Flipping through the internets this morning I realized that Sarah Silverman had won an EMMY a few days back (along with her songwriting partner in crime) for that irreverent flash of comic brilliance "I'm F***ing Matt Damon". It's been lampooned so many times since -- I even was tempted to picked up a guitar and sing about my wild fornications with Kathleen Turner -- and with such diminishing returns that people now like to pretend that it wasn't funny at the time. They're wrong.
I normally don't bring up the EMMYs unless I am rabidly frothing at the mouth with some new or, more frequently, repeated injustice. But today a less angry more blindly optimistic approach.
Top Ten Things I Hope To See Happen at the EMMYs on Sunday
10 Carry On. Project Runway finally triumphs over Amazing Race. The designing competition isn't as good as it once was but seriously voters, you're really late here.
09 Carrie On. Sex & the City's divas Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis host the entire show together (drunk on cosmos) when Howie Mandel mysteriously falls ill.
08 Mary Louise Parker wins Best Actress in a Comedy for Weeds. There's never enough MLP to go round, if you ask me.
07 Abundant Michelle Pfeiffer Cameos. Even though her hubby David E Kelley won't be picking up trophies the camera-man inexplicably cuts to La Pfeiff's reaction to every single win. Wheeee.
06 Undead retroactive EMMY tribute to Buffy the Vampire Slayer with special statues for both Joss Whedon & Sarah Michelle Gellar.
05 Mad Men wins Best Drama in a landslide. Because... duh.
04 Freak Accident Falling debris shockingly kills all Academy members who continue to think Two and a Half Men is funnier than Pushing Daisies, Weeds, How I Met Your Mother and more. Charlie Sheen swallowed up by freak earthquake.
03 Write In Vote Coup! Mary McDonnell wins Best Actress in a Drama for Battlestar Galactica even though she's not on the ballot. And President Roslyn didn't even have to fix the voting this time!
02 Mea Culpa. The Academy President walks solemnly out on stage to declare that all of their rule changes still haven't fixed their collective bad taste. One more rule change for next year: All people playing law enforcement officials, doctors or lawyers will be deemed ineligible for acting prizes. Just to, you know, shake things up a bit. OK, a lot.
01 Hopelessly Devoted to Her. Kristin Chenowith wins Best Supporting Actress for Pushing Daisies and sings her acceptance speech, including a funny shout out bit to her longtime Broadway fans (like me).
Will any of my wishes come true? Dream with me in the comments.