Sunday, December 18, 2005

"What's That On Your Head?" "[A Wig!]"

To understand why I'm writing this you must read this hilarious Guide Through American History as Told By Anne Hathaway's Hair in Brokeback Mountain [heads up from: Towleroad], and Tim Robey's review of The Family Stone both of which inspired this year-end rundown:

Unofficial 'FilmBitch Awards'
Most Exciting Hair Movies of 2005.
And the nominees are...

We'll kick this competition off with Brokeback Mountain's two decades of changing hairstyles. Anne Hathaway's "Lurene" gets all the attention because she's the only clotheshorse in this production. Nevertheless the other characters do update their locks; a muttonchop here, a moustache there, as the times dictate.

Next up we come to King Kong and The Chronicles of Narnia. You may find yourself scratching your head (careful don't mess w/ your 'do) asking "Why are they here?" Well, first think briefly on this: Remember back in the day when all CGI characters looked plastic? It wasn't that long ago. Even as recently as 2001 you heard Pixar professionals worrying, in every "making of" documentary for Monsters Inc, about whether the fur on their lead monster would have any semblance of reality. Would it blow in the breeze? Would it capture snowflakes? Now look at these hairy CG beasts! Pretty amazing, no? Kong crushes Aslan as the king of the jungle in this effects sweepstakes (by a longshot). But Narnia gets its nomination slot with the added boost of those blond dreadlocks on The White Witch. Pretty imposing. Bonus points for her battlefield lion's wig, too, which cruelly mocks her defeated foe.

Our last two nominees are all about the ladies. 2046, Wong Kar Wai's dreamy future/past drama has the most delicious female supporting cast of the year. Whether perfectly coiffed in retro 'dos or rocking the punk android look every last one of them looks absurdly sensational. And finally we come to The Family Stone. It's narrative is, as Tim Robey detailed in his review (linked above), entirely told by the hair of its four lead females. You know that Parker's tightly bunned hair is going to do battle with Diane Keaton's relaxed skunk matron look and Rachel McAdams dishevelled granola gorgeousity. You also know that Parker's going to eventually let it all hang loose because her sister (Claire Danes) also has perfectly flat-ironed hair but hers flies about freely never once feeling incongruous within the Stone family house or in need of liberation from control-freak tendencies.

Coming Tomorrow: More Highlights from the Year in Hair...

5 comments:

Nick Davis said...

Kate's got a big bouffant on!
We've! All! Got! Wigs! So!
Let's GO!!!

John T. said...

I vote Brokeback Mountain (though I do love that Family Stone set-who do you think their stylist is?)

Nick M. said...

Brokeback should win this, if only because it believed that characters age when they have grow ridiculous hair/facial hair.

Oh, and why are your Kins and Quuen and The Holy Girl ratings "tba"? Post those high marks now!

JavierAG said...

I'm dying to see those ratings too... "Holy Girl" in particular. FYC in the Film Bitch awards.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Dude, clearly some of the best hair this year was Lady Tottington in W&G!