also takes a starring role as an escaped clone in the first flop from the King of Bad Movies, Michael Bay. It's a sci-fi actioner called The Island. Never one to waste an opportunity she studies cloning on the set and begins to replicate.

2006 Bouyed by a new clone army, Scarletts Johansson begins working 360 hour workweeks. Hollywood executives can't get enough with three movies in theaters (Scoop, The Prestige, The Black Dahlia), two lucrative commercial contracts underway (L'Oreal and Reebok), and five more movies in the pipeline for 2007.

2007 Trouble in Johanssonville. Scarlett2 complains of corns from endless Reebok photoshoots. Scarlett3's hair feels like straw after the L'Oreal commercials. Scarlett4 is sick of giving it up for Josh Hartnett --'the man is a sex addict!' and feels gropings from Isaac Mizrahi and ogling by studio executives contribute to a hostile work environment. Rejecting Scarlett's promises of shared Golden Globe swag, the Scarletts unionize. The original Ms. Johansson, never anything less than razor sharp, cuts down dramatically on overall production as payroll costs escalate. One film a year --two max. And definitely less nookie for Josh.

*

While you're here see the full blog for the rest of "Scarlett Johansson Week", vote in the current "Scarlett fever" poll, see where Scarlett placed in the "Actress of the Aughts" countdown or read the previous History Angelina Jolie

tags: Scarlett Johansson, movies, cinema, Josh Hartnett, cloning, gossip, clone, film, reebok, Golden Globes, Woody Allen

Where is Ewan McGregor's Penis?

Now, y'all know I love myself the smiling cocksure stylings of Ewan McGregor on the silver screen. He placed very high in the top actors countdown recently. I was thinking about him during this, Scarlett Johansson Week, since they co-starred together in The Island two years back. I thought I'd check out what he was up to on the good ole' IMDB --something I do regularly for many actresses and actors. What did I find out? Well, he survived the The Island and has (supposedly) 8 movies coming over the next few years.

But two things are really bugging me.

1. Where is he keeping his penis? He is never naked anymore. What's up with that?

2. Can someone change that goddamn photo on his IMDB page !?! Seriously, I hate looking at that. If you stop to think about all of his great performances and all of his great photoshoots it'll really burn you up that that damn page has had that same dumbass ducktailed 'Obi Wan' on it forever. If I were a hacker I'd be taking that shite down, immediately.

My Endless Link

Stranger Song anticipates Marie-Antoinette (with action figures!)
NY Times on the enduring Brooke Astor. This story of a 104 year-old Manhattan gazillionaire has been pretty fascinating lately. I hope they make a movie someday and give some ancient actress a chance to win an Oscar. [src]
popbytes with a Dreamgirls sneak. "One Night Only"
Just Jared has pics of the onscreen (Black Dahlia) / offscreen couple: Scarlett Johansson & Josh Hartnett. Just a few days back we were reading about Scarlett's love of cupcakes. Now, there's another dessert in her hands. Hollywood stick figures take note: This girl is sexier than you. Put on some lbs!
I am screaming and punching myself on the last night's joyful (___ kicked off) / shocking (____ wins) episode of Project Runway.
Stale Popcorn on Clint's "too obvious" Oscar contender.
Pajiba with some trade roundups notes on The Dark Knight (yay), I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (boo), and There Will Be Blood (triple-yay).
Useless Things Fun observation about a photo of Oliver Stone posing with Courtney Love & Scarlett Johansson.

...and finally. You know you gotta see this:
L Magazine names the 5 Best and 5 Worst New York City Film Critics. [src]

Anyone But Scarlett Johansson (With Apologies to Scarlett Johansson)

This post is directed towards Hollywood's casting directors. Of all employed movie types they are the people who I most regularly fantasize are visiting my blog. I like to think they're listening to my pleas for underappreciated actors, reading my countdown lists of most valuable players, and the like. Because sometimes... I just don't get where they're coming from. Take Scarlett Johansson, this week's "it" girl. She's a memorable beauty, sure. She can hold her own onscreen, mm-hmm. She has a great voice, yes. But should they really be casting her in everything? Is she right for every single role?

