Friday, April 21, 2006

Celebrate Earth Day The Right Way

Yes, tomorrow is Earth Day, but much more importantly it's a Saturday (yay, weekend!)... and it's supposed to rain here in NYC.

Which is a big fat reminder that Mother Nature is a bitch.

So here are five movies to celebrate that realization with while you're trapped inside because of whatever crappy weather this delightful Earth is spitting down, ruining your weekend with:


Armageddon - Eww, Michael Bay, I know. But if you watch it in fast-forward, it's like a whirlwind of Ben Affleck (during that brief period when he was attractive) and Josh Hartnett (yup, still attractive) in tank tops. A bronzed, glistening tanktop whirlwind. Of epic destruction!!! (ETA it has wisely been brought to my attention that I somehow mashed together Armageddon and Pearl Harbor with the above nonsense... how I could mistake two completely different Michael Bay pictures I'll never know... still, as with everything I say, don't listen, that path leads to madness.)

The Rapture - Fulfills the religious quota for our "End O' The World, I Feel Fine" World Tour. Mimi Rogers and David Duchovny battle for their immortal souls against the backdrop of the Book of Revelations, which apparently featured swank orgies and incredibly detailed tattoos somewhere in there with the multi- headed multi- crowned beasts.... who knew?




The Day The Earth Stood Still - Klaatu barada nikto! Unfortunately, Ash never shows up and slices Klaatu's metal head in half, thereby ridding us of his smug sense of superiority. Blah blah, humanity's killing everything, blah, get back to me when you stop peeing motor oil.



When Time Ran Out... - Simultaneously the greatest and the worst of the All-Star Disaster flicks of the 70s. Paul Newman, Jacqueline Bissett, William Holden... Red Buttons blinded by flying lava-balls! Pat Morita dangling off a rickety bridge... over a river of lava! Earthquakes, tidal waves, and volcanic explosions! It has everything you could ever want, and nothing you could ever, ever need.




The Day After Tomorrow - Um. Just because? And because? And because? And because? And because? And because? And because? And because?



tags: Earth Day, Jake Gyllenhaal, mother nature, movies, disaster, Rapture, Revelations

7 comments:

Donald said...

God, I love "When Time Ran Out"! Until last year I had thought it was some strange invention of my childhood; mixing together elements from all gloriously tacky disaster flicks I had seen. Needless to say, I am ecstatic that this film actually exists...but how on Earth do I find it?

Kamikaze Camel said...

I need to see that. It sounds hilariously tacky.

Middle-P said...

I could not think of any other reasons to watch the day after tomorrow! very elegantly put. could not be worded better. exactly how i would do it.

Neel Mehta said...

I'm surprised that Earth Day's come and gone and yet no one's mentioned your glaring mistake in the Armageddon paragraph.

JA said...

Oh god, I'm a moron. Leave it to me to put Josh Hartnett where he never was. Well, wishful thinking. So, picture Bruce Willis in a tank top then. Then, of course, promptly scrub your eyes with bleach.

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