Thursday, May 10, 2007

5 People That Could Save Lindsay Lohan From Herself

It's Lindsay Lohan Week

This is not a gossip blog but there is something about Lindsay Lohan that pulls me continually back into that particular realm of madness. I've been able to let go of infatuations for many celebrities who have disappointed. I've come to realize that the reason I can't let go of Lindsay is because the love comes from my deep film geekery rather than my shallow amusement with celebrity. The Parent Trap (the first one) was my favorite movie as a toddler and I cursed the remake everyday until I saw it... and lo and behold: There in La Lohan was a child actor as gifted as the young Hayley Mills, as enchanting as the young Natalie Wood, as seemingly smart as the young Jodie Foster. All was forgiven. As recently as Mean Girls it looked like she would become a charismatic movie star for the long haul. But then we lost her... to clubbing, thinspiration, cocaine binges, and the stupid girl phenomenon that's been plaguing pop culture for too many years now.

In a previous blog entry I tossed off a possibly insensitive note that Lindsay might be better off without the influence of her fame-obsessed mother Dina Lohan --she's but the latest face of the hydra monster known as the stage parent: From Mama Rose to Daddy Culkin this monster never dies... just gets new faces. So I apologize in advance: Here comes a whole post filled with insensitivity. I'm flippant about this because if I don't laugh, I'll cry.

Lindsay Lohan needs rescuing. But who should do it? Who can?

Could They Save Lindsay?

05 Jude Law
In last week's sordid tabloid epic Lindsay reportedly exited the coke frenzy proclaiming "I'll f*** Jude Law tomorrow". Hey Jude, f*** some sense into her while you're at it. If Lindsay must remain a complete fool maybe Jude could teach her how to balance the chaotic and messy personal life with a consistently Oscar worthy professional life. He obviously knows how.

04 Winona Ryder performing a one woman theatrical reenactment of Scared Straight
If Noni were a man we'd be hearing about her ups and downs (mostly downs) in the way the media faithfully tracked every single step in the Robert Downey Jr evolution from gifted young actor to drug mess to addict in recovery to convict to working still-gifted actor to insureable at last (hello Iron Man). But Winona Ryder is a woman and therefore, once the novelty of "bad girl" status had worn itself out, everyone looked politely away. Nowadays when we see the once queen of Young Hollywood we register surprise. Oh yeah, Winona. Remember her? I'm not suggesting that Winona is in a place where she could help others but surely she is an example to be studied by young starlets who think they'll be employable, respected and beloved forever. Who else in the last two decades has fallen as quickly and irrevocably away from the dizzying heights of A list status.

03 Jesus
I love Jesus as much as anyone but I can't really recommend this as the safest recovery option. Those he saves seem to instantly forget and even disdain his peaceful 'live and let live' messaging in favor of war mongering and bigotry. So... Lindsay if you find Jesus be careful! He's awesome but he is not a substitute for rehab. Whitney Houston was, by her own admission, using him instead of seeking treatment and there's lots of filmic evidence that that wasn't a smart move. I think with Jesus you have to supplement. What's that saying? 'The Lord helps those who help themselves.' Also Lindsay was clearly meant for bigger things than Lisa Whelchel and Kirk Cameron.

02 Drew Barrymore
If we've ever seen an example of a wildchild starlet overcoming a turbulent descent with screen mojo firmly intact, it's Drew Barrymore. She's clearly an exception to every rule. May Lindsay get her on speed dial pronto.

01 Lindsay Lohan
That's right. In the end the only person who can save you is yourself. Here's to Lindsay taking a good long look in the mirror, forgiving herself, cleaning up and getting back to work.


RC said...

ever since lindsay says she only work with big name directors

(i talked about it here:

I've loved tracking it and seeing what big name director's she's working with - ha!

it's all just really unfortunate...i'm with you...i was impressed with mean girls and freaky friday...and a role with Altman...that's cool too...

then not even a swan dive but a complete nose dive, crash & burn.

great list.

Anonymous said...

Mmm... I do wonder what Jude Law's like in bed...

Glenn Dunks said...

RC, Prairie was last year and she's apparently super in Georgia Rule so I'd say it is a steady decline.

I too love Lindsay and just can't seem to stop. She seemed like she could be THE ONE. The young actress who is incredibly popular AND a great actress (as Betty Elms once said "I'd rather be see as a great actress than a movie star") that comes up through my generation.

I really hope she gets better or whatever it is she needs to get because I need this one to work out.


see i thought she was sleepwalking through prairie and letting meryl carry her...

i want a FULL performance again. it's so crazy that her best work seems so far behind her --she's not even 21

Anonymous said...

"Best work"? Come on, a trio of Disney movies (Mean Girls, though good, feels and looks to me like a Disney movie) does not a great actress maketh.