I imagine she's the most hated actress among the young female set in Hollywood. If you check out her filmography it really gives one pause. She has been featured in 22 films. In half of those she is either the lead or a prominent supporting player. She is only 21. To top it all off she has three more roles in the can and another four contracts signed. I'd argue that more than any other actor in Hollywood she risks complete backlash very soon.

In an effort to curb a quick downfall (I'd personally like ScarJo to stick around) I'd suggest a year off and for casting directors to give some other young ladies a reasonable shot at making a splash.

Now obviously among the 18 to mid20s set Anne Hathaway, Kirsten Dunst, Evan Rachel Wood, Keira Knightley, Natalie Portman, and Lindsay Lohan (and less explicably Jessica Alba, Kate Bosworth, and Emmy Rossum, with 5 facial expressions between them) have eked out careers while Scarlett has devoured every other role. Beyond about 10 girls, though, it seems Hollywood doesn't care...

Give these girls a shot!

Amanda Seyfried, 20. You've seen her on HBO's Big Love and as the dumbest of the Mean Girls. Why her? She's younger than Scarlett if you need the dewy freshness. And while Scarlett certainly isn't bad in comedies, her mellow character vibe in Ghost World and Lost in Translation isn't really the laugh generator. Next up for Amanda is the horror film Solstice. Casting directors please save her from a life of TV guest work and B-Movies.

Ludivine Sagnier, 26. She had a brief moment a few years back when it looked like she might crossover with high profile work in Swimming Pool, Peter Pan, and 8 Women. Why her? Say you're looking for someone who, like Scarlett, possesses potent sexuality that's still malleable to the character demands and who also can play several different ages? Ludivine's a slam dunk winner on both counts. Her beauty, talent, and star presence will keep her busy in French cinema for years to come but there's really no reason (given that she speaks English) for Hollywood not to borrow her more often.

Nathalie Press (age?) & Emily Blunt, 23. They made a mini-splash together in arthouses for the underseen but well received My Summer of Love. Why them? First and foremost the talent. For Press, both Summer and the Oscar short-film winner Wasp are potent performance films. She could be a highly regarded actress very soon with just one really high profile gig. Blunt proved this summer in Devil Wears Prada that she's a total chameleon, more muteable from film to film than Scarlett if you need a shapeshifter more in the line of Streep or Blanchett. Her bitchy comedic character in Prada is nothing like her dreamy seductress from Summer. I have a sharp eye for actors and I didn't even realize it was the same woman until after the movie was over. I can't wait to see what other forms she takes.

Kathleen McDermott (age?) I know zilch about her and she's barely ever worked in the movies. Why her? Anyone who can hold their own with the brilliant Samantha Morton as she did with sweet grounding naturalism in Morvern Callar deserves more opportunities on the screen. What gives? Seriously. I thought we'd be seeing her a lot.

Scarlett, with her old soul vibe, and is often cast older than she is. Lost in Translation was meant for a mid 20s actress and Scarlett made it when she was 18. These ladies are also worthy of your consideration...

Kerry Washington, 29. I might start crying. I think things have gotten a lot better for black male leads in the past decade. But the women? Not so much. Why her? Mostly for my sanity. Every time I respond to a young black actress I start seeing the fate of Angela Bassett all over again: big splashy success followed immediately by crap supporting roles. Very few actresses of any ethnicity have chops as powerful as Angela Bassett but still... Even when future Angelas work a lot, as Kerry does, they seem to get stuck in roles that don't require anything of them. Kerry started off strong in indies like Lift and Our Song (a great rental choice if you like under-the-radar indies) and scene stealing in big hits like Save the Last Dance but lately...ouch. I'll be the first to admit that she didn't really run with the Ray opportunity the way, say, Regina King did. But Scarlett doesn't hit it out of the park every time either and that doesn't stop her from attracting top filmmakers and big projects. Shouldn't Kerry be getting better gigs than cameos in Fantastic Four and Mr & Mrs. Smith and employment in Little Man?

Lucy Punch, 28. Her biggest claim to fame is the 'humiliate the golddigger' role in Being Julia Why her? if you were paying attention you probably noticed that she actually knew what she was doing with the role. However thankless the part was, that was no phoned-in performance. Next up for Ms. Punch is a comedy with the makers of Shaun of the Dead called Hot Fuzz. Lucy is also very at home in period films as her filmography suggests. Now I know that Scarlett can do that too (Girl with a Pearl Earring) but, again, you can't cast her in everything. Or at least you shouldn't.

