...wayyyy after everyone else has already seen it.
01 Meryl Streep is a national treasure. She ought to be on postal stamps, American legal tender and carved into Mount Rushmore... even if that means dynamiting one of the presidents. She's done so much for us. Watching her lift Mamma Mia! up on her preternaturally gifted shoulders is a bit like seeing Charles Atlas lift the world... only with less sweating. Even the most ungainly movie can feel light and buoyant in her care. For a good time call Meryl.
02 Charles Darwin believed that Mary Louise Streep was actually descended from Suidae. Oh sweet succulent HAM! She's always delicious.
03 ABBA are pop geniuses... as gifted as the Beatles even if they aren't as respected.
04 Pierce Brosnan singlehandedly strengthens every argument I've ever made about actual musical talent being necessary to star in a musical. For this I thank him, though my ears will never forgive.
05 This movie is more fun than ABBA: The Movie (my review) but it's just as shoddily put together. On the downside: Agnetha, Frida, Benny and Björn don't appear. So maybe it's less fun.
06 Jukebox musicals are destroying the world... or at least the Aristotelian Unities.
07 I'm really glad Michelle Pfeiffer didn't make this movie (she was an early rumored lead) even though I'd love to see her and Amanda Seyfried paired as mother/daughter. La Pfeiffer can do silly (see: Married to the Mob) but Meryl more thoroughly enjoys doing silly. And if you're not having a ball acting in this type of "movie"...
08 I owe Susan Stroman an apology. When she made The Producers movie I thought 'oh god. she has no clue what to do behind the movie camera. Someone get her out of there!' but then I met her Broadway-to-Hollywood successor Phyllida Lloyd. I believe that genealogy would prove Phyllida Lloyd a descendant of Ed Wood himself.
09 Why is nearly every number staged like an early 80s music videos or deleted fantasy karaoke sequences from Young @ Heart?
10 Ting Huan, Charles Emile Reynaud, and the Lumiere Brothers never meant it to be this way.
11 This might be an impossible film to grade because it's not really a film at all but a crazy quilt of songs shot with dadaist music video sensibility. There are so many things to consider: ABBA the music: (A+), these particular interpretations of ABBA songs (A- to F depending on who is singing), the plot (F) the overall dumbness (C-), the choreography (D), the energy level of the movie (B+), the direction and editing (D), Meryl (B+), Amanda's voice (B), Amanda (B-), Meryl's semen donors (C), Meryl's sidekicks (C+), the (literal) Greek chorus (D), the weirdly kinky sexuality (A- to D+ depending on which particular kink we're talking about), the bipolar characterizations -- someone please write a dissertation on the "Dancing Queen" sequence. Explain to me what the hell was going on there (C-)
Overall: ABCDEFGHIJKlmnopQR.... crap I have no idea.
12 Did I have fun watching it? Sure.