Sunday, February 03, 2008

Beauty, Tripled

Shouldn't red carpets have some kind of quota or maximum capacity on beauty? Not too much all at once lest we all be blinded from the sight of it. This photo is from Cannes last summer. I'm confident that the only reason my eyes are still working is that time has destroyed the purity of the photograph thereby creating an effective actressexual ozone layer against all the radiance.

What am I talking about?

Unrelated: new nominee categories at the FB Awards are up including Best Sex Scene, and Best Adapted / or Song Score and Sexpot of the Year


Anonymous said...

Sorry, but if the library scene from Atonement doesn't appear in the top five sex scenes of 2007 there's something wrong with your list.
I don't think anyone else has seen it yet so if you can go back and change it in a hurry no one else will notice your mistake. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Best sexpot of the Year = Kerry Washington in I Think of Love My Wife!!!

Invinoveritas said...

And Open Letter to the Movie Industry:

It is too bad you movie moguls lose money every time someone illegally downloads a movie. Wow. I realize that it costs you a freakin' fortune, especially considering that millions and millions and MILLIONS of movies are illegaly downloaded every year, and that you are NEVER PAID for these losses.

It is also a shame that Tom Cruise will make only $362 million this year instead of $425 million, all because of illegal downloading. (Who will cry for the Scientologists?) Once in awhile when I see one of your commercials, I actually feel bad about it.

Then I think about that incompetent design engineer you hired to design the cases for your DVD movies. This guy wasn't smart enough to devise a way for consumers to pluck the disk easily from the case (although my seven year old grandaughter could have done it).

No, we must first get the wrapping off (30 minutes with a sharp instrument). Then we have to remove the sealing tape from around three edges of the DVD case. Not one, not two, count 'em --THREE edges! What's the matter, afraid someone's going to steal the Goddammed thing?

Finally, we have to try to pry the DVD out of the ridiculous case, bending the entire assembly into shapes for which it was never designed. ("Designed?" Sorry, poor choice of word.) Still, it is almost impossible to get our fingers under the disk to remove it. Great work, lads. (That was sarcasm. You've probably run across it in some old movies.)

Here's a suggestion:

Shouldn't you have hidden something with razor-sharp edges under the DVD to slice up our fingertips as we try to remove the DVD from the case? That would have been consistent with your design theories. Plus it would further punish the people who buy your movies, since you cannot punish the people who steal them. (Those bastards! Get 'em all, let God sort 'em out! Right?)

Once we finally have the thing out of the packaging and into our players, we are forced to watch many, many minutes of your whining about people taking food off your tables (and Bentleys out of your garages) by illegally downloading movies.

You know, I think about you movie moguls, and I think about how many people are ripping you off. Wow. Night and day. Day and night. All day long. Every day of the year. Those losses must REALLY ADD UP!

It's like a horrible vision of some huge money pump relentlessly flushing dollars (millions and millions of them!) right into the sewer. It's like a nightmare, really. So MUCH money!

During these times, I also think about your DVD packaging, and you know what? Fuck off.


Emma said...

None of the sex scenes in Lust Caution did anything for me. They really turned me off. I liked the first half of LC, without the sex, bizarrely.

Emma said...

But yay for Cecilia and Robbie. With James McAvoy, Keira doesn't look so anaemic.

Anonymous said...

1. DVD's really aren't all that hard to remove from their packages. Unless I've missed something about new DVD packaging or something.

2. Yeah, I thought "Love in the Library" was a lock for the top five too. Just so emotionally acute and beautifully shot.

Anonymous said...

Oh god no, the sex scenes in Lust, Caution really had me hooked. I wanted more.

Y Kant Goran Rite said...

James McAvoy does nothing for me but I can sort of understand the fuss. His on-screen lover though looked like a male concentration camp survivor in drag.