Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Make Your Own Biopic

Who plays you? Who directs? Which crucial moment from your childhood will reductively explain your entire adult existence? (oh you know how Hollywood constructs those movies. Go with it). Make your movie in the comments.

20 comments:

elgringo said...

Jonah Hill plays a chubby, curly-haired teenager with bourgeois dreams of a career in professional wrestling. The film's climax swirls around a gym packed with 600-plus wrestling fans chanting "Gringo! Gringo! Gringo!"

Just picture Superbad without the alcohol.

whitney said...

I'd like to say Natalie Portman plays me...but it would probably be more like Thora Birch. She'd probably die her hair green and wear kind of ridiculous clothes and spend all her time making fun of strangers with her blonde best friend...wait, I think I saw that movie.

whitney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Catherine said...

Sissy Spacek circa 1973 stars in a modest b&w Jim Jarmusch production revolving around the life of an average teenager, in which not a whole lot happens, over a hip soundtrack provided by Tom Waits. I realise this premise is bonafide Americana, but the action takes place in Dublin, Ireland. We could signify this with lots of rain and thick Dub accents on some of the minor characters. My film will in no circumstances contain the line "Honest to blog!". Comic relief will come in the form of Joan Cusack, who will play my younger sister (her favourite actress) and the film will definitely contain a number of waking-up montages.

Kristopher said...

I would like to see a Nat Rogers biopic. Immediately.

Casey F said...

Christian Bale circa 1992 or Michael Angarano would most likely play me right now. it would have to be a comedy/dramedy because my family is hilariously insane. my mother would be played by Virginia Madsen with brown/red hair and Bruce willis would play my dad. it would start after my parents divorce probably. directed by me

jimmy said...

chevy chase, circa 1976....in a rare dramatic role....stars as jimmy. for this rare, dramatic turn - he's oscar nominated. loses.

Jorg said...

Channing Tatum plays me as a man who knows what he doesn´t want in life. Flashback at my childhood performed by Cameron Bright who had first sexual experience with an older man played by Eric Bana.

Nate Tyson said...

God. I dunno who would play me. Young redheaded actors are few and far between.

My biopic would be directed by Jonathan Demme, just cuz I feel like he's good with actresses, and there is an abundance of women in my life, in various roles.

The role of my mother would be a goldmine, filled with pathos and high comedy. I would suggest an unknown older actress. My father would be played by Liam Neeson, who finally gets a chance to break out of his wise mentor bubble and play a more nuanced human being.

Saveferris said...

Steven Soderbergh would write and direct this indie comedy about me, starring Adam Brody as the main character. He is planning to move on and abandon everyone, he's just not sure when. Laura Linney would be the naivy, happy-go-lucky mother; Chris Evans would be the closeted fratboy semi-boyfriend, Natalie Portman would play the slutty wealthy best friend and Emile Hirsch the clueless brother. Bruce Willis would appear on a powerful cameo as the stranged father with cocain problems.

David S. said...

I feel like Colin Firth would play me as someone a bit older than I am now. It would be directed by Spike Jonze and surround not one incident but instead a handful of awkward moments from the 8th grade that haunt him into being way under-confident. There would of course be some kind of epiphany where he realizes that confidence is key, but I would want Charlie Kaufman to write the screenplay, so it would be way more inventive and quirky than what I just came up with.

Marissa said...

Claire Danes (circa five years ago) puts in brown contact lenses to play me. I don't know who'd play my parents, but I have a very funny uncle who looks just like John Turturro, so the screenplay would probably enlarge his role in my life.

Reductive childhood incident: in junior high Marissa's friends tell her "Stop hanging around us so much, you're annoying." Thus begins the moving tale of a girl seeking love and friendship, but afraid to get close to anyone for fear they will say "Go away, I don't like you." Happy ending occurs when she goes to college and gains a Sarcastic Jewish Female Sidekick and an Eccentric Gay Best Friend who accept and understand her. With friends like these, she's no longer a lonely little girl--instead, she's positioned herself to be the heroine of a clichéd Hollywood romantic comedy! (The sequel?)

Carl said...

Woody Allen directs a bespectacled John Cusack in "Waiting for the Statute of Limitations to Expire". The focus is on a twenty-four hour period when the protagonist, in the middle of the production, re-writes his monologue as the prosecutor in the high school production of "To Kill a Mockingbird" to fill in lines forgotten by the lead. This is followed by the cast party where much pharmacologically-enhanced fun ensues, after which there is a kidnap breakfast at 3:00 a.m. conducted by a girl's organization where the massively hung-over protagonist exchanges a knowing look with one of his fellow sufferers from the earlier party.

Hmmm...it was a lot more interesting when I lived it than it sounds now.

Anonymous said...

Cause I was born at Dylan´s same date, I will be played for 6 well-known an famous actors, just like in "I´m not there". Let´s see...

1.- Haley Joel Osment (with 7),(in my most innocent period).
2.- Jake Gyllenhaal (in "Donnie Darko"´s look), (in my most anxioty period).
3.- Anne Hathaway (in my eyes wide opened period).
4.- Colin Farrell (in my most "bitchy" period).
5.- Alec Baldwin (in my most hairy and darky period).
6.- And lately, Kevin Costner (in a tembling future period).

And the oscar will go to Colin Farrel, finally. Michelle Pfeiffer will be nominated portraying my confused woman!!!

Runs Like A Gay said...

Bob Hoskins stars in Quarterdeck, a David Lynch film.

Shot in black and white with a soundtrack of acappela versions of disco anthems, the film intercuts between four key periods in my life involving decks (part of a ship, pack of cards etc.)

Featuring Laura Dern and Naomi Watts playing my Mother in alternate shots and Bob Hoskins as me.

Makes no discernible sense whatsoever.

NATHANIEL R said...

Is it pandering to tell you all that I want to see all of these movies straight away?

and Kristopher... take it back! My biopic would be totally DEPRESSING. It'd be long and dry and mostly Oscar ignored like maybe Kinsey... although I'd be happy to repeat the kiss with naked Peter Sarsgaard.

James said...

I don't know, I guess you would have to find somebody who could portray an abnormally large, highly imaginative child who spent the first ten years of his life in Germany. Only to become depressed and embittered because of his lack of social skills and acceptance. And after showing glimmers of brilliance in physics, literature, and philosophy our hero dies old and alone never reaching the notoriety he disparately craved at 27.

Directed by: Mike Leigh
Script by: me...ok probably Mike Leigh

I took a quiz and it said my life would probably be an indie drama or erotic thriller.

Any suggestions???

JoFo said...

They already have.

Lemony Snickets: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Emma said...

Well I'm restricted due to nationality, but I can think of no-one better but Wei Minzhi to play me. She's so fresh-faced and eager. In my teenage years, Ziyi Zhang as she was in The Road Home. I'm not flattering myself into thinking I'm as pretty as her though!

warholmuse said...

Hmm, who would play me? Like above, I'm also restricted due to ethnicity. Gong Li is too ethereal, Zhang Ziyi is too fragile, Lucy Liu would be the obvious choice... but no. Ok fine go ahead and cast Maggie Cheung. And while you're at it Mr. Crowe, can you please cast Mr. Kaneshiro as my *giggle giggle* boyfriend?