Tuesday, July 08, 2008

"Let me tell you something about Lindsay Lohan"


We were best friends in 2004. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then, I started going out with my first boyfriend Ryan who was totally gorgeous but then he moved back to Canada, and Lindsay was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Ryan, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?"


So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Lindsay, I can't invite you, because I think you're a lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN.


So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded.

And then she dropped out of Hollywood because no one would work with her, and she came back in, all of her hair was still badly dyed and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's off crack.

Luv ya! *mwah*

___~Regina George
*



P.S. Nathaniel, stop trying to make "film experience" happen!



24 comments:

J.D. said...

Perfect. Totally perfect. My jaw is stuck. OMG.

Catherine said...

I think this is my favourite out of every post you've done! Spot. On.

"Say crack again."

Anonymous said...

Nathaniel, for all that talk about men, you haven't commented on the fact that your ex-love Lindsay is in a gay relationship.

Interesting double-standard, if it were Channing Tatum you'd talk about it everyday...

Catherine said...

Anonymous - um, isn't that pretty much what this whole post about? That LiLo has started talking about the fact that she's in a gay relationship, except done in a much funnier, cleverer and less trashy way than most other blogs.

Anonymous said...

http://www.webstersismybitch.com/2008/07/snaps-cindy-brady-pukes.php

Well done, Nathaniel!

NATHANIEL R said...

anon. i love the lesbians... but i have to wait this one out a bit and see what happens. I worry that it's a CELESTIA/ANNE HECHE type deal. Will Lindsay be found in some random home speaking in tongues 7 months from now?

I'm happy for Lindsay but we all know she hasn't been a model of mental stability since at least 2005. It's hard to take her completely seriously

BUT. that said. if she ever gives another performance as good as her early ones (PARENT TRAP / FREAKY FRIDAY / MEAN GIRLS) I will be there to welcome her back with open arms. cuz i love talented people... especially talented people who are female and can act ;)

Catherine said...

Don't forget LifeSize. That shit is fierce.

Mariposa said...

I don't know 'bout Lindsay. She pretty much f*cked up in my book, kinda like Tom Cruise will never regain my respect... Though I fear my irrational hating on Lindsay has more to do with her famehungry mother than with her.

Derek said...

This is such a great monologue. McAdams seriously deserved an Oscar nom.

cadylee said...

You are my hero for today. I think you were my hero for yesterday too, on that Josh Brolin/George Bush thing. Maybe you're just my hero.

karl said...

You're missing my point.

if it was a young actor, like Chace Crawford or Zac Ephron or Tatum, you'd hear about their relationship EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It's also interesting that lesbian relationships are not hidden when it involves a star (madonna, Jolie, now lohan), but when it's about a male star that's another story (gylenhaal anyone ?)

karl (anonymous 4:06 pm

NATHANIEL R said...

cadylee,

"Um... I'm going to call you caddy"

par3182 said...

too gay to function

james said...

best.post.ever.

Seriously Nathaniel make sure you save this one, its gonna be classic. I am facebook linking it to all my friends as we speak...

Middle-P said...

Nat this goes to show your genius that no other blog has! Been coming here for years and have seen some some miraculous work from you, but this one takes the cake!

Anonymous said...

I miss Rachel McAdams...

Piper said...

I love this. And am I wrong to love the Lohan is a lesbian?

alex said...

Whoa, this totally got linked on Gawker!

http://tinyurl.com/6kljp7

Neel Mehta said...

This post is so fetch.

NATHANIEL R said...

Neel, stop trying to make fetch happen!

Anonymous said...

Thats too funny!
The only thing that disgusting me about this relationship Lindsay is having is "Shit Lindsay your a fucking famous beautiful actress" can you please tell me how that women/man is at all attractive?

Kamikaze Camel said...

This post was absolutely 100% genius. I hadn't even thought of the parallels!

backtothevalley said...

FUNNY.

NATHANIEL R said...

aw, thanks guys.