Hey yo. Whitney here, from Dear Jesus.
Children are horrific. We all know that. They come at you with their sticky little jam hands, straight for your hair, snot running down their nose, demonic grins on their faces...those kids is crazy.
In honor, respect, and tribute to these little darlings, I have compiled a Tuesday Top Ten featuring the scariest, most memorably terrifying children.
10. Interview with the Vampire (Neil Jordan, 1994)
Though on the surface she's calm and sweet, Claudia (Kirsten Dunst) is like most children: a blood-sucking, attention hogging, ancient woman in a 12-year-old body.
9. The Ring (Gore Verbinski, 2002)
Yes, this one has been done to death. We are all familiar with the hair-in-their-face Japanese inspired horror figures shot in cold, saturated colors, but remember the first time you saw Samara (Daveigh Chase) climb out of the television?
8. Deliverance (John Boorman, 1972)
Not a central character, does nothing truly harmful, but this banjo boy traumatized me with his tiny eyes and buzzed head. Hoyt Pollard never appeared in anything else, but somewhere he's out there, lurking, banjo in hand, ready to strike up a tune...
7. The Brood (David Cronenberg, 1979)
One of my favorite Cronenberg movies, these little creatures - born from wombs attached to the outside of their mother's body - are mindless, emotionless, super-strong killing machines. They will stop at nothing, including the slaughter of grandma and grandpa!
6. Night of the Living Dead (George Romero, 1968)
There's nothing scarier than a zombie child with a sharp spade. Except maybe...
5. The Orphanage (Juan Antonio Bayona, 2007)
....orphan ghosts! After seeing this movie, the mere hint of a wheezy breath had me pulling the sheets up over my head. Orphans are no joke. Especially when they're dead orphans in scary masks.
4. Village of the Damned (Wolf Rilla, 1960)
Here is a classic example of the potential of children as horror figures. It is impossible to sociologically judge this group of children/alien hosts. What is their purpose? How is it that they are all connected? Why can't we understand them? Their thoughts and feelings are completely off limits to us and they become a terrifying force.
3. The Exorcist (William Friedkin, 1973)
I think it's incredible that someone like Linda Blair can play a role like this and then turn out (relatively) normal. Yes she keeps horses and chickens in her house, but she's also received death threats because she's a scary demon child!
2. The Omen (Richard Donner, 1976)
Damien, oh Damien. You are the reason I will never have children! Because there's a good chance my real baby will die and they'll replace him with the devil's seed. It's strange, without this movie Harvey Stephens would have been a pretty adorable child. Now he's forever Satan's spawn.
1. Rosemary's Baby (Roman Polanski, 1968)
My favorite horror film - possibly my favorite film - of all time. Though we never see this horrific child, the implication of what the child may be is much scarier. Rosemary's propensity for raw meat and Ruth Gordon's unnatural friendliness make this fetus and subsequent mystery infant the scariest of all of horror's children.
Keep in mind that my film knowledge is not complete or even extensive. For example, I have yet to see these classic horrific children films: Children of the Corn and The Bad Seed and The Twilight Zone. Still, I think this list is a pretty good starting point for those who share my aversion to these mini-versions of adults.