Sunday, January 24, 2010

"An Education: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire"

What exactly would An Education: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire look like, Mr George Clooney? One can only imagine. Just last week at my own blog, Stale Popcorn, I imagined Mo'Nique's "Mary Jones" as a twist on James Cameron's Terminator T-1000 character, but I think transplanting Lee Daniels' tale of Claireece "Precious" Jones to 1960s England is a little bit out of my reach, but I'll give it a try.

Perhaps instead of Jenny Miller's (Carey Mulligans) parents being the class-struck doters that they are they are instead evil and monstrous as personified by Mo'Nique. That would certainly push Jenny into the arms of Peter Sarsgaard even further, even once she realised his hidden secrets. Or maybe Jenny, instead of being a smart and talented musician, she is an illiterate and morbidly obese teen who steals fried chicken and gets impregnated by the creepy, but "light-skinned", Sarsgaard. The possibilities are... well, not exactly endless, but it's fun to play around.

Makes me want to play musical chairs with the other films from the season. How about a musical about the existential crises that befall a United States Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal crew in the Iraq war? Throw in some of The Last Station and Jeremy Renner can sing his big number "War, What Is It Good For?" to Leo Tolstoy and you know Elaine Benes would be a fan! Maybe George Clooney can catch the wrong plane and end up flying to Paradise Falls with a crotchety old man and annoying child in tow. What about a movie in which aliens land in Johannesburg, South Africa, and instead of waging war they challenge the Springboks to a game of rugby. It can be called Distvictus! Or Inglourious Avatars? You'd have to make up your own story for that one.

Do you have any mix-and-match movies you'd like to see brought to life out of the embers of this awards season?


Anonymous said...

Carey Mulligan or Meryl Streep should bring Kanye West as their date to the Oscars next month.

So when that mediocre film actress Sandra Bullock wins her undeserved Best Actress prize, Mr. West can go on the stage and do his thing.

"Hey, Sandra, I'mma let you finish and everything, but Meryl Streep and Carey Mulligan had the best performances of this year! THIS YEAR!!" LOL

Seriously, the star of "All About Steve" better not be cited as this year's best.

Andrew R. said...

Totally agree with the above. I actually think they'll hire Kanye to do that at some point. Or at least make fun of it.

Anyway, remember that porno title for the 5 frontrunners I made up for that Oscars in Order post?

Up in the Basterd's Avatar: Based on the novel The Hurt Locker by Sapphire.

It really does sound inappropiate. Also, for the other 4 films I think will be nominated (not sure about that last nominee), you've got:

InvictUp: A Serious Man's Education

And finally, the contenders for that final nominee spot:

Where the Nine Bright Stars of Star Trek Are: Drag Me to District 9's Messenger

I only think Nine and Drag Me to Hell are contenders because Nine DID receive hype until it was out, and Drag Me to Hell has at least one person voting for it. But trust me, I'll be pissed if they're nominated. (Well, actually, I'd be OK with Drag Me to Hell, just for something different.)

ZiZo said...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Avatar

Unknown said...

A Serious Single Man.

Unknown said...

I'm pretty sure Clooney wasn't making a joke. He was just correcting a previous mistake when he messed up the full Precious title. It just so happened to come AFTER he said the name of the next nominee, An Education. Or at least that's how I saw it.

Paul Outlaw said...

Anti-Avatar, directed by Lars Von Trier, starring Zoe Saldana, Willem Dafoe and a big pair of scissors.

Jake @ Yes/No Films said...

From last year? I'd love to see some kind of mix between the light-hearted fun of "Up" with the sinister feelings of "Drag me to Hell."

Pf_Iggy said...

Nine Gangs of New York? Not exactly this year's, but I always thought Gangs of NY was asking for a musical number at some points. So now, finally DDL has gone the musical way ... Not sure if in that hypothetical mix, singing Be Italian would be the best idea.

Andrew R. said...

For the worst films of the year: I Love You, Miss March The Spy Fairy Next Door: The Squeakuel to All About Jennifer's Surrogate New Moon Gamer

For the Best Actress race's nominees (assuming nothing crazy happens):

The Last Education of Julie and Julia's Blind Side: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

For last year's Best Picture race: The Curious Case of Frost Reader's Slumdog Milk

Glenn said...

Paul, and she cuts off that USB port thing in her tail instead of her you-know-what (do they HAVE them, anyway?)

Adam, yeah I got that but it was still funny to think about.

Bill_the_Bear said...

A few weeks ago, I thought of one mix-and-match scene:

Mo'nique drops the TV set down the stairwell...and it lands right on top of the Sally Hawkins character from "Happy-Go-Lucky." Would she be able to laugh her way out of that one?

Anonymous said...

Alfred Molina's character abusing Carey Mulligan which drives her into the arms of an abusive Peter Sarsgaard? (Things are so tough for pretty, well-educated white girls.)

Olivia Williams as a bookish, closet-lesbian teacher who tries to help Carey Mulligan in earnest... or Rosamund Pike as a secretly jealous and vengeful new friend who uses her bisexuality to play mindgames with poor Carey Mulligan?

And what Spice Girl would play the social worker who doesn't wear make-up?

Glenn Dunks said...


CrazyGirl said...

Your movie mix-ins are crazy and I love it. I think I prefer Precious and An Education nice and separate though.