Tuesday, March 28, 2006

A History of... Jodie Foster

It's Tuesday. Time for "A History Of..."


1962 Wee infant Alicia Christian Foster is born in Los Angeles. She will be known, very quickly I must add, as "Jodie". Her mom will pimp her out just two years later for her first professional gig. Over the next 40+ years Alicia will flash a lot more than her Coppertone tan.

1968-1973 Jodie on the lam! The young actor skirts child labor law authorities by accreditation as two different actors "Jodie" and "Jody" (her imaginary twin brother?) making 33 TV appearances and 4 movies.

1974 Jody and Jodie make a big impression as a tomboy in Martin Scorsese's Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore.

1976 At the tender age of 14, whilst peers are having slumber parties and talking about cute boys, Jodie stars in three enduring films: One classic,Taxi Driver, and two family favorites, Bugsy Malone and Freaky Friday. Fearing she had accomplished too little that calendar year, she makes two more films, begins work on Flora Plum, hosts Saturday Night Live, and moves to France. C'est tout.

1981 Crazy John Hinckley Jr shoots President Reagan in what he claims is an attempt to impress Jodie Foster. It becomes The Subject That Dare Not Speak Its Name in interviews with the actress. Stephen Sondheim later speaks its name in his musical "Assassins." Meanwhile she attends Yale and adds another undiscussable to her resume: The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name. Sondheim stays mum.

1984 Jodie emerges from college related obscurity to repeatedly f*** screen brother Rob Lowe in The Hotel New Hampshire. Hey, he looked like this. You would too.

Yes, even if you were a lesbian.

1988-1989 Jodie stars as rape victim Sarah Tobias in The Accused and steals the Oscar from its primary 80s lady-in-waiting Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons whose performance is, by rough estimation, 413 times better. Freaky Friday Monday, March 29th --That same night Rob Lowe dirty dances with Snow White, wishing it were Jodie all the while.

1991 Anthony Hopkins chews scenery and downs a nice quianti as Hannibal Lecter. Foster becomes Clarice Starling. They both take home Oscars. But what she really wants to do is direct (Little Man Tate).

1993-1999 Jodie enters her "romantic" phase, wherein she pleads for the suspension of your disbelief while jumping Richard Gere's bones, flirting with Mel Gibson, trembling with Matthew McConaughey, and making goo goo eyes at Chow Yun Fat. She is more convincing whilst playing Nell, a freaky twin. Her other half is dead. Hmmmmm. What did happen to little Jody, anyway?

1997 She offed the wrong brother. Buddy Foster publishes an unauthorized biography, Sister Dearest "Foster Child"

2002-2006 Enters her "trapped in confined spaces in thrillers" period.
... wherein she phones it in from within a high-tech bomb shelter and a big airplane. She mixes it up in The Inside Man by being outside of the confined space (a bank) where others are trapped. That Jodie ...always surprising us!

Previous Histories...
Gender Bending * Bald Women * Sarah Jessica Parker *
Gay Cowboys * Julianne Moore's Screen Kids * Gyllenhaal

tags: Jodie Foster, Stephen Sondheim, movies, lesbian, celebrities, gossip

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't know if you are just being snarky, but I sort of get the suspicion that you don't like Jodie Foster or that she's overrated. True?

But then again, you did a whole history of her, so maybe you secretly like her?

P.S. I love the date of pre-production on Flora Plum.

--Abhi

NATHANIEL R said...

maybe Flora Plum can come out for like Jodie's Centennial or something?

chofer said...

Read my lips: O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D!!

I liked her in TAXI DRIVER, though (nice girl:)

Nat, what about, say, A History of...PATRICIA CLARCKSON?
Or is it have to be really, really FAMOUS?

adam k. said...

I think he doesn't really like her much, but maybe hopes the "history of..." will encourage her to come out (because of course she's reading it), so then Nathaniel can like her more?

I would like to see A History of... The Brat Pack. All about their 80's prime and then how Demi graduated to Ghost and Scarlett Letter, Rob Lowe graduated to West Wing and that sex video, Ally graduated to High Art, Molly graduated to Cabaret, Emilio graduated to Mighty Ducks, and so on.

John M said...

Ha! The Flora Plum snark got me giggling like a school girl.

Reel Fanatic said...

Funny, funny stuff .. suppose you could get tons more hits with the headline "Nude (infant) Jodie Foster!"

Nick M. said...

The most brilliant part of this entry:

"Closets" being crossed out on the moniter.

Anonymous said...

Foster is grossly overrated as an actress...

adam k. said...

Yeah, the closet bit was choice. And what a cool illustration in general.

I agree that Foster is rather overrated (though I wouldn't say GROSSLY so). I haven't seen The Accusted, but I'll take people's word that Close, Weaver, and Streep were all better... they really must not care for Close to make her lose again that year, since they obviously liked the movie... and I loved her Silence perf even though I felt Sarandon and Davis were both better... her win is pretty explainable given the vote splitting there, so whatever.

I used to LOVE Jodie, but that was really back in my weird "it's noble to stay closeted" phase. Figures, really.

Arkaan said...

I've seen The Accused, and I'd rank Foster (and Streep) ahead of Close.

I actually quite admire Jodie Foster. She's a star on her own terms, and that takes quite a lot of skill.

Kamikaze Camel said...

LOVE Jodie. While I liked her in The Accused the others shoulda won over her. Can't complain about her Silence win though. Phenomenal there.

I really don't like Jodie's Freaky Friday though. Gimme Jamie Lee and Lindsay any day!

My favourite Jodie movie though is Contact. SO suprised how much I love that movie. Thrilling stuff each and every time.

Tram said...

Re: nudie link

Why are Jodie's boobies so weird-looking?!

damion said...

Brilliant... you kill me... lmao

NATHANIEL R said...

TBN -Well, they're real for one.

adam k. said...

I love Contact too, but the older I get, the harder it is for me to buy the McCaughnahay romance. It's just... not right.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Whoa, saw Inside Man last night. Really liked it. Loved Jodie. She is a bitch.

sheran said...

Hi, I'm not american... I'm surprised of how critics you are about acting .... How can you decide than one is better than another? I think than when a movie has been made, everyone seems to be the suitable...
How can you imagine difference between actors? Maybe that is possible because you know them through tv or see the making of a movie...

sheran said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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