Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A History Of... Dakota Fanning

It's Tuesday. Time for a new episode of the History series...


Oh unsuspecting reader. I do apologize in advance. First Bunnies and now this? Will the "cute" ever end? I was spurred on by yesterday's request and a strange finding on which web google searches were leading people to this site. OK I'll share: It was a search quote "Dakota Fanning mysteriously dies" I don't know why this would lead people to the Film Experience. I'm frightened that it would. But it did. Google is a strange and endless labyrinth.

Let the history begin...

1994 Hannah Dakota Fanning is born to unsuspecting parents in Conyers, Georgia. No... not --I mean, they knew they were pregnant. That's not what I meant...never mind.

2000 At the age of six, Dakota is unleashed upon the nation's living rooms without parental supervision in no less than six hit TV series. One of the roles is as the young Calista Flockhart in an Ally McBeal episode.

2001 Her next role: The young Ellen Degeneres in the comic's eponymous TV show. In her first major role, wee Dakota steals I am Sam from its intended stars Pfeiffer and Penn. For the sad scenes Dakota tells reporters she thought about her pet goldfish dying. The studio spends a fortune in hush money to prevent the quotes about 'kicking Tatum O'Neal's ass at the Oscars' from emerging. In the end, Dakota settles for a SAG nomination.

2002Dakota plays a young Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama.

2003 She throws her first professional tantrum when she is denied the role of a young Colin Farrell in Alexander and a young Jim Caviezel in The Passion of the Christ. "Can't these Hollywood dimwits see my range? I can play everything from the young version of a post-feminist punching bag to the young version of the world's most famous lesbian to the young version of the world's second most ambitious type A blonde in Hollywood!"

To punish Dakota for her outburst, her management places her in Uptown Girls to spend time with fidgety Brittany Murphy.

2005 In her first major blockbuster, the child star steals War of the Worlds from its intended star Tom Cruise. For the frightened scenes Fanning tells no reporters she thought of the nightly visitations from Tom Cruise in a mask 'Xenu' on set, or the relentless Scientology recruitment drive at the craft services table: "Am I stressed?!? Of course I'm stressed you idiots. Elle is hot on my tail and I'm not getting any younger!"

In this year Dakota also turns 11 years-old. Tatum O' Neal and Anna Paquin's Oscar records are safe. Temporarily defeated, the young dynamo shifts her sights to defeating Jodie Foster's 'two Oscars by the time she's 30' record. For her tireless determination (and, perhaps, from blood curdling fear) Barbara Walters names her one of the 10 most intriguing people of the year.

2006 Awkward adolescence be damned, Dakota plans a full out multiplex assault with four new films, commencing with Charlotte's Web in December.


* If you're new to this blog, please give it a good looksie.-- there's more than just the histories.

Previous Histories...
Bunny Rabbits * Sharon Stone * Jodie Foster *Gender Bending * Bald Women * Sarah Jessica Parker * Gay Cowboys * Julianne Moore's Screen Kids * Gyllenhaal

tags: Dakota Fanning, Elle Fanning, Tom Cruise, movies, celebrities, Oscars, gossip, Scientology

23 comments:

Nick Davis said...

Is Sharon Stone the most ambitious Type A blonde in Hollywood? Or is it Fanning herself? I was trying to think of whom Reese would allow to defeat her in a knife-fight over a good script, and I couldn't think of anyone.

Since you mention Jodie Foster, I think I read that Dakota is slated to play a grandmother in Flora Plum.

NATHANIEL R said...

HA. you funny. i think Fanning may die before Flora Plum is made. not mysteriously though. just from old age.

oh: re ambitious blondes. It's fanning herself --a bit of a sneaky internally deceptive joke there.

adam k. said...

Yeah, I was wondering the same thing... but DUH of course it had to be Fanning herself.

This was a really funny "History of..."

That little Fanning girl gives me nightmares.

Ramification said...

This has to be tied with the Sharon Stone History Of as one of the funniest ones yet. I didn't realize there is a younger Fanning sister , those are some good acting genes in the Fanning family.

John T. said...

Very funny-anyone know if she's taking on Alice in Wonderland? I thought I read that somewhere.

Anonymous said...

When I want to take stock of the world in which I live, I think about how Dakota Fanning has been billed ABOVE Elisabeth Shue in two consecutive movies.

Rob

ben said...

re: 'they knew they were pregnant'
..I could totally see her being born to COMPLETELY unsuspecting parents... ejecting herself from her mother's stomach at the dinner table like Alien. That seems about right.

oh, and I think Hannah Fanning would have been a much better name... the grating assonance is so perfectly Type A...

Tram said...

You forgot Dakota's red carpet encounter with Kathy Griffin.

*sniffs*

Kamikaze Camel said...

Man, Dakota shits me up the walls. She's so annoying. I don't care about admitted that I think she is devil spawn.

I dread the day that Dakota and Freddie Highmore hook up.

Emma said...

God, I loathe the Fanning sisters. Couldn't they just die already?

goatdog said...

I can't remember who said it, but this quote from a review of Cat in the Hat sums up my opinion of her:

I do not like this girl Dakota!
I do not like her one iota.

Anonymous said...

you forgot man on fire

Anonymous said...

can anyone tell me if "the late great" Ms. Fanning has been in the detroit area including suburbs within this past week or so. There has been "sightings". It has been reported (say hey to the "upper mid-west")Ms. Dakota has been spending time with children of her own age in good 'ol Michigan. Being a native of New York, when I hear such things, especially from children that are excited to "see her" in M.i. I have to wonder why would she be spending time with these children and adults alike.sis

Anonymous said...

Ms. Dakota has most definitaly been sited at 8185 MacKay Ct. Utica, M.i. (a modest white and gray home)

Steve said...

This may be the most smarmy and moronic blog I've ever seen... and I've seen a few! If telling lies about a twelve year old girl is the best you can do with you lives till now, may I suggest the French Foreign Legion? Maybe Dakota will send you a nice card for Camerone Day.

Anonymous said...

my name is Anna and I live in the brazil and master a lot the dakota for me she is beautiful and very talented would adore candle closely I adore all his/her films because she acts very well believe that when to be adult he/she will be a beautiful woman and talented actress master a lot of dakota fanning

RC said...

how crazy...and you didn't even mention the upcoming film hounddog.

i posted about this movie were she impersinated elvis...how bizarre she can do anything.

--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com

Izzy said...

We actors don't get a lot of Theatre (Professional) till we get "really" famous - but we live and breathe our Theatre (Professional) regardless. Theatre (Professional)
Isobella
http://www.isobella-lawrence.com

Anonymous said...

Can she please have time to be a little girl... I feel sorry for her. However, I quess her parents need the money...

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Anonymous said...

I like the looks of Dakota I just wish see would make some movies of her naked and post some pictures of her playing with her pussy!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow you perverted little fuck. Oh and Why did you forget the movie PUSH?