Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Stocking Stuffers from Movies

Remember that scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin when that pudgy kid in Catherine Keener's shop just HAS to have those glittery purple (or was it pink?) thigh-high platform boots? She won't hand them over much to his dismay. She only sells through E-Bay. Sometimes I am that kid. I rarely shop so my coveted objects are found in movies. Which is a long way of saying: If you've been wondering what to get me for Christmas...

Objects / Gadgets I Most Covet from 2005 Movies
* Wallace & Gromit's elaborate mechanized system to take me out of bed, get me dressed, and deposit me at the kitchen table each morning. I love this because, well; simple laziness.

* I have no idea when exploding incense (as seen in Serenity) would come in handy but if you've got a few to spare...? Ideal stocking stuffer.

* Remember that priceless Buddha head artifact stolen from the village in Ong Bak: Thai Warrior? The one that caused all the fuss, the high kicks, the elaborate no-wire stunts all for its retrieval? That head I must have. I figure if it falls into my hands, there's no way Tony Jaa (pictured right) won't come looking for me --that being the real gift, you see. [Not so much a clever diabolical plan as a horny one]

* The wardrobe from The Chronicles of Narnia. It's not that I want to spend any more time there --but I would sure as hell drag my cat inside with me, for one good long chat. All the animals talk there. And my cat? Love him but he makes NO sense.

* I also wouldn't turn my nose up at the gift of Wayne Manor from Batman Begins. I don't have any use for armored cars or bat caves (ew) but a sprawling estate to hole up in? Sold. The deed will fit nicely into my stocking. please & thanks.

* And finally, if you chance upon it. I really MUST have that Magical Door Spinning Device from Howl's Moving Castle. It's got four settings. You just spin, open the door, and there you are, magically transported to one of four pre-determined locations. It may well be the coolest thing I've ever seen in a movie. It'd be a nightmare to actually settle on four places, though.

What do you want in your stocking?


Glenn Dunks said...

Can I have Christian Bale plz?!

If not, can I have the neon flashing boombox that Madonna gyrates against so sexily in her "Hung Up" video. That or the one from "Me & You & Everyone We Know" - some Miranda July art would fascinate me to no end.

tim r said...

I want Kirsten Dunst's red beanie and mix tapes from Elizabethtown. Mainly for fuel.

Anonymous said...

Dear Santie, give me that thing which was stuffing the stocking in the Christmas Eve scene in Jarhead.

"Watch Jake jiggle, see Jake wiggle
X-mas sock Jake Gyllenhal..."*

*to the tune of Jello jingle

NicksFlickPicks said...

I want one of David Wark's priapic historical-fiction paintings from Junebug.

Also, that one parrot from The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill who knows how to dance and bounce on his branch.

Also, a pink envelope from Sean Penn telling me that we have a son, though I would happily, in my confusion, visit Sharon Stone, Jessica Lange, and Tilda Swinton along the way.

Anonymous said...

I want a trip to that place in Florida which is advertised in your blog. That photo of the two naked guys snogging by the pool is so hot!

Yaseen Ali said...

Johnny Cash's guitars from Walk the Line (I'd have no idea how to play them, but they would be cool even to collect/admire/mount. And I'd learn how to play eventually...)

Joan Allen's beautiful and enormous house and family in The Upside of Anger. Never has suburbia looked so delicious on film, IMO. Throughout watching the film, I couldn't help but want to hang out there. I could be the son they never mentioned!

Wonka's factory from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yum. I'd probably be obese in about a month, but when you have that much candy, who cares? I can eat myself to sleep...

And even though I hated the film, one of those kick-ass alien tripod robots from War of the Worlds, so I can smite my enemies.

That's not a lot to ask, is it?

tim r said...

@Nick: Poor Frances Conroy!

Also, and I must thank my friend Mike for this observation, I quite fancy the fantastic array of biscuits available in Downfall.

NicksFlickPicks said...

Frances Conroy's a better actress than I used to think she was, but no, I don't wanna visit her. I don't wanna keep Jessie waiting, when we have all that Frances gossip to catch up on.

Your friend Mike may have the most Barthesian eye for oppositional detail that I have ever heard described. Really, wow.

I think I've decided that I want Juli's big home-freezer from Prize Winner, too.

Jill said...

I myself want that fabulous Arts & Crafts house from Zathura. I couldn't even bring myself to see the movie, because how can anyone watch a Greene & Greene masterpiece like that get destroyed for 2 hours?

Anonymous said...

How about Toni Collette's shoe collection, the massive heart shaped bed from Sin City and (as a stocking filler) the Frankenstein pencil from Red Eye.

Have a good Christmas all.