Thursday, July 17, 2008

Mamma Mia! Do Dump or Marry!

JA here. Over at MNPP I've got a series called "Do, Dump or Marry." It's a familiar game that sometimes goes under alternate titles (for example, the charming variation "F@ck, Kill or Marry"); basically, you choose three people, usually in my experience celebrities, that everyone else must then decide which of the three they would Do (as in spend one single night of sexy-times with), which they would Dump (as in kick to the curb), and which they would Marry (as in bind one's self and one's belongings into a legal contract of conjugal bliss with for the rest of your living life).

It occured to me this morning that Mamma Mia! is basically Meryl Streep's cinematic sing-songy version of this game. Oh I haven't seen the film yet, nor have I seen the musical the movie's based on, and from what I gather vis-à-vis the trailer Meryl's already had the sex with all three suitors... so it's kind of a whack-a-mole romp of paternity-test wackiness in which Amanda Seyfried is the hammer and the mole is one of these fellas sperm. Or something. Am I getting my analogies crossed?

Point being, I'm assuming Meryl's got to choose which of these men she wants to bone indefinitely. Just like Do, Dump, or Marry! So let's all pretend we're Meryl Streep - this certainly wouldn't be the first time I'll have pretended that - and we have to choose the same thing. Fun times were had by all. Instead of our choices being whatever characters these guys are playing though, we're choosing which actor we'd Do, we'd Dump, and we'd Marry. Our choices then drumroll please:

Pierce Brosnan - Yeah, he was James Bond. More importantly? He was Remington effing Steele! Though to be honest, the image that always immediately pops into my head when Pierce's name comes up is him being beaned in the head with a lemon by a be-dragged Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. My mother LOVED that movie and I saw it like once a week as a teenager due to her obsession.

Colin Firth - Yeah, he was Mr. Darcy. He walked out of a pond and crap. That appears to drive people bonkers. I haven't seen it. I have seen him slap-fight with Hugh Grant though! That was cute.

Stellan Skarsgård - Yeah, he was... um... in a lot of worth-your-time movies! Arty, difficult films that come from dark, Norwegian places. Also, Deep Blue Sea. Where he was used as an underwater projectile by one of the super-smart sharks to smash through a window.

Man I love that movie. Shark-snark aside, Skarsgård's a terrific actor. (Even if he does do silly leg lifts on posters...)

Okay, we have our choices. Brosnan. Firth. Skarsgård. Go forth, comment-ward, tally ho and whatnot; choose. If you need me, I'll be dumping them all and taking a dip with Dominic Cooper...



lawyer tony fernando said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J.D. said...

Do: Colin. He's good-looking enough.
Dump: Pierce. Bleh.
Marry: Stellan. Dependable and probably nice.

My choice, too: Dominic. DUH, right?


nah, can't support movie piracy of something that's actually available for people to watch in theaters. it's not like their hiding the movie ;)

anyway do dump or marry:

i'm cleary marry for STELLAN cause talent lasts long after beauty fades. we can grow old together.

do Pierce Brosnan just so to be a Bond girl for one night ;)

dump colin firth. I still don't see what millions of women see.

lawyer tony fernando said...

I can´t pick, my sexualit so far is straight, but life may change that!

But yeah, I see what women see in Colin!

And I´m still recovering from Stellan in Dogville, weird balls he got!

elgringo said...

Marry: Colin Firth, he just seems so nice.

Do: Pierce Brosnan, no offense to Skarsgard, but he's just better looking.

Dump: Stellan Skarsgård, um...yeah. I'd hate for my first man-on-man experience to be with someone no one's heard of. Maybe I'm just a fame whore, but if I have to explain who my man is, it's better be Gael Garcia Bernal.

Deborah said...

Dump: Stellan—He frightens me.

Do: Colin—because why the hell NOT?

Marry: Pierce—I mean, get real. I'm the Bond girl, right?

Anonymous said...

Nathaniel, so you gave up on Meryl for the 3rd Oscar next year?

Adam said...

Do: Colin I guess, not really into him, but I'm thinking we'd both agree it's a one time thing.

Dump: Pierce. Easy. For the countless blah movies.

Marry: Stellan. I love his work, although all things considered, I'm really hoping he's not paralyzed on an oil rig or I may actually end up having to service Pierce.

Joe Reid said...

Hrmph. In all honesty, not one of these guys do it for me in the slightest. And yet I soldier on...

Do: Brosnan, I suppose, though I also have oddly prominent memories of fruit-throwing by fat-suitted, badly-accented hammy comedians.

Dump: Skarsgaard. Too good at playing menacing creeps for my taste.

Marry: Firth, if only so he can introduce me to his vast network of delightful Brit friends.

Anonymous said...

Do - Stellan, I like the accent and he seems to have a great sense of humor.

Dump - Coling. AFTER I do him. He doesn't seem like a long term commitment type.

Marry - Pierce. How many guys, good looking guys, do you know in Hollywood who don't cheat on their wives? Pierce was devoted to his first wife and after she died of cancer he married another woman and he is just as devoted to her and his kids. And have you seen his wife? She is huge! And he doesn't chear on her.

Where do you find guys like that? Good looking, rich, devoted, a good father? Definitely long term relationship material.

Anonymous said...

Do: Pierce Brosnan, although I've heard he's nothing to write home about in the sack. At least I'd have that notch on my bedpost.

Dump: Stellan. Sorry, but I don't do dark and difficult.

Marry: Colin, as a result of my childhood crush. I'd have to deal with his bitterness about pretty much every role he ever played, but that's ok.

Literature Crazy said...

Do: Brosnan (that steed has enough stamina left for one last night)

Dump: Skarsgard (I always assume he's just like the creepy professor in Good Will Hunting... not someone to be bound to for a night or forever)

Marry: Darcy, I mean Firth (I'm a sucker for English accents)

elgringo said...

Brosnan seems like he'd be an unappreciative lover. Right?

Anonymous said...

Like the other anonymous, I'd marry Pierce. How many other actors (or people) are as loyal a husband (through sickness and health, until death do us part), and also a good father, and oh yes, gorgeous looking? And romantic and fun to be with?

I'd dump Stellan, sorry. You look like you're having fun in the movie, and you're a good actor and everything, but you're not even remotely attractive.

Colin is marriageable, but I prefer Pierce. And to do, Colin would be fun, but - can't I have Dominic?

John T said...

Marry-Firth, so that we could reminisce about Pemberley.

Do-Dominic Cooper (sorry Ja-no fair not sharing)

Dump-Pierce and Stellan (no attraction to either)

Anonymous said...

do: pierce

dump: stellan, sorry he's not attractive

marry: colin, bc he liked bridget just as she was.

did you know another name of this game is chuck, f*ck, or marry?

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