Other Posts From "Scarlett Johansson Week"
It's a Wrap Scarlett Week Concludes with Lists Galore
A History Of... Scarjo
'Scarlett Fever' Poll Which is her best performance?
Hugh Jackman her current co-star in Scoop
My Endless Link Two Scarlett links & other random goodies.

tags: Scarlett Johansson, movies, films, casting director, cinema, acting, Young Hollywood

Hump Day Hottie: Hugh Jackman

I am totally sick right now so I need something yummy to look at. Sitting at the computer is a chore when you have a fever but I'm distracting myself with pics of Hugh Jackman. Rowrrr. I'm imagining him dabbing my forehead with wet cloth to comfort me, singing to me with that sensational voice to entertain me, doing a Wolverine berzerker imitation (naked of course) just to amuse me. He's a mighty, manly, and sensitive man this Aussie star.

There was a period of time there when he was delighting Broadway audiences for a whole year instead of making movies (something stars almost never do) and scaring his agent in the process. But he's back to the screen with a vengeance. Scarlett Johansson is not the only 2006 overachiever. You can see Hugh Jackman romancing her in theaters right now in Scoop (which I still haven't seen. Bad me). You probably already saw his third pass at Wolverine in X-Men: The Last Stand. This fall he's starring in what are arguably two of the very coolest of all 2006 releases. He headlines The Fountain (trailer) with Rachel Weisz and gets combative with Christian Bale in The Prestige (trailer). This should be the year wherein he leaves superhero movies behind.

Aside from his quadruple movie attack, he's also making news this week with the announcement that he'll be starring in a new film version of the classic musical Carousel. This is covered at Cinematical (in a sweet way) and Defamer (in a funny but kinda fagbashing way). But it's cool to read both posts back to back to illustrate the landmines that come with making movie musicals. Some of the greatest movies of all time belong to the genre and exceedingly masculine stars like Gene Kelly (and now Jackman) have set up shop there, too. But there will always be people who make fun of the musical theater and its connotative relationship with homosexuality. People are small-minded like that. There was even a time frame when gossip was circling that Jackman didn't get the James Bond role because he wasn't masculine enough.

This man.



Dumb right? But you can't win them all. I should note though that the Defamer article does relay a complete truth about musical theater devotion --some people just have it in their blood with no interest in dismissing it. Thankfully for those of us who enjoy both the godlike Hugh Jackman and the musical theater itself, it's a beautiful match.

Enjoy every last moment of the International Jackman Film Festival of 2006 at theaters near you all freaking year long.


Previously on "Hump Day Hotties"
Uma Thurman -tall beautiful orgasmic Cheyenne Jackson -extreme stage hottie crossing over to film. HDH Season One - Jake Gyllenhaal, Lady Tottington, and more...

tags:
Hugh Jackman, movies, film, Scarlett Johansson, Broadway, musicals

Actressexuality

Recently, during the umpteenth Oscar Best Actress discussion over at Nicks Flick Picks his partner Derek, continuously bewildered by our communal enthusiasm, quipped "Is Best Actress, like, its own sexual orientation?" After laughing out loud I had to face facts. This was a lightning bolt of truth.

I'm an Actressexual.

It explains so much. It explains those nights lying in bed dreaming, not of glistening male hardbodies but of actresses swathed in Valentino, Saab, Armani, and vintage whomever. It explains the shared lust, not for their tuxedoed dates, but for that gold statue. It explains the dreams not of Ethan Hawke but of Uma Thurman. I'd like to think my love for Michelle Pfeiffer transcends any sexual orientation but it probably explains that, too.

Come to think of it, it even explains Warren Beatty. Actressexuality defies hetero and homo boundaries. Beatty may have screwed everything with a vagina back in his Hollywood heyday but notice: the only serious relationships --Julie Christie, Natalie Wood, and Annette Bening-- these were women who had just been nominated for an Oscar. Or were named Madonna. But, readers, she somehow counts.

OMG. How am I going to explain this to my parents?



