Sunday, February 22, 2009

Girl Fight!

If you haven't had a change to check it out, StinkyLulu has corralled some movie loving boys together to throw down with the Oscar's Supporting Actress Nominees just in time for the big night. Smackdown '08! Who comes out on top? Here's a little visualization for the straight boys reading (just something to reward you for your patronage as you suffer through repeated references to Hugh Jackman and Haaz Sleiman in their undies) don't say I never do anything for you here at the Film Experience.

Who would win in a wrestling match between Penélope Cruz and Marisa Tomei? What if we threw Viola Davis, Taraji P Henson and Amy Adams into the mud with them? Fantasize about it Predict what would happen in the comments.
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25 comments:

E Dot said...

Taraji, hands down. Girl was in 'Hustle and Flow' -- you don't mess with a bitch!

...I should know.

Danielhardy23@gmail.com said...

nathaniel, this straight boy thanks you.

they would both start out strong, but marisa wins the first round with the help of a gold man in a sock. cruz takes the next two, until her coach pedro leaves, replaced by tom. she then starts to lag - marisa shows resilience and surprising stamina in the next three rounds. cruz makes a startling comeback when pedro returns ringside. then marisa takes her clothes off. it's a dead heat. final round tonight...

Danielhardy23@gmail.com said...

nathaniel, this straight boy thanks you.

they would both start out strong, but marisa wins the first round with the help of a gold man in a sock. cruz takes the next two, until her coach pedro leaves, replaced by tom. she then starts to lag - marisa shows resilience and surprising stamina in the next three rounds. cruz makes a startling comeback when pedro returns ringside. then marisa takes her clothes off. it's a dead heat. final round tonight...

StinkyLulu said...

hilarious!

Carl said...

Appreciated, Nathaniel.

I like Marisa for this, because she has been around long enough to know all the dirty tricks (so to speak) that could give her an edge over Penelope's Latin passion in the pit. The mud would refuse to cling to Amy (and it might even forcefully eject her from the wallow). Viola would lie in the mud on the other side of tussle in her ongoing quest to avoid any conflict in her life. Taraji would just stand up in the middle and scream, "I spent four hours in the Makeup guy's chair for this!

Casey Fiore said...

the heteros appreciate it Nathaniel.

I'll put my money on Penelope Cruz. I bet shes crazy as shit and throws a mean right cross. just a hunch. But then again. Amy Adams might win on account of... well, who could hit her? she's so damn cute

Alex in Movieland said...

the gays like it too. :D

great "visual effects", Nathaniel.

NATHANIEL R said...

does this mean I'm eligible for an Oscar?

Bob said...

I say that Amy Adams says "Let's not fight guys" and then turns on everybody when they're not looking. She could totally kick ass with all her critter friends from Enchanted helping.

Sally Belle said...

I think Viola Davis can take them all. That's a woman with a lot of heart.

You have to have the will to win.

NATHANIEL R said...

point: Sally Belle.

also she's practiced at longsuffering patience. JUST UNTIL JUNE.

John T said...

I think it'd be Marisa Tomei-she had to tussle with the media after her 1992 win, she can handle anything.

And, I know this post is for the straight boys, but was I the only one who pictured Josh Brolin and Robert Downey, Jr. mud-wrestling in an equal opportunity Supporting Actor smackdown? Anyone...(crickets)?

vince said...

Tarai would smack 'em all down.

vince said...

Robert Downey, Jr ... yummy.

Mikadzuki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mikadzuki said...

Oh my. I can safely say that my dreams tonight are not going to be about Oscar acceptance speeches.

janet said...

Penelope would use her Oscar as a dildo and please Marisa Tomei until the latter ask for forgiveness.

Amy Adams does not approve.

StinkyLulu said...

i do think Bob has a point.


i see Amy cowering and protesting while the others go at it, then -- once she sees her opportunity -- flattening them all ("like dominoes") with one swipe of her habit.

Anonymous said...

Amy Adams is virgin.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Considering Cruz is now going to be forever tagged as "fiery" I think she'd win hands down. She'd drown them in her hair if nothing else.

Yokozuna said...

Who would win?


Straight men everywhere, that's who.

Notluke said...

This straight boy:

*thanks you,

*prefers, however, to imagine Taraji vs. Marisa mud fight instead, and

*assures you he is comfortable enough with his sexuality to stand much more Jackman or Sleiman posts... especially if that's the reward!

Walter L. Hollmann said...

the straight boys thank you, and wonder how you knew the mental image so accurately. is nate a psychic? and does that make it hard for getting people to join an Oscar pool?

i came in second on mine, p.s., behind a tie. damn Sean Penn! (nut not really, he was brilliant)

didn't Amy look so sad after that first category? almost killed me.

NATHANIEL R said...

walter how i knew the mental image so precisely is because I am 100% serious when i claim polysexuality at the movies? gay in real life 100% polysexual at the movies ;)

truth!

adam k. said...

Nat is only psychic when it comes to actresses ; )

But seriously, I think we all know Taraji would kill in that fight. Bitch be crazy. She seems ready and willing to open that can of whup-ass at any time.

Marisa's no pushover, though. I think she has some real fight in her. And if Cruz channels some Maria Elena, I'll be scared of her, too. Give her a gun or a razor, and I'm running. But I think on sheer technique, as well as ferocity, Taraji wins handily.

The Doubt girls are lightweight by comparison, though I think if you get Viola Davis going, she can bring it. She strikes me as the "strong and silent" type, unwilling to flaunt it, but will go there if you make her.

Still... Taraji. Yikes. Even her name screams "amazon."