Thursday, July 06, 2006

Melissa Etheridge Wants Angelina Jolie

Music Video Week

Pop culture has a very short memory but I'm like an elephant. I don't forget. Which is why, amidst all the hoopla surrounding the international romance of the Jolie-Pitts, one question keeps haunting me that no one else is asking: When is Angelina going to star in an Etheridge video?

Brad Pitt's girls always do.

One of my favorite and most adorably subtextual Hollywood friendships is the longstanding one between Melissa Etheridge and Brad Pitt. They've been friends now for at least a dozen years. When Melissa's ex (also the ex-Mrs. Lou Diamond Phillips) got pregnant some years ago there was even initial tabloid speculation that Brad was the sperm donor. It turned out to be David Crosby so hopefully the kid never learns of what might-have-been.

And now: a trilogy in reverse chronological order. First up is Jennifer Aniston wandering around bars and parties looking for a little of Brad's love (it's gone girlfriend --let it go) in the Melissa Etheridge video "I Wanna Be in Love." Then, Gwyneth Paltrow doing her trademarked manic-depressive act as she stalks her married Bradlover from a car in "I Wanna Come Over." Brad does not appear in any of the videos... but surely he is there in spirit. He is Melissa or Melissa is he or--I don't know. All I know is that someone needs to snatch up this friendship and its parallel romantic obsession videos for the subject of their doctoral thesis. Just thank me in the acknowledgements.

Finally we come to the best and the first so I saved it for last. It's the truly brilliant Juliette Lewis losing her mind for the love o' Brad in Melissa's enduring classic "Come to My Window".

If I were Melissa Etheridge and I was recording my next record I'd be locking up a few dates on Angelina Jolie's globe-trotting schedule right now. She can fit you in somewhere. Why not make a whole video album starring Angie? Think of the exotic location shooting? She might do it for Brad. If she refuses, I shudder to think of the consequences: the universe torn asunder, hell frozen over, the sky falling.

For this is the way of things: Brad's women becoming Melissa's until the end of all our days.

Related Posts:A History of... Angelina Jolie


Glenn Dunks said...

I heart Melissa.

And I'm surprisingly fond of her girlfriend/wife (Tammy Lynn).

Joe R. said...

Good call, Nat, I'm surprised I hadn't given this any thought.

And, yeah, Tammy Lynn Michaels is pretty kickass as well.

Anonymous said...

Wow - THANK YOU! I heart Melissa too, but we never see her videos in the UK, so I only over listen to her. I had NO CLUE about this wee quirk.

And since I heart Juliette Lewis even more, I'm in heaven.


Anonymous said...

I don't watch music videos either. (Only because I don't know my way around the cable box ... seriously) I only knew about Gwyneth years ago. What a trip.

Neel Mehta said...

You know Melissa will make better use of Angelina than the Rolling Stones did.

qta said...

I love this post... and I LOVE you for doing all the math and putting it all together.

Anonymous said...

Well said Damion! I feel so unappreciative.