Tags: movies, cinema, actress, Academy Awards, film, Oscars, Warren Beatty, Uma Thurman, Annette Bening, Natalie Wood, Julie Christie, sexuality, Madonna, homosexuality, queer

Kings of Comedy

Oh No They Didn't has a fun collection of posters/images of the films named 'the 50 greatest comedies of all time' by Premiere magazine.

Good things: Anything that attracts attention to the exhausting wonders of 30s screwball comedies like The Awful Truth and My Man Godfrey fine by me. (If you haven't seen either of those, please drop everything else and do so--no more new movies for you til it's done.) I was also surprised but delighted to see The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (which I wrote about here) on the list.

Bad things: Only two Woody Allens and only one directed by Christopher Guest (and it ain't Guffman grrrr.) Also no Fargo. What up with the modern choices like Zoolander making it in. I ain't gonna lie, I thought it was funny. But a "great" --one of the 50 greatest of all time?-- please.

Connect the Links. Lah Lah Lah

Scarlett's Reebok deal the non-aerobic cupcake-scarfing Johansson seals a lucrative deal.
Fame Tracker flipflops w/ Uma & Luke
As Little As Possible is sweating out the heatwave (aren’t we all?) with movies about the same.
Glitterati Gossip Uma & QT. Again?
Cinematical shares very good news. Todd Haynes is finally shooting the Far From Heaven follow-up.
Style Guru Holly Golightly's black dress is up for grabs. How much do y'all think it will go for?

And finally. By now everyone and their grandma have heard that Heath Ledger will be playing "the Joker" in the sequel to Batman Begins, called The Dark Knight. Can anyone explain to me why people are upset by this? Didn't he JUST BARELY prove himself a phenomenal actor in a role that seemed to surprise just about everyone (other than people who noticed how good he was in his bit in Monter's Ball). One month they're comparing you to Brando... the next month nobody thinks you can do a role that's different than your last one. It's tough out there.

Re: Mel Gibson.

And now a rant on the Mel Gibson anti-semite drunken a**hole debacle as documented everywhere else on the internet. [Please read no further if you are easily offended about religious topics--I'm just thinking aloud here and not particularly a fan of organized religion]. I fail to see what’s so scandalous about this Gibson arrest/meltdown/apology -–sure it’s awful and he’s a lunatic. Duh. But I don't understand why people are surprised when evidence of his fundamentalism and hatred of particular groups (especially faggots and jesus-killers) have been around us for years. Why does everyone act shocked? Is it willful denial, naive optimism, or something else entirely?

I’m calling bullshit right now on these worrisome articles like “will anyone work with him again?”. This is lazy journalism. OF COURSE people will work with him. It reminds me of the slew of Passion of the Christ articles prior to its release pondering “will this ruin Mel Gibson’s career?” Even when Passion's overwhelming success was doubtful that was a silly question. Hollywood is a money industry. It takes more than one big flop/mistake to bring down entire careers of that magnitude. Just look at Tom Cruise: He’s a media whipping boy now given how blatantly he has exposed his own various psychosis. But even if the ridiculing continues unabated for years to come, it will take a long time before people aren’t willing to work with Tom Crui$$$$$e.

So I find it kind of insulting that I'm supposed to wonder if Gib$$$on's career might be over. This nation reelected George W Bush for crying out loud. This is not a country that has any problems rewarding fundamentalist nutjobs --or bombing them if they happen to live in other countries. Which brings me to a more troublesome topic: the rise of fundamentalism in general. My personal feeling is that it’s a sickness whatever God you believe in --if you believe with 100% certainty that it's your way or the highway, that other people are going to hell... it stands to reason that you're far more likely to also lose sight of their humanity. That's a big problem for a civilized peaceful world. If you lose sight of the basic humanity of those different than yourself, it's easier to hate them, easier to fight against their rights, easier to wish them harm, easier to kill them, easier to blame them for your own troubles, etc...

I hope Gibson finds the healing he needs. I really do. More importantly I hope we can somehow find an escape route to what seems to be a global downward slide into religious extremism. It comes with an extremely high body count.

If you need a good laugh about this (I surely do --depressing stuff) your best bet is The Gilded Moose.