Monday, September 20, 2010

The Master Is Dead! Long Live The Master

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JA from MNPP here. In case you missed the news, it seems that Paul Thomas Anderson's next film The Master - which was to star Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the leader of a new Scientology-like religion in the 50s with Jeremy Renner as his disciple and Reese Witherspoon as his wife - has turned into a pillar of salt and gone poof. It's E-meter done gone and flat-lined. I'm sure it supposedly being a thinly-veiled critique of a religion intertwined with a large portion of the Hollywood establishment had nothing whatsoever to putting a pox on PTA's house, I am sure. Sure. Why not.

Anyway this is depressing news for those of us that worship upon the altar of Paul Thomas Anderson. I promised him my first born and all I get are empty promises! It's enough to make you not believe in a higher directing power after all. My faith in movie-making is shaken! I am having a crisis of cinematic conscience! To quote a well-known philosopher renowned for his wise words and his hammer pants, what we need to do is pray. But who does one aim this sort of prayer towards? Christian God is too busy editing all the boobs out of movies to get them down to PG-13. Muhammad doesn't show his face at the cinema. And unless you're willing to sing and dance it Bollywood-style Buddha doesn't take movie requests. Who is the god of movies? Is it Morgan Freeman too?
..Can you hear me, Morgan Freeman? It's me, JA.
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In all seriousness, if this movie is indeed dead as a dead dormouse, what should PTA turn his attentions to next? Something to get the tweens with their sexting and such on-board could definitely raise his stock I think. Maybe a Love Story 2010 with Zac Efron and his girlfriend. I know, he could remake Boogie Nights and have Katherine Heigl play Amber Waves! It's genius. Fifty million dollar opening weekend in the bag!
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18 comments:

Burning Reels said...

Grrr, that's frustrating.

Joe Reid said...

First of all, if Paul Thomas Anderson ever made Zac Efron's Love Story 3D or an Amber Waves spinoff rom-com with The Other Kathy H, you would give it 18 thumbs up and wear out your "A" and "+/=" keys on your keyboard giving it perfect marks. In summation: Cheer up, Charlie, he'll be drinking your milkshake again in no time.

Caroline said...

This f@cking SUCKS.

Caroline said...

Btw, I'd be interested to know what you thought of Boardwalk Empire's pilot episode, if you saw it.

cal roth said...

Paul Thomas Anderson, Baz Luhrmann, Terrence Malick, I love you, but go to hell! I am only gonna love Clint and Allen now.

Clover said...

but is it really done? i thought it's production was suspended or something. anyways, i'm sure this will get made eventually.

Volvagia said...

Grr? Seriously, as much as I love PT Anderson, he's getting much more brutal, toxic and cruel toward his characters with each passing movie. By the end of TWBB I almost got the sense that he wanted us to empathize with Daniel Plainview, a man with no noticable redeeming personality traits. If The Master followed that pattern, I think it was vetoed due to a sickening lack of (sy/e)mpathy for all of the characters. In essence: PT...if you want to make a movie, learn to care for at least some of your characters.

Ann McD said...

über depressing

James Colon said...

Woah. That just bummed me out for the entire week. Renner seems to be inferring that Anderson may be being a little unrelenting. Ugh, not surprising.

Simon said...

Boogie Nights: Boogier. Think about it.

Pope said...

Friggin A. I knew this was going to happen. Maybe I'll go ahead and read that script now...or not. Iono, should I? Any1 think this'll get made evengtually?

Dempsey Sanders said...

with all the flack the news of this is getting I wonder if they will re-think it. Its depressing news

/3rtfu11 said...

Maybe he should re-write it with female characters instead? Turn it into another buddy vehicle for Kathy Bates and Kate Winslet….3rd time’s the charm.

Kyle said...

Paul Thomas Anderson directs Superman...come on, you can see it now right? right???

rosecityjesse said...

No Kyle, it'll be yet another re-visioning of The Hulk!

Seriously though, my young cinema junkie mind was sparked by Hard Eight, electrified by Boogie Nights, and engulfed in flames by Magnolia - I almost have no words for There Will Be Blood. It's devastating, yet somehow in line with the temper & passion & insanity that must flow through him.

Harumph.

No Bad Movies said...

They had read throughs already. Renner admits that soemthing was off for Anderson during those reads. Maybe the chemistry wasn't right between Renner and Hoffman. Maybe Paul didn't like the way the words were coming off the page and decided to do re-writes.
Thus...bad news indeed.

Anonymous said...

do a movie with Julianne Moore PTA !!!

Kevin said...

Now's PT's chance to do what he's been hinting at for years!
http://idler-mag.com/2010/09/24/why-paul-thomas-anderson-should-make-a-musical-and-why-he-kind-of-already-has/