Monday, February 01, 2010

Don't Set The Alarm, You Guys

JA from MNPP here, with a look at five people who should probably sleep in tomorrow when the Oscar nominations are announced.

Beyonce, for snarling and snapping her neck in Obsessed

Either of these two blocks of wood, New Moon

Anne Hathaway, Bride Wars - I love ya Annie, but you have to be reminded like when you rub a dog's nose in its business when it does its business on the floor. Bride Wars is bad business on the floor, girl.

Eli Roth, Inglourious Basterds - He'll probably give the speech for who ever wins an award for Basterds anyway since that's been the routine this season - and I like looking at him so I haven't much minded - but I think it's safe to assume his name's not getting engraved on any acting statues any time this year. On my bedpost, that's another matter. (Call me, Eli!)

But hey, y'all can probably expect a call when they're looking for presenters, so chin up! You can awkwardly read the teleprompter in much the way you delivered your lines on-screen, and that'll be a treat for us all. Especially me, since I will be drunk, and laughing at you.

And in related news, the Razzie nominations are here.


Jude said...

Blocks of wood is perhaps the best description I've heard in the past two years when describing Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson!

Andrew R. said...

My picks for the Raspberry Awards:

Worst Picture: Really should be New Moon, but I predict All About Steve
Worst Director: Michael Bay
Worst Actor: The Jonas Bros.
Worst Actress: Should be Kristen Stewart, but probably either Fox or Cyrus will "win".
Worst Supporting Actor: Should be Taylor Lautner, but I'll settle for Rob Pattinson, who is also bad. Chris Klein is also horrible. Also, for Billy Ray Cyrus-they forgot to include the Spy Next Door on his nomination.
Worst Supporting Actress: Candice Bergen?
Worst Screenplay: New Moon
Worst Screen Couple: Either New Moon or Jonas Bros.
Worst Sequel/Remake/Etc: New Moon

Worst Picture of the Decade: Battleship Earth
Worst Actor of Decade: Travolta or Murphy.
Worst Actress of Decade: Anyone but Mariah Carey, who has redeemed herself.

Anonymous said...

i really hope anne does set her alarm since she is the one reading the announcements...

Moasey said...

Hilarious post!
And agree about Eli Roth :)

Robert Hamer said...

If I ran the Raspberry Awards:

Worst Picture: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Worst Director: Michael Bay - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Worst Actor: Steve Martin - Pink Panther 2

Worst Actress: Hilary Swank - Amelia

Worst Supporting Actor: Jae Head - The Blind Side.

Worst Supporting Actress: Malin Akerman - Watchmen

Worst Screenplay: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Worst Screen Couple: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in New Moon

Worst Sequel/Remake/Etc: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Worst Picture of the Decade: Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

Worst Actor of Decade: Chris Rock

Worst Actress of Decade: Madonna

mrripley said...

COuld Bullock win best and worst actress in the same year.

JA said...

Gah I forgot Anne was reading the nominations tomorrow! Wake up then, Annie! Wake up!

Let's just pretend I meant the "alarm" in regards to her in some sort of metaphorical sense... that makes sense. That's the ticket! ;-)

Anonymous said...

What was the point of this thread? I mean, thanks for being obvious. Now tell us the sky is blue and that we hear with our ears!

JA said...

Way to ruin the post I was working on for tomorrow, anonymous. Although I was gonna make it a poll, because sometimes the sky is red, or orange, or yellow even. And then sometimes when it's gonna storm it gets that sickly green tint, ya know what I mean? Yeah, that's spooky.

Anonymous said...

My predictions:

/3rtfu11 said...

Cadillac Records (2008) – Beyonce as Etta James was worthy of the positive critical notice she received.

I have no doubts that Obsessed was a joke the entire cast was in on. That movie is a cash grab and showed Hollywood – Beyonce can open a movie without pre-release hype.

Marsha Mason said...

I think the Raspberry's are trivia minded, so they'll give it to Bullock and hope she gets the Oscar as well. She'll be the first person ever to win Oscar and Raspberry in a single year.

pomme said...

i vote GI Joe!!!!!!!(in every category)
Madonna!!!!(remember she won GG for Evita LOL) but Paris is near
Xenu movie!!
Steven Segal!!!(yes, he again "acts")

pomme said...

@jude: there are very respected journalists(Telerama,Inrockuptibles...) loving Rob Pattinson's acting in "twilight" because he would be gracious and he could be the next johnny Depp( i prefer to be deaf than listen it!!)

brandz said...

except Marsha Mason, Meryl Streep is going to win Oscar for Best Female Lead.

Marsha Mason said...

i hope you're right, brandz.

Anonymous said...

anne hathaway won't be sleeping because she will wake up to announce the nominees

JA said...

Thanks for clearing that up, anonymous.