She's only had three 'adult' roles - Just My Luck and Prairie Home and Georgia Rule. She did nothing special in the first two, and the latter looks just as samey.

I'm sorry, but Lindsay has a long way to go to catch up with Scarlett and Keira in the acting/role picking stakes, both of whom are only a year older than her.

Anonymous said...

Ok, make that four - I forgot about Bobby (as you do). But actually, having said that, she was at her most affecting in that movie.

But still, a competent ten-minute performance does not a great actress make.


amir --honestly i'm not saying it lightly. I actually think those are really good performances. disney movies or not. genre and type of movies matter not to quality of performance. at least not to me. You can be great in horror / sci-fi / biopics whatever. It's all about what you do with the roles.

She's about as good as it gets in the three roles that made her famous. And otherwise, yes, disposable and nothing special.

She hasn't proved herself as versatile as the two actresses you cited ---and she's definitely missed the chance (currently) to be as respected but to my way of thinking the only Keira performance that's better than Lindsay's best work is in Pride & Prejudice. Keira is consistently good but rarely great I think. Hopefully Pride... unleashed the power actress within: we'll see.

But yeah, the way things are going Lindsay will not be fit to have her name even mentioned in the same sentence soon.

adam k. said...

Oh, how I miss the old days. I LOVE Lindsay in all three of the roles, but I fear they will forever be her (only) trinity of greatness.

She just became famous too fast, and didn't have the support structure to be able to handle it. I mean, look at her parents. It seems no one ever taught her how to be a good human being, so all she knows how to do is be famous. She seems to have no idea how normal people live, and what really matters in life. And her acting/career path is suffering for it.

And of course no one ever kept her away from the drugs. Such a shame. If all this cocaine stuff is true, she could be dead tomorrow.

I'd blame it on her never going to college, but others like Scarlett and Kirsten didn't either, and their careers are going fine. In fact, the one who did, Portman, is rather boring in my opinion.

I just really worry for her. The downward spiral happening now seems too powerful to stop. She may need a full-on ODing near-death experience to get her to stop and figure shit out. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

I love you Nathaniel, I really do. But the one thing I don't get is your affection for LL.

Her work is certainly never been great. She seems to play herself repeatedly. I thought Rachel Mcadams was the true star of Mean Girls. PHC and Bobby just seemed like she played way under the radar because she didn't really know how to modulate her performance.

I agree she has the potential to be like Julia Roberts, and she certainly is teflon. But, I don't understand why you think she deserves so many chances when there are girls strugglling to make it who are nicer people and more deserving.

I don't think Lindsay is a nice person. I've met her. She is the type to be super nice and charming to your face and then say awful things in private.
She is certainly a drama queen as well.

I think she would be gone already without her breasts.

Love you anyway.


well the super charming / back stabbing thing is the MO of the 'stupid girl' set isn't it? and Lindsay has definitely placed herself in that milieu.

I mean did anyone see nicole ritchie and paris hilton on 'america's next top model' doing just so to stir up drama...

anybody over the age of i don't know 16 should be just ashamed to be that immature... it's SO junior high. But whatever. Some people suffer arrested development. And fame is notorious for freezing development at the age of whenever it hits.

Anonymous said...

I don't mean back stabbing...I mean the kind of people who say ugly things about people in general.
if you get my drift.

People who aren't really racist, but they think it's cute when they're with their friends to make jokes and crap statements.

People who have lot's of gay friends, but don't really think it's "normal" and don't really respect their lifestyle.

That kind of mean girl.

Anonymous said...

Maybe she should also become friends with celebrities with relatively goody-goody images like Reese Witherspoon, Rachel MacAdams (?), Rachel Bilson... hey all their names start with R. What a coincidence.

Anyway maybe some of their goodness can rub off on Rindsay, I mean, Lindsay.

Very interesting post!

Anonymous said...

well, according to what i've heard she's way better tahn fonda and huffman in georgia rule. if that's true... i mean, to steal the show from fonda?

NicksFlickPicks said...

Maybe she could marry Tom Cruise, a fate which seems to elicit pity for everyone who tries it.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm personally waiting for that Winona Ryder comback. How I miss her so. :[

She has some movies coming out, so one can only hope!

Glenn Dunks said...

Anon, you don't understand Nat's love for LL because you're not a fan. Then a fan of LL could say they don't understand your hatred of her because they like her.

Anonymous said...

Lindsay Lohan is a ZERO talent, she will go down as another drugged out loser but she never was any good anyway? Someone that blows such a good chance does not deserve it and she will will be never heard again and rightly so. NEXT!

Anonymous said...

Please these losers in Hollyweed deserve to be in jail and busted like Lindsay who will fall by the way side and just another loser. Paris goes to jail "I hope" Lindsay bets 2 years "I hope" and we await for the next Zero to appear. There is no talent in Hollyweed just losers