I guarantee that this is the last post about Oscar night! Or wait. No. Second to last.
What was Meryl taking pictures of with her iPhone? And why can't we see them? Meryl e-mail them to the film experience immediately! (Include your phone number. Plz and thx).
Is Sean Penn really not an official Academy member? He said so in his incoherent speech. So does this mean Guy With Opinions has never been able to share them on an Oscar ballot box? Weirdness.
Do you think Claudia Rose and David E Kelley are pissed that it's never been "Pfeiffer's Turn"? Pfeiffer's daughter and husband (who weirdly has no hit television series on the air at the moment) accompanied her to the big show.
It's always somebody's "turn" in Hollywood (this year: Bullock & Bridges). Do you think that Hollywood types make peace with Their Turn never happening after the first several fuckover moments and that umpteenth ginormous paycheck? Or do you think it eats at them... or at least their loved ones?
Whose unlikely turn is next? People will pretend otherwise (hindsight being 20/20) but if you had told people in 2006 that Mickey Rourke had a near win in his future, they'd have laughed at you. If you had told people in 2007 (or, hell, even last summer) that Sandra Bullock would be a winner by 2010... same result. So what horrors and/or satisfying surprises await: Kathleen Turner, Jennifer Aniston, Molly Ringwald, Demi Moore, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Meg Ryan, Marsha Mason, a second Oscar for Cuba Gooding Jr? Impossible sounding things are always happening in Hollyweird.
Can Maggie and Jake make another movie together? They're not like Warren & Shirley. They like each other! It's been almost 10 years since Donnie Darko and they're infinitely bigger stars now. Pretty please?
Was anyone fired on Monday, March 8th? Because we think whoever played "I am Woman" as Kathryn Bigelow's exit music and "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" as Amanda Seyfried's entrance music, should've been.
Why do we feel like Carey Mulligan is already plotting her Oscar night revenge? She's taking business cards, still playing sweet sixteen (she's 24), working that innocent pixie. Just below the surface lies an impish schemer! (We're guessing). Surely she knows that she's the surest thing going in Young Hollywood in terms of the Oscar-Winner-To-Be mantle.
But will they make her wait as long as Dame Kate Winslet? Sorry... Dame-To-Be.
When Colin Farrell and Jeremy Renner were spooning did... okay okay, I'm stopping. I'm stopping. I get obsessive. Oscars over and out. There are no answers to these haunting questions anyway. If you beg to differ, please provide them in the comments.