If you're a completist (And why wouldn't you be?) you'd want to start here with the arrivals.
8:04 So far it's a dud. (Tough audience right? It's only 4 minutes in) A "holy crap" filled montage of famous TV lines said by famous TV people who didn't originally say them. Followed by Oprah's bizarre affected accent (I so wish she and Madonna would duet). Now it's the hosts of reality shows doing a long "bit" which they claim is not a "bit" at all. LIES. it's all lies.
8:07 Still, I thank them for showing me Heidi Klum in a tux. It's a look she hasn't worked in Project Runway. Why do beautiful women look so sexy in suits?
8:08 Never mind.
Supporting Actor, Comedy: Jeremy Piven Entourage.
Funny, yes. But Emmy, Emmy, Emmy... do the same people really need to win each year. Three years in a row? Spread the wealth baby. Neil Patrick Harris! We wanted to see him lay one on his boyfriend. Academies are always so stingy.
Supporting Actress, Comedy: Jean Smart in Samantha Who?
A good performance but even when they don't repeat (it's the first season) they repeat (like Piven, it's her third win). This Academy is so habitual. They're like chain smokers who can't veer from their favorite brands. But more importantly: Julia Louis Dreyfus dress is hideous. Neon orange + cutouts = rarely a good look for humans.
8:26 Heidi Klum's 4th outfit of the evening. I think I might keep count.
8:27 More Desperate Housewivesszzzzz. They're not Sex & The City. Sigh.
Supporting Actor, Drama: Zeljko Ivanek in Damages
The first time I saw this actor perform was in Mass Appeal (1984) and I was kinda into it and horrified by it at the same time as a young gay boy who didn't know he was that way. So this is his second closet case performance I've seen. I've come to believe that he's an overactor by nature. In fact, though it may be unpopular to say I think everyone on Damages is overdoing it a little bit. It's Overactors Anonymous. I'm not saying the scenery isn't tasty and they shouldn't chew...
8:34 Ricky Gervais is finally bringing a little funny to the show by torturing Steve Carell. 34 minutes in, it was about time. Directing prize the guy who did the Academy Awards. Er, why?
8:45 A dig at Katherine Heigl for her comments about the writing on Grey's Anatomy. That doesn't surprise me but I think more actors should speak their mind when the material isn't great. She's probably kind of a bitchy diva but she was right about her character.
Supporting Actress, Drama: Dianne Wiest In Treatment
She has two EMMYs to go with her two Oscars. [editors note: If TONY is next, she'll be a triple-crowner!] She plays a therapist on this HBO show. I would need less therapy if Academies actually rewarded great actors like her more often.
8:51 Steve Martin. My god I love him. It's probably because when I was a little kid I thought "King Tut" was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Too bad he hasn't made a good movie in how long?
9:02 Josh Groban is having a psychotic breakdown on stage for your, um, enjoyment. He's basically William Shatner Jr. at this point: Complete Fame Whore.
If not Shatner Jr. perhaps Meryl Streep Jr via Mamma Mia! "Look at me being f-u-n-ny!" I say this because I love Meryl and apparently many of you love Josh. Who knew?
9:08 The Lovely Laura Linney™ wins Actress in a TV movie or miniseries. It's frustrating to me that she has to console herself with EMMYs. What about the Oscar?
9:17 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart wins after a weird intro by way of Laugh-In reunion (Lily Tomlin! ringydingy). So... it's a cliche to say it but sometimes cliches are truths. The Daily Show is the only news show I truly trust. He's a modern hero.
9:19 Heidi's 6th outfit. Something in leopard. Rrrrowr [*does Thomas Hayden Church Sideways hand gesture* --yes, I'm a little tipsy right now]
9:21 Direction of a Comedy goes to Pushing Daisies "Pie-lette" awwww
9:25 Tina Fey wins Best Writing for 30 Rock. I truly enjoy that show but I am a wee bit sad that she probably won't be writing any more movies as funny as Mean Girls while this show is still on.
9:28 Oh blessed commercial break.
9:31 West Wing. It still won't go away! But at least the show is appropriately political tonight. Vote.
9:33 Did this guy (some Academy president) just WELCOME me to the show? I've been watching it for 93 minutes now. What the hell?
<--- 9:40 They either haven't showed Michelle Pfeiffer and her husband yet or I was typing when they did. But they're there. See!
9:43 Supporting Actor in a Mini Series Tom Wilkinson in John Adams. It's cleaning up as many predicted when it first premiered.
9:45 Um yikes. Cop cars are surrounding my building, a helicopter is lighting up the roof.
9:54 Sandra Oh & Patrick Dempsey (who knows from supporting actresses) are here to present Supporting Actress in a MiniSeries. The great Dame Eileen Atkins wins for Cranford.
9:56 The cop cars seem to have left this street but the helicopters are still hovering.
9:57 Kathy Griffin and Don Rickles. "Let's read these funny lines they wrote for us"
9:58 Reaction shot mystery: Why is Adrian Grenier so extremely beautiful to look at for 2 seconds and entirely boring to look at for more than 3?
9:59 Reality Show Competition. 6th consecutive win for Amazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10:01 Sally Field gives the Best MiniSeries prize to John Adams' producer Tom Hanks. "Have you been a good boy?" Oh, please don't remind me that I have to sit through Forrest Gump again in a few weeks for Best Pictures From the Outside In. I love Sally but I just can't go there yet. Please and thanks.
10:08 I absolutely love that they've paired The Chenoweth and NPH but they're not going to let them sing. I am aghast. If I could type nothing but heart symbols until this Broadway pair leaves the screen, I would.
10:17 House gets Best Director. Mad Men gets Best Writing. Do they split the difference and give Drama Series to a third show?
10:23 They've gone back to Mini Series prizes (this night will last forever). Paul Giamatti for John Adams.
10:25 Candice Bergen is wearing an outfit that... it's just. No.
Best Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Best Actress, Drama: Glenn Close, Damages
There you go bitches. I know so many of you wanted it. My heart was with the unnominated Mary McDonnell [sniffle]. Great speech from Glenn. Shout out to mature sexy complicated women. This category is indeed proof that they can carry shows ("...AND MOVIES!" Nathaniel shouts)
10:30 In Memoriam. [double sniffle]
I kinda really hate that awards shows always end up running out of time. Because what happens is that the "big" winners always get stiffed in terms of attention and time of speeches and "bits" etcetera. Grrr
Best Actor, Drama: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
I've actually never heard of this show. But then, I'm a movie guy so... (why am I live blogging this again? Yeah, I don't know either)
Best Actress, Comedy: Tina Fey, 30 Rock
10:44 More Host humor. If Heidi Klum doesn't win this I am going to throw something at the television.
10:50 Best Host goes to Jeff Probst of Survivor fame. That's still on? Haven't they exhausted all the remote islands by now? I threw a piece of popcorn at the screen. I missed. Or maybe it was lodge inside his dimples, hidden from view. I'm pissed for Heidi but when you've got perfect bone structure, designers at your beck and call, Seal, endless money and a hit show, well, she probably doesn't care too much.
10:53 Betty White. She makes me smile.
Best Comedy: 30 Rock / Best Drama: Mad Men
Two very deserving sometimes brilliant shows so even if the rest of their choices were uninspired at least they let the top prizes slip into good hands.
Is it time for the Oscars yet? That was five